*Warning* Rants and vents and whatever you call that..!@$#$^$@!
By gwenns
@gwenns (255)
Singapore
June 10, 2008 8:52am CST
What are your views on kids or teenagers nowadays?
I have a brother, 17 years of age, a typical teenager. He is an average student, he can't stay in a job for more than 2 weeks (in fact, longest job was 1 week or so.) I'm so annoyed that he kept asking my mother to buy him things.
First he joined a MLM company, BEGGED ALL my family members to buy his products ranging from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars (which my parents and my grandmother did! grrrr..) After that, he bothered my mother to spend about another $2000 to buy something else in order for him to be promoted! Obviously my mom didn't and he stopped talking to her for a few weeks (I'm overseas all that time, I'm like wtf, I called and scolded him over the phone.. being a teenager, he didn't bother about me)
Fine, when I'm back which is 2 months later, he quitted the MLM company (there goes the few grand spent for nothing!) I found out that he actually asked my mom to pay for his jeans, clothes, sweaters, crumpler bag and MORE!! Worse still, he flaunted it in front of me (as if I care), I looked at him and thought about all the money... Meanwhile, he wanted a laptop, a piano, next he wanted a dog (to woo girls), then he wanted to get a second diploma (totally pointless and expensive)! Not that he got anything, I was here to stop my mother from being so dumb and cheated by him. Can you imagine it, he wanted my mom to pay for even his EARRING!
Now he is eyeing on a set of PSP... I'm totally speechless. I don't know what to tell him anymore. I'm like slogging to earn and save that bit of money to pay for all my expenses and I'm proud of it! Now that our parents had divorced and he's following my father who spent all the money on cigarettes and alcohol!
He had just worked for 3 days and earned $200+ from that job, he doesn't even want to spend his OWN money to buy what he wanted!
I was wondering..is he spoiled by my mom because she just spend on whatever he wanted? Or because my brother is just pure selfish and didn't know how to THINK maturely?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
10 Jun 08
I believe it's both. Your brother is spoiled to no end. And your brother doesn't know any better, so to speak. Because it is what he knows and what he has been allowed to do. He will continue as long as your mom enables him to do so.
I have a brother like this. My mom felt guilty for things being the way they were when he was concieved and after being born. My father was abusive and she had no outlet from him for awhile.
She gave in to whatever my brother wanted and still does to a huge extent. This has been an issue with us for sometime.
My brother works and spends all of his money on what he wants, then expects my mom to support him.
I told my mom to practice tough love, that as long as she gives in to him he will coninue to take from her. Your brother is the same way.
I don't know the reasons that your mother gives in to your brother but she has the same problem that my mother does.
I get upset because I help my mom with bills and her medicine. She doesn't have it to give to him.
I understand what you are going through.
But until your mother puts her foot down about doing something about the problem it will continue.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
11 Jun 08
I know my mom has treated my brother better in many ways. I hate it because he is not independant. It's hurting her now more than ever. SHe use to have money and no problem helping him. Now she is on a very limited income. She doe not have money to help him. But she does it nayway. He also knows how to make her feel guilty and to help him.
She knows that he needs to be independant, but it's hard for her to make him do without so he will learn.
Most of the time parents treat their kids the same. Somtimes you can tell there is a difference. Then leaving one or more children to feel left out. The parent does not see this.
They feel that all are being treated the same. When actually they are not. Maybe they mean to treat them the same.
I feel like my mom doesn't think I do much right. Now mind you I am grown but still want for my mom to approve of me and what I do. It's hard when she always says I'm wrong or do wrong, that I should do this or that. It feels like she is putting me down all the time. Even at my age I look for acceptance.
I feel like it's not there.
I know how you feel to some degree. Our lives and families are different and the problems are too. But we have simular things in common.
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
12 Jun 08
Moondancer! Know what...I always felt ashamed that I needed my mother's acceptance or assurance that I'm doing the right thing, be it the school grades, jobs or whatsoever. Like your mother, my mom also always trying to disapprove of what I did or intending to do. In fact, I didn't dare to tell much people, just try to force myself to get used to it or ignore her remarks, am afraid that people thought me to be jealous of my brother when I'm not! My mother apparantly does not know she treated both of us differently!
You are right, we do have a lot in common ;D Thanks for sharing! You certainly made my day! While I don't have to feel so ashamed anymore, I will still continue to ignore my mother's comments =P
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
11 Jun 08
So sorry to hear about your mom.. I'm sure it's a huge stress for her, feeling guilty, at the same time knowing what she did had already harmed your brother in another way. I'm almost the same as you, now that my parents have divorced and I had graduated from school.. I have to help my mom pay the bills and everything for us to survive. In fact, I'm not close to my parents at all, its always my brother and them.. after this I felt for my mom, so I chose to stand by her. It's stressful for me because I had never been close with her, the time lost is the biggest gap.
I had advised my mom not to give in to my brother all the time, I did told her she had spoiled him so much that he can't even be independent. She got offended and said that I was the one who is spoiled. =.= Fine...
@grammasnook (1871)
• United States
11 Jun 08
Well technically she is responsible to buy things he "needs" but it does not mean the 100 dollar pair of jeans. My boys tried this with me, I gave them a limit I would spend on something they needed and if they wanted something that cost more they would have to pay the difference. We as parents always want to give our children things we didnt have. So it is both of thier faults, she has to learn to say no to him. Only buy what is needed and not wanted. I had five children and this is how it has worked with all of them. It is pretty normal for a boy not being able to hold a job at that age. Just a little fyi it isnt your job to "scold him" you may want to stop treating him like a baby and he may start acting like a young man. Put it out to him that ya know mom doesn't have that kind of money and if you really want something it feels great to work for it and achieve your own goals. Speak to him more like an adult and hopefully it will sink in that he is a young adult that has to be responsible. My kids thought it was my responsibility to pay for thier license, my response was ummm why do you need your license if you dont have a car. When you have enough to buy a car I will pay for you license. Known of my children used my car, that car is what helped me put food on the table and thier was no way that I would jeapodize taking care of my family. I hope some of the advice I offered comes in handy.
Take care.
1 person likes this
@grammasnook (1871)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Darlin,
Never did I say you weren't a good sister, on the contrary you show much love and concern for your brother. Both of you are at ages that neither of you will isten to one another. You are saying it because you love him and he is not listening because this is what 17 year old boys do. "they know it all" lol. Sometimes to ignore something or just make a subtle comment works much better than lecturing. I wish you much luck with your family and I sure hope mom realizes what is going on and opens her eyes.
Good Luck!
1 person likes this
@grammasnook (1871)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Also sometimes it is better to give choices for him to ponder, this way it appears that it is his idea and not you telling him what to do. You see as the older sister you must use reverse child psychology, it works even for the ones that think they know it all. Hubby uses it on me all the time lol
1 person likes this
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
12 Jun 08
Hi grammasnook! Thanks for your constructive feedback! I know I shouldn't scold him and treat him like a baby..I didn't mean it. I know I'm not a good sister, maybe I don't know how to be one. It's not working when I talked nicely with him, he just doesn't listen, neither does he made an effort to listen and think through. Exasperated! _
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Jun 08
It sounds more like your brother is just plain selfish
and works the angles when he should be wo rking to pay
for his o wn wants and needs. He needs to grow up and
to not have his relatives always helping him out with
'money.let him earn his way like the rest of you have.
He will be a tad more careful with how he spends if he
has to pay for everything himself.
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
11 Jun 08
I'm not in speaking terms with him now because everything he said is just wanting something new OR flaunting his new stuffs which I'm not interested at all. Although we are just 3 years difference in age, I totally can't communicate with him.. I'm just crossing my fingers that he will grow up one day, and learn how to be more responsible or thoughtful or whatsoever. =) Thanks so much Hatley!
@Valenas (1507)
• United States
10 Jun 08
Your brother sounds selfish, but I think he knows how to think maturely. Do not think that I am siding with him, but here is my take on the situation:
I think your brother KNOWS that he could be using his own money. He has just learned that if he works your mother a certain way, she'll buy him whatever he wants. He has learned how to manipulate, and the fact that your mother is not standing against him is only making the situation worse. Your mother needs to cut him off completely, and to stop paying for anything and everything that he asks for. If he asks for a dollar to get a drink, NO. Even the smallest thing will be like a victory for him, and it is feeding the egotistical manipulative nature that he has come to have.
The sooner your mother stops, the sooner your brother will have to fend for himself and stop taking everything from his family. It is time for him to be responsible.
1 person likes this
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
11 Jun 08
Hi Valenas, know what, probably you are right, he did know how to think and manipulate people to do things HIS way. He don't even want to cut a fricking fruit, and worse, my mom wants me to cut or prepare anything he wanted!! Sometimes I'm really so pissed off!
I really have no idea how he will survive when he lives with my father alone, I felt that he deserved it, it's finally time for him to grow up and take care of himself. But I'm having second thoughts, I think he might flunk badly in life. Well, I'm not being an evil sister, I just know he has to learn how to live in the hard way.
@ebookyoung (184)
• Nigeria
10 Jun 08
It is not only peculiar to you or your family, this teenagers' nonsense. In short one of my little cousins about 16% does even worse than your little one out there. He practically wants the mother to take him to school (which is not far away from the house), feed him, clothe him and even beg him to eat his food. Whatever the boy wants, the mum is ready to bend double just to satisfy him. Recently, there was a brawl between him and another boy who beat him up mercilessly and left some useful unforgettable marks on his cheek (as if it were a yoruba tribal marks) pheeewww..u could see angry red lines of hatred on the mother's face when the boy reported home late with this story. Guess what, without even as much as asked what happened, the poor mother ran into the other boy's home and engaged his mother in a shameless fight. At the end of the day, it was she who started apologising and running around from the hospital to her shop in the market just to ensure that the other boy who was hospitalized after the brawl did not die for he was badly injured with a broken bottle. Thank God anyway, for the boy lived. But a lesson or a lamentation must be learnt from this. my little cousins mother runs around for him and even bathe him before and after school at 16% years of age. The lesson is: tomorrow is the one pregnant and not the lady with the big tummy. No one knows what tomorrow will deliver, bad or good. It is usually dry today like the tide and wet tomorrow like the flood. Time waits for noone. Even if he is her only child, we have often advised this woman to take it easy the way she pampers the teenager. This same advise goes to your little brother cos a word is enough for the wise.
1 person likes this
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
11 Jun 08
Oh my.. No offence but aren't you just ashamed for having this cousin of yours?! Although I pity the mother, I won't have any respect for her. I swear I would cut all ties with them, because I don't know what I will do or say (in front or behind them). Probably I might end up in the hospital lol. What's up with parents being so overly protective of their children to such extent? It's scary! And I felt that it's a waste of energy since your cousin obviously does not appreciate what his mother did for him. They all took it for granted!
Refer to the comment above, probably we could start an international survivor show, nominating all these pampered kids there! It might be a hit or a comedy! On the other hand, the show might end in a day (all the kids crying for mama)!
@ebookyoung (184)
• Nigeria
11 Jun 08
Well Gwens, don't be surprise that the movie "some mothers do have them" what is d name of that actor again, aha, Spencer, is still very true today. You propose a show, I hereby second it and say that the show will draw an immediate International recognition and accolade, who knows, UNICEF may even be interested in funding it, let us put all these kids together, give them shining boots and dazzling helmet and make them go fend for other Children in Iraq, Afghanistan or other hot places. U think the show will be over cos mama will be breathing down their necks? No on the contrary, the show will go on, only if the mamas are kept in the guard room where the kids will not see them for a while. It will work magic cos they are adventurous and adventure they will see. What do u think?
