Dear Dad.

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Dear Dad, I read the news today and there was another story about a father who was arrested for domestic violance. I see it so often these days, it makes me wonder if there are any real men left in the world. Then I remember, there is at least one. He's my dad. Your a man of few words so I never really had a chance to tell you exactly what I thought of you. But somehow, I know you know my feelings. All my life I have done things that you would never have done... I have said things that shouldnt be said. I have lived my life in a way that you couldnt understand. But through all this, you looked me in the eye and told me with a stern stare, that there is nothing I could do to make you stop loving me. When I was barely big enough to reach the sink, I stood on my tippy toes and pretended shave. I had watched you shave every morning since I could remember and I just couldnt wait to be like dad and start shaving. I think you appeard right after I cut my chin, but even before I had started crying. I lied to you and told you I fell off my step stool and cut my chin on the counter. But you looked me in the eye, through my tears and your gaze told me you knew the truth. And if I remember, I think you even smiled a little. You knew I wanted to be just like you. When I was in High School, you made me play the trombone and you drove me to piano lessons once a week. You sat in the car for an hour and a half, and we would stop at the ice crea. shop on the way home. "Dont tell your sister." You would tell me. And I never did. It was always our sectret. I hated the trombone. I hated practicing an hour every night, and I never thought I would ever play it well. And I was mad at you for making me do it. Now that I am older I know why you did that. While I was in my room practicing music scales, my friends were out wandering the streets drinking stolen beer and smoking pot. But I didnt even know what they were doing, because I was busy with other things. You werent making me practice to play the trombone well. You were making me practice how to be a man and acheive my golas. And when I had my first solo at a concert all I remember was you sitting in the audiance. Your chest was puffed out proud, as if you were saying "That's my boy." My junior year, when those guys attacked me in the halls of the school, I knew it was time you knew the truth about me. I had known all my life that I was gay. I wanted more than anything to tell you, but I didnt think you would understand. I knew kids who found themselves homeless and unloved after telling their parents the truth. I was so afraid. But with Mom by your side, I stood in front of you. Feeling like a child, afraid and alone. When I told you why those guys beat me up, because they hated me for being gay, you sat there for a a few moments. Eyeing me up and down. I was trembling like a leaf wondering what the next words you said would be. "Matthew Michael. You are my son. I have known you all your life. Do you think I didnt know? It takes a man to step up and speak his mind. I dont love you any less. I am more proud of you now than I ever was?" You changed me life with those words, Dad. I no longer felt like a child. I felt like a real person. I felt loved. And with your help I fought my way through the ranks in High School, and graduated despite all adversity. I dont think you know, but I could not have done that if you had not loved me. Everything I am today, is because both of my parents loved me, EVERY step of the way. Even if you didnt understand. You belived in me. And that made all the difference. Now when we go to cookouts together, you introduce me to your friends as "My son." Then, you turn to my partner Brian, and introduce him as "My other son." My heart swells with pride. I cant even contain it. I feel like you did sitting in that audience, listening to your son play his first solo. You may be proud of me Dad, but I am proud of you, too. I am a very lucky young man. I know people who never knew their father. I know people who hate their father. I know people who fear their father. I dont have any of those things for my Dad. All I have is love, respect and admiration. Your love for me never skipped a beat, even if our darkest times. I know I frustated you along the way. I may have evn hurt you unkowingly. But at no time in my entire life did I ever feel like you didnt love me. So heres to secret ice cream cones in summer. Here's to the trombone in my closet that I havent played since graduation. Here's to knowing stares, and nods of approval. Here's to you Dad. I love you.