I believe that she is trying to destroy my marriage.

@cream97 (29164)
United States
June 12, 2008 7:21am CST
My sister-in-law is up to something, I can just feel it. She is a very negative person. She calls my husband so many times in a day, ans she stays on the phone with him. There are many times that I will be in a conversation with my husband and she will end up calling and interrupting us. I have talked to her about this, and she tells me that she will not do anything to ever hurt me. She says that she loves me, but I still feel like she is trying to wish me bad in my marriage. She wants me to leave her brother. She tells me things about him, like how he compliments other girls when he sees that they are pretty. And how why he does this because I am no longer as skinny as I was, and that is why he does these things. But my husband says that he is very happy with my size. He sees nothing wrong. He calls me sexy and he loves my body. I told my sister-in-law this, and she told me that he is just saying that to make me feel good. She calls me stupid and dumb, and fool.. I think that she is taking advantage of my relationship with her brother for her own benefit. She wants me to feel like he is cheating on me. I told her that I need proof to see if he actually is. She got upset with me, and told me what more proof do I need, that the truth is staring me in the face. She really wants me to believe her. My husband and I talked about this, and he says that he is not cheating on me, and he is not going to do that. Well my sister-in-law says that men will say that. You see her last boyfriend has cheated on her with his Ex. She swears she knows when a man is actually cheating on his woman. I love my sister-in-law, but I just can't believe her at all. She has wanted me to break up with her brother for the longest. She tells me these bad things about her brother, and when I approach him about these things, he says it is not true. I love my husband. I really feel that my sister-in-law is just wishing us to fail in our marriage. She is becoming a big problem. It is like she is feeding off of my vulnerability. It is sad. My sister-in-law talks junk about many people. I don't know if I can trust her any more. I feel that she is trying to destroy my marriage. I really do believe that my husband loves me. She is trying to make me believe that he does not. I can tell if someone loves me or not. What is she trying to do?
6 people like this
28 responses
@jerzgirl (8168)
• Gloucester City, New Jersey
12 Jun 08
My sisters-in-law would do something like this, too, except they'd tell my HUSBAND that they saw me out with this man or that man, often at times when I was actually out with their brother. They didn't like me, didn't think he should have married me, and did what they could to create bad blood. They were very insecure people who were also jealous in their own ways. What you need to do is to simply thank her for the information and tell her that you'll keep your eyes open, then hang up with an excuse (I need to get back to my dinner, my laundry, my "whatever"). When she sees she can't get you upset and get you to question her brother, she'll either try something else or give up. Just tell your husband when she calls, "Oh - your sister called again to tell me how much you're cheating on me. I thanked her for the information." You can't let them get your goat. My one sister-in-law tried to force her way into our home once demanding to know where her brother was (he was at work) and accusing me of killing him and hiding his body that she planned to find for herself. I shoved her back out the door and locked it. He laughed about it saying, "oh, they are just worried." I said, "No, they're just nuts!" He went down to her house to prove he was alive and well and she never bothered me again like that. There are so many things with inlaws - some can be wicked, some can be funny, some are just plain stupid. All you can do is not let it bother you - as long as they have a target, they will continue. Don't let them think they have you worried. That's all I can say.
1 person likes this
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
13 Jun 08
She maybe doing her best either way. but if she has a history talking bad and being too judgemental then ignore her comments. when she comes over and start with any of those negative, then you can quickly change the subject, or turn away and say "oops I think I hear the phone ringining or something" negative energy can bounce and you don't want that hurting your relationship. I wish you luck. I understand it is a pain to be around someone who is doing everything in their power to stop you from having a good mariage better yet, tell her she is not invited to your house anymore if she keeps this up. I suggest you say this when you husband is present in front of her.
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Actually, yesterday, I went into the room and told him that I needed to take a shower, and that I want his sister out of my house, and that I wanted the kids to stop running in my house. Less than 5 minutes later, he, his sister, and her child was out of the door.
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Well you see it worked. Just talk to him. He has done more than my husband is willing to do. So it is not that bad afterall. Give him time, he loves you very much. (from all the post I read He is very sweet and a good listener). Good luck and I wish you happy weekend.
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
12 Jun 08
It seems to me like you have a very nosey sister-in-law.I know this feeling because I have one of these also.You need to stand up to her and put her in her place before it gets any worse.Sit her down and tell her its not her concern and she need to mind her own business and stay out of your marriage.She will only get worse if you dont put a stop to it now.I allowed mine to interfere until finally I had to leave my husband to make him see what she was doing to us.Now everything is fine but my sister in law doesnt try get invlolved in our business anymore.I think my husband told her off tooso she inally got the message,but I know how frustrating it is.Explain to your hsband what she is trying to do so that it doesnt get between you guys before you tell her to butt out.Best of luck to you.
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
12 Jun 08
Yes, she is very nosy. My husband has told me time and time again, that his siblings want to know all of his business. And he never tells them. And that is what she is doing. Just using my weakness to get any information out of me. Just so it can appease her speculation of me. I am no longer going to play Mrs. Messenger any more.
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
12 Jun 08
You need to let her know you dont appreciate what she is trying to do to your marriage.If she continues she is going to make it difficult on her relationship with her brother.Let her know who is boss and dont back down.Good luck!
@ratcat (8)
13 Jun 08
Your story sounds all too familiar!!!! My darling sister-in-law did the same to me, except she would come and visit me at work regularly and without calling first, I work in a maintenance dept. with tradesmen and I am the only woman. She would catch me joking around with the guys and would report back to my husband that I am having an affair. Because of her allegations, I was never approached by my husband but found out later that my husband would call these guys at home and harrass them to leave me alone and not even talk to me or else...I found this out because my stupid sister in law actually told me herself, she came to my work teasing me that she knows why the guys dont talk to me anymore, she said that my hubby called them and threatened them because she told him i was having affairs with them. This upset me so badly that we divorced. My husband was so upset by this, he did not know who to believe, after our divorce, he wanted me back. We are sort of back together again now but it's not the same. The guys at work did not speak to me for around 5 years, which made it real difficult for me at work, it's much better now...We no longer see or speak to my husbands family as they are all trouble makers and I find that we are much better off without them, even my ex-husband agrees. Now i know that the sister in law was jealous of our life, we are hard workers in lots of debt but we have nice houses, furniture, cars, etc, she has nothing, never worked, bludging off centrelink benefits all her life. Therefore, I believe your sister in law is not happy with her life and attempting to ruin yours, even if it is her brother's life as well. These self centred people dont care who they hurt, and why do you even believe anything she says? If your husband is cheating on you, firstly, its his loss and most of all, you will eventually find out for yourself, you dont need anyone telling you, men always screw up. If your husband says he loves you and he's not cheating, believe and trust in him and avoid anybody interfering in your life, stand up for your marriage, hold your head up and be proud of what you have achieved in your life and tell her to BACK OFF!!!!!
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Yes, that is what my husband said yesterday, that she was not happy with her life, that is why she does what she does.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
13 Jun 08
i thik there is something deep sown. may be she was over protective of her brother before you came. now a sthe attention has got diverted, she is acting luike this. its her problm. talk with your hubby frankly about this.
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Yes, to be honest, I think so too. Before I got married to her brother, she used to allow her brother to keep her son all the time. She would always be gone or either at work. Once, we started having kids, then that time with his nephew got shortened. Till now, I don't think of it like this. But, I believe that this may have something to do with it. She could be jealous of our relationship, because she is no longer with her baby daddies. She has three baby daddies. And she is not with none of them.
@grace7 (15)
• China
13 Jun 08
was she married?if not,get her married.then,she will know how important marriage is for wonman and man.if did,where is her husband?have a talk in face to face with her.
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
13 Jun 08
She is married but seperated.. Not legally.. Her husband has all 3 of her kids.. She can't seem to get them back either..
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
13 Jun 08
If I were in your' situation there are a few things that I would do. First I would unplug the phone and sit down and have a long talk with my husband. I would tell him everything that you just told us. Then I would ask him to limit his time on the phone with her. I would stop hanging out with her and when she asks why, I would tell her that I feel that she is trying to start something between me and my husband and I would tell her to mind her own business. I would also let her know that I don't believe what she sayd to me about my husband. You married him not her. Trust him. Work it out with him and ask him to support you in this. When she sees a united front, she'll find someone else to bother.
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Yes, I have told him this and more. He told me that he can't just postpone his phone calls with someone just because I want it. But I told him, that it needs to be done because his sister is trying to cause problems between us.
12 Jun 08
You are in a difficult situation but at least you know that you have your husbands support. I m surprised he hasn't sat down with her and asked her why she is trying to break up your marriage. It seems she is unhappy and is jealous of what you both have. A nice solution would be to make her happier- find her a hobby or a new man so she has something else to do with her time!
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Yes, I asked my husband why he won't approach her about why she is trying to break up our marriage. He feels that it is not his place to do so.. Yes, and I told him that his sister needs to find her a man, to occupy her time.. She just broke up with a guy she was dating last month, because he was cheating with his Ex. If our marriage was so important to him, then he would ask her about it..
@juhi06 (1850)
• India
12 Jun 08
dear cream you appear to be in a soup hotter than you can adjust with. what are your plans to get out of it?
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
12 Jun 08
Right now, i am clueless..
• United States
12 Jun 08
She can't do anything to you you don't allow. Stop listening to her. Just trust him,and let him know you do and he'd be a slug to betray you..but you know he won't! Keep him happy in the bedroom and enjoy life. If she bothers you..it is his sister and not yours! Just ask HIM to deal with her and you do your own thing without interacting with her. My hubby and I have a rule. He deals with his family. I deal with mine. And we don't worry anything more about it. We just had our 25th anniversary. My mom-in-law hates me. I couldn't care less! I did not marry her! I married my husband. I have nothign ot do with anyone but my hubby and kids and MY bio-family..and he handles his own. -Not my problemo! It works! Ty it out!
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
12 Jun 08
Great answer!
• United States
12 Jun 08
unless you actually see proof yourself he is doing these things,i'd give him the benefit of the doubt. it sounds like she's doing everything possible to upset you and get you to leave. i would also stop speaking to her about it,and tell him his sister is upsetting you,accusing him and you want something done about it.some men think it's no big deal until they realize they too are being insulted.
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
12 Jun 08
Yes my husband knows that she is trying to break us up. I have told him so. He needs to come up with a solution for this decision with his sister.
@palonghorn (5483)
• United States
12 Jun 08
Well, the old saying 'misery loves company' comes to mind. She's miserable with her own life so she thinks everyone else around her should be too. You need to just flat out tell her, don't call you if that is the only things she has to talk about, and your husband needs to tell his sister......butt out. He needs to tell her that your marriage is sound and happy and if she can't handle that, deal with it, but don't call trying to stir stuff up. Sounds to me like since her man cheated on her, she thinks all men cheat. I actually feel sorry for people like her, they will never be happy, not truely happy, and because of that they will try to make everyone else around them unhappy. Just tell her......you don't want to hear her garbage anymore, and if that is the only reason she calls .... simply tell her, 'thanks' and hang up. If she calls and interrupts you and your husband, tell her 'I'm sorry, we're busy, we will talk to you later' and hang up. She'll get the message hopefully sooner than later,
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
12 Jun 08
Exactl! That's how my mil is. No one around her can be happy and not have her try to trip them up. She is forever asking me "Are you sure he's not cheating?" and giving me that I know something look. Here's the deal I know he isn't just like you know your man isn't. Stand up for yourself and your marriage. To both of them. Handle the hubby with care and just tell him it's really bothering you and ask him to HELP you find a way to fix this. Do not lose your temper on him because if she sees you two are fighting she will jump over to whisper in his ear. As for her. I would let her know that I know what she is up too and that it's not going to work. She needs to get a life of her own and stay out of yours. But that's just one opinion.
• United States
7 Apr 09
I am so fed up with "extended family" and their issues with butting into our marriages, aren't you??? They DO NOT come first... Your immediate family comes first... i.e. hubby, wife then kids... It's like our spouses don't even realize that they are PURPOSELY spewing poison.... tiny hints or comments here and there... that's all it takes to ruin a marriage... Your marriage should be sacred... protected.... You should be #1--- and if it bothers you, it should bother your husband. PERIOD! It has gotten to where I am so bitter about it, I can't even hear him call them "his family". I have officially banished that from this house... WE are his FAMILY... they can be "the relatives".
• United States
16 Jun 08
You need to tell her to step off. I would not put up with this for one more second. Tell your hubby to make a choice and then choose it for him. I hate it when people try to destroy something good, don't let the devil get his way. Tell her to get out of your marriage.
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Your sister-in-law is jealous of your relationship with your brother and the lack of one in her own life. I would completely ignore anything she has to say, continue to love your husband and go about your life as though she is not there. She has insecurities about herself or she would not feel that she needs to tell you such things or talk about others so much. Ignore her!!
@sweetdesign (5151)
• United States
13 Jun 08
I think you need to focus your energy on your husband and tell your SIL that she is not allowed to speak to you about her brother unless it is nice things. Until you have reason to believe the worst about your husband you should not have all that negative influences from her. She obviously can't stand to see your healthy happy relationship when she herself cannot manage to have the same. tell her you love and support her but will not be a party to her bashing her brother.
• China
13 Jun 08
Perhaps you and your sister should be serious talk about the incident will affect your life and your marriage.As a foreiner ,I can not understand the realition between you and your sister,but I know that if the family is popular and all things are popular.Let us thinking as an economist ,the cost she destory your marriage is small,because she only lost your trust and favorable impression,but you lost your husband.You must take some action to protect your marriage
• India
13 Jun 08
Hi! You believe in yourself and in your love. No body in this earth can seperate you people ok. How confident are you about your husband ? You feel that he loves you is'nt it ? No third person could intefere between you. I don't know why your sister-in-law is doing so, maybe she is jealous about your relation.
@nupats (3564)
• India
13 Jun 08
First of all...Do u love your husband? if yes then all is well frm ur side..now is ur husband ever been rude to u or insulted u or been indifferent to u for no reason..has he stopped making love to u..when u go out does he keep staring at other women than listen to u..does he fight with u...if u think all this does not happen (we all are humans so some small differences are always there) then u r unnecessarily suspecting him..basically ur sister in law maybe jelous bcoz she is not able to maintain a steady relationship so ur love is hurting her..she wants u to b sad maybe not to harm u but she may b pessimistic and gaining saddistic pleasure by bothering u..just dont listen to her or even if she tells u he is cheating u tell her tht u dont mind it is ok even if he is cheating... this will actually trouble her tht u are not falling for her words and make it clear to her tht if he has a problem he will tell u directly and if he is not telling anything then i m very happy with my married life...dont let her ruin ur relationship...handle it tactfully..take care..all the best..
• China
13 Jun 08
i just don't know why your sister-in-law has done all you said. you should try yourself to improve the relationship between you and her. Best wishes for you!