Dinner Date My Aunt Martha's A*s!

Regina, Saskatchewan
June 14, 2008 2:45am CST
I don't have an Aunt Martha, so you can infer from that that my 'meeting' tonight with the soon to be ex was no 'dinner date' either! What it was, was an ambush! Damn my hide, will I never learn?!!!!!!!!!! I thought my invitation to 'dinner' in the RV by my soon to be ex would entail HIM cooking for ME for a change. Wrong! It was wings and beer from the town pub and papers from his lawyer for dessert! So I now have in hand his answer to my divorce petition against him. It's long and complicated and we are probably going to end up in Court after all. He's willing to let me have the car as long as he can use it to drive to the city in view of the price of gas these days - and gas keeps rising, so I can see the logic of that. Doesn't mean I'll let him have it though. I had him sign over title to me as a gesture of good faith and give me his set of keys. He was so worried about what was in the papers and my reaction that he 'gave' me the car before I even read the damn thing. Trying to soften me up I suppose. Geez, are all men this dumb? lol The main points are the fact that he refuses to allow the house to be sold. He says if I want to move, then HE gets the house. Well I CAN'T move unless the house is sold! He also wants title to the RV as that is going to be his main residence for some time to come if I don't move out of the house. He is willing to pay alimony, but he wants a certain percentage deducted for the money he spent while my son was living with us - and the medical expenses and attendant costs were considerable. There were other clauses, but those are the ones that made my blood boil. So in other words, he is still trying to exercise financial control over me. FOOL!!!!!!!!!! And I mean him, not me! I was crazy to think he would be reasonable and fair. BUT I'M NOT STUPID! So it's into negotiations with my lawyer on one side of the table and his on the other and the soon to be ex and I avoiding eye contact or I'll just reach across and throttle the idiot and put me out of his misery! As for the 'lady' he wants to move in - he knows now that that isn't going to happen. He actually had the nerve to try to tell me they were 'just friends' and he felt sorry for her and wanted to help her out, and couldn't understand why I just laughed myself silly during his verbal diarrhea. I told him that if and when the RV title was turned over to him, the RV was MINE and there would be no negotiating who would be allowed to occupy it. Until then, if he didn't like it, he could get his own place in the city and I would sell the RV forthwith and pay off the chattel mortgage on it. I won't get as much as the mortage is worth, as the market for RV's the size of mine is depressed right now, so there wouldn't be any profit involved. I DO however, have an interested buyer that he doesn't know anything about, but I'd give my eyeteeth to see the look on his face when he sees where it could end up being parked! ROFL So in a way, battle lines have been drawn, but at the same time, as we both have to live in this small town, I'm prepared to be civil. I rather think he thought he could snow me into submission and rather abruptly showed me the door when he realized he couldn't! NEVER give a woman her freedom and expect to be able to ever reign her in again fellows! Won't happen! LOL Now to make this a discussion, I have to ask you a question. Any suggestions? LOL
9 people like this
24 responses
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jun 08
ohmy gosh sparks he has drawn the battlelines has he but he doesnt know you, so we shall see you win yet lol, so for now just kick him to the curb everytime you can.lol good night
5 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
14 Jun 08
I'm rather enjoying having my personal power back too Hatley. And that's what he didn't count on! LOL Good night sweets.
2 people like this
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I think you are handling this just the way you should. He's lucky to be living in YOUR RV. You could have just booted him off your property. Maybe he should hook up with Mad Meg, she can take care of his stupid azz...LOL
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jun 08
Sounds like a match made in heaven...
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Jun 08
LOL - Yep, Mad Megs would have him cut down to her tiny size in no time! ROFL
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Jun 08
LOL! I kinda feel sorry for the guy now.............scratch that, no I don't! ROFL
2 people like this
• United States
15 Jun 08
sparks....where to start? It's very hard to be civil in a divorce action...my ex is STILL bitter over 4 years later! Let's see, the car. He's given you the title correct? Does he have car insurance? What's to say that he won't purposely get into an accident and cause you even MORE grief? I could understand his point about your son (even though he's being difficult and unreasonable...). I'd say let this go and fight some other battles. The RV...how about this? If he wants it to live, he's responsible for 1) rental of the property that it's on (ie, your yard) 2) he must pay utilities (reasonable) 3) he has to observe 'good neighbor' rules (no late night parties the involve a visit from the police) and 4) it's for his sole use only--no people moving in! Be the landlord for this, but it really depends on the house... The house? You may have to compromise a bit on this...tell him that it's in BOTH of your names and that it's in everyone's best interests to sell it. At that time, the ownership of the RV (UNTRASHED) reverts back to you. Sorry I can't really offer any other suggestions, but as a woman who had to go through some really unreasonable demands to get her divorce papers signed, I can empathize with you!
• United States
16 Jun 08
I'd watch the car situation..yes, you've got the title, but if the insurance isn't paid up and one of you gets into an accident, guess who'll be in court? The owner of the car. Make sure that you have it written in the divorce papers that HE'S going to upkeep the insurance, as well as a schedule for the two of you to drive. About the RV, I was suggesting that HE rent from YOU since it's still in just your name, until this whole mess gets straightened out--this way you get some sort of income from him. Make sure that the agreement (if any) about the RV is put into writing and that he is NOT permitted any overnight guests. I wasn't aware of the situation surrounding your son--my apologies! Some men are just not capable of accepting someone else's child, no matter how much they claim to love mom! I'd also request the court to expedite the matter, since he's caused you enough pain...I fibbed a bit on my divorce papers (I said that we had been separated for two years prior to my filing papers; I was divorced in four months). I'll pray for you to get through this as quickly and painlessly as possible!
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Jun 08
Hubs gave me title to the car yes, but he's the one that pays the insurance as it's nominal compared to the payment I make out of my own earnings for the RV. I will NOT turn over the title for the RV until it's either sold or the Court orders me to - which is fine if they do as I don't want or need it because my car can't haul it anyway and it's the ONLY place in this small town where the hubs can live. I don't want rent from him for it either unless he moves another woman in. And if he did, he would in all actuality be paying for the insult to me more than it being just rent. I know that the court will order the house to be sold because I want to move and he can't afford to buy me out the value I would get if it was sold. There's no mortgage on the house so he would have to pay half of fair market value instead of half of what we paid for it. And scorpio - his attitude towards my son who came home with a life threatening disease is not and never will be acceptable to any parent. He has children of his own. If I had a adopted the same attitude the soon to be ex had/has, towards one of his kids, he would have turfed me to the street in my underwear! I'll never be able to forgive him for what he put me and my son through during the darkest days of our lives. That's what killed the marriage. So I think I'm being pretty easy on him considering how I feel deep in my mother's heart about him.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Jun 08
Oh sh*t, you're both SO right! I never even thought of him using the power and water (which of course he does) as I'm so used to using them when we were living in the RV together last summer while we renovated the house! So YEAH! CHARGING RENT FOR SURE NOW! Thanks ladies!
1 person likes this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
19 Jun 08
Maybe you could just stay together? For the sake of the RV? LOL Well, is it really over? Where in the world did you find a lawyer? I guess it was the next city over. It is really tough going to court and having all that animosity, so I am glad that you can keep it civil!
3 people like this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I take it the court and lawyers are in the nearest city!
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
20 Jun 08
Yes they are. A little over an hours drive away. And with the price of gas, I'm trying to keep to telephone calls as much as possible. But things are moving well and we have a 'group' meeting next week in the city. Hopefully it will be the only one we have to have before the Court hearing. Fingers crossed!
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
19 Jun 08
Well hopefully the animosity will have dissipated by the time it goes to court. We'll see. As for finding a lawyer - it was one of the ladies in my town that gave me a name actually. Her grandaughter had just gone through a divorce and she was really pleased with her lawyer, so I was given his name.
3 people like this
• United States
18 Jun 08
Thanks for the update, I've ben wondering how things were going for you. I have no real suggestions, other than keep up the good work. I can tell you are really working on controlling yourself, and not allowing him inside to control you. And he really doesn't know how to handle that...does he? That is the prefect strategy with any man, keep him where you can see him and keep him unaware!!! You got him right where you need him, and I'm sure all will work out best for you in the end!
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
19 Jun 08
I'm sure it will too edgy. I've a good lawyer and we meet next week - me and the soon to be ex and our lawyers. It should be interesting to say the least, but I've learned how to stand firm against my stbx, so no worries. Nice to see you sweets. Where's your Mom? I miss her too.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
20 Jun 08
She emaile me edgy! LOL Great minds think alike. It was so good to hear from her.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Jun 08
Mom's in hiding I guess:) No, really she's totally focusing on some writing she's been working on. Some bigger submissions to mags and things like that. SHe'll be back around. She's on her puter all the time, maybe you could try emailing her, I'm sure she'd get back to ya.
3 people like this
@fwidman (11514)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Put your claws away, dearie. It ain't over til it's over :) My ex thought she had the upper hand all through the divorce proceedings until we went to court and the judge threw out almost all of her demands. Poor her! She had me over a barrel and then *poof* it all went up in smoke.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
Please don't call me dearie. I'm not quite old enough for that yet! LOL But I am old enough to know how these things work, and trust me, I'm not being unreasonable ,and when it gets to court, I'LL be the one coming out ahead. Everything we have acquired and built up in the few short years we've been together and the reasons for the divorce speak to my hard work and his emotional/financial abuse, so I'm not worried which way the chips are going to fall. If you had read properly too, you would know that it's not MY claws that are out, but more those of my friends here who are supporting me because they have more background from previous posts of mine than you do. Sorry - don't mean to sound like I'm coming down on you and being unfriendly, but it frosts my backside to have a man assume I'm being a cat when I KNOW I'm not.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
I'm sorry too 'pops' - what we call old men here! LOL I shouldn't have gone off on you, but like you - the fingers got ahead of good sense because the soon to be ex calls me dearie when he's pissed at me! ROLF Friends?
2 people like this
@fwidman (11514)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Sorry, the dearie part just slipped out as I was typing. I am old enough to be called whatever the male equivalent would be LOL
3 people like this
@kareng (53375)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Stay strong and fight, fight, fight!!
3 people like this
@kareng (53375)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Your welcome!
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Jun 08
I will, will, will! LOL Thanks for the encouragement karen.
2 people like this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Honey you are in a fix. SO to speak. I don't know about your RV but ours is worth as much as some houses. $55,000. If he wants this the amonunt of it's worth should be deducted from what he gets in the divorce. No matter where he lives in it or gets a place later he will be able to sell the RV. What will you get from it? Squat, not a thing. In court or the judge would make him pay alimony anyway, for a least a year or until you can provide for yourself. This is a given. So he is not giving you anything that you don't deserve to begin with. Also the judge can force him to sell the house if you can not afford to live in it. Do not leave that house. It may and probably will become the person left in the houses place. Stay there no matter what, get what is due to you. He can be a jerk all he wants to, if it goes before the judge he will settle it all and it may not and probably will not be as he wants it. The judge will have him get his own car too. When you cut ties, this is what you need to do...cut them. It's okay to help him out but for him to use you and your predicment is showing you what he is going to do all along. He has a lady, okay all well and good. Let him use her car to take him places until he gets his own. Or he can lease one, whatever. You will need your car for work. If there are children involved you get the house anyway. It may be to your advantage to let it go to court. I would if he is that way, wanting more than he is entitled to. Or more than his share. ANd it seems he does. The motorhome, If my husband an I split he would get the motorhome and me the house. It's only fair. He travels with his work and I stay here in the house. But the motorhome is worth a lot. He can work and make much more money than me. I would get the truck. He would pay me alimony and for more than a year. I can not work. He makes very good money. I worked for many years and all of my money went to the home and bills. His needs and the childrens is also where my money went. I as most women didn't do things for myself or spend money on me. I didn't save mine either. Good luck honey and remember what you agree on you are stuck with and can not change. There is serveral websites that you can check out to see what is right for you to get. Go to search bar and type in divorce...many things will come up. Doing it your self divorce or separations and finding out what you can do and get or should get. There is some very good advice there.
• United States
16 Jun 08
Thank you. I do love dancing. I like going out at night and dancing in the moonlight. It makes me feel good. I'm glad you have a lawyer to help you. He will have your interest in mind. But it will help you to go to the site for doing your own legal separation and divorce. I went there for a friend and found out all kinds of really great infomation. It tells you as a woman how to get exactly what you are entitled to and how not to cheat yourself out of anything important. Then you can tell your lawyer and make amendments to you divorce if you need to.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Jun 08
I did check the site out dancer (btw, I dance in the moonlight too!), and I even got my lawyer to look at it. So we're pretty savvy now the two of us! LOL Thanks for the heads up on it. It was really quite interesting and I'm keeping it bookmarked for future reference for my friends.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Jun 08
Hey moondancer (love that name - wanna dance? lol). You make some very very good points. There are no kids living at home now, so that makes things easier, but it's still complicated and I'm so glad I have a good lawyer. The soon to be ex was just trying to see if he could control me at all anymore, and sadly for him, found out he couldn't! Poor him! lol
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Sparks, You are going to end up in court with this...it is obvious. He is trying to take such advantage of you. Don't sign a thing. I am so glad to hear that you have a lawyer and lets just hope he is a good one. Basically your ex is full of crap and he is dam lucky that you are allowing him to live in the RV. He signed the title of the car over to you...you do not even have to be kind enough to let him use it. He is playing some major head games with you. Your smart so outsmart the little worm.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
I agree sid, this is going to end up in court and frankly, I'm glad of it if it's the only way to protect my future. He was crazier than I am to think that after he moved out he could still control me! LOL
2 people like this
@gtdonna (1738)
15 Jun 08
Whoa as we say in Italy - mamm Mia! Girl, they say hell as no fury like a woman scorned and this is a classic example. I guess yr ex thought you were either a fool or retarded and would just have given in to his whims and fancy. Glad you're willing to be civil and do it the way of the court. I hope everything work out for the best!
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
Thanks donna - I'm Irish, but both my brothers married lovely Italian girls years and years ago. Must have picked up a few pointers eh? LOL
2 people like this
@cortney09 (1345)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Wow. It sounds like he is trying to really play you for a fool, which you obviously are not. I hope you are able to keep your cool and not let him win. I can't "suggest" anything, other than stay strong.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
25 Jun 08
He's such a guy! LOL Making the 'guy's' mistake that 'the little woman' can be walked on forever. Well maybe some women can, but not THIS one! lol
1 person likes this
@cortney09 (1345)
• United States
26 Jun 08
Just keep that attitude and you will be just fine. He really thought wrong with thinking he could walk all over you.
2 people like this
• Canada
15 Jun 08
Oh, Spark, I feel for you so much. I'm always so sad when marriages don't work. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad you're outta there! There are some issues that you definitely need to be strong on - like selling the house. He can get a place in the city and you need to have the financial freedom to start over. As for the car, I would definitely advise NOT sharing it, despite the rising cost of fuel. Tell him to sell his truck and get a car, if he's that worried about it. If you share the car, you'll end up constantly dealing with issues like who owes what for what repairs and who used more gas, etc. What a jerk to have a girlfriend already. Thanks for the update!
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Jun 08
Yep - that's exactly what I meant. Happy memories for sure. And the pollen that would get on your chin when you held them underneath and as my mom said, "put the sun in your skin" because the colour was so rich your skin would turn yellow! LOL
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
Buttercup, buttercup, buttercup! LOL I just LOVE that word and love saying it! Great user name! I think they are my favorite flowers. They used to fill the fields around my house when I was a kid and I so associate them with happy sunny days! Anyway - no he won't be borrowing the car. I've thought about it, and like you said - it will only lead to more problems. He has his truck, which he needs in our rural area, but he can pay for his own gas if he's that desperate to get to the city! Hugs BUTTERCUP! LOL
2 people like this
• Canada
15 Jun 08
Ah, thanks! You're so cute! Buttercups are one of my favs, too. When I was little we had tons of them in my yard and they've been a happy memory ever since. Happy memories get us through tough times! Hugs right back at ya!
3 people like this
@Gollywog (1092)
14 Jun 08
What a control freak? He wants his cake and eat it? Men think they own you when you marry them, I dont think so? Will you sale your house get rid of the feel of him around and start afresh. I would, he realy dosnt care what happens to you! He is just worried about what he may lose? Give him the boot, dont give in stand firm. lol
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
Oh he's already been given the boot gollywog. Now all I have to do is make sure he doesn't kick back! LOL
2 people like this
@Gollywog (1092)
15 Jun 08
Well best you kick him where it hurts? That is in the wallet? Men hate parting with ther cash they are mean when it comes to sharing. My x left me with stagaring bills but thats another story. lol Keep smiling.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
I hear you about the bills gollywog and I'm determined that HE will be paying them, not me as they are his bills on his credit cards that I never touch. So yeah - hit him in the wallet is right! Hugs.
2 people like this
@bjbailey (114)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I am no lawyer but did you buy the rv and the house and car after you got married or before. If it is after then it doesnt matter whos name it all is in it is both of yours. I would definatly not let him drive your car because it is cheaper on gas than his truck. Does he think your that dumb. The RV is in your name so he needs to go and live somewheres else. He has some balls to think you wouldnt figure out that this thang he wants to move in isnt sleeping in his bed. I think men think with their 'little brain' and think we have one about that small. hahaha. Good luck on all this.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
You may not be a lawyer bj, but you have good instincts! Yes, they were acquired after the marriage, but it's a bit of tangle anyway. No worries though - I have a good lawyer! LOL
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Jun 08
Yes he does bj and you can be sure he's going to get one!
1 person likes this
@bjbailey (114)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Well I hope that you get it all and kick him out of your RV. He needs a rude awakening.
2 people like this
@tammyr (5946)
• Etowah, Tennessee
14 Jun 08
I have a few suggestions for him and they all end with BOIL HIM IN OIL!! lol I am glad you are the strong type and are not going to back down from his futile attempts to weaken you. He will learn that you are not one to mess with. Keep him stressed out if you can hun. It seems to really be his downfall. I see he doesn't handle it well so dish it up!
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
14 Jun 08
LOL tammy - I thought about his stress levels and worried about sending him into a heart attack - he's prime material for one. Good lord you women are going to turn my sparks to outright fire and make me a pyromaniac! LOL
2 people like this
@Marg12 (329)
• United States
14 Jun 08
My only suggestion, Spark, is to please keep up the good work you are doing. You are still one step ahead of the ex, so keep it that way. You are doing great. Not many people could be so civil through all the you know what you are going through. Take care
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
Thanks Margie. I just can't see the point in trashing him in town when he will still be here long after I'm gone. I just want what I need to start over, and I can take care of myself from that point on. Hells bells, it's not like I haven't had the practice in the past! LOL
2 people like this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
16 Jun 08
My suggestion for you is the same I give to all of my friends going through this kind of thing. Be sure to take the high road as much as possible, and under all circumstances KEEP IT LEGAL. But of course, keeping it legal is part of taking the high road, isn't it? I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. I know all too well what a pain family court stuff is. It sounds like it will have to go to court for a judge to make final rulings. And with the issue of the house, it sounds to me like it would be easier for everyone to just sell it and split the money and move onwards and upwards.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
14 Jun 08
my only advice is to continue being aboveboard.. stay with the lawyers.. and be the honorable person i know you are. thisll work out in yer best interest if you do.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
14 Jun 08
My thoughts too tess. So I didn't react with no, and yes's and a lot of arguing as he expected. So it's back to the lawyers for sure - let them hammer it out while I try very hard not to kill the guy!
2 people like this
@TessWhite (3146)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Been there, done that. LOL Yea my suggestion - get a good attorney. Your attorney, not your soon to be ex, will tell you what will happen and when. The courts will decide more than likely that you will get the house, not him. You will probably get the car as well, and perhaps even alimony. Welcome to divorce for women. Oh, another suggestion? Don't accept another dinner date. Divorces can get messy, trust me I know. Mine took over two years, 4 attorneys and a three day court battle. Good luck!
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
Welcome to mylot Tess. And no worries - I have a good attorney and you're right - NO more dinner dates! LOL I don't think he really enjoyed the last one! ROFL
2 people like this
• Greenland
14 Jun 08
I want to ask you some questions before saying anything: 1) who is working? 2) what is he going to keep if you get the rv and the house?
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
15 Jun 08
Hello games and welcome to mylot. We both have an income - though his is larger as he has his own business. I want to move to England, so the house has to be sold as we own it jointly and that's the way it works in divorces here if the wife doesn't want the house, which only happens when there are children still to be raised, and that's not the case with us. He will get to keep the RV if the Court doesn't order it to be sold, the land, his truck and in the end the car and 100% shares of his business. All I want is my share from the house and whatever other assets he decides to sell off, so I can move to England. I'm not being the least bit greedy and in the end of the idiot doesn't continue to be so foolish, he'll come out of the divorce better off than he is now! lol
2 people like this