What should we do with guys who don't pay child support?

United States
June 15, 2008 6:58pm CST
Did you hear that Presidentail hopeful Barak Obama intends to crack down on dead beat dads and anyone who doesn't pay child support? I think he mentioned stiff penalties for financially deserting the child. I think that's very commendable. It's about time someone makes an effort to help out single moms who are struggling to feed their children and provide care. Personally, I don't understand why a man thinks that his obligation to the child ends when he walks out the door and leaves his girlfriend or spouse. Most guys don't have problem providing money for their children when they're living in the same house with them. So, why then should they have a problem paying money to support the child once they leave? What could be their excuse? And, what type of penalties should a dead beat Dad pay for financially abandoning his child?
8 people like this
25 responses
@myklj999 (50589)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Okay, I'm going to mouth off here. I divorced my first wife (or she divorced me, rather) in 1981. I was ordered to pay child support and granted "reasonable visitation rights" as the court phrased it. Two months later my wife remarried and left the state with no forwarding address. Ten years later I am hauled into court and ordered to pay back child support. All I know is that they are somewhere in Oregon. My daughter is now 30; I haven't seen her since she was two. Even though I was denied the chance to see my child as she was growing, and was never informed until about 5 years ago where she was at, I'm responsible for child support. You'll excuse me if I say that is a crock of sh!t. I was informed by the court that support and visitation are two separate issues and even though I was being denied visitation for no lawful reason I was still required to make my support payments at the local courthouse. Okay, I'm done ranting.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jun 08
Thanks for providing the other point of view on this. And, there are always two sides. It varies for each person and situation. Be well! Thanks for dropping by.
@myklj999 (50589)
• United States
16 Jun 08
No problem. I just had to say something, because while I agree most of the cases involve people who just don't want to pay, there are exceptions to every situation.
• United States
16 Jun 08
I think you are a decent person. I felt very sad when I heard that you had not seen your child in so many years and that she was all grown. I'm a parent too. And, I can only imagine how it would tear me apart to have my child taken away from me so that I never saw her again until years later. And, then she wouldn't even know me. I would remember all the times we had together, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't even know me. That breaks my heart. I would be devastated. I can only imagine. My heart goes out to you.
@Hatley (164168)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Jun 08
beauty queen I think deadbeat dads should be made to work and pay their arrears in childsupport, even if they have to be in prison and on a work force there . they made the baby, they play they have to pay. I do not see any excuse for these walk out fathers. If they do not want to support children then do not make the girl pregnant. simple as that. I think there should be fines commensurate with how far behind they are.stiff penalties.
1 person likes this
@cripfemme (7710)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I don't think Deadbeat parents of either gender. Abandoning your child is just not responsible or appropriate (of course). I think perhaps people who abandon kids should have wages garnished, at a higher rate than they would have paid if they would've done it voluntarily. I'm not sure jailing them helps anything, if that's a purposal.
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
16 Jun 08
I say...its about time! Here in my country, withholding financial support is categorized 'Economic abuse' under our law known as "Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004" and is considered a crime and punishable through imprisonment by law. One could let the hounds of law pursue those who turn back on their children and fail to support them. I have personal experience with it since I am already separated from my spouse for almost 3 years. For over a year, he didn't support his children so I told him that he could support his children the hard way or the easy way. The hard way is wherein I will petition the court to automatically give me 50% of all his earnings or file case against him under the above law and send him to prison or he could do the easy way by voluntarily sending his children regular child support. He got scared because of the amount involved because I could still get 50% of his earnings under the law, so he decided to send his children regular child support which just amount to 20% of his earnings. He should be thankful that I am not greedy and didn't push for what the law provides since I am already satisfied with the 20% he is giving his children.
• United States
16 Jun 08
I'm happy that you defended your children's right to a good future. Children deserve our very best. You did what you had to do. He left you no choice. You're a good mom!
1 person likes this
@krissy32 (205)
• United States
16 Jun 08
THere is another side to this argument, from scrolling down the list of the discussions, there seems to be a recurring theme going on here. That theme is a guy doesn't pay support, therefore he is scum of the earth. I don't agree with that, because the economy has been going to heck in a handbasket, especially in the last few years. Maybe there is a reason why a guy can't pay support although he wants to, but can't make enough income to pay it when his income barely pays his own living expenses. I agree that men help make the children in the first place, but moms have a stake in their child's welfare as well as fathers. It should not be all on one parent to support the child. Too many times I see decent fathers working themselves into a early grave just to satisfy bureaucrats who can't seem to get the payments credited to the right account or worse sending the payment to the wrong mom. And all of you want MORE government sticking their noses into your affairs, are you all insane??? Imprisoning someone does not make the money appear, unless the person's family is well off enough to help the poor fellow out. Taking away their driving license, how does this help the child? It does not. Every adult is required to have a driver's license, not only as a permit to operate a motor vehicle, but for identification as well. Taking that away interferes with the ability to gain or keep a job if one does not have a license to operate their car does not do a damn thing to support the child. There is also another point to make here, if a woman is ordered to pay support and she fails to do so for whatever reason, I don't see anyone caterwauling to take her driving license from her, nor do I hear of any instance of a woman being jailed for non support either. Those who want to hang a guy for the same thing, think about this, it could be you next facing the same public ridicule for nonpayment of support, but not that any guy worth his salt would even ask for support because it would be more trouble than its worth to them to actually recieve it. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
• United States
16 Jun 08
While I understand where you are coming from, I disagree that a financial hardship should take any responsibility at all from a person (not just a dad) paying for support of their kids. Those kids are STILL a responsibility, and it's not their fault the economy sucks. Get a second job, get a loan, whatever it takes to take care of those kids. If you don't have the money to pay your house payment, does the mortgage company say, "Oh, that's ok, he doesn't have the money."? Will the electric company say, "Well, the economy sucks, we'll let him slide."? YES it's a tough situation, but it doesn't make the child's life any easier when the parent receiving support stops getting it. That puts full responsibility on the parent who is no longer receiving support. The economy isn't any better in their house!
1 person likes this
@youdontsay (3503)
• United States
16 Jun 08
It boils down to the old belief that wives and children are chattel. These men believe that if they don't have access to their property [children] then they don't have to support them. They just walk away and leave them like a junk car abandoned on a vacant lot! Ohio does a fair job of enforcing child support. They do take a portion of a father's salary if he is not complying to court order to pay. And eventually, if the man resists long enough, he goes to prison and the debt continues to build. The unfairness is that while these fathers are not taking their responsibilities seriously the rest of us are being taxed to pay for their kids on welfare. I sometimes think the best penalty would be castration so they would not be creating any more kids!
• United States
16 Jun 08
It's the modern age. You play, you pay! Those deadbeat Dads need to act like grown ups and stop being big babies!
@laglen (19778)
• United States
16 Jun 08
ok, I am going to play all three sides to this. First, I am a single mother. my ex-husband is pretty good about paying. Now that he is getting married again, he is trying flake a bit. But when looking at the situation, is the father ordered to pay more than he can? Is it too much that he wouldn't be able to afford his own lifestyle? When we first divorced, the courts ordered that he pay my housing, car, insurance, plus child support. All in all it was about $3000 per month. He earned about that! So, I moved out, gave up the car and lowered the support. I asked that he just pay $400 plus her health insurance. This he can do. Not many women would do that. I am just reasonable I suppose. On the other hand, my sister has a deadbeat that tells the kids that their mother takes all of his money ( he has paid about $300 in the past two years for two kids!) They have been divorced for 6 years and is still bitter, he seems to think that if she is broke she will have to take him back, need I mention he was abusive? The third end to this that I would like to mention is that women do this as well. As a mom myself I really do not see how you could just leave your child but they do then they don't think they should help support. I think there are just some bad people out there, male and female. I just wish they would stop reproducing!
• United States
16 Jun 08
Both moms and dads are equally responsible for support of the child, as you say. And that is seperate from alimony or household maintenance. Children have needs for food and healthcare that are often unmet on a single mother's salary. There are exceptions, I'm sure.
• Philippines
16 Jun 08
Well, if that's really true, I'll be glad to come over to the US now to have my baby's dad penalized for walking out of me and my baby's life forever. I agree with the first response, support could directly be deducted from the man's salary, it would be a problem though if the man is unemployed... Sigh, it's really difficult not to get any support from the baby's Dad, take it from me, I'm still on my 3rd month but it's difficult because I have to support myself, work hard to buy myself the vitamins I need and all those prenatal requirements... You were together in the baby-making and the woman is tend to be alone in supporting the baby... Men!
• United States
16 Jun 08
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this alone. Men! As you say, they really are fickle.
@sweetdesign (5151)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Someone needs to do something but I am not holding my breath waiting for it to happen. My ex would just laugh when I passed out from no oxygen.
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
13 Jul 08
his butte should be stuck in jail. it takes a sorry man to not help support his children. i think they are so afraid the woman is going to spend it on themselves & i'm sure some of them do but there are ways to go around that & see that their children are taken care of.
@poohgal (6847)
• Singapore
25 Jun 08
Obama is right here. Those fellas must be taught a lesson. To abandon kids is already wrong. To not provide for these kids, it's even more wrong. I think we should make them go jail if they refuse to pay child support. Of course, it depends on the situation too. If the guy is healthy and abled, he must pay. If he is stricken with illness or disability, I guess he has no way to pay.
@irishidid (8710)
• United States
22 Jun 08
My ex is on SSI and I'm told that it is welfare and the kids aren't entitled to it, but he gets to buy a house while not having to pay child support. I have a petition going about this very thing on my website (blog) I may put it on here too.
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
19 Jun 08
While I've seen the lowest of the low in terms of deadbeat dads, I've also seen the opposite side of the story. There are plenty of instances where guys child support (most times plus alimony) equals outrageous amounts (seen amounts from 70 to 110% of income). Even without this, I'd still take Obama's claim as more political posturing and pointgaining. *Sarcastically* "Forgive me for being so cynical..." -_- To the main point, I've seen several anomalies in the child support industry (I even had a couple as my own discussions here at lot). Some of the events highlight that child support isn't about the children or the spouse, but its more about getting anyone they can find to pay them. A few bogus child support events http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=2175 (Agency Viewpoint) http://mensnewsdaily.com/2007/12/13/mom-commits-welfare-fraud-but-its-dad-who-gets-the-bill-and-the-system-wants-it-that-way/ (Mom commits welfare fraud, Dad Pays) http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=2106 (He earns $1600, the Child Support is $2000. Basic Math anyone?) http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=1958 (Odd one: Child support made him steal. Lots of comments) There was also "Bad Dads" which would have turned child support into another FOX made circus... http://mensnewsdaily.com/2008/04/24/fox-tv-plans-“bad-dads”-colosseum-lynching-of-poor-men/ Its really not about children or supporting families. It seems more about self-interest, exploitation, and what certain people can get out of the whole thing. No matter how you look at it, there are some warped parts to child support.
• Philippines
17 Jun 08
Well, it depends on the financial ability of the guy if he can afford. If he cannot, then you cannot do anything about it. too bad.. hehehe.. of course, you cannot kill the daddy!!!! ahhahahahaha... my post is totally non-sense.
@lilybug (21145)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I have issue with my sons father and child support. He is married to a very unpleasant woman and they have NO kids together. He is always complaining about not being able to afford child support yet he and his wife both have brand new cars and he is always buying new clothes for himself. Every time they start to take child support out of his check he quits his job and they don't know where he is working for 6 months.
@MsEddie86 (234)
• United States
16 Jun 08
i think that fathers should get penalized for not paying child support and also mothers as well because that child did not ask to come here and the mother did not make the child on her own neither did the father. so i think that there should penalties for things like that. because a child can be taking care of by one parent but i do struggle being a single parent but i'm makin it.
@cream97 (29151)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Just dump them into jail!!!! If they have no intentions on paying, then they have no intentions of taking care of their children..
• Nigeria
16 Jun 08
Treat immediately like an infidel that is what the Holy Book says
• United States
16 Jun 08
I don't really think he will be able to do anything more than what is being done. These guys that don't pay continue to quit jobs, work under the table, and find ways of getting out of child support. I live in a state that is pretty hard on guys that don't pay and they still find ways out of it. Here they will take their license and eventually put them in jail, but it don't help. I know some guys that work long enough to get child support off their backs and then quit the job because they know they will have a couple of months paychecks before they get caught again and child support is not far enough behind to do anything more than garnish their wages.
@newtondak (3949)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I only hope that whatever measures are take also take the actions of the custodial parent into consideration. Is the child support actually being used for the benefit of the child? Is the custodial parent following the court orders regarding visitation for the non-custodial parent? Is the custodial parent making any contribution towards the support of the child or relying completely on child support and government welfare programs? You relate that men don't have a problem providing money for their children when they're living in the same house with them - I would have to say that most households these days are having problems meeting the needs of their children even when they are living with them. Once separated from this household, the father now is supposed to provide a home for himself and child support for his child/children which the custodial parent now expects to supply housing, transportation, and all other expenses involved in providing for him/her and the children. In my opinion, the custodial parent should not be able to receive child support unless that person shows that he/she is also gainfully employed and actively involved in supporting the children (not through welfare programs or public charity). I definitely think that there is more to the situation of non-custodial parents (not always the father) who don't remain involved or continue to support their children, and I think that the custodial parent plays a very active role in why this occurs.
@gemini_rose (16268)
16 Jun 08
In my case I was quite happy not to get any support off my eldest sons biological father. He was horrible and did not deserve to have a place in my childs life, him giving me money would have entitled him and his mother to stick their nose in and continue making my life a misery. When I had to claim benefits for my boy I had the social come round and say that they wanted to get him to pay maintenance, I told them what he had done to me and what his mother had tried to do to her grandson and they agreed with me that it was best for my son that he not be involved in our lives. My eldest is now 16 and there has been no contact or interest or money since he was 3 months old. I have done it all myself and more recently with my husband. I think that it should be down to the parent that has custody of the child if they want any financial help or not, I sometimes see parents getting grief because they refuse help when an ex is violent or aggressive so the choice to receive help should be theirs. Then if they do want some financial support then the absent parent should be chased down and made to provide.