What would you think?
By angemac23
@angemac23 (2003)
Canada
June 18, 2008 8:47am CST
My boyfriend recently started going out to bars recently despite the fact that he has never done this and never really liked doing this. I dont have a problem with him going out to bars every now and again but he says that is to hang out with the guys. I have found evidence that these guys night outs involve girls being there as well because they are finding him on Facebook. Around the same time, he said he was updating his facebook page and that involved removing his relationship status so there is no link to me anymore. He was always proud to show off our relationship and it was his idea to display it to begin with and all of a sudden he has removed it to say he is not in a relationship. He said that he did this for privacy reasons. I think I did it to make himself look available, at least thats what several people have suggested to me. No everyone thinks we are broken up. What do you think about this? Do you think he is trying to tell me something. He says that he wants to be with me forever and that he would never cheat but Im confused about this. I asked him if he could put the status back and he said no it was not a big deal. I dont see why he wants it gone so bad. He stayed out until 6AM last weekend and said he was chatting with some friends he met up with. Am I being paranoid or what?
2 people like this
6 responses
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
18 Jun 08
When a person's behavior changes drastically there is usually some reason behind it that is not in plain view. At first I didn't think that your boyfriend's new activity was too much of a big deal either until you talked about his Facebook page. I think this is how you get to the bottom of it with him. Talk to him again about the link and tell him that it might not be a big deal to him that he appears single on facebook but it bothers you so you would like him to return the page to the way that it was. If he continues to come up with excuses or outright refuses then you know that you're not being paranoid.
@angemac23 (2003)
• Canada
18 Jun 08
I will ask again to do that, but if he refuses I dont know what to think. Past boyfriends have cheated on me so I feel that maybe that has made me paranoid anyway....and I have no proof that anything is going on except the face book thing and I dont want to break up with him if its nothing....any ideas on how I can get to the bottom of this for sure? Im not the snooping type and I wont go into his email or personal stuff because than I would be doing something wrong! I really have no idea but Im very suspicious....it seems that he is making it look like he is available and all the new people that show up in my news feed as being signed as friends with him are girls that go to that same bar he goes to now because they all belong to the same group that was made for that bar....its obvious....He says its guys night out, but if he is only meeting and hanging out with girls than it is not guys night out. He also never invites me to go with him, so thats kind of strange...
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
18 Jun 08
Why don't you invite yourself to go along the next time he goes and see if he tries to get out of taking you? I don't normally approve of snooping but, when your inner alarm is screaming that something is going on, I think you should check it out in as many ways as necessary. Do you know anyone trustworthy that he doesn't know who could go to this bar if he refuses to take you?
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
18 Jun 08
I think that you should check into this more thoroughly before making any accusations.Try and get him to talk to you about whats really going on.He may be cheating as well as he may be innocent.I dont understand why he would change his relationship status if he isnt up to something no good.That just doesnt make any sense.I would look into it if he is not willing to talk to you about it.Maybe you could follow him the next night he goes out,lol.That is what I would do if it was me but I am overly cautious when it comes to cheating.
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I dont think you are being paranoid at all. If you are FEELING that something is wrong...then something is. You need to start snooping. I know some people will say "Snooping is never good" but it might be what you need to do if he isnt going to tell you the truth. With my husband I always make a point to tell him I am going to do something before I do. That way he knows about it and doesnt get mad. We had a problem with him cheating ONCE when we first started dating. We worked through it but I still have a few problems with trust. So he knows its ok. You should tell him that you feel like something is wrong with the relationship. Whether he is cheating or you two are just growing apart...something is not right. And that REALLY needs to be discussed. Women, I feel, have an intuition about these kind of things. Usually if that feeling of something being wrong, then there is something wrong.
@colourless (245)
• China
19 Jun 08
Seems that your bf doesn't want to go back to former life .Don't worry too much because it's normal that people change. Here i don't suggest you to do some research, for it may arise annoyance in his heart. If i were you, i would just wait while doing every little thing that will recalll his love for me. If he didn't feel your love or remain unmoved to your efforts, then you can do your final movement-leave him, for there exsist no love between you. Be bold and independent, dear angemac and do not hesitate.
Cheer up and good life!
@rrdj71 (696)
• United States
18 Jun 08
As women we tend to make the mistake of "asking" men. I learned my lesson a LONG time ago. Do your own research. Figure it out for yourself and if that doesn't work don't become a stalker but do a little bit of P.I. work just enough to get the info you need but not too much that him or any of his friends would ever find out about it. TRUST ME IT WORKS!! But on the other hand if you really had to live life this way then why bother being with someone you can't trust. Especially sudden changes. They are NEVER a good sign.
@EEBEAN (28)
• United States
19 Jun 08
Angemac23: First of all, this boyfriend is not being truthful. His behaviour clearly pionts out that he is only in a "relationship" with you when he's actually with you. At all other times he is definitely single and pursuing the single life. With that in mind you must not trust that he is not sleeping around, nor turst that he would be responsible in protecting himself in doing so; the health risks are too great. My best advice is for you to examine what you want out of a relationship with him and if he is not willing to give it, walk away. It sounds like he's started down a potentially dangerous path and you need to know you cannot change his behavior -- all you can do is control how you react to it. Ebean
