Who the heck does he think he is??

@34momma (13891)
United States
June 19, 2008 11:00am CST
My son called me yesterday and asked could he go to a party with a bunch of friends. Of course I said sure. He has great friends and he is 18. However when I woke up and did my room check about 2a.m. I saw that he was not home yet. That's ok, the party was about 2 hours away so it takes time to get home, and most parties don't end at 2. When I got up at 6a.m. I checked again and he is still not home. So now I am calling him, no answer. I texted him, no answer. My girlfriend thought I was over-reacting this morning because I was not happy with his actions. She say's he is 18 and should be able to go out and not come home or let me know that he's not coming home. I say that is bullsh*t and if you live in my house I have to know what is going on with you, I don't care how old you are. What do you think about this?
34 people like this
95 responses
@enola1692 (3325)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I agree with you if he is living under your roof he should let you know whats going on
4 people like this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jun 08
thanks enola. i think a simple phone call is good enough. and if he can't do that, then he won't be able to go out anymore. and i don't really care if he likes it or not
3 people like this
@owlwings (42100)
• Cambridge, England
20 Jun 08
It's important for you to understand that you can't restrict his comings and goings. All you have the right to do is to ask him to be as thoughtful for others as they are for him.
1 person likes this
20 Jun 08
Agreed here too!! your house....your rules. His house ...his rules.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 08
Hey there, I'm back on for a minute, anyway , you are a lot like my mama, as long as you are under her roof she needs to know what's the deal. Because really, you ain't grown until you get out on your own, but I know alot of people don't look at it like that.
4 people like this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jun 08
yeah just let me know that you are not coming home. i told him if that is to hard to do then you are not going to any more parties. he is a great kid really. he is very responsible. this is the first time something like this happened. but i know if i didn't put my foot down, it just might happen again. that's is not going down in my house
3 people like this
@owlwings (42100)
• Cambridge, England
20 Jun 08
Correction please! For 'great kid' say 'great guy'. It will do both you and him a power of good.
1 person likes this
@queenofarms (1665)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I absolutely agree with you. My daughter was 21 years of age and still living with me. I always wanted to know where she was and what time she would be home. And i asked to be called if she wasn't coming home at the time she told me. I know sometimes things change. So I feel as you do, you live in my home, you live by my rules. And they don't realize its not because we want to rule them, its to know they are safe and still alive. And also if there is an emergency we know where to found them.
4 people like this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jun 08
that's it. i just want to make sure he is ok. and being that he always keeps his phone on vibrate, me calling him is a waste of time
3 people like this
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
19 Jun 08
Actually I think it is basic respect that he at the very least inform you that he is not coming home for the night. He is already 18. He should jolly well know the difference between right and wrong. Until he is able to stand on his own two feet and not stretch out his hand for an allowance, he jolly well be respecting you and your rules. I know teenagers get carried away when they go partying. But there is always a limit and boundaries to follow. Wait for him to come home. Listen to his explanation first before giving him a piece of your mind. The very least you could do is listen first, before dishing out any punishment. If his reasons are valid, give him a stern warning on how things should have been done. (informing you that he be late, informing you where he is going to couch out...) If his reasons are crap, punish the crap outta him. Let him know that you are concern for his safety and that his behavior is totally irresponsible!
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jun 08
well he is 18 so i can't punish him to his room. and if he can call me at 10 a.m. then he can call me at 3 a.m and tell me his plans. i spoke to him already and he stayed at my girlfriends house with his friends. so i know he was ok and safe. but only after i spoke to him did i know where he was
1 person likes this
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
19 Jun 08
Hmm... at least he has a valid reason. But the very least he could do is send you an SMS to tell you his whereabouts. Nevertheless, punish him by grounding him, or reducing his allowance. This is to teach him to be responsible. If he ever misplace that trust in him again, it would not be so simple a punishment. Explain to him the frustrations and worries about not being able to know for sure his safety and his whereabouts.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 08
Hi. Since he's still living in your house, he is obligated to still have some responsibilities, such as keeping everything of his clean and not having loads of people over if you object, but he is legally an adult and can go where he wants, when he wants, and for as long as he wants. I do think that while he's living with you, he should at least keep you informed of where he's going, but he is an adult. If he wants complete freedom, he should do what I did at one point and move out. Namaste, Becky
3 people like this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jun 08
he maybe 18, but he is not allow to go where he wants when he wants. LOL oh man i so can't let him read this post. don't give him any ideas inuprincess. LOL
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
19 Jun 08
well, i think the right balance of trust and awareness should be applied here. I think it's OK to juz tell your son that he should inform you where he is if he's coming back late so that you dont get worried.
2 people like this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jun 08
oh he knows i am cool. he knows i trust him so we don't have that problem. i just don't like to wake up in the middle of the night and not see my babies you know what i mean
• Malaysia
19 Jun 08
LOL.. an 18-yr-old baby..
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164222)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Jun 08
34momma I agree with you he should call and let you know what is going on. I always did when I was a teen living at home as it is only common courtesy while you are under your parents roof.If I had a teen or even a twenty year old kid living at home I would still insist on knowing where they were, it is my right to know at all times.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
30 Jun 08
You just show how much you love and care for your son no matter how old he may be.He should be lucky to have a father like you.I know you are worried about him.As parents we always make sure our kids are safe.Everything can happen regardless of age.I just think you are right.Your son should have called you as a respect and not to let you worry.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
1 Jul 08
you are so right about that. i love him very much, he really is a great kid.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
11 Jul 08
I know that and it shows!Thanks for the"BR".Take care!
@magnet (2087)
• United States
19 Jun 08
Shoot girl I would have been up all night mad as hell. I would be furious if my child dare stay out all night and not call.Anyway as long as my children are living me with me grown or not they better abide by my rules or get out and get their own place to live and pay their own bills.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
20 Jun 08
i was not mad, more of disappointed that he would not at least call me. he has never done this before and after we talked, i know he will not do it again
1 person likes this
@magnet (2087)
• United States
25 Jun 08
That's good that you did not get all upset and that things worked out well.
@rsa101 (24833)
• Philippines
18 Jul 08
Well you got a point in there. He still resides in you that is why he needs to let you know of his whereabouts. Well I think in your place 18 is already the age where your son can go on his own. But on my place 18 is still considered a minor and resides still in our care. That is why I think you are right about being mad about it.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jul 08
he is a great kid he really is. and he knows that he made a big fat mistake that night! we are back on track and he is on his way to college
• United States
16 Jul 08
I think you are soo right, just because he is 18 doesn't mean he has the wisdom to take on the responsiblities of the world and be called a grown man. there is alot going on out there. Communication and respect is key. He needs to atleast respect you to call you so that you don't worry about him and driver yourself crazy. Im sure that night you laid awake wondering if he was ok... and of course that morning... he should have called
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jul 08
he knows better, and we talked about so it. he know that we are open and talk about everything. so now we are on the same page now
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
28 Jun 08
Well, I certainly agree with you. At least in the sense that since he is still living with you he has to keep you informed of what he is doing, when he is coming home and if he is not coming then he should tell you. I don't mind that my 18 year old kid does not come home one night for a party but I certainly want to know that in advance if possible or once he/she makes that decision. Then again I expect that from anyone in my house adult or kid. permanent resident or visitor, because I think it's just common courtesy.
@34momma (13891)
• United States
29 Jun 08
you are right because my sister lives with me and she is 26. she too needs to tell me where she is and if she is not coming home. she knows that this is my home and she as well as anyone here has to have the common courtesy to let me know what is going on so when i go to bed i night i don't have to worry about them
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
27 Jun 08
I agree with you. If he wants to party late and not have to worry about coming home, then he needs his own place. If he lives under your roof, he needs to respect the rules you have at home.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
29 Jun 08
he know what the deal is. and i was upset but we talked and got it all settled. he is a great kid and he is getting pass on this one, but not again
@sweetdesign (5151)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I agree with you your home your rules. It is just plain rue to not call home atleast. He should respect you and your rules and abide by them.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
29 Jun 08
he knows house rules, and he knows as my child adult or not i need to know what is going on with him and who ever else that lives in this house
@buldwgz (1483)
• United States
26 Jun 08
He should respect the rules of your house when living their, however, he is 18 and an all night party would be his call, not yours. If he can't respect you politely point him to a job and a place of his own, also known as real life.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
29 Jun 08
he is an adult i know that. he works, is about to go away to college, and is a great young man. but i don't care if he is 88 he still has to let me know where he is and if he is going to be staying out all night.
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
22 Jun 08
I support you 100% and more 34momma. He lives in your house and follows your rules. He could of had the decency to call and tell you where he was so you wouldn't worry. Seriously HOW HARD is that?!? It's not excuse in my book and if he isn't responsible enough to call then he isn't responsible enough to go to parties LOL I would be grounding his butt bigtime.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
23 Jun 08
hey girl, thanks for the support. this is something he has never done before and that is way i was so worried. but we had a good talk and he knows not to do it again
@rmuxagirl (7559)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I do not think you are over reacting at all. I am 25 and I still call and let my parents know if I am not coming home I tell them where I will be staying and with who and generally it's only one of my friend's who lives 10 minutes away.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jun 08
i try not to get into right and wrong when it comes to things with my son. i like for him for all of them for that matter to understand their personal responsibility.
1 person likes this
• Australia
16 Jul 08
He is old enough to make his own decisions, which means he is old enough to fend for himself under his own roof where he can disrespect your rules all he wants, because you aren't there to see it. Under your roof, he needs to understand that there are rules. If you put in place a curfew, then he must stick to it, as should every other member in the house to avoid more arguments. Does he pay rent/board? Being your son, probably not, so then either he should start, or should understand that he doesn't own the house, just exists there. If he were my child, I would be stopping paying for anything for him, like phone credit, petrol, pocket money etc, and tell him that if he wants more freedom and to not be treated like the child he is acting like, then he can get a job and start paying rent or hit the road and see how hard it is to keep ahead with bills etc. Any person who lives under your roof is a 'guest', even if they are your child. They must all respect that you keep the roof over their heads and provide much of everything else while they are there too.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I say that as long as he lives under your roof, he follows your rules. I don't blame you for being upset.
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6543)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Your friend is right he is 18 and should be able to do as he pleases. But however out of respect for you he should have called and let you know he wasnt coming home. There is so much stuff going wrong in the world nowdays. Who knows what could of happen. I know families that always tell each other where they are going for safety sake. He needs to understand that. Even if he moves out and has roommates he needs to do that with his room mates.