confused with ex bf
By fiarby
@fiarby (105)
Philippines
June 20, 2008 5:46am CST
It's over 10yrs when I again met my 1st bf of almost 10yrs, the reason of the break up was because of another girl . He is still single but is in a relationship with a single mom who is overseas, I am a single mom as well. Surely, being together from high school until college (we studied in the same university)until I started to work (I graduated early as he is in a 5yr course)we kind of started what we have ended before. We spend a lot of time together, eat out with his mother, go to his family's place, spend time with my kids, do errands or work related matters together. I now feel sad because we don't see each other anymore and don't communicate as often as we do because his gf is back from working overseas. I don't initiate of texting him or even insisting of seeing him as I respect the presence of his gf. From the time that his gf is back (almost 2 weeks now) he texted me twice to call him in his office, the reason is because he updated me of what has happened to him during the past days. He too texted me good night (we religiously do this when his gf is not here) after 4 days of no communication....what touches me most is, he still includes me with his other plans in life as he still says "ours" "together", this hurts me too because I know his plans of settling down with his gf. I am really sad now and misses him so much, I know that he misses me too because he told me so...i am hurt too because he is still making me a part of his other plans in life when i know that he got plans for his gf as well...i am actually sad, hurt and confused...
2 people like this
14 responses
@camcam0504 (12)
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
i know what you're going through. and you can only approach this two ways: one, if you really love him, then fight for it, and him, anyway he's not married yet, right? all is fair in love and war. two, since he's sort of "cheating" on his gf anyway, what makes you sure he wont do the same with you if you guys get together? leave him and your memories and get out while you still can and you're not in that deep yet.
its up to you. and dont be confused, because deep down, you know what to do, you just say you're confused because you're fighting you're emotions deep down. good luck!
1 person likes this
@jag003 (127)
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
I think you are pretty confused with a lot of things...
I think this happens to a lot of people, even i go through stages like this, where when I see an ex after a long time, I get a strange feeling and sometimes we even misinterpret it to be that we still love our exes when in truth that weird feeling we get is a result of not seeing someone whom you've known so well in a long time...
But, hey, what if you really do love him, take some time to sort out your feelings, he may be single but is he really emotionally available? At least being away from him this time gives you an opportunity to sort those things out.
1 person likes this
@fiarby (105)
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
thanks so much! my colleagues and his family are actually telling me to fight for him. i didn't fight for him when we broke up before and i don't know if i have to fight for him now...i am just leaving it to whatever reason why god let us crossed our paths again...thank you so much, i really need some peoples point of view...
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
21 Jun 08
I think it is best you leave this guy alone. You see it is nice when you are together but as you say he has plans to settle down with his girlfriend. Are you going to keep on being the other woman when he is married. I know that you deserve better than that. I don't believe in starting back a relationship with an whole fame because they are only there for when their main squeeze is not around. I would suggest that you break off with him and give yourself time to heal. After wards if you want you can go back on dating someone new.
Remember you have your kids to think about know and it is not when you was single and unattached. You will find someone who is also as nice but is free to make decision with you in his arms.
All the best.
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
20 Jun 08
If you don't fight for love then what do you fight for? I mean if the first time it ended because you didn't fight for what you love and wanted, Maybe this is a second chance at a love that will grow, maybe not you have to look inside yourself and ask do you love him?
Do you want to be with him?
Can you see a future with him?
Now I ask why is his family encouraging you to fight for him?
Life gives us one chance at things and with that one shot we try and make do the best we can, if we are really lucky we get a second chance maybe this is your second chance.
Sit down tell him how your feel alone!!! Then tell him what you would like to happen! See what happens. If he loves you and wants to be with you he'll then inturn be honest with you. Take care and hopefully all works out in the end.
@fiarby (105)
• Philippines
21 Jun 08
I do think that God will not let us crossed our paths again without a reason...and this really might be our second chance...but you see, i don't want to tell it to him as i want him to see and realize it for himself. thank so much, really taking into consideration what you are telling me here.
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
23 Jun 08
Your welcome and thank you for best response. I understand you want him to see and realize it for himself but I have to be honest here. I know many men ok I get along way better with men than I do other females. I have a couple good female friends one where I live and the others are all on the lot. LOL!!!! But my best friend is one of those guy that even if you hit him with a point blank obvious hint he wouldn't be able to tell the only way he can figure out if someone is interested in him is if you came up to him and were honest enough to tell him. Unfortunately I know most of the men I know they aren't well with subtle hints and would rather be told. I completely understand you want him to realise this and for him to come to you. But if you love him and want to be with him don't wait too long or it may be to late again. I really do hope that this works out for you .. Sorry if it sounded pushy but I was just trying to say what I know about the men in my life. LOL!!!!
Funny story the guy I'm with know had to be told I was hitting on him by a coworker of his that was a girl or else he would have never known. My other half can pick up on hints along with my bestfriend I find that freaking hilarious. LOL!!!
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
21 Jun 08
Well getting involved with a man involved with somebody else will really confuse your life. You have had previous relationship with him but it seemed he cheated on you that led to the break-up. Why then would you care to get involve with him again despite the messy set-up? Get him out of your system if you wanna lead a peaceful life. Just an advice from me... take it or leave it.
@CornishAustin (147)
•
20 Jun 08
I think this is a bit of a sad situation and sorry to hear that you are in this situation. From a male point of view, there is nothing wrong with having other women as just friends; same as a female having other males as friends.
When you're in a relationship however, one must know where their heart is and I think this is the problem that your ex is having. He is struggling to understand where his heart lies, but he must make up his mind and decide who he really wants to be with. When you broke up, I'm assuming he quickly found this other girlfriend. This was a big mistake because he never allowed himself the time to get over any hang ups from previous relationships or to decide what he wants to do in terms of love and, I guess, other areas of his life.
This is totally unfair to you too, because your emotions are being played with. You might want to move on, but you are scared to because you are thinking that your ex could be the best love you've ever had. Or, you might not want to move on and decide to fight for him. What do I say? Go with what you feel, but one this is for your: you can't be upset and have your emotions dragged through the mud for a long period of time. If you love him, then go for it; if you don't love him, then try to move on. But at the end of it all, he needs to decide what he wants so you can both move on either together or separately, preferably before someone gets their heart broken........again.
@fiarby (105)
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
Hi! I do want to fight for him but I have this fear of knowing that he will not choose me...according to him, I am his special best friend, I am thinking that maybe I am really just a special best friend to him, no feelings of love or whatsoever..I know I have to do something...for my peace and happiness...just not sure though to leave him and go on with my life or to let him know my feelings...I am thinking of holding myself of totally being hurt of his rejection if in case he will not choose me...I am at the moment letting things as they are...but its making me sad and confused....thanks for the comment, really apprecaite it.
@CornishAustin (147)
•
20 Jun 08
Which, if this is likely to drag on for months, is probably best if you make the decision for the both of you. It isn't easy, I can imagine. It might be best if you sat down with yourself and thought about everything that's going on, and decide if you think this person is worth all the heartache. You both need to be happy, but at the moment that happiness isn't happening.
@muxicka (215)
• Philippines
21 Jun 08
Is this what they call "vengeance"?? XD
Can i ask you some things like, is it because that you have lack something before that's why he began pursuing company with other girls.
Or he is really that lame that he has never been satisfied with having only one girl as her gf.
Move on!
That's the best thing that you could do.
Even for a guy who had his relation for almost 10 years, I think it's really hard for him to give it up that easily.
Try to accept things the way they are,
Because you can't go on living like that.
@fiarby (105)
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
hi! i, too think that he is confused whenever he is telling me of his plans with his gf...our spiritual adviser even asked him if he is sure of his feelings for his gf...i just leave it all up to him to realize and deal to whatever he has in mind, don't know though if what i'm doing is right. thanks so much!
@julietscreations (205)
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
I can understand how you feel because I have a friend who is also in the same situation. She let go of the guy because she love him so much and she already accepted the fact that she is only no.2. The guy was his ex and is already married when he met him in a bar, drunk and depressed because her wife left him. He accompanied him home and that's how their relationship started. The guy has kids and somehow she managed to offer herself to be a part of that family. After 2 years her wife returned and asked for forgiveness. For kid's sake, they agreed to settle and live together but the guy love my friend that he asked her if they can continue their relationship. The wife somehow knows about it but never interfere because she knows it was her fault. So its some kind of a 3 party relationship where they share one man and it seems that they are okay with it but I know that whenever the guy is spending time with his family especially on special occasions, I can feel the pain in my friend's face but she's enduring it because she really loves the guy.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
20 Jun 08
he is playing you both. As hard as it may be, you really need to move on from him. If he really cares about you as much as you care for him, he will miss you and give up the other girl to be with you. If he doesn't do that then you'll at least know that he did not care all that in which case, you would not want it anyway. You'll just have your heart broken over and over. It could be that he is just really undecided and needs that little shove. He isn't married to this other girl and there is no way that you should tolerate being the 3rd wheel or the other woman. This arrangement is not fair to you or his girlfriend.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Jun 08
fiarby thats just no good, best to say goodby and thanks'f
'for the memories as you are just hurting yourself and hoping
he just may drop the new girl friend. You are fooling yourself
and he is being sadistic as he keeps on with a new girlfriend.
Get yourself out of this and look for a new boyfriend who
'only wants you not a harem. He is playing you for a fool so
do not let him.
@kissie34 (2294)
• Philippines
21 Jun 08
Your story is really difficult.. I don't know on what to say because I am not in your situation.. I know that I don't have right to say this but it just my opinion and I hope you won't get mad at me..
If ever I am in your situation and I cannot stand that kind of life, maybe I would ask him to choose whether who among us will he choose.. I think that is the best thing that I know to stop hurting myself and stop fooling the other girl.. Do you think you can stay like that forever?? Until when will you be as a 2nd gf?? If the guy really loves then he must be honest with the other girl, or the other way around.. You need to prepare yourself because what if that guy is just fooling you... He is just wants you to stay with him so that if his gf will go back abroad then he is sure that there is another girl that he can spend with... A man cannot love 2 girls at the same time.. Unless he has two heart..
But of course, it is up to you... You are still the one who will decide what is best for you and for your heart.. If you really love him then go for it for as long your not fooling yourself.. Honestly speaking, I hate those girls who are martyr.. Just because of love, you are forgetting what is right or wrong... Don't follow your heart always because sometimes heart don't do good.. You need to use your brain sometimes because I think it can help us decide the best thing in our life..
@baleleng2008 (917)
• United States
23 Jun 08
hmmmmm....Ive been there bfore fiarby and you know what?I make up my mind and let him go bcoz I don't want a husband to be someday who is cheater already from the very start!!!NO,no,no!!I don't wanna waste my time with that kind of guy.He just using both of you girls and believe me...once a cheater...always a cheater!!
@khyz_velasco (34)
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
i also have my x bf who wants me back, but sad to say i have my own life ryt now, i have moved on, b4 i tot he was the only man for me but then i realize that there are more a lot out there.
