14 year old

United States
June 23, 2008 4:33pm CST
Hi I have a 14 year old daughter that I have been trying to explain to her about guys and life in general. SHe has this boy that likes her but I don't allow her to date. And they have talked to each other on the phone and on myspace. I found out that he had another girl he liked or was dating. and that he was being mean to her on the phone and cursing her . So I told her that she couldn't talk to him anymore .But then he kept calling her back. And finally I had to tell him myself on the phone that he could not call her anymore. She seems to think that this kind of behavior is ok on his part because all she can see is the sweet side of him. But I tried to tell her that he is not good for her and that she did not need to start out dating guys that is controling or mean to her .I am afraid that one day she may run away if I control to much over who she likes and don't. Does anyone have any helpful advice.
2 people like this
7 responses
@miamilady (4916)
• United States
23 Jun 08
I have a fifteen year old girl. I feel for ya! How was this boy being mean to her? I know my daughter is pretty headstrong and I have to choose my battles with her. I can't say no to everything so I try to find a middle ground with her. She had her first boyfriend at 13. It was bascially an in school and talking on the phone relationship. She's had a few boyfriend but hasn't been out on "a date" yet. It is tough to figure out where to draw the line with these kids. I'm a strong believer that i fyou are TOO strict, they will just pull away and into even more trouble. I've seen it happen. But you don't want to be too lenient either, because even if you let the do anything, I think it's a teenagers nature to still want to to MORE. I think it's human nature for them to test their boundaries. I guess for me, the best thing is to set the rules a notch or two below what you want for them, that way when the rebel, they are about even with your comfort level. Make sense? Of course, I'm not expert, just another mom of a teenage girl and I question myself daily on if I'm doing the right thing. Not sure if this helps any, but at least you know you aren't alone in sometimes being unsure about what to do.
1 person likes this
• China
24 Jun 08
You are not a expert,but your advice is professional ,i think. you are a wise mother,and did the same thing as my mother did when I was a teenage.now I have grown up , healty and happy, which is own to my mother.I appriciate my great thanks for him ,and wish your girl grow happily.
• India
24 Jun 08
Its a very good thing to have a friendly chat with your children. You have to have a good chat with your children for every successive periods of time and it is a must to maintain them in good behavior. It also develops good respect for them towards you and you can understand each other very good. This is a very good habit to have by the parents and the Children.
• United States
24 Jun 08
I have a thirteen year old neice. Sometimes we have to make the call to help our children. She should not have to take this verbbbbbbbal abuse from this boy. By doing so, it can affect her self esteem. Years later she may begin to feel this behavior is okay when she looks for a husband. You did the right thing by telling this boy not to call. She may not understand why you did this now, but in time she will, and will thank you for it.
@luvinu617 (185)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Well, I would have to say that at 14 she is old enough to start dating. Also, you have to let her make her own choices and decisions and not just try to protect her against everything... I'm not so much afraid of her running away as I am sneaking out and going behind your back to do things. That is what most kids do. Most parents have no idea of all the stuff their kids do and get away with. I really think that you saying that she can't talk to this boy, and trying to make her stay away from him only makes it worse on you. She is at the age when they rebel against everything mom and dad say. So, I wouldn't be surprised if she has already been sneaking behind your back to talk to this boy. The best advice I have is to let her see boys, if she really likes this boy tell her he can come to the house and watch a movie with her. That way she is at home, in the living room, under direct supervision. You know she is safe and nothing is going to happen, and she's happy because she's in a way getting more responsibility and freedom. It'll work out good on both sides. Plus, she's more likely to see this guy for who he really is if she's actually given a chance to do so. You can't protect her from everything, and trying is just going to drive you crazy.
• India
24 Jun 08
Be Carefull,As you are afraid days are not good now.And the generation is running in different ways as thee half matured mind and non matured also.And they donot get elders words and the words look like lecture or boring,once they come through some untowards incedent then they will realise,but by that time for a girl everything will be over.I have two neice,one is of 16 another of 19 and my cousin,is afraid and pushes the responsiblity on me.The thing is a you said if we give strict instructions then we are afraid they may runaway or take some serious actions.Because this is the age they donot know about themselves,they float in enjoyment.Be causcious and keep an eye round the clock,but do not force anything,tell polietly or sofly.
@mommy7 (84)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Well, as a mother of teenagers, I know from experience that all you can do is try to guide your daughter in the right direction. She is at the age where she isn't going to listen to what you have to say because as parents, we are old, lame, and don't know anything to a teenager. I went through the same thing when I was about 15. Met this boy in school, and i was so called in love with him. My mother tried to warn me about him, but i had to bump my head a few times and learn for myself. As far as you being too controlling...that's a tough one because you don't want to keep them in bubble( well might.lol), and don't you want to let them run wild. You just have to use your own best judgement. Give her enough space so that she feels like she has some freedom, but as soon as you see things getting out of hand, pull the reigns on her. Oh, and if you told that boy that he cannot call your house anymore, stick to it. That's your house and your rules. You are the parent, not your daughter. If she doesn't like it, too bad. Parent first, friend later. She'll get over it. I hope this helps you some. I think as parents we all need help and advice. I know I sure do.
@kerriannc (4280)
• Jamaica
23 Jun 08
She is at the stage which is the rebellious stage. What I can tell you is that you can buy/rent movies that has the attitude of this guy. Watch them with her and try to answer her the best of your knowledge. Sometimes parents try to protect their children and then it will seems as if they are being negative but always try and give her space. Remember at this stage you are the enemy and everything you do will be unforgiven. It is your daughter and you love her try and let her understand this. All the best.