Your Thoughtful Input Please
By Amber
@AmbiePam (85687)
United States
June 24, 2008 8:54am CST
Hi guys. I just wanted a little input today on a rather serious subject. I don't know how many of you are aware that my father is a pastor. Yesterday he got a call from a distant relative from my mom's side of the family, and they wanted him to come up to a hospital that is near my dad's home. This relative has a 15 year old daughter who had just given birth a premature baby that was an ounce. The little one wasn't expected to live, and he wanted my dad to come up there and be with them (this relative we had not seen in 15 years, he and his family don't come around and shun most family). So my dad went up there and stayed with them for 6 hours, before and after the baby died. He has seen a lot of things in his life from being a pastor, but he said he had not been this affected like this in quite a while. The nurse suggested the family take pictures of them with the baby after the baby died (apparently this is common). My dad said the baby went from looking lifeless to like a skeleton within the space of 30 minutes after the death.
That same day, that morning, he went to pick up an elderly man he had befriended a few years ago. He needed to go to the doctor, and my dad offered to take him. It had only been two weeks since my father had seen the man, but he said the man had gotten so much worse in just that amount of time. It took him 15 minutes to walk from his porch to the car (he refused to let my dad help him walk). My dad then put together the older man's scooter when they arrived at the doctor. This man was 85, eaten up with cancer, and was still smoking. And in so much pain.
My dad looked at me this morning with anguish in his eyes as he talked about this. He said he was surprised it still got to him like this, when he had seen so much over the years.
And I wonder about how others do it. Doctors who have to distance themselves, people who work in nursing homes, all of them. How would you handle it? Are you facing these things now? Could you if you had to?
10 people like this
17 responses
@mamacathie (3928)
• United States
24 Jun 08
Oh bless your dad's heart! I think we all have to keep the soft hearts to a point in order to be able to help these hurting because if we get too tough skinned then we are not able to hurt with these people. Within a period of four years , I lost my daddy, mama, father-in-law, neice's son (great nephew stillborn) and my niece. I have had so many trials and challenges in my life but I have asked God to allow me to help others in the same situations. He has used me so many times because I know how the people are feeling because I have been there. Other have the "want to" to help but unless you've been there you can't really know how they are hurting. I don't think we need to get "immune" to these hurts, we have to be used to help others. Well, this didn't quite fit your discussion but it is what God laid on my heart to type. Oh and yes, when my niece's baby was still born, they let the family hold him and take pictures, it was so terrible and still is so hard for me to look at the pictures but I would have wanted to have held mine too. God bless you and I will whisper a prayer for your dad.
2 people like this
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
24 Jun 08
I guess we do what we have to do. As a mental health counselor I had much difficulty distancing myself from my clients and their problems. I have mixed emotions about professional distancing--I don't see how a person can distance and be empathetic, yet, emotional involvement means burn-out big time! I did find out that when I am in my "savior of the world" mode, I have a lot more trouble handling things. I want to try and fix everything and everyone. I have to remember I am not God and that is not my job! When I remember that I am here to serve however I can, listen whenever I can and love all the time, I get along much better.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5016)
• United States
28 Jun 08
It takes a special kind of person to do those sort of things. That's for sure. So much is asked of pastors and they so rarely get the appreciation that they deserve. I did work at a nursing home several years ago. You do kind of have to not let yourself think too much about it. Right now I guess the most depressing thing I am facing is my mother's decline in health. She is getting more and more confused lately and it is painful to see her that way.
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
24 Jun 08
A ONE ounce baby are you sure. It would not be fully formed.....The worlds smallest baby was TEN ounces.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-484264/The-worlds-tiniest-baby--meet-10oz-bundle-defiance.html
1 person likes this
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
11 Jul 08
That is truly sad, both set of circumstances. I hope the mother is able to grieve, accept and keep moving on with her life. Obviously, it is going to take a while for her, but everything happens for a reason. Still sad though.
As for the 85 year old man. He's at the end of his life and passing on would more than likely be a release for him.
Dealing with this sort of thing on a daily basis must be hard on the people who work in the industry of health care and aged care. I'm going to become a crime investigator and I know that it is going to be sad work too, but someone has to do it and I know that I will do it right.
1 person likes this
@jer31558 (3683)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I have had to opportunities to work in certain areas but decided to find other avenues of employment. The areas that I am talking about are firefighters and EMT's. I just don't think that I could deal with going into a building and finding a child badly burned or go to a home where a child has been so badly beaten it needed medical attention. My wife worked in a nursing home for years, and that is something else that I could not do. I commend all of those special people that are able to work in such fields...but I am not one of them.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Jun 08
No matter how many times you see it and what you see it will always affect you as you see the suffering, pain, hurt I would be like your Dad it would affect me every time as I feel for the People even when I see things on TV I can put myself in the Person and just imagine how I would feel if it was me
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
26 Jun 08
I'm so sorry that your dad is feeling things so emensely. Pray for him that he regain his strength and resolve. That he have the wisdom and conviction of his duties.
I feel for him so much. I have had to watch my dad dying from cancer and suffering so badly. Also my mother-in-law that suffered very badly.
It's hard to watch loved ones in a bad way and it's also hard to watch a stranger go through a bad time or being in pain. We can only pray for the strength to hang on and do what we need to do.
Many blessings to your father and you, and your family. My condolences for the loss of the baby. God has his own reasons for doing what he does.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
24 Jun 08
I could not.....my sister is was an emergency nurse at a county hospital in the cities....for 30 years....she saw everything you can imagine. It doesn't seem to affect her. But I couldn't do it. I did work in a nursing home for just a few months but I didn't know how to distance myself from the patients. I fell in love with all of them and worried constantly about them when I wasn't working. I don't know how others do it.
1 person likes this
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
25 Jun 08
Doctors cannot allow themselves to feel the pain of their patients or they would be useless to the patient. It is one thing to be emotionally involved and attached to a patient; it is completely another thing to see the sickness and ailment and treat it. My brother who is a doctor had several occasions when he had to use whatever means to take his mind from a painful operation in order to save patients. He once had to perform a caesarian section without any anesthesia or the mother and the baby would die. Both survived the ordeal. Feelings are a luxury a doctor cannot afford to have in medical situations.
@twallace (2675)
• United States
24 Jun 08
This is really hard to speak on cause there are things that you just can not change no matter what you do. You can be the most healthy person in the world and die tomorrow. With out reason or warning. There are things that you see and hear that will send you in to shock or rage. That is a part of life. When people are ill that is when you can see what is going on with them. Some just have to keep going. Just like the old man, he didn't want help to walk. He had to do it on his own, keep going until the end. I have lost family and still have not really gotten over it. I have learned to deal but still the feelings are there just stuck in the back of my mind. I guess life shows you things to be prepared for no matter what. Have a good one.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
24 Jun 08
Hi AmbiePam, Both these situations must be difficult for your father to deal with and just because he has been dealing with stuff like this over many years each situation is new and just as upseting. It is for this reason that I could never work in the care industry in anyway. I would be constantly grieving in one way or another over someone or a situation. It is not that I am not compassionate but I am too emotional to be able to deal with on a day to day basis. My ex-sister-in-law was a nurse and came home late one day and just said sorry I am late I had one day on me as I was about to leave. I asked how how she could be so cold about it and she explained that if she didn't switch off and detach it would have wrecked her emotionally and her career. Tough though she was it did still get to her if it was a patient she had got close to. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
25 Jun 08
My younger niece works on the Oncology floor at her hospital and one day she overheard one of the doctors having to tell someone they were going to die.. She listened as he was trying to tell them and when he finished, he told them "I will see you again one day on the Other Side".. this was among the other things that he had said to them in terms of advice, options and doctors care.. But these few words made me think that the doctor had been having to resign himself to giving bad news to so many patients that this was the only sane way that he could handle it for himself.. He was offering hope that they would be going to a better place and he would would day be seeing them again, not as their doctor but as a friend.. I don't believe that I could work with dying people, elderly people or babies that were sick without going insane myself.. It has to be a hard job for your dad and I am sure that you are so very proud of him.. God Bless him and all others going through tough times such as this..
1 person likes this
@ShealM (388)
• Canada
25 Jun 08
Your father is a compassionate person. You take after him as well. My heart goes out to the mama who lost her baby (I've had two preemie babies myself). I don't think I could handle loosing a child but I've never been in that situation so I can't really say if I could or not.
1 person likes this
@Yestheypayme2dothis (7874)
• United States
24 Jun 08
I try to do what I think it right. However, I am not the strongest person emotionally. I am very sensitive. I really feel for others.
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
24 Jun 08
I'm fortunate enough not to be in a profession where I have to witness things like that. I don't think I could. But frankly, I'm glad it still touches your father after handling things like that for so many years. He seems to be a very caring person. I'm sure he is very good at his job.
I think most doctors still care, too. There is the select few who are unaffected but they seem by nature to be uncaring and just money oriented, too. People in these professions just have an ability to look on the bright side of life and to focus on the good things, how much help and comfort they provided to those who passed on and to those who are still alive and fighting. That helps them to keep going.
1 person likes this
@WATARIKENJI (1534)
• Philippines
24 Jun 08
Each individual has his/ her own way of dealing with pain, pity and losses. It is up to us to control it whatever the situation calls for.
Others have duty to accomplish when face to face with this situation so the most important thing they could do is to be composed so that they could perform their job well.
