My last fifteen dollars went to...

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Thank God for Mylot, I am in a depression that is unbelievable! I told my best friend that I couldn't keep loaning her money and showed her my budget for the next month. It didn't sink in... I had bought some things that I wanted and needed last week...I had gotten paid for some casual work I did for the elections board and decided to purchase some tools I needed for the house and to get a couple of dog leashes. I also had a yard sale last Saturday with this same friend. I made about $150 and ended up leaving fifty of it with her. I had packed up the car and had stuff in the passenger seat when the friend looked at me (she watched me load all the stuff into the passenger's seat) and asked if I was taking her to the store...she doesn't drive. So, in a 110 degree heat I got to move all the stuff to the back seat so there would be room for her 350 pound person. (I had bought donuts that morning since I hadn't had time for breakfast. She ate both of the donuts I bought for me!) Anyhow, I took her to the store.. and paid to get her husband's medication out of the pharmacy (his co pay was $7.10. She got her groceries and had $23 left over, which she claimed would last her the rest of the month. (Yeah, right) I went in yesterday to take them to his doctor's appointment. They don't own a car, so they depend on others to take them where they need to go. The appointment is almost 100 miles away from my home...and we had to leave at 7:45 to be at the 9:30 appointment on time. After the appointment she wanted to go to a particular store, so I took her. She blew $8 of the $23 she had left getting "presents" to send to a relative in S.C. Then I took them to see her cousin. On the way there she wanted to stop at the store, where she spent $15 on bread, cheese and cookies for lunch for them all. That left her $2 for milk and what ever else they needed in food. I had the feeling that they would be needing food, so I took all the stuff I had bought the week before so I could return it where I bought it. I got the money back from the stuff and bought fuel (I had been driving them back and forth to doctor's appointments, blood tests etc for the past 6 weeks. My fuel bill is close to $250 which is over 25% of my income!!!!). The next thing I knew I was "loaning" her the money for her purchases at the thrift store and for groceries. I loaned her my last $15 for her to get food. She bought things that I couldn't even dream of getting...special deli sliced ham (Hormel at $2.50 a container. It would last them one meal) and then she bought specially sliced bacon from the butcher shop in the grocery store. I was going to get a box of my favorite tea, but when I realized that the original $10 I loaned her wouldn't go far, I caught up with her and gave her the five that I had kept for myself. This isn't the first time that I returned something so that they could have money for food. I had bought myself a beautiful bracelet that I had fallen in love with and saved my change so that I could get it. I lucked out and the bracelet had gone on sale...I was so thrilled with the bracelet until I got the call from my friend and she was telling me that they didn't have any food and her husband didn't have any work in sight...so I raided my vacation money and returned the bracelet so that I could turn $50 over to them so that they could eat. My daughter was livid that I returned the bracelet... I am EXTREMELY depressed today. I woke up thinking about yesterday and all the junk she bought that she didn't need and that it would soon end up in the trash. Then my mind went to the turkey that I had given her that she threw out because it smelled "dead" (how else is a turkey supposed to smell????? If it smelled live, you would have a turkey that has feathers and pooping everywhere!!!) I spent $15 on the turkey, it was frozen and was placed in my freezer frozen and remained frozen until I took it to her. It was frozen when it went into her house and was frozen until it thawed out...I was very upset because I had cut myself short to give her the turkey. The woman is buying food that I can only dream of...I tried to get through to her that when I buy stuff I always ask myself if it is a want or a need. If it is a want I wait to see if the next time I go to the store if I still want the item. Usually it ends up that I don't really want the thing that it is an impulse. When I made the drive home (I live 40 miles from her house, so to take her and her husband to the store it costs me $10 just for that round trip)I was so full of pain that I put on my favorite horror movie sound track and screamed the anger out for the entire 40 miles. I am hoarse today and all the screaming didn't do any good. I just hurt so badly because of the fact that this woman just keeps taking and taking and taking and doesn't realize that I have needs and wants too. I hate saying no because part of the healing process for her husband is that he needs proper nutrition. (A good example is that we stopped to get a couple of donuts, I hadn't eaten breakfast yesterday morning-for some strange reason I didn't have milk or the money to buy milk- I bought two donuts, a crossont, and a scone. I still have the scone and crossont. My friend bought three donuts. Two for her and one for her husband. I about died!! I got my donut out and it took me about 10 minutes to eat it. She devoured two donuts in less than three minutes!!!)Anyhow, after he had the valve replacement surgery he really needs to have proper food so that he can heal...so I don't feel right denying money for food- only she blows a bunch of it on sweets, sodas etc. I look at my situation and I get more and more depressed! I finally bought myself some clothes- I needed shorts and summer weight shirts. I got them at the thrift shop, 5 pairs of shorts and 9 shirts to the tune of $20! I can't afford to buy new clothes since I am supporting two families on my disability income. Thank you for taking the time to read this rant...I really needed to get some more of this off my chest. I am trying to get my rent paid, I have a car payment and am having to pay off the kid's electric bill that they ran up in my home while I was gone...I am on such a tight budget (Oh, and then this friend bought a bunch of stuff on my EBay account!!)that it isn't funny. Then if I spend money on stuff that I absolutely need I feel guilty and as in the case of the stuff I bought last week, I returned it because I knew this friend would need money. As she said when she got in the car after buying all the stuff that she took to her cousin's house "God will provide". She didn't bring any of the food stuff home from her cousin's house-of course not, she is rich!!! She's got an idiot friend that will give up her life and stuff to make sure that she has plenty of food and junk to keep her happy. At this point I am trying to keep my spirits up and get out of this depression I am in...it's been a long time since I have been this depressed...I am wondering why I keep going.... Thank you again for taking time to read my rant. It did me some good to get this poison out of my system. I am about to turn the ringer off on my answering machine so that I don't get the usual call from this friend. (I always thought that friendship was giving and taking on both sides!) I need to get myself together enough to finish the projects I have in the works for the county fair. I need to turn them in on Saturday and I am of a mind to toss it and say screw it all- I don't care anymore!!!