How would you deal with this?

@jaded22 (828)
Philippines
June 26, 2008 11:59pm CST
My parents tend to be irrational at times. They tend to treat me like I am a 5year old. Oh, I'm 20 years old btw. 1. They are worried like hell when I don't bit the curfew they've set. Paranoia much. 2. They won't allow me to have a boyfriend even though I've already graduated. They told me I should get a job first. Its as if they want me to stay single for life. 3. They are so kill joy. They always set a curfew when I'm hanging out with my friends and that I can't enjoy. Grr. Just some scenarios on how the irrationality of my parents strike. I've talked to them about it but it seems like it runs in the blood. Sometimes they have a change of heart about it and they are more lenient. So we're good. However, most of the time, I find myself hating them for the same reasons.
7 people like this
29 responses
• United States
27 Jun 08
Well, you are twenty years old and living under their roof. If you don't like the rules you should get a job and move out. It's not at all irrational for a loving parent to want to know that their child is safe. Nor is it irrational for them to want you to be home at a certain time so they can get some sleep. You can hate them all you want, but they are showing their love for you.
2 people like this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
My dear you will get to understand your parents when you become a parent yourself. Now, you will probably not appreciate nor understand why they seem to be over protective coz only a parent would understand and I don't blame you because you are not yet one. More than any one else it is your parents who love and care for you the most and they want only the best for you. Stop hating them but rather appreciate them.. if they will not mind you then they do not love you. I hate to contradict your views but being a parent myself I know what why your parents are like that.
@jaded22 (828)
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
hey everybody, thank you for all of your responses. ;) i really appreciate it. :P
@metschica25 (5405)
• United States
27 Jun 08
Hey , sometimes my parents used to be a pain , and they still are . It is on because they care and worry it is only natural . My father used to say Laura you earn our respect and same thing in life . I think if you just work with your parents they will ease up on you Things will work out never worry . It sometimes is hard to watch a child grow up ,but they will get used to it . I think ir is all in how you handle yourself around them , and they will learn to see that you are doing fine on your own . I have a friend who is in late 20's and her parents show no respect to her and she is never able to go out in about if it is not okay with them . Never worry
1 person likes this
• India
27 Jun 08
I can understand jaded22,its not ur fault that u r upset.parents are like this,i think u will also behae like this when u will be of mother.its their love which insist them to behave like this.u shud be happy that u have such a caring parents.think of those children who beg at street,their father push them to go outside and do that.always compare from worst,u may feel some gud gud....
1 person likes this
@lightningd (1041)
• United States
27 Jun 08
well jaded, I can understand your problem because I have been on both sides of that. Apparently you still live at home with your folks. This is their home, and thus by continuing to live in their home, you should abide by their rules. Now, that said, I do believe that you are an adult and the curfew thing is a bit rediculous. However, you mention that they say you should get a job. OK,, I take that to mean that you are living with them and living off them with no responsibilities such as bills to pay. My oldest son is 19. He comes and goes as he pleases, he does however have the courtesy to call and let me know when he will be in. He also works for me training horses since he is home for the summer from college so he has a job, and earns his own money. (I train horses and actually had extra ones brought in for him to ride over the summer.) I lived with my grandparents briefly when I got out of the military and I abided by their rules. They asked that I be in by one am or call early enough to let them know I would be later. It's called common courtesy. I will say though taht it appears that you are living off them scott free and want to be treated like an adult when you haven't done anything to deserve it.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
27 Jun 08
Hi jade, Though you are 20 years old, that doesn't mean you are able to fly like a bird. your parents setting up curfew is because you are new to the society, in this current society, there are more bad than good people so therefore, in order to adapt to the lifestyle of this society, of course, surely have to find a job first, gain some social experience then you can find true interest and the real you. As for relationship, do you believe in fate? I believe in fate. Therefore, I leave to fate to come by. Some things cannot be forced or hurried, it is about the timing. When the time comes, you will enjoy the sweetness of your hard work. All parents worry about their children, ask yourself this question: "if you are a parent and you child doesn't comes home after 12 midnight, will you be worried?"
1 person likes this
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
27 Jun 08
Well first of all your are of legal age to do as you want however it is their house and unless your paying rent and expense's they can pretty much set rules for their home. If you don't like the rules then move out on your own and get your own place. One of my sons had some of the same issues a few years back. When he was 20 and e told him fine there is the door. He packed his car and moved out. 3 months later. Broke, no car, out of work and literally eating out of dumpsters mom and dad's rules and home looked good. He came home for two more years and then moved out when he got married.
@raclie (1732)
• Singapore
27 Jun 08
well.. i think you are being a bit childish... if you are going to be late, fine! just call them first... they want to see how youdeal with your life, so they want to have a job first they care for you, so they set up a curfew... will you rather have them set up a curfew and not bother you when you are with your friends, or not have a curfew but calling you every 10 minutes asking what time are you coming home or just checking on you? think about it.
1 person likes this
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
First off, I think your parents are not being irrational. You will only realize this when you become a parent yourself. Now don't think I'm being a kill joy now. :) I used to have the same sentiments when I was younger. But now that I am a parent myself, I came to realize how much parents worry about their children. It's even greater than life itself! I don't think parents stop worrying when their children reach a certain age. It's a lifetime thing, and it's normal. Please know that they only have your best interest at heart, and though sometimes they go over the top, try to understand where they are coming from, no matter how hard it is. It's worth the try. Lastly, maybe they will ease up a little if you gain their full trust and when they already see you as someone responsible and mature. Don't hate them just because they care a little bit too much. I hope it works out well with you and your parents. Goodluck! :)
• United States
27 Jun 08
You are so right, I have two daughters, ages 19 and 26 and I still worry about them, even though they are out on their own, and I always will worry about them.....I'm a mom! lol
@ayessa (1584)
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
If I were your parents I will also do what they do to you. THere's nothing wrong on the rules of your parents. They maybe irrational for you but what they do is just for your own good. No parents would want thier kids to turn out miserable that's why they care a lot for us. Now if you think what they set was wrong then tell me what is right? I am a parent oo and still a daugther to my parents if you think being parents is that easy then you are wrong. Parenting is a lifetime commitment. Even if you grow 100yrs old your parents will still care for you and they will still want you to be good.
@jaded22 (828)
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
thank you ayessa. ;) appreciate your response. :D
@chej18 (915)
• United States
27 Jun 08
Hi jade, Parents can be so strict sometimes i have the same when i was stdying and live in thier house.I alway being mad about it that they cannot trust me w/ one thing.I dont really understand it.WHy they are so protective.Most of us young we want to enjoy life and find more experience in life.But you have to think that they only do thing like that for your own best.And you gonna said what is best for you?Isn't finding experience is the best?That's what i am always told my mother.But then years go by and along the way i did a lot of mistake in life and learned something for it.And then i understand them.And what they mean.My parents want me to have dicipline,and be alright they are afraid that there is something going to happen w/ me.I know most parents are killjoy but they are just protecting you from possible can harm you in this world.When you got mature a little bit and having family w/ your own.Have kid then you will said Ohh thats what my parents means.And then you gonna do the same to your kid be worry to them, protect them from harm and then your kid will find you also killjoy...They do things what they do now becouse of onething for sure They LOVE you.I hope these thing can clear you a little bit to understand your parent..Goodluck Have a nice day... Greetings from Che!
@jaded22 (828)
• Philippines
27 Jun 08
thanks! appreciate it! :D
@monaliu (344)
28 Jun 08
you are a cute girl.Listen more of your parents always is not a bad thing. try to find a job at first,then try to find a good guy! good luck!
• United States
28 Jun 08
It seems to me that your parents love you very much. Of course they are going to worry while you're out, even when you're 40. I've been through this when I was younger, and felt somewhat like you did then. Don't hate your parents, please, you probably won't realize it for a few years now, but they know what they are talking about, remember they've already been there and done that. You will eventually understand why they are trying to protet you now. Especially when you have children of your own. Just try to tolerate it, and know they are only doing it because they love you, don't hate them for caring.
@bevvy22 (279)
• United States
28 Jun 08
Well jaded22 (good number by the way), I wish I could be more sympathetic but I have a 17 year old daughter and I'm kind of going through the same crap. But yes, it seems as though they are a little too strict. I grew up as a minister's daughter and I know what you are going through. The only thing that came out of the "living in a fish bowl" life and VERY strict parents, is someone who rebelled big time. However, I never forgot the good morals and values they taught me, and I turned out just fine. Hang in there and probably start looking for your own place with a girl roommate. Good luck!
• United States
27 Jun 08
Honestly from my stand point, I think its good the gave you a curfew, but i can see how it would bother you. have you thought about moving out? But at least your parents care enough to make sure your safe. my parent werent around when i was growning up and im only 21 and been homeless plenty of times, so to me a curfew isnt that bad.
@checapricorn (16049)
• United States
27 Jun 08
Hi there jaded, due to a lot of crimes happening everywhere, that for sure is one of the reasons why they are very protective..They want to rest good at night so setting up a curfew might be the best way for them and staying with them will always gives them the right to implement their rules...At least, they are giving you time to hang out with friends right? There is just limitations...and for sure, when they will see that you are matured enough, I know they will trust you, this time maybe they are still thinking you're the baby they use to have...ANyway about having boyfriend, if you didn't find yet the one, that's good then and I am sure after College, you will be ready and no more destruction..LOL!
• United States
27 Jun 08
Put yourself into your parents shoes and walk a mile. They raised you, they protected you and it sounds as if you are still living in their home. It is difficult for a parent to step back and remember that their child has outgrown the need for them to be permanent watch dogs. That being said, you probably will not like the next part of my reply. If you are living under their roof, then you should respect their rules. If you have a curfew, it may be because Dad and Mom want to make sure the house is locked up tight and you are safely at home. They obviously worry about your well-being. If you are 20 years old and do not have a job, that means that you have not accepted responsibility for your own adulthood. As such, how can you expect to make decisions regarding your need for a relationship? Your parents are watching out for your well-being, and I applaud them for continuing to take care of you, even though you are well past the age of needing to be taken care of. Some helpful advice? Take your parents advice and work towards change. Find a job, even if only a part time job while you go to college. Show your parents that you have matured to the point of being able to handle your own life and responsibility, and I am sure you will see their attitudes change as well.
@Hatley (164168)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Jun 08
jaded did it not occur to you that they love you and that 'is why they set a curfew or that they want you to get' a job or stop your fun. for one thing if you are living at home you should sort of abide by the house rules.I do not' think it irrational for your parents to care about what 'you do, as if they did not they would not be very loving parents. if you hate them so much then get yourself a job 'and an apartment and live on your own. You cannot set the rules for your parents, they are your parents.you need to respect them as your parents.dont hate someone because they love you and want to protect you,you are still to them their little girl.prove to them you are an adult now and get a job and your 'own first apartment., a lot of twenty year old girls do that 'now days.
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
27 Jun 08
Any time a child (no matter the age) lives at home, he/she should be required to live under the house rules. You're old enough to be working and saving money so that you can move out on your own one day. Your parents may seem harsh to you, but you'll understand once/if you have children of your own.
• United States
27 Jun 08
I think if you are living in their home then you should abide by the rules they have set. If you don't like the rules move out. You are old enough to be on your own. We as parents worry about our children and if you are still living with them it don't matter how old you get they will still worry when you are late coming in.