please help me save my relationship
By leello
@leello (1)
June 28, 2008 9:41am CST
what do i do if im being accused of mental abuse and that i am a control freak and am stopping my partner having money, a job and a place to stay. i am not mentally abusing my partner i don't think its all in his head i do love him and would never take all his money and stop him getting a job or id that he needs to get a job, i have been accused of having affairs, lying,hiding things from him, choosing friends over him and using him for money, all of these things are not true i would love for him to get a job NOT for the money but for him to be able to get out of the house and meet new people and have new things to talk about with me,because at the moment he is sat in the house most of the time on the computer staring at the same four walls all day long which is not good for anyone to be doing. i will admit i find it very hard to talk about my feelings with him but its not just him i find it hard to talk to anyone about my feelings. We have been together near enough 9 years and this relationship is the longest i've ever been in and we have 3 children together and we both love our children dearly and all i want is for us both to seek help for us both not just him and try to right the wrongs in our relationship because i love him with all my heart and don't want to lose him.
2 responses
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
7 Jul 08
hi leello,
coming from an abusive relationship myself, i would say dont ignore what he is telling you, those are his feelings and if you love him then they would matter to you. also obviously there is something that is going on that maybe you cant see , noone is going to accuse you of doing certain things (not saying that you are) if there isnt something going on. sometimes it could be your the smallest little things that you do or dont do that could cause someone to think you are having an affair. the one thing i always told my boyfriend when ever he denied anything he's done was the person that is doing the abuse whether it is mental, physical or verbal never sees it unless it is put in your face. one day i actually recorded my boyfriend talking to me on my cellphone and then when he was done i let him hear it for himself and he couldnt believe that that was him saying what he was sayign to me and from that point on he watched everything that he said to me. but anywayz i can tell you love him and he loves you its just a matter of you taking his feelings into consideration and be willing to make a change.i hope you guys figure it out you have been together too long and have invested too much into it to just end it without trying. me and boyfriend have been together 8 years and have 2 kids.
@latriciajones (846)
• United States
7 Jul 08
oh, one more thing the first most important thing in a relationship is communication . you have to listen to each other and talk to each other.
@sparkster (181)
•
16 Jul 08
Hey, I actually recorded a conversation or two on my cell phone between us too to prove my case. I also bugged the house and set up hidden cameras and I now have evidence that my (ex)partner was in fact cheating on me and has been for years. I have done a lot of studying and talking to psychologists and psychiatrists and the fact is that she is NPD, I don't blame her for this and I am doing my best to understand it. However, certain people in her family have known this for a long time (if not all of them) and have helped her to pull the wool over my eyes so she can keep cheating. She is also a pathological liar but like I said, I don't blame her - I'm just trying to understand it. I wish that they had been honest with me in the start so that i could have taken it on board and worked with her on it.
@sparkster (181)
•
16 Jul 08
Forgot to mention: the guy she's been sleeping with thought he could undermine my intelligence by saying to her nephew in front of me "I'm sleeping with her right under his nose, she's a narcissist aint she, he'll never figure it out, she'l just stick some sh*t in his coffee" Her nephew and the man concerned were texting each other so that they could get away with sleeping together.
@sparkster (181)
•
29 Jun 08
haha, she's been registered for months, she only made the post because she has become so worn down that she needs advice. When she first saw my reply she sat there screaming at me that I'm a screwed up mental twisted little c**t and saying that I was convincing myself that it was happening and at the same time denying that she was mentally abusing me - despite what she had screamed at me. She now realizes this.
We have, at last, been speaking for hours and she HAS acknowledged and admitted that I have no problem mentally and that she WAS mentally abusing me as I pointed out to her - in her first post she said it was NOT my fault and it was NOT in my head yet still resorted to calling me a twisted c**nt, which of course IS mental abuse. When she first read my reply she also tried to say that I had filled the psychiatrists head up with lies about her!
