why is tell your spouse i'm not in love with you.........

United States
June 28, 2008 7:36pm CST
why is tell your spouse I'm not in love with you anymore so hard to do? I know it's never easy to tell someone that no matter who the person is, but after many years of marriage, all the fights and arguments you've both gone threw and not feeling like you should loved you want to tell your spouse your no longer in love with him or attracted to him but you do love him? You do have children together and stay because of them and only them.. Your feel separated in your marriage and you just don't know what to do or how to feel... What would you do if you were in this situation?
10 responses
• United States
29 Jun 08
I would not want to be unhappy. I would straight out tell him. There is no nice way to break that. It is not good for you or your kids to live in all that arguing. To much stress. I tried to stay with my hubby for my kids and I just couldn't do it. I think kids are happiest if their parents are.
• United States
29 Jun 08
I have to say I do agree with you when you say the kids are happier when both parents are happy.. But are they really when really thinking about it kids need both parents in there lives meaning in the house hold, Maybe not as they get bigger like teenagers they tend to understand better what's really going on but when they are younger 8-10 it's hard for them to understand that, some kids it is for but not all.. Your right arguing isn't good at all for anyone... Thank you so much for your reply!
@steve9737 (918)
• Colombia
6 Jul 08
tell to someone that is closed to you that you are not in love anymore is not easy because even if you don't love them, you would not want to hurt them or you would not see their face when you said it, I think it happened too in people that are just in a relationship, it is too hard to say but it is even more harder to hear to be say that you are not loved, and I few weeks ago my girlfriend told me that she doesn't love me anymore and that she is not in love with me, and she said she didn't love me since some months ago, I don't know why she didn't say it before, maybe she was afraid to hurt me or she didn't want to be alone, I don't know, but when I notice that things were not going good I asked her and she tried to give me fake explanations but I figure something was bad because I got to know her really well. I think that if it hurt me a lot and I was not married to her, I can't imagine how it would hurt to someone that is marry and living together for longer, but I think that is the best because I think it is not fair to be being fooled for someone, I would have wanted to know it long time ago, but she didn't say it to me until now.
@Balozi (244)
• Kenya
4 Jul 08
There are many things at stake here. I would count my intergrity and the many people involved. When u marry it is actually to society though most of us want not to admit. Can you imagine that when married society respects that, such that if they came to your house and you came out of the bedroom with your spouse no one will raise an eyebrow. I would soldier on for it is said better the devil I know than the angel I dont know.
@checapricorn (16065)
• United States
4 Jul 08
I will try to work it out with his help, we will try to trace things and discuss how we can solve it..We started loving with each other and for sure it is very possible to find that love back once we will open our mind and heart and eliminate pride and negative thoughts..
@msedge (4012)
• United States
29 Jun 08
I could relate myself a little bit on this situation.My first marriage was a failure.I tried to save it just for our child.But the more he hurts me,the love slowly gone also.Until i couldn't take the pain anymore and decided to leave.We also have to consider our children.Staying in a relationship because of them is hurting them also.Of course we never know their feelings but it would affect them to see their parents fighting and arguing.It would be better to let them stay in a peaceful environment.When they grow up they would understand why their parents have to separate.It's hard to say,you don't love him anymore but it would hurt him more if you keep pretending that you still do but at the end the relationship will never work anymore because its already one sided.I think its better to let him know and let him understand what you feel.
@fatragu (349)
• United States
29 Jun 08
I know that in some instances it is just easier to stay married then to get divorced and have to be single. It also sometimes is because you get comfortable being with that person all of the time. If I went with my true feelings then my hubby and I would probably be headed for a divorce. But I don't tell him because I like being with him and we have 3 small girls and I don't feel the need to tell him that I don't love him. I love being with him and he is a great father but I am comfortable just staying where I am in life and I am happy just staying with him even though I don't love him. Even though I tell him that I do all of the time.
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
29 Jun 08
Seriously, I'd try to make the love come back. If it was there in the first place it only makes sense it can return. Take a deep breath, pull in your tummy, and do the necessary. Try to be charming again, compliment each other regularily, spend more time making love, dinners in cute places, nice to me and nice to you, kind of thing. I'll bet it comes back. Just, for Christ's sake - don't ever argue again - no matter what ! Then smile and say at least once a day and definitely at night - I love you !
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
I know how hard is it to be int his situation. Currently i face in that situation too, we are everyday fighting, discussing even only a little thing. He always tells me he don;t love me anymore, he don't like me. Its hard to accept that but if separation can give you both peace of mind and for your children you have to talk to each other like a friend, be open to him what are your both dislikes and likes in your relationship.
@fiona08 (454)
• United States
29 Jun 08
Hey Wisconsin, I am sorry you are going through this. I have just recently ended my marriage, and feel very good about the decision. We felt very separate in our marriage for the last three years also. It was no good. We didn't even really fight, we just fell away from each other. We kept making attempts to fix things, but it was of no use. I felt desperate, for a long time, because I did not want to make our children unhappy, but I couldn't take the loneliness any longer. You should maybe consider counseling if you think there is any hope of saving your relationship, but you need to be honest with your spouse as soon as you can do it. I wish you the best, regardless of whether you stay or go. Your children will be fine if you continue to parent them to the best of your ability. Hopefully your spouse will continue to parent them also. You can still be a team, in that area, if you put your mind to it.
@lishiwei (1553)
• China
29 Jun 08
Oh,I think you shouldn't do that if it's not have to do!I think you should think of your children,they all hope that they can have a happy family not the broken one!