should one be happy with an arranged marriage?

China
June 29, 2008 10:55pm CST
my husband and I got to know each other when we are children.we lived in the same town and are closed to each other.our parents worked in the same factory.he became my boyfriend five years ago and we got married about tew years ago.We love each other deeply. but someone even told me that one will not be happy with an arranged marriage. i feel confued,we are happy now,I think.so,what do you think of that?do you think one should be happy with an arranged marriage?
8 people like this
31 responses
• United States
30 Jun 08
I have never met anyone who was happy in an arranged marriage. Most arranged marriages are miserable, unhappy marriages. One of my cousins is in an arranged marriage. We are giving it about five years. After she gets her U.S. citizenship, she is divorcing him. My cousin never pays any attention to his wife, and he never socializes with anyone. I do not know how his wife puts up with him. I feel sorry for his wife. My cousin is American and his wife is from the Philippines. From what I hear she is a wonderful woman, but my cousin is not a socialable or, at all, a wonderful man. Honestly, I never remembered seeing him with another woman. His wife is in a doomed arranged marriage. A few women I met in college were in arranged marriages, the minute they received their citizenships and found a nice place to live, they left their husbands. They thought that their American men would be kind to them, but they were not.
• China
30 Jun 08
oh,I feel very sorry for your cousin's marriage.they are obviously not happy at the begining. But I think my husbande and I are happy now,and we have no requirements for each other.our marriage will become bad at future,oh,I hope that will not happen to me!
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jul 08
It depends on you and your husband, if you both want it to work and last, then hopefully it should, but if not, then it may not. If your husband is a good man and he pays attention to you, the two of you should be fine. If he does not see you for the woman that you truly are, then it might be time to get out of the relationship. My cousin does not see his wife for the nice wonderful woman that she is, and that is what will be the downfall in their marriage. He is socially behind, and was never taught how to treat a woman. He believes that a woman should be like his mommy, and that is not true. I have a boyfriend and he knows that I am not his mother. I cannot be his mother and I do not want to be his mother. I want to be his partner and his companion, I want to be the woman that he would give up everything for because I would equally give up everything for him.
1 person likes this
• China
8 Jul 08
yes,we are just the partner of each other,absolutly not the mother or father of each other.couples should have the same interestings,they should look after each others,but not only be cared by others,just like kids,right?
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11388)
• Pakistan
30 Jun 08
Hi dear ur seems to be a love marriage rather than arrange marriage, sure ur families have terms and u know each other since childhood, but he become ur boy friend, 5 yrs ago, so u spend good three years as lovers before decided to get maariied. So its purely LOVE MARRIAGE Arrange marriage is like u meet ur fiance or partner after engagement or wedding, like mine
• China
30 Jun 08
you think our marrige is a love one,but not arranged.it seems that you are not very satisfied with an arranged marriage.but I think you should be happy with your son,your daughter,and of course your wife,she brought your children to you.
@cupid74 (11388)
• Pakistan
30 Jun 08
Hi dear well how u think i am un happy, i was just saying that urs love marriage not arranged. I am very happy with marriage, my wife is loving and cooperating and we are in Love now, i have lovely and wonderful kids, so Allah is really kind to me, i am content and happy Take care
• China
30 Jun 08
wow,that's good,so you think it depends on the couple,whether the marriage is arranged or not.right? sorry for what i said,and wish your family happy and healthy everyday!
@awapak (1277)
• Pakistan
30 Jun 08
Yes,arranged marriages are always better due to mutual understanding between both the families and parents.The same marriages can prove to be the best ones if personal liking is also included in them.We must discourage temporary relations in our societies.Then marriages should be made easier and cheaper so that every one can afford them easily.
• China
1 Jul 08
yes,i think you are right.the marriage should be more simple,the easier,the better.after all,happy life after the marriage is more important.all the best!
1 person likes this
@awapak (1277)
• Pakistan
20 Jul 08
Thanks for replying and sharing your nice views about this topic.I had an arranged marriage with my own cousin.We both are enjoying our married life.Marriage is an imp social and moral obligation,so it must be encouraged in our society.
@diansinta (7549)
• Indonesia
30 Jun 08
Hi there summerrain, Don't get confuse with other opinion. When you are happy, are you gonna refuse that? No dear. Don't get blown with other opinion. As long as you and your family happy, then, whats wrong with that?? I think what a really you should do is thanks to God, because not every body got lucky like you. good luck to your marriage ! Ooxx`dian. Oh! by the way, i love your avatar! That is a really nice drawing!!
• China
1 Jul 08
yes,I think you are right,i should not get blown with other opinion,because I'm happy now,and that's more important for me,thanks for your appreciating about my avatar,hope you happy!
1 person likes this
@diansinta (7549)
• Indonesia
4 Jul 08
That's the spirit!! Thanks summerrain
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
30 Jun 08
Yours doesn't sound like an arranged marriage to me. I've always understood an arranged marriage to mean the parents chose their child's spouse, regardless of what the child wishes. Your post says you grew up together so grew to love each other. I myself would not be happy with an arranged marriage. Would be like asking an apple to marry an orange without knowing what would happen to the two when mixed. You need to get to know someone first for love to happen.
1 person likes this
• China
30 Jun 08
i feel sorry for your arranged marriage.yes,we get to know each other well before we get married,it seems not to be an arranged one.I wish your marriage will be better.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
30 Jun 08
I don't have, nor would I ever have, an arranged marriage. Too much of an outdated concept for me. I make my choices in life, not someone else. But if you are happy with yours, that is what counts for you.
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
30 Jun 08
Of course you can be happy with an arranged marriage, summerrain ... and you're proving it to be true. You have known this man nearly all your life, and obviously he's a good person. I think arranged marriages have a really good chance, because parents will choose someone they think will make their daughter or son happy, and if you start as friends, a loving and strong relationship can grow. You probably have a much better chance than people who meet someone, get carried away with the passion of the moment and get married quickly! I wish you lots of happiness with your marriage, and if you are both happy now, you have every chance of continuing to be.
1 person likes this
• China
30 Jun 08
yes,i think my husband is a good person,he loves me so much.but sometimes i am a little worried about the future,I'm afraid we will not be happy after being married for a long time,but thanks for your response,I will trust the love between us.hope you happy everyday!
• China
14 Jul 08
Hey, summerrain, many people worry about their marriage after marrying for several years and i don't think they are all arranged marriage, what do you think? Be happy so long you both love each other, who cares if it's arranged or not. Enjoy life
@biggerb (2028)
• India
10 Jul 08
A happily married couple - A bride and bridegroom happily married
Love marriage or an arranged marriage the question of being happy depends on the person.There has to be alot of give and take in any marriage.Ofcourse one can be happy in an arranged marriage.I have had an arranged marriage and it has been 26 years now.I never knew my husband at all.I had just seen him before marriage we never even spoke to each other before we got married.I have no regrets.There has been some ups and downs which happens to everyone but then we tided over it.Now my son who is 24 years old just cant imagine how we accepted an arranged marriage.Things were so different back then.we just gave in to our parents wishes.We need to make things happen for us.One has to work on a marriage.All the best to you.You can be happy in an arranged marriage so just go ahead and get on with life.
• China
10 Jul 08
Wow,you have created a miracle for the 26 years arranged marriage,I think.And you set an good example for me at the same time.I think you are right,the couple should care each other and overcome all the difficulties together.thanks for your experience for share,and wish your family healthy and happy everyday!
8 Jul 08
hello, don't let anyone tell you when to be happy. God works in mysterious ways.You found your man in an unusual situation but it doesn't mean that there is no love.you did not opposed to the idea of being married to him it means that you cared for him.Continue loving the man
1 person likes this
• China
9 Jul 08
thanks for your response,snowbitz01.you are right,I think.I care my husband,and I believe he also cares me.hope our marriage will be happy all the time.all the best to you!
• China
1 Jul 08
my husband and i got to know each other by my father's colleague.our marriage is an arrange marriage,but not completely.we have choice. my husband is a good man,he is kindness,and have a good job.always respect my thinking.i don't deny that sometimes we fight over a small things.but i feel happy with him.i think i can't find another man who is good to me as him.
1 person likes this
• China
1 Jul 08
i think your situation is a little similar as ours.hope you happy forever.
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
1 Jul 08
I think it may be good if the couple still get to choose in the end if they want to pursue the person they are set up with for real. Otherwise I don't think they should be forced to do something they are not going to be happy with. However I am not against parents introducing their sons or daughters to suitors that could be of good nature and respect to the individual.
1 person likes this
• China
1 Jul 08
i agree with you,thanks for your response.hope you well!
• India
1 Jul 08
Yes I think that one must be happy with an arranged marriage,because it is decided by the parents and most of the love marriages have been successfull compared to love marriages.In love marriages definitely the understandig between the people is more,but studies reveale that most of the love marriages are a failure.So I think love marriages are better.
• China
1 Jul 08
wow,you have a different consideration with most of us.thanks for your response and sharing us with your opinion,hope you well.
@jammyt (2822)
• Philippines
1 Jul 08
Hold on, you said you knew each other since childhood then he became your boyfriend 5 years ago? Then that's not arranged marriage. You know, NO ONE can ever tell you that you can or cannot be happy with something or someone. Only God can do that because He planned our lives out. maybe the person who told you this generalized arranged marriages. In your case, if you and your husband are happy then so be it!
1 person likes this
• China
1 Jul 08
yes,i think you are right.thanks for your encouraging words.hope you happy every day!
• Philippines
1 Jul 08
it depends... if you love the one you marry and he loves you too, then there's happiness in marriage...but if not and you don't even know him, well, that's sad...
• China
1 Jul 08
i agree with you.thanks for your response.
• Canada
1 Jul 08
How totally ridiculous for anyone to say such a thing. Of course anyone can be happy in an arranged marriage. If the couple continue to grow in respect of each other, be kind to each other then so will their love and happiness grow. Take that away and sure you wouldn't be happy in an arranged marriage but you wouldn't be happy in any marriage either no matter how that marriage came to be. Don't let anyone plant seeds of doubt in you about your life. It is your life you make it what you want. Obviously up to now you have created a wonderful happy marriage together; so leave it at that.
1 person likes this
• China
1 Jul 08
you are right,our happiness just depends on ourselves.whether it's arranged or not,and whatever others have said about that.thanks for your words,my friend.and hope you happy every day!
@lunmun (127)
• China
1 Jul 08
I dont think so .
• China
1 Jul 08
thanks for your response.so what do you think about that?
@fwangaa (3058)
• China
1 Jul 08
i am happy with an arranged marriage. one of my relative acquaint my spouse with me two years ago.and quickly we married.
• China
1 Jul 08
so,a little like my husband and I.hope you happy forever!
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
1 Jul 08
I would like to congratulate you for being happily in love with someone you had known for almost all your life. Actually you are very lucky that you met your husband when you were still young and that you're relationship has a very good foundation. Many people are unhappy with arranged marriages because a lot of people involved in this are actually just being forced to love one another. Some people who are into these barely know their partner and that's what they really don't like. Most of the time too arranged marriages are being done to ensure financial stability of families. Would you like that the reason for your marriage is just to attain more wealth without really all the love? I mean that is not really what marriage is all about right?
1 person likes this
• China
1 Jul 08
yes,i think you're right,the love and happiness are more important than wealth.actually,our family both are not very rich,our parents are both common workers,and work in the same factory.hope you well!
@Hatley (164168)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Jul 08
summerrain it all depends on the man and woman,if you became boyfriend and girlfriend five years ago and are in love, who cares what kind of marriage you had, you two are happy and that is all that counts. do not let others upset your way of thinking. if tweo peole love each other that is all that matters, you will be happy. so some arranged marriages can be happy ones such as yours. I think that is great. be happy.
1 person likes this
• China
1 Jul 08
yes,that depends on the couple,i think you are right.thanks for your response.all the best!
@SwtJenlove (1090)
• United States
30 Jun 08
I dont think a marriage should be arranged. I think you should be able to marry who you want. I he was already your boyfriend and you all were already close i wouldnt consider your marriage being arranged. unless im reading this discussion wrong.
1 person likes this
• China
1 Jul 08
so,our marriage is a love marriage,not an arranged one,though it is arranged by our parents,right?thanks for your response,all the best!
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
30 Jun 08
summerrain, Although, your marriage was arranged by your parents, I felt that you have a little fortune on your side and that is having to know your husband when the both of you were still young. Majority of these arranged marriages does not share the same precondition like yours and most of the time the couples are being rushed into their nuptial knot before one could be acquainted with the other. A lot of times these marriages fail but due to certain unspeakable issues i.e. tradition, egoism, reputation and etc., they just look normal and functional. I think a lot of these traditionalists have taken the new generation much for granted. With the new exposures through education and the western culture, the new genre now demands more freedom and democracy in their life. This has led to some zero tolerance in these situations and therefore, we have couples marrying all for the wrong reasons and have motives involved. Sometimes, I felt that letting children have their say in this is also an act of love on the part of a parent. I am not saying this for the sake of shrugging away parental responsibilities but rather a way for their children to be more independent and decisive in the aspect of their social life. Besides, with all the education and upbringing, I am confident that the children will turn out well if they were left on their own at the rightful time and age.
• China
1 Jul 08
yes,we know each other very well befor our marriage,maybe that made our marriage happy now,i think you are right,young people should have their own considerations and choice for theirselves,because they should be independent in the future,living withour their parents' care.hope you happy and healthy!