I had to do it!

@smallT (376)
United States
July 2, 2008 3:29am CST
My youngest son brought one of his friends home. This 20 year old friend asked if he could stay with us for 2 days. He said he and his brother would be moving into an apartment together. I told him yes. His 2 day stay turned into 3 weeks in which time he quit his job. I never met his brother. I finally had to get ugly and asked him to leave. He packed his belongings together today and left. Now I feel a little guilty, but very relieved. I wish him well.
3 people like this
23 responses
@lynn2457 (500)
• United States
4 Jul 08
My son had a friend who once stayed at my place after a week 'you did better than me' I asked him to leave. He was a little shocked to say the least, however he was not doing nothing to help himself and sleep all the time, A couple of years later I saw the boy again, ' oh I have to say it was a snowy day', he told me that was the best thing I ever did for him, he meet a man that was a Christian, and this man was able to do things I could not do, We I saw him, I was so proud, he had a job, clean cut, and back on track, I was guilty feeling for a long time, but I too had to do it, and at the end, God fixed it for him, I was so blessed to know he was on his journey, after such bad he had gone through. In the long run smallT, it is tough love, and I feel it is best for them.
@smallT (376)
• United States
4 Jul 08
Thank you Lynn for your response. I do wish him well.
1 person likes this
@JTerrasi (199)
• United States
4 Jul 08
Feel NO guilt but I understand why you would. You were there when he needed out of the rain sort of speak. I have been down that road myself. It was a hard decision to make but you did the right thing. Trust me!
1 person likes this
@smallT (376)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Sorry about that comment above. My son and I share the same computer and I came on to MyLot under his profile. Thanks J for your kind words. Welcome to MyLot.
@shamsta19 (3224)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Thanks J.
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
Well its but natural to feel guilty about the situation. i think he overused your hospitality to him. What is maybe wrong was that you harshly done it. Maybe you could have made him aware that he is long overdue in his stay there and gave him a deadline when to leave. But anyway I think you just do what you think was necessary and the guilt feeling would be gone in time for sure.
1 person likes this
@smallT (376)
• United States
4 Jul 08
I'm sure he'll be alright. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
4 Jul 08
You have nothing to feel guilty about because it looks like you were scammed. My kids have had friends like that, too, and the sad stories and empty promises never end until you end them. It's hard making the decision to stop letting someone take advantage of you and then acting on that decision but you weren't doing that boy any favors by letting him stay and stay. Maybe now he'll stand on his own two feet. At 20 years of age he should be.
1 person likes this
@smallT (376)
• United States
4 Jul 08
Kids are not the same as when I was 20. I had already left my parents house when I was that age.
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
4 Jul 08
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Some people will take advantage of you if you let them. I had a similar problem. However my guest who overstayed her welcome was my grown stepdaughter. She was to stay only until she could get on her feet after her divorce. Whenever the subject of her finding an apartment, she conveniently "lost" her job. Her father and I finally gave her a one-way ticket back to her mother.
@smallT (376)
• United States
4 Jul 08
I guess they are afraid of the unknown. Birds push their chicks out of the nest too.
1 person likes this
• India
3 Jul 08
There is nothing to be guilty. Though you were late, you did correct thing. You let him stay in your house for three long weeks and that it the maximum one can do. If you haven't asked him to leave now, he would have stayed for some more days and this might have resulted in his stay for many more days.
1 person likes this
@smallT (376)
• United States
3 Jul 08
I know that he would still be here if I hadn't insisted he leave.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jul 08
Don't feel guilty, people like that usually just move on and find someone else to tell a story to and mooch off of. Once a couple stopped at my house to use the phone and ended up staying for 4 days. They had one excuse after another until I finely told them they had to leave. They ended up living in a car in a field close by, for the summer. I felt like crap when they walked by every day, but I was a single mother and could hardly feed us let alone two more adults with no jobs and no intentions of getting jobs. I did invite them in for meals now and them. They eventually got on their feet and moved out of their car, something they might never have done if I continued to take care of them. Your guilt will pass..
@smallT (376)
• United States
13 Jul 08
You are right. My guilt has passed.
@jammyt (2818)
• Philippines
3 Jul 08
You did the right thing.From your story, I'm wondering if he really DID have a brother who existed? There's something wrong with the scenario. What did your son say about his friend? Is he a good influence on your son? What you did should've taught him some responsibility in life. Nothing is free today. It's a dog eat dog world out there, he should learn to survive. Hmmm... I wish him well also.
@smallT (376)
• United States
3 Jul 08
Thanks for responding Jammy. He is not a bad influence. He's been my son's friend for the past 5 years. As a matter of fact, I've always know him to be working someplace.
@shamsta19 (3224)
• United States
3 Jul 08
Yeah he had a brother, just was moving too slow.
@coolseeds (3919)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I think you did nothing wrong. Actually you did the right thing. It might make him a little more ambitious. I have some relatives who still live at home. One doesn't even work not even to mow the grass. If their parents would have kicked them out they would probably be better people. Now its like they think they are owed something.
@coolseeds (3919)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I hit post too soon. I know what it feels like. Sometimes you have to do what is right. You feel guilty because you wish the child no harm. But in reality he should be the one to feel guilty taking advantage of you. Maybe if he pulled his own weight it would have been different. You taught him a valuable lesson in life. Maybe he will come back one day and thank you.
@smallT (376)
• United States
2 Jul 08
Two of my sons live with me. But they know what I like and don't like. I felt that I had to train this guy. (ex. don't put your feet on the coffee table, take off your hat in the house, don't drop ashes in my plants, etc.) I don't need this stress. I've raised my children.
@coolseeds (3919)
• United States
3 Jul 08
People tell me if I have kids they are going to hate me because I have rules. I bet your children don't hate you. They might even respect you more now that they are older. I wouldn't let my child get their ears pierced. Like at your house, they would take their hat off when they came in and I have other rules that other people don't believe should be enforced. Like my child would not have a television in their room. I told my girlfriend that I didn't care who bought our child a tv. It wouldn't be going into their room. I would even take it back to the store and put it into college savings if the person bought it against my wishes. If anyone complains I have already planned what to say. "Look at your kids." LOL
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
sometimes we need to do it though i will feel guilty as well never knowing what will happen to him once he left..but asking for 3 days only that turned into 3 weeks that is somehow abusive i think..
@smallT (376)
• United States
13 Jul 08
I learned my lesson. Thanks for your response angel.
@snowy22315 (168467)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Poor kid probably doesnt have anywhere else to go, but what are you going to do? You're not his mommy and he wasnt paying rent I'm sure. My son is almost 20 and if he gets kicked out of his dad's place he may be in a similar situation. he went to grandma and grandpa's before.
@smallT (376)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Seems like all the responses I've received for this discussion are basically saying the same thing. I believe that he will be all right. The first law of human nature is self-preservation. Thanks for your response snowy.
@zeroflashx2 (2491)
• Philippines
2 Jul 08
I also wish he'd be fine. I think it's ok though. It was real nice of you to let him into your home. However, I don't mean he would but he may abuse it as such for staying longer than expected. I understand though that it does feel bad somehow to let him go but it's ok for me, I'd do that as well if it happens to me. Take care!
• Philippines
2 Jul 08
I guess any guest would understand that. You could disseminate it to the rest of the household as heads up. Take care and have a great day!
@smallT (376)
• United States
2 Jul 08
ha ha ha lol
@smallT (376)
• United States
2 Jul 08
Thanks for your comment flash. I have a new House Rule: No Live In House Guests.
@shamsta19 (3224)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I don't care he was wearing my sneakers and using my washcloth and towel. Yuck!! I don't even use my toothbrush any more (got a new one) because I think he might've used that. I think he'll be fine and if not at least he won't be here. Thanks MA!
@coolseeds (3919)
• United States
3 Jul 08
I would have been really mad if someone wore my shoes. I would give away my shoes before I would let someone borrow them. So you should get the idea of really mad. I don't know if I would hit them but I know they would take quite a verbal lashing.
1 person likes this
@smallT (376)
• United States
2 Jul 08
You're welcome.
@shamsta19 (3224)
• United States
3 Jul 08
Its like he might as well have put my underwear on. I cant even wear my sneakers now because they make my feet itch! Good riddance I say!
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
I could imagine how hard it was for you to do that but I think what you did was just right because we should actually teach others not to take advantage of the kindness of others. If he had said before that he would be staying for that long maybe you could have really allowed him to stay that long. Unfortunately he said only two days so I suppose that you feel that you were somewhat have been taken advantage by his friend. It's really very hard actually to drive away a person specially if that person is a friend or a friend of a friend but still it's just right that you to do it because it's your house and they must learn no t to take advantage of one's kindness.
@smallT (376)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Appreciate your comment. Thanks/
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Jul 08
Surely at that age they must realise that some communication is necessary so everyone knows what's going on. And young adults should also realise that they can't just sponge off people. You did the right thing because these situations get more complicated the longer they go on. You don't help these people when you help them....helping them means making them stand on their own two feet. It was kind of you to help him out.
@smallT (376)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I agree with you. Thanks for your response Tickle.
@Cocoa33 (921)
• United States
7 Jul 08
i dont think u should be feeling guilty about kicking him to the curb. he deserved what he got. u know his actions have told u that he had alterior motives. he was just out to use who ever he could to get what he wanted. people that are out for self. u did the right thing. have a good day.
@smallT (376)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Thanks for your comment.
• United States
6 Jul 08
You did have to do it, don't feel guilty, why should you have the feelings when he didn't have respect. Chalk it up to a learning experience.
@smallT (376)
• United States
6 Jul 08
Yes, I certainly learned a lesson from that.
@CEVCEV (543)
7 Jul 08
If it was only a 2 day stay then I suppose that he never offered to pay his way ??? I think that you should NOT feel guilty about his leaving as he should not have put you in this position, certainly without discussion.
@smallT (376)
• United States
8 Jul 08
When I woke this morning, I realized that that guilty feeling is gone. Thanks cevcev for you comment.
• India
3 Jul 08
I wish them get new home, but they could have asked permission to stay for some more time, they never thought for staying long time with you, as per your action it was not wrong step from you, after that you felt very emotional and thinking about them,means you still love them, god will help them, don't worry for that.
@smallT (376)
• United States
3 Jul 08
So true.
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I'm sorry that this happened to you. I guess sometimes people just look for good hearted people to use, I know I've been through it many times before. I think you did a good thing, it's hard enough to support yourself and your family now days, let alone an extra person. Don't feel guilty, he should feel guilty for doing that to such a nice person! Take care!
@smallT (376)
• United States
13 Jul 08
Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.