Would you accept the flowers?
By Jess
@JJ4Ever (4693)
United States
July 2, 2008 12:15pm CST
My friend Scott and his wife just celebrated their three-year wedding anniversary. He nearly forgot about it, but remembered with enough time to consider getting his wife a little something for the occasion before he got home from work that day. They aren't too well off, so he knew he was going to have to make it relatively inexpensive whatever it was he would get her. His aunt called him at the last minute right as he was leaving work because she was having problems with her computer, and she needed him to fix it. He was debating whether or not to fix the computer that afternoon since it was their anniversary, and he still needed to get something for his wife. He decided to go ahead and fix his aunt's computer because he didn't think it would take too long. As he worked on the computer, he casually mentioned to his aunt that it was their anniversary and that he didn't know what to get his wife. Ironically enough, his aunt is a school teacher who's not too fond of flowers, and that morning she had just received a beautiful flower arrangement from one of her students. She didn't want it and offered it to him to give to his wife for their anniversary. It was brand new, and it was free! Of course he accepted, gave the arrangement to his wife, and she loved it. He never told her where he got it from, but he did say that he got a great deal on them. Nothing more was said about it.
If you were Scott in this situation, what would you do? Would you tell your wife where you got the flowers? If you were his wife, would you accept the flowers if you knew where they came from? Would it bother you that he didn't pick them out just for you or would you rather he save the money and give you something free? Please share your thoughts!
10 people like this
31 responses
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
3 Jul 08
Definitely! And if I know my friend Scott well enough, I could just see the excitement on his face when his aunt gave him those flowers. He was probably trying to picture his wife's face when he gave them to her. His smile demonstrated his love for his wife and being able to do something sweet for her, no matter if it was free or not. He was most definitely thinking of his woman the entire time. Thanks, JoJuana!
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
3 Jul 08
Since all of us are having financial problems today, I think what Scott did was ok. Also I think that what matters is that he remembered it.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
3 Jul 08
I also think it's great he remembered, which goes to show again that it is the thought that counts. I'm glad for him that he got everything worked out. It's wonderful he mentioned his anniversary to his aunt in the first place. For all he knew, he could've turned down fixing the computer that day and had to buy something for his wife. Instead, I think he did it the right way with helping her out. In doing that, he helped not only his aunt, but his wife and himself too! I really like how you referred to all us financially because it's the truth and with gas prices rising overnight, I think this is definitely the way to go. Thanks, Mago!
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I think what they did was just fine. He was going to buy flowers anyway, so if he had a chance to get free ones, why not. He could use the money for something else. If it was me, I would want him to save the money too. Buying flowers cost lots of money. Hopefully she won't get mad if she finds out where they came from. I would have given the flowers and then taken her out for dinner with the money saved.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
3 Jul 08
I agree with you. The more money they save, the further ahead they'll be for their future together. A person can never go wrong by saving money. Just as you said, he would've bought her something anyway; however, the opportunity just fell in his lap! I don't know his wife well enough to know if she'd be upset by the source of his actions, but I'm sure she's thankful he thought of her and got her something really nice. I think saving money is the best way to show his wife he cares and wants to take care of her in the future. Financial stability sure is a good thing to have nowadays, although in some cases quite rare. Thanks for your insight, Polly!
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
2 Jul 08
Unless they were flowers that he knew I hated or were very allergic too, then I would not only accept them, but want to know where he got them from. To me, pawning them off like he bought them is sort of like a lie, which I wouldn't appreciate. And it's not like he dug them out of a trash can or got them from an ex or something.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
3 Jul 08
You're right. He shouldn't be ashamed of where he get them because, like you said, he got them in a respectable way because they were given to him. I'm like you, I'd want to know where he got them from (unless my fiance did as he usually does and accidently leaves the price sticker with the name of the store on them!) Ha, ha. I don't mind at all, though. Usually in that case, it's just because he forgot and was in such a hurry to give them to me (he loves surprising me!) that he just didn't think to take the sticker off my flowers. It's cute, very cute. Anyway, I'm glad you're like me in that you're curious to know his methods of bringing you such a nice gift. He shouldn't be bashful about telling you about it either. If he truly loves you, he'd tell you anything unashamed. I agree with you that if he attempted to keep it a secret where he got them from, to me that's automatically a lie. I don't like secretive stuff like that, so I'd just assume he was lying to me without even saying a word by keeping something like that from me. I think you and I are a lot alike the more I read your response! Thanks so much for your response. I really enjoy it. Take care and have a great day!
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
2 Jul 08
I admit i would have liked something that he would have picked for me especially, but i'd rather him be honest and tell me where he did get them from. I'd still love them and i'd understand because of the money sitution, so it wouldnt make my day anymore of a bummer.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I agree with you that honesty is the best policy. I'd be curious where my fiance got flowers if he got them for me, especially after finding out he got such a great deal on them. Of course, I'd probably be different from you in that I might be slightly disappointed after finding out they weren't picked out and bought just for me. I'm glad knowing such a thing wouldn't ruin your gift for you, though! Thanks for you response. I enjoyed reading it.
1 person likes this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
2 Jul 08
My wife would have already guessed that I got them for free. :) I have a way and always have, with finding "Deals" on presents that I get for her. I have gotten free flowers, rings, trinkets all the way to a brand new Dishwasher and a used car. I figure what better way to show her how much I love her than to let her know that i am investing in her future and that I am not going to run us in the ground financially. You see when I give gifts like that she looks beyond the gift and relizes that what i am really giving her is finacial security. (At least I hope that is what she thinks. Maybe she just thinks I'm a cheap scape.) :)
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
2 Jul 08
Very well put. Honestly, financial stability is the BEST possible thing you could do for your wife because money trouble is the biggest cause for divorce. (Don't worry, I'm not implying anything should you ever be otherwise financially!) I'm very glad for your response because you and your wife understand one another in such a way that she will (or should) know your exact intentions each time you get her something. I think your gifts are quite clever, to tell you the truth! (Maybe I should give my fiance some hints.) Ha, ha. A dishwasher and used car are quite nice! I'm one for bargains as well, so perhaps you should share some of your secrets! (LOL) Thanks for sharing your experience. Hopefully this particular married couple I mentioned will be to the same point as you and your wife someday to where they understand one another enough for Scott to be able to actually tell his wife where he gets things (assuming she'd want to know). Take care!
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
28 Sep 11
First Scott didn't ask if he could take the flowers, his aunt offered them. So Scott should never tell his wife. As for the wife. if she hears that hubby Almost forgot , unless she knows he is the type of guy who forgets Everything, she will be bummed. As for using the flowers? I don't know. If she is the type of wife that thinks the more expensive the gift , the more he loves her, she will be livid. But if she is the type that truly believes it is the thought that counts, then she will be ok.
Ok if this were I? First, I'm like Scott's aunt, I loathe flowers as gifts! So if my guy came home with flowers he would be sleeping elsewhere! But with that said if my guy had one of those weeks and he forgot our anniversary , it would be ok. As long as he comes home , I have my gift!
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Oct 11
The key is that Hubby Know not to get flowers! Wow, you get depressed when they die. Me? I prefer stuffed animals. I told my guy , no flowers! So he gives me stuffed elephants instead. Ironically , he is the one that loves flowers! Don't tell me G-d doesn't have a sense of humor.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
6 Oct 11
I see flowers in a cynical way. I have seen Way too many shows where the guy does something wrong and he comes home with flowers . She says hat are these for and he says Just because. Yea just because he slept with someone! So the moment I see flowers I automatically think what did he do?
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
3 Oct 11
Great answer! What I know of Scott's wife, I think she'd be bummed if he told her where he got the flowers. I agree with you that he can keep that information to himself for the sake of her enjoyment of her gift. I think she would really like them otherwise, so good for him giving them to her. Yes, you're right - his aunt offered. It's not like he asked for them, so he's safe there. I really think it's the thought that counts rather than the value and money spent on the gift. (If my hubby came home with something super expensive as a gift for me, I'd probably wonder where he got the money from - lol!)
I'm with you on the flowers as gifts. It's not that I'm allergic or don't like flowers, but it's a lot of money for something that's just going to die anyway! I always get depressed when the flowers he gets me die. My hubby got me flowers here and there while we were dating and engaged, but now that we're married he hasn't gotten me flowers, just because he knows my preference. I'd rather have chocolate, jewelry, or clothes. I wouldn't make him sleep on the couch or anything over it (lol), but there are plenty of things I'd rather have than flowers.
Thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Hello JJ, If I am Scott, I will not accept it and rather pick up anything from our backyard, better as simple as long as it is really from me...Gifts after all is not very important as long as I am sincere with my feelings! and if I accepted it like what he did in the story, I will be honest enough to my wife where it came from or else, she might learned it from my aunt or other people!
If I am the wife on the other hand,I will accept it but will tell him that I would appreciate if it is just a single flower from our yard as long as it is really coming from him! I would still appreciate the thought but not a lot of effort was exerted there!
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Correct...Sometimes, when we dont have money and we want to give the best of any special people in our life,we are always willing to do anything, find any ways even if we will end up borrowing money! LOL!
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jul 08
In this case, honesty would be good. If Scott wants to be responsible for the happiness of his wife in receiving a beautiful gift, he should also be man enough to tell her where they came from if she asks. I agree with you completely. Same as you said, even if a flower was picked from the backyard, so long as it's done in love she'd love it and accept it as well. If they're short on money and this is the best he can do, I think he did a great job. Thanks for your thoughts on this subject!
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I personally think that it was very sweet of his aunt to give him the flowers instead of throwing them out... At least the wife can enjoy them. Scott wasn't wrong IMO because he did have the intentions of getting his own flowers and besides they don't have much money. It's the thought that SHOULD count.
He could still surprise his wifey with some chocolate or a nice dinner or something else...but as long as the wife is happy - Scott's ok!
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
2 Jul 08
You're right, he would've gotten her something else if that opportunity hadn't just fallen in his lap! I know he's very grateful that he fixed his aunt's computer now because look at what happened! It's almost like he worked for the flowers to give his wife on their anniversary. I hadn't thought about that until now, but you could always look at it that way too. I know it was an amazing thing for him because he told me about it, and I could see the excitement on his face. It's those little things in life that count and make all the difference. I think it's very sweet that he thought of his wife. I guess it also teaches us not to turn down an opportunity to help someone. I never thought of his aunt throwing out the flowers. That would've been a waste of the student's (or his or her parents') money to just throw those away when there was thought behind them in the first place. I'm glad they were put to good use. Great response!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Jul 08
no I would not tell my wife were I in Scotts position, I would give it to my wife with all the love in my heart. If I were his wife, I would still love the gorgeous flowers even if he got them free, It would not bother me that his Aunt gave them to him, as he was thinking only of me all the way and that would make them really special for me. save the money and take the
'free flowers, the thought does count.
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I agree with you because his wife doesn't need to have her nice gift ruined by him telling her where he got the arrangement. It's much better than letting them go to waste, of course. I'm sure the student also put thought into them as well. The funny thing is, Scott's wife is a school teacher too. I never thought of that until now. The flower arrangement still went to a teacher, just not the one originally intended! (LOL) Thanks for your sincere response. It's great to read what everyone has said here. Take care!
1 person likes this
@gorajan (72)
• India
4 Jul 08
Ho it's sympathetic for mrs.scott. When a husband forgets his 3rd yer wedding anniversary, there seems to be some trouble in their union or with scott or mrs.scott. If the 3rd is forgotten what will be the 50th and 60th and so on. Wedding anniversary comes once in a year and if the husband is true to his homeminister then definitely he will present himself in time even without any gift. The flowers may fade in hours but the true love and affection. that is wanting now a days. Probably scot is wanting something other than family happiness. It's a shame,.
1 person likes this
@metschica25 (5399)
• United States
7 Jul 08
Ugg , I forgot when I posted that he forgot . Okay gets some points taking away for that , but I am glad she got flowers , and I am sure next year he will remember and save some .
@chej18 (915)
• United States
3 Jul 08
If i am Scott i will tell her the truth.Being honest is the best gift that he can give to her wife.I dont want to gamble that she might find out that i didnt buy the flower.But i will tell her that its my intention to buy one but then his aunt call her to fix the computer and gave the flower for him to thank him.And as long as Scott have very good intention,and not forgetting the anniversary thats already a very good of him.But then i will ask her to go out a very nice dinner..
And if i am Scott's wife i will apreaciate more becouse he told me the truth.I dont really like lieying so i will be more happier.ITs better that way than finding out to other people that the flowers that he gave me come from his autie.I will thank his auntie for giving Scott the flowers.Its not gonna bother me at all that he didn't pick them.Remembering it is enough.che
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jul 08
It really is a gamble if he doesn't tell her because there's always the chance of her finding out on her own (like from his aunt or from another source other than her husband). I think she would be hurt after finding it out after the fact knowing that her husband didn't tell her. I know if I were the wife, I'd definitely appreciate knowing the truth. Lying really isn't a good idea anyway. I think by Scott's not telling the truth, he's still lying because it's like he's hiding something. I don't know that he should volunteer the information right away when she's enjoying the flower, but eventually he should tell her after she's had time to enjoy them and appreciate what he did for her. I like the excellent idea you had about his wife thanking his aunt also. I don't know how close she is with her husband's family, but I think that'd be a really nice gesture for her to thank his aunt for giving them to him so he could show his love to her. Thanks for a very interesting response, Che!
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
31 Jul 08
I think that's exaclty how it went! She loved them, so he didn't need to say anything about where he got the flowers. If she doesn't ask, he doesn't tell. It's not like a secret, but she didn't ask, so it doesn't matter now...as long as she's happy like you said. Thanks, Che!
@chej18 (915)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I dont see any reasons why Scott need to hide that he got the flowers from thier aunts.Yes your right let her enjoy the moments and then tell her..hahahaha..Your silly hehehe...But i am sure that he have a good intention of not saying it.He know his wife very much and i dont.As long as he makes her happy thats veryy good already..Thats a gift..make her smile and let her know that he love him soooo much..Hehehe..Thanks..
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I don't think Scott should volunteer the information of where he got the flowers either because I think that would cloud his wife's excitement and happiness a bit. I know when my fiance surprises me, in the back of my mind I wonder how he did it, but if I really knew how it would ruin the magic of it all for me! Does that make sense? I think sometimes a woman doesn't need to know how her man pulls things off. It keeps their relationship alive and slightly mysterious. It definitely adds to the love they share, however, when they both can do things like that for one another. Great response!
@MrShasta (15)
• United States
2 Jul 08
Ever heard of the saying "it's the thought that counts?" Everybody is experiencing the new poverty today, and he doesn't need to diminish the gift by telling his wife where he got them. Scotts real gift to his wife was that he thought of and releshed her on that day.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I definitely agree with you that his wife really doesn't need to know where he got the flowers because I'm sure he wouldn't want to rain on her parade since she loved the flowers so much. What she doesn't know won't hurt her in this case. To answer your question, yes I have heard of the saying, and I couldn't agree more. Thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
7 Jul 08
I think that what he did was fine. He did actually earn the flowers by fixing his aunts computer that she would have had to pay someone else to do. Since they money was tight it was a good trade. Maybe if he had told his wife that he got them from his aunt she would have been hurt that he actually didn't buy them. Yes I would have accepted them and been very happy that he remembered the anniversary in he first place.
Some of us do regifting and don't tell that a gift was given to us and that we are passing it on to some one that might enjoy it more than we do and we don't tell them do we?
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jul 08
You know I never thought of it that way...the "regifting" part, as you so beautifully put it. I'm quite guilty of this, not that it's a bad thing, of course. I've given brand new things away that others have given me. It's rare that I don't like something I've been given, but more often than not it's just something I don't use anymore. It's more practical to give it to someone who will enjoy it more than me. If they end up not using it and pass it on to someone else who will, I wouldn't feel bad at all finding out about it later on. It's better to give than receive as they always say...especially when you have a cold or something like that to share! (LOL) Just kidding. I appreciate your response. I love how you made me think of the situation in a completely different light. Thanks for posting and have a wonderful day, Dee!
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
3 Jul 08
Well first off I kinda feel he earned them by working on his aunt's computer. True he didn't pick them out especially for her but depending on how strapped for cash they are would depend on how upset I was. But if I was Scott I would have took the flowers not told the wife but gotten her something to go with the flowers. Like take her out for dinner since I just saved that on the floral arrangement. I guess I'm just not the normal woman I wouldn't be pissed becuase in my book he was at least thinking of me and remembered the date.
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
5 Jul 08
hmmm a background check on anniversary gifts that is to good of an idea. I just so love that. LOL!! Take care dear.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
3 Jul 08
I don't really know what's normal and what's not since we women can go either way. At first when I heard Scott telling me what he did, I was happy for him but concerned for his wife and how she'd react. I give him a thumbs up for effort because he really did get a good deal for a really nice gift, but if I were the wife I'd almost feel like second choice or something because I was given something intended for my husband's aunt who didn't want it. If his aunt didn't want it, then why should the wife. I don't know, but that probably sounds weird. As I thought about this, though, I started seeing things more like you see them. I'd be fine with the gift because my husband thought of me, earned it, and gave me something really nice. I guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it after my fiance and I get married, and he tries to give me an anniversary gift. (LOL) I'll have to do a background check on where he got it. Thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
@FaerieAne2003 (679)
• United States
7 Jul 08
No, I wouldn't be upset. I hope my husband would tell me where they came from so that I wouldn't worry that he'd spent his lunch money on them. I don't care if he picks flowers out just for me--if they're free and he thinks I'll like them, that's good enough! Yes, I'd accept them anyway. I'd also want to know so that I could thank his aunt as well. Her blessing helped make for a happy anniversary, and I'd want to tell her so.
For my and my husband's very first date, he picked me some wildflowers and wrapped the stems in wet paper towels and aluminum foil. We went to the grocery store for French bread and Jack cheese, then to the park to eat it and talk. He recognized my talent and appreciation for thriftiness (completely unlike his ex-wife), and it blew my mind that he was okay with a date like that. So here we are today, 5 years later!
If his wife doesn't like the flowers because he didn't buy them or pick them out just for her, oh well. She'll get over it, or not. If not, I'd never get her another gift, period! Attitude like that isn't conducive to a happy or long marriage, or to good relations with the in-laws. So, I hope she liked them!
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I think you hit it right on, Faerie! I really hope Scott's wife liked her gift. It's sweet of him to give them to her and very kind of his aunt to give them away like that...even though she didn't like them in the first place. They might as well be enjoyed by her niece-in-law! What better way to "enjoy" something you don't like than to give it away to someone who appreciates it mroe than you ever would! I think that's the key here. There was a lot of selflessness going on, so I hope his wife accepted them with the same attitude as the two who were responsible she even got them in the first place. Great response, and I'm truly thankful for your input. I also enjoyed reading about you and your husband's first date! That was wonderful. Take care and have a great day!
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I almost forgot...I meant to also mention that you're right about his wife. She's responsible for how she reacts to her husband's kind gift. If she enjoys it, then what a blessing and amount of love she'll receive from it! If she decides to be upset over it and make something seemingly small into a huge deal, then she'll ruin it not only for herself, but also her husband and his aunt. I don't think their anniversary celebration, the love they share for one another, and their marriage is worth having that happen! I think it's better that she be content with whatever he decides to give her, even if he hadn't gotten her anything. There are so many things a spouse can do for the one they love without a ton of money. I think it's great to be able to do something like that. Thanks again for your feedback!
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
Well I do appreciate the beauty of flowers but more than this what matters most is the thought. So even if I learned that the flowers were just second-hand, I'd still accept the flowers because I know that even if my husband did not buy them, he wanted to please me and he wanted to show thoughtfulness. I know he would have wanted to buy the flowers but it is more practical to just get those flowers instead of buying new one. It's no big deal to me even if it was only given by an aunt.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
3 Oct 11
I agree with you! The thought is what counts more than anything else, in my opinion. I know in our marriage, my hubby and I haven't always been able to afford nice things. I'd rather have other things than flowers, so I don't get flowers from him much, but I absolutely love it when he puts thought into what he gets me and really tries to make me happy. That is the best! Thanks for the picture of your beautiful roses and your wonderful response as well.
@qhwater (392)
• China
7 Jul 08
as a wife, i will never mind where my hb got the flower. i just think that he loves me still with his heart. but i do not prefer that he always send me luxury presents. we are not rich people and i also think that the happy life is with two hearts together, not just with money around.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Jul 08
You're exactly right about that. Money isn't what makes a relationship thrive; it's the love that's in it. I love how you referred to these as "luxury presents" because that's exactly what they are. You don't have to have flowers...they're not essential to your well being; therefore, you know that when you get them, there's a little extra money to spend on something special, and they're above and beyond what's normal so your hubby will make you feel special!
@163Mandolingirl (1052)
•
9 Oct 11
Result!
Happy Aunt!
Happy Husband!
Happy Wife!
1 person likes this
