Does Mama's boy turned out to be a good husband?

@dpk262006 (56761)
Delhi, India
July 3, 2008 9:57am CST
This one is specially for married women. Do you feel that a Mama's boy turned out to be a good and nice husband? Or are you of the opinion that a Mama's boy does not care about his wife? Do you consider your husband a Mama's boy, if yes, could you mold/change him or not, after your marriage? Please share your thoughts and experiences with me.
6 people like this
25 responses
• United States
3 Jul 08
It depends on what type of Mama's boy we are speaking of. In my opinion there are 2 different kinds. Kind number 1 - The kind that puts his mother about EVERYBODY else. He will have to spend almost all day with her to feel happy. He must live within 2 minutes of her at all times. Nobody else can do anything as well as his mama did. That type does not make a good husband, in my opinion. He is too involved in his mother. He will always compare his wife to his mother. His wife will never be good enough. Kind number 2 - The kind that takes care of his mother. He is very close to his mother and will always do whatever she asks of him. This is like my husband, He has always done everything that his mother needed. He makes a great husband though. He believes that our son should be the same way. He makes sure that our kids never speak back to me and behave with me. He was ready and prepared for a wife. He knew exactly how to treat me before we got married. Do I think you can mold/change a man? No. Plain and simple. No.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
You have given a good account - how does a mama's boy look alike and what are its likely categories. I appreciate your views and I more or less agree with you that type is the better one,because he knows how to maintain balance between wife and mother. Many thanks for sharing. Well done.
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
16 Jan 09
Hello deepak! Oh my, this is a hard question. Well, to be honest, I don't want to marry a mama's boy. He will probably be a good man or a good husband but the fact that he is always following the shadow of his mom is not good. Another bad thing about it is that the mama's boy would always compare his wife to his mother. The danger there is that what if your mother - in - law doesn't like me and she will something bad about me, the mama's boy guy would probably listen to his mom than to me. I don't know if I can change or mold the guy, maybe it's possible but it would take long I guess.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
19 Jan 09
Aisa! I appreciate your views, from a woman's (i.e. wife) point of view, every wife would like to mold here husband as per her likings and demands. You are 100% correct that a Mama's boy will compare his wife with his mother and this will cause problems. You have written your response so logically and effectively which shows that you have a sharp and intelligent mind and you very well understand husband-wife and daughter-in-law and mother-in-law relationship. Full marks to you for your response and ++++++++++++++ rated. dpk P.S. - I appears that you have digged out quite a number of my old posts and responded to them, please allow me some time to revert back and post my comments on your responses one by one.
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
19 Jan 09
Aisa! I appreciate your views, from a woman's (i.e. wife) point of view, every wife would like to mold here husband as per her likings and demands. You are 100% correct that a Mama's boy will compare his wife with his mother and this will cause problems. You have written your response so logically and effectively which shows that you have a sharp and intelligent mind and you very well understand husband-wife and daughter-in-law and mother-in-law relationship. Full marks to you for your response and ++++++++++++++ rated. dpk P.S. - I appears that you have digged out quite a number of my old posts and responded to them, please allow me some time to revert back and post my comments on your responses one by one.
• United States
19 Jan 09
hehehe..thank you for your wonderful comments..oh don't mind about it..just take it easy..
@SViswan (12071)
• India
5 Jul 08
I think it depends on the man's nature. Some mama's boys are able to give the right importance to the wife and the mother...and keep both of them happy...while some mam's boys do not go beyond what the mother says even when he knows it's not practical in his situation. My husband is no one's 'boy'...he has his own rules and listens to no one.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
9 Jul 08
Many thanks for sharing. LOL! You husband is 'no one's boy.............. In some manner, it is possible, that a Mama's boy could be a caring husband, but I feel most of the members do not buy this argument. How are you?
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12071)
• India
9 Jul 08
I understand and agree with what you say. But from the few instances where I have heard wives complain that their husband's are 'mama's boys', I find that the wives are only looking at the aspect that the men listen to their mothers. Sometimes, the main focus of the wives is to make their husband obey them...and not really understand what the situation is and listen to the husband's explanations. They, most often than not, want to prove to their mothers-in-law that the husband now belongs to them and their family consists of only themselves and the kids. It's only when the mother's are also very bossy or insist on the sons obeying what they say that the real problem arises. But in general, I feel...a caring person will be caring to everyone around him.....be it his mother, wife or friend.
1 person likes this
@anonymili (3138)
4 Jul 08
I think there are mama's boys and daddy's boys! My ex husband was both and pretty useless. He couldn't make a decision about his life without their say so and it led to our downfall in the end. My husband now is a man not a boy and luckily my in-laws don't live in the UK so I don't have to worry about them intefering in our lives - although they seem very nice whenever I've spoken with them on the phone. My brother lived at home till he was 33 - my mum used to cook and clean for him all the time but he is not a mummy's boy. He's lived with his fiance for the last 3 years and they're getting married and I often ask her if he's behaving himself and thankfully he pulls his weight around the house (as they both work full time). It is gratifying to know that even though mum spoilt him when he lived at home, he respects his partner and always puts her first.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
5 Jul 08
OH! You have introduced a new term Daddy's boy...LOL! May be there are these types of boys too. Nice to know that your hubby and your brother, as well did not turn out to be Mama's boy, as they know how to respect their partners. Many thanks for sharing your experiences.
• United States
6 Jul 08
In a way my husband is a momma's boy, but I wouldn't change him. I like him as he is and he is a very caring and loving husband. He is also a very caring and loving son to his mom.
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
5 Jul 08
Hi deepak i am male, u dont seek my comments but i am just poking my nose here before reading comments of others on it. i believe mama's boy can be a good husband (a zen mureed) as they are already use to get oders. so they wont mind if wife give them order
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jul 08
My husband will never admit to being a mama's boy, but I believe that he was before she passed away. By being a mama's boy (and raised as an only boy with two older sisters), it helps him relate to woman and their feelings more. His relationship with his mom has helped form who he is today, and I wouldn't change him for anything. I married him because of who he is, not who I wanted him to be.
1 person likes this
• India
4 Jul 08
No, I don’t think mama’s boys make good husbands coz then they would not have been called mama’s boys! These guys are so enveloped by the mother in their life that they seldom find the necessity to look beyond that. Not all are at fault though… in fact I find that in most cases, the mama is at fault more than the son. Some women are so overbearing on their sons that the lad hardly gets a chance to develop an independent mind and so everything (including the wife) must reflect mama and only her. Secondly there are women who feel that as mothers it is their right to ask for unquestioned loyalty from the son till she lives (most Indian mothers)…it is as if the son cannot have a personal life of his own and even his wife is brought into the family to look after mama. Thirdly, there are some sons of course, who genuinely love to keep themselves attached to their mother’s apron strings. I don’t know why but to them, mama can do no wrong. They put their mothers beside the family goddess on the altar. My husband is not a mama’s boy but he does not neglect his family either. When I married him, his parents younger brother accepted me as part of their family. I am not a separate entity from them so it cannot be that he looks after me and neglects them or vice versa. Though as his life partner, I expect and get more preferential behaviour than the others do, but that is normal. BTW what are you, Deepak?
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
I appreciate your views and may be your right in your opinion because you have observed it from a wife's angle. I more or less agree with you that mothers are to be blamed more than their sons for this phenonmenon. Some mothers are really overbearing, they do not want that their sons should give importance to their wives. I also agree with you that some mothers are very keen and particular about the loyality of their sons, till they are alive, irrespective of son's own family. Sudipta, please do not direct the barrel of question towards me.............LOL! (If my wife happens to read my answer, I will be fired........LOL!) It is difficult for me to comment on myself. Frankly speaking, initially, when I got married, I was more attached to my Mama, than my wife, but gradually I was made to realise that I am supposed to keep proper balance between my relations with my better half and mother. So, gradually, and as some years of married life passed, I was able to mantain the balance. But if you ask my better half this question, she will look from her own angle.........and may term me as Mama's boy...................(which, at present, I am not....LOL).
• India
7 Jul 08
Hi Deepak, You are so sweet and bhabi is so typically Indian Basically what I want to say is that we should strike a proper balance between our spouse and our parents. There are many girls too, to whom their mom or dad is more important than their husband and with more girls earning themselves, that problem is gradually cropping up in many families
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
5 Dec 08
I agree with your views.
@maryann82 (133)
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
men who grew up to be a "mama's boy" tend to be good husbands since they share empathy to their female behalf but on the other part some turns out to be neglectful for the fact that they level you with their mother's standards and ways... expect you to be just like their mother that it becomes a pressure and very troublesome for the wife... if you ever marry a mama's boy you can really expect him to change just for you but you could just discuss with him the issue and set some parameters or mutual understanding that you can't be totally be like hiks mom and he has to understand that both of you have to adjust to keep your relationship civil, strong and fruitful
• China
4 Jul 08
Sorry ,I don't know what is mama's boy ,could you tell me? However, I know the best husband is having sense of good duty! The worse is too selfish! If Mama's boy is the first situation ,who is the best husband!
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
4 Jul 08
The mamas boy I married turned out to be an arrogant and abusive husband and father. I put up with it for 20 years, then divorced him. No, it wasn't possible to change his ways. He always felt it had to be done his way only. I'd certainly never marry another like that.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
3 Jul 08
hello again, i dont think my hubby is a mama's boy but he is very closed to both his parent which is great coz it is one of my basis before to find out if he is a good man or not. anyway, i honestly feel that there are some good and there are some bad mama's boy in the world. i said this coz i met many in the past. but since we are talking about personal experience let me tell you about my estrange brother (i call him estrange coz i dont talk to him anymore coz i am done with his crap) anyway, my mom raised him like a baby though he is already at the age of he can understand what is right and wrong. mom will always give in to what he wants and will always blame anybody but him even if its his fault, i know that coz i am always the person she blamed but i never grow up having hatred in my heart, in fact it helps me to be strong and be more matured and ready to face anything in life. i have told my mom that she is not helping him at all and will just makes his life miserable in the end if she dont let him stand on his own, but being a parent she dont want to listen to me coz she thinks i am just bossing her around. anyway, he is now 29 years old have hurt his family physically and emotional, cheated to his wife many times, got another girl pregnant and hurt a lot of people because of his personality. he still behaves the same way when he is still 5 years old and he dont see any responsibilities to his actions and will blame everybody for all the wrong that happened to him without thinking it is him who is doing it to himself and unfortunately his family have to suffer. i have told this scenario to my mom 20 years ago but she never listens to me, until now she still love and cared her son and her son still listens to her but do the opposite in teh end. i dont talked to him anymore coz i am tired of him hurting his family and blaming ME for whatever he did in life when in fact i am happily living my life and ignoring every piece of him. i just dont get it so i told my mom and my estrange brother's family that i am done with him and they should respect my decision or else i will do the same thing with them. i love my self and my husband and i will not let those pain and blames affect my life and relationship coz it is not fair and right. if he wants to ruin his life, he can do it for all i care BUT i am not gonna be part of it anymore. to end this, i think it all depends on how the parents (specially the mom raised them) if they raised them right and not pampered them when they did something wrong then you can expect that the person will be a loving person in the end BUT if not you can see what they will gonna be exactly or worst than my estrange my brother in the end! takecare
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
I appreciate your stand about your brother. But unfortunately, your Mama could not understand it. Your brother and those who come into contact with him, will face the music, always. You took lot of time to narrate your view point, I am really impressed with your thoughts. Many thanks for sharing.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Jul 08
yeah, my mom will always stand back to his side no matter what happen and it is sad coz you will think she knows better but despite the reality she still wants her way to be the only way. anyway, like you i dont understand it at all. i dont care much about it except the time they see me at fault and that i shouldnt be happy in life - strange coz i do all the decision for myself and they want to take all the credit coz i am happy now. oh well such life. btw, thanks for the compliments i hope i didnt bore you in any ways. have a good one!
@cyberfluf (5004)
• Netherlands
8 Dec 08
I think anyone that has the will to change can change. I know several guys that are momma boys and most of them turned out fine. The key here is to start distancing from their mother, do thing on their own and learning to say no. This is really hard because, off course, you love your mother. I don't think it's healthy if a son clings to much to his mom or visa versa, same thing goes for other relatives off course. It's allmost like they become one and there is just one person instead of two. There is a term for this particular thing but I don't know what it is in English... if I remember I'll look it up later this day.
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
8 Dec 08
I agree with you that a boy needs to distance himself from his mother, once he gets married and needs to maintain a balance between his wife and mother, even if he is a Mama's boy. Thanks for sharing and joining.
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
4 Jul 08
To be honest I don't really know. I think it will depend on mama's boy personality more than on the fact that he was mama's boy. Honestly I see more the problem in the mama than in the boy LOL The mama part in the mama's boy syndrome seems to be a bit more complicated since it will be hard to find a woman that will be able to please mama. If they live close it might be a problem for the poor wife. Food is no good, house in not nicely clean, wife is too fat/thin/short/tall, wife doesn't know how to take care of husband/ children properly etc. etc. etc.
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
5 Jul 08
Many thanks for your thought and view, I agree with you that it depends on Mama's attitude towards his son. Any personal experience on this account, which you may like to share with us?
@subha12 (18452)
• India
4 Jul 08
I am not married. so i do not have any such idea about maam's boy. i think that person can be a good husband. also too much attachment can make it worse.
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
Subha, you are right since you are not married, you cannot make an assessment, but once you are into it, please answer my question.
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
3 Jul 08
Did you have to ask? Oh, no mama boy is always mama boy. I have divorced one so I know a lot about mama boys.... Even now, years after, he named his boat after his mother, not after his daughter.... Mother have decided what kind of car he can buy and where he can work.....
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
4 Jul 08
I think you suffered a lot because of 'Mama's boy' so you are putting thumps down for him..........
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
23 Jul 08
If only I had married my ex boyfriend I would be able to tell you now if he's been a husband or not. But sadly we need to separate ways. Though I must say having a relationship to a mam's boy does not been a problem to me. My ex has been so faithful and loving and I never felt that mcuh respect to any male like the way he did gave me.
• Canada
23 Jul 08
My husband moved out of his cildhood home at 15, and went to university. I've always respected him for that, and for the independence he gained at that age. I have also always respected his mother for not smoothering him as a child, and giving him the space that he needed during his childhood to grow up and become an independent human being instead of one more Mama's boy.
@katsmeow1213 (28910)
• United States
4 Jul 08
My older brother was a mama's boy, and he is now married. My mom has since passed, but while she was alive he would phone her literally every 10 minutes throughout the day, and have dinner at her house every single Sunday. I can't imagine how that made his wife feel, but she is not the type to need too much of his attention luckily, so I don't think it caused problems. If my husband were like that I don't think I'd still be here. I do not get along with his family at all, and already I am bitter about how much time they take away, because of how much he works.
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
4 Jul 08
I agree with some of the other comments that there are different types of "Mama's Boys". There is the type that has a strong relationship with their Mother and considers their inputs on all aspect of their lives; and shares a very strong bond and friendship with their Mother as well. This type of "Mama's Boy" is far more manageable in my opinion because of you can win over the Mother as well and find a happy medium then all goes smoothly as you can share in the friendship/relationship and the Mother will not feel threatened by it at all. The second type is the kind that can't seem to make any decisions in life WITHOUT the guidance of their Mother. It is pretty much a case of never letting go of the apron strings and of course the Mother openly embraces this situation and ensures that the Mother/Child relationship is always maintained regardless of her son's age. This situation is far harder to handle because you will always be in competition with the Mother and will never be the one that your guy sides with. And if the Mother does not like you (which is highly likely because she will consider you to be driving a wedge between her and her "baby boy") then you have NO chance! If I was a woman I certainly know which situation I would prefer! And it is not a case of a man not caring for his wife; it is a case of mixed loyalties. A true "Mama's Boy" (second example) is heavily and directly influenced by their Mother and the Mother generally has no intentions of letting up on this front.