chat rooms
discussion sites
games rooms
hiding behind a veil
internet friendship
lasting friendships
lies and deceit
precautions
safeguards
Do You Take Precautions When Making Internet Friends?
By Darkwing
@Darkwing (21583)
July 7, 2008 4:39pm CST
One of the most hotly debated and deeply criticised friendships is online friendship, defined as people who have come to know each other through the Internet, perhaps through one of the many well-known sites that offer decent internet friendship. There are hundreds of people on these sites, who share similar interests to each of us, and when one logs onto the sites and talks to others, they may find a lifelong friend.
However, there are signs to be wary of; precautions to be kept in mind, while making Internet friends.
Nurturing a friendship with somebody you can’t see or feel, is not an easy task, by any means, for without their physical presence, forming a friendship that will last forever is very difficult. Of course, some people will argue that there is an advantage in not being able to see one another. Some don’t have a lot of confidence in their looks and some shy away from speaking in public, or in a group. For these people, online friendship can be a way of avoiding these daunting moments. In the main though, this opens up the Internet to deception in an Internet friendship. Anybody can be anybody they wish… hide behind a veil and live an Internet life of deceit and lies. Any person who owns a computer, can log onto these sites anonymously and make friends with bad intentions, and sometimes these people are difficult to spot until perhaps, it’s too late.
So, when making friends over the internet, it is advisable to be extremely careful and be alert at all times. When speaking to unknown people on the internet, do not divulge personal information, like you telephone number, address or even close location, unless you are totally sure of the person to whom you’re speaking. Cut contact, if you feel this person is probing too deeply into your personal life, and don’t disclose anything about your friends, relatives or close family. Exchange photographs only if you know this person well, and trust them with personal information, and never, ever arrange to meet a person you have just met on the Internet. Whatever age you are, if you feel you want to go meet somebody, either get hold of their details and leave them with a friend, or family member; tell somebody close to you where and when the meeting is to take place; or better still, take somebody you trust totally along with you. Always check a person’s profile, and if you feel they’re not genuine, just don’t accept their friends request, and certainly don’t forward or read e-mails to or from unknown people.
Not everybody is untrustworthy of course. I have made a lot of really special friends on the Internet, but I select them carefully, through either sites such as Mylot, or Games rooms with chat. I have only had to turn a few away, so I've been fairly lucky, or careful, perhaps, in my selection of friends. My longest standing Internet friend is of seven years standing, and we're still in touch.
Do any of you have anything to add to the precautions I've shown... do you agree, or disagree with what I've listed? Also, do you have good or bad stories about friends you have made online? Please share. 
10 people like this
30 responses
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I can share two experiences here...one good and one bad.
The good one first...I met my Hubby online. I had just gotten out of a 9 year relationship with a guy that cheated on me with just about every one of my female friends and had even made a pass at my Mom. Needless to say not only was the b/f history so were the friends. I moved home and was putting my life back together. My youngest brother introduced me to the pc and the internet and I thought it would be a fun way to make friends. I made a few news friends and also got tons of propositions from guys looking for a good time...not what I wanted.
Then one day a guy came on and just said Hi. I nearly bit his head off thinking he was another guy hitting on me. He apologized for disturbing me and left. I felt terrible. I messaged him back and apologized for blowing up at him and explained why I did. We started talking and things just took on a life of their own. We were either on the phone or the pc just about 24 hours a day. He was on medical leave from work so we had plenty of time to talk. There wasn't anything we didn't talk about and it was amazing how much we had in common. We met after several weeks and have been together ever since...8 years. September we'll be celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary.
Now the bad one...about 4-5 years ago when Hubby and I were foster parents we were going through a rough patch. I was gone all the time with kids and he was home all the time with the rest of the kids. We rarely saw each other and never had any time together. His son from his first marriage had started coming to visit and that added more discomfort. Then one day he announced that he had met a woman online and he wanted to leave to be with her. I went and bought him a travel kit and told him to do what made him happy. He spent hours talking to her and sending cards to her and she told him how she was a widow with teenage daughters living in Iowa. I told him some of the things she wrote sounded odd but he was determined to go. His son came and got him and I figured that was that. A week later I got a phone call from him. It turned out that his dream woman was none other than his insane ex-wife of 17 years. She and the son had worked together to get him back. The son was feeding her information about what was going on in our home and what problems we were having and she was using that info to further her sympathy for Hubby.
Two weeks after Hubby had left we started talking...he realized what a horrible mess he was in, what a terrible mistake he'd made and wanted nothing more than to come home. I took a long time to think about it and decided to work things out. My reasoning was that he didn't go looking for someone else...she had sought him out with the help of the son, also he had been just as fooled by them as I had been. Most of all, I still loved him. We got back together and never looked back. Although that stunt pretty much cost his son his relationship with his dad it also made Hubby very leery of anyone online.
There are good and bad ppl everywhere...the goal is to choose wisely and then go slow.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
4 people like this
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Hi, Twoey68 I read your story, so you met your husband online, that was nice, I see you went through a bad experience with the son, good you are alright with your husband now.
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
Twoey... thank you so much for your story. I'm so glad that your experience involved a woman, for in my experience, there are not only devious men trying to trap women, but vice versa, and your story outlines this.
I admire the way you dealt with this... you gave him the freedom to make his own decision, and the insight to understand that it was a wrong one. I don't mind telling you that I too, would have had him back, because through your wisdom, he learned his own lesson about not always being right, and not always being with the person he thinks he's with on the Internet.
I'm sure that owing to your wise handling of a bad situation, your love for each other has and will become stronger by the day, and I wish you loads of happiness in your future life together. The son probably isn't really to blame... was he old enough to not be tempted by a bribe from his mother? I doubt it. He deserves a second chance, but she will come a cropper someday, and you're the victor, my friend. Well done.
Brightest Blessings and thank you very much for outlining the dangers to others. xx
2 people like this
@jaysport14 (73)
• United States
7 Jul 08
i think you need to take precautions but it depends on the site. on sites where they can see your information like myspace or facebook i am very carefull but on others where they can't see much im not as carefull but still take precautions.
4 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
7 Jul 08
On Myspace and Facebook, I deliberately hold information back, and I don't just accept any old body as my friends. Good for you... you certainly need to take precautions when making friends on the Internet. For some strange reason though, I feel that on Mylot, it's possible to tell how genuine a person is through their writing.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution.
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
11 Jul 08
I have to admit, I've made a lot of good friends online myself. They're all trustworthy and honest, and I love them to bits... including you, my dear friend. But, I've been lucky!!! I've only had one bad experience, when I lost my concentration for a moment, but that was nothing compared to the friendship I've found online. I put it down to my intuition being good. I can usually read between the lines, although the odd once or twice, I've wondered!
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend. xxxx
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
9 Jul 08
Very good points and great advice Darkwing.
As for me, I'm more careful than I used to be. I watch and read and see how people are with others before I let anyone get too close unless there is an instant connection for whatever reason. I'm pretty open about things anyway, and have nothing to hide, so it's not a big deal for me. But I am careful what I put 'out there' on any deeply personal level anymore. I've been burned badly and don't want to go there again. But if I pay attention to nuances in a person's writing, time and experience gives me a pretty good idea about the character of the person. It's the younger generations and the desparate that don't seem to have any boundaries, and they're the ones that are the most vulnerable. There are only a few people I've met online that were 'friends' at one time and I gave my trust to, and it turned out badly. I'm much more cautious these days.
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
9 Jul 08
I was a bit naive when I first started my Internet experience, but you grow to learn the dangers, I feel. I've only had one bad experience, but I've been lucky. There are some out there who just can't fathom it. I agree that you can normally tell a person from their writing, in here, kind of read between the lines. Some I take to instantly, and others I have to encounter a few times before I feel confident about them, but in the main, this is a good site and the friends I've made here have been both supportive and caring.
Brightest Blessings my dear friend, and thank you for your contribution. xx
2 people like this
@Bluepatch (2476)
• Trinidad And Tobago
8 Jul 08
You can get a feel about people from what they say and when you're on the net and the conversation is flowing you also get this feel.
Its also pretty easy to detect a lonesome oddball and an untrustworthy guy. Just ask a few pertinent questions and the answers you get will tell a lot.
Also, and I must say this, if you're looking for trouble, trouble will find you.
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
Yes, you can... most people can, anyway, but I have to admit, when I first came online, I was unaware of how much danger there is in speaking to people you don't know. Not everybody can see the pitfalls my friend, so this is just a friendly heads up to those who can't, and an invitation for those, such as you, to add any further ideas you might have to prevent such a situation. Agreed, if you're looking for trouble, trouble will find you, but not all those who find trouble are looking for it, are they? I've read some horrific stories on here... not all kids, either, adults too.
Thank you for your contribution, and Brightest Blessings.
2 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
7 Jul 08
Hi Darkwing,
I totally agree with you here, as you know I am fairly new on the net so I tread carefuly,I have heard all sorts of things like that and it can be very dangerous and yes I have very few selected friends on this site but I still never ever give out any personal details.
Thanks for all your wisdom.
Bright Blessings
Tamara
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
You're quite right to take those precautions my friend. You're better safe than sorry. I hope to meet you some day though... you're so close to where I live and our mutual friend has talked about you. Maybe a threesome, as you say, just so that you feel secure?
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend. xx
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
Yes, that's fine... if you let me know when you'll both be free, or maybe discuss the suggestion I made to her about the 19th July? I think you might find that day enjoyable and interesting as well. I can get a bus right outside my place to your town, so no problems there.
3 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
8 Jul 08
Hi Darkwing,
That will be really great and our mutual friend and myself could meet you where she met you last time.Thank you so very much.
Bright Blessings
Tamara
3 people like this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
8 Jul 08
actually i have got bad experience with bith real life friend and online friend. so now i am not in process of making any friend further. its reakly soemthing i should have been more judgemental a si think. the real life so called friend, whom i thought my best friend, cheated on me. he was just taking advantage of me.the online freind cheated in other way. he was just making stories taht i never was interested and sent me messages as they were sent to his GF.I knew all were false and he is a liar.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
You don't really need to go as far as to be judgemental, my friend... just cautious. I'm sorry to hear of your problems, but hope that you've learned a lesson from these, as I certainly think you have, and can move on with your head held high, knowing better next time.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for confiding in us, my friend. xx
2 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I agree with you hun...but I can say that I have a handfull of online friends that I can trust whole heartedly..and some of my online friends are now off line friends as well..and then some live not to far away from me and I see them around everyday or so...but yes you do have to watch out for some people out there because they are just out for what ever they can get from ya.
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
Yes, I do too, but I still stay alert and cautious of newcomers. I think there are more good ones about than nasties, and here in Mylot, you can normally read between the lines of people's writing. That's what I like about these social sites.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my dear friend. xxx
2 people like this
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
8 Jul 08
To be frank, I am rather skeptical about online friends, especially ones whom I get to know for the first time. I have seen how my colleagues "manage" their online friends on chatline and I am thankful I know my colleagues in person. I do agree that we get to know our friends more through more communication and interacting, that's how I manage to share my darkest secret in some of your discussions :)
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
Shhhhhh Why! Don't let it be known that you're sharing some of your darkest secrets in some of the discussions, or they'll all be wanting to know!!! 
Yes, and it takes time to get to know some of them, but others seem to radiate friendship, without having to probe too deeply into your personal information. I find it quite easy to gauge people in Mylot, by the way they write. Perhaps its intuition, perhaps more of an ability, but I don't take too long to sort who's who in here. It's the other places where there's not a community or you're alone with one other that are dangerous. I was invited to private chat only the other night by a guy, in Pogo. Of course, I declined because if he has something decent to say to me, then he'll say it in the public chat room. I'd never encountered the guy before, so he was snubbed!!! 
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend. xx
Yes, and it takes time to get to know some of them, but others seem to radiate friendship, without having to probe too deeply into your personal information. I find it quite easy to gauge people in Mylot, by the way they write. Perhaps its intuition, perhaps more of an ability, but I don't take too long to sort who's who in here. It's the other places where there's not a community or you're alone with one other that are dangerous. I was invited to private chat only the other night by a guy, in Pogo. Of course, I declined because if he has something decent to say to me, then he'll say it in the public chat room. I'd never encountered the guy before, so he was snubbed!!!
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend. xx2 people like this
@nilouette (632)
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
yes i do, there are all kinds of people in the internet, even virtual friends, i make friends to old acquaintances who are online...
3 people like this
@chocalate (20)
• China
8 Jul 08
When I studied in university, at that time, surfing on web was becoming popular and I stayed online for a longer time. Due to curiosity, I chatted with some strangers and added some of them into buddy list.
These have become memories, now I have started working in career path.
I never add some people online into friend list any more. Work is busy and in real life, I have lots of friends. That is enough.
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
Hello Chocalate and welcome to Mylot. I hope you have success here and make lots of nice, new friends.
I guess those people you added to your buddy list back in the past were not "real" friends, but it doesn't sound as though they were deceitful either.
It sounds as though you're enjoying your career path, and I wish you every success in that. There are a lot of good people on here as opposed to bad, but it always pays to be wary.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution.
2 people like this
@kidjuwee (611)
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
it depends which site you are in, what channel you are chatting in and I don't give my credit card number to people I talk to online. I can say that I have made more good friends online than having bad ones. The bad ones that I encounter were only rude but nothing more than that.
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
I wasn't pointing the finger at anybody my friend, nor trying to suggest that anybody is stupid, but surprisingly enough, a lot of people have been caught out online and some have ended up in potentially dangerous, if not fatal positions. I'm just trying to get across the fact that it pays to be alert, and to point out some of the pitfalls. It's good that you, like many, have made more good friends than bad, but what if you were one of the unlucky ones? Surely you would appreciate a heads up on this?
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution.
2 people like this
@steivene2hot (158)
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
when making friends in the internet, i don't give them my personal information..just keeping it safe..
@Kofficup (150)
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
I agree!
In making friends online you must reveal your PI's or Personal Identity all at once. But always make sure to reveal your gender. I am not greedy of my age gender and state location. But when it comes to telling my name, I have pretensions and inhibations. I remember having an eye-ball with my 'amiga'. But before the EB we've been about 7 to 10 months online bbuddies. I was often changing handles online. But she was retaining hers that no matter how deceptive have I become she was constantly giving information that made me trusted her. We first met at McDonald's near my flat. She described herself on the phone and she was suggesting at me that I'll have to view her picture that she sent me. Upon reaching McDo I spotted her as she described it. It was a pleasant meeting. That was mid-summer of 1997 when emailing, chatting and internet was just introduced in the Philippines. We became bestfriends including her family welcomed me and my family too very well. Its 2008 now, meaning we've been friends for decade!
So from then on we were best buddies. Time to at least disclose a little secret that we keep except our PINs for atms. Be always cautious and never be rude!
Kudoz to those who have found great friends online!
@Darkwing (21583)
•
19 Jul 08
I find Mylot a very good place for finding friends of the criteria you mention. It's very easy to make friends here, and to know whether the person you're debating with is genuine or not. You can tell a lot from somebody's opinions, queries and general writing, don't you find?
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Like you I sort f screen who I make friends with .
and I think you have covered it all of taking precautions.
I have met 3 peple in person that I met on the net in the old bingo halls 2 of them have moved here.
and we met every once in awhile wehen we can to go play bingo!
HAve a great time! another one drove up from Calif. to meet and I went and got her from hotel and brought her to the house we still talk on phione for she hasnt got internet any more! matter of ffact I need to call her and let her know I am doing ok and see how she is.
HUgs and blessings
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
Yes... good for you that you've made some nice friends. As I've said, there are a lot of really nice people out there, but it's best always to be alert, and note when they're pressuring you with questions and the like.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my dear friend. xxx
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
16 Jul 08
Discussion forums are new to me. Mylot is the first and I expect last one I will participate in. I like this site and do not feel the need or desire to investigate others. It is all I can do to stay current here.
What I have experienced here has been all good. In regard to opening myself up to strangers on the net...it is not something I am comfortable with. I have met a few gal-pals and we started out exchanging e-mails...and eventually phone numbers and I have conversed by phone with 3 of them. It took awhile to get to that point and I am glad that we all decided to extend our friendship beyond Mylot.
I am happily married and have no interest in meeting other males. If I was not in a relationship I don't think meeting someone on-line would be my approach. I like to get out and meet people in person and I'd be more inclined to join a singles club than risk giving personal information to someone that might not be representing themselves as they really are. Kind of creeps me out to think about sharing a lot of private information to a voiceless, invisible 'someone' behind a computer screen. Especially if they are seeking something more than friendship.
In regard to the gal pals I have connected with...I am very happy with how that has worked out. I am delighted that my intuitive sense of who they are has proven true.
Different strokes for different folks. I do agree with all the suggestions you put forth...one does need to be cautious and responsible. Cyber space is a different world alright.
Raia
@Darkwing (21583)
•
18 Jul 08
Hello, my dear Soul Sister... thank you for the e-mail, which I will try to get around to replying to soon.
I feel that even with gal-pals... and I was including both sexes in my discussion... you do have to be careful. There are a couple of responses here which involve females, which would make your hair curl. What do people get out of this sort of behaviour? Do they like making people's lives a misery... it's unforgiveable! I prefer to actually phone the person I'm befriending or get them to phone my online messenger. It's better to hear their voice, but then I think you and I have an ability to "see" further into people than some others. I've actually met seven of my online friends now, and each of them has been lovely... I've been lucky in my choices, my friend.
As for the relationship thing... I would have to be extra careful when conducting a male/female relationship online, and would treat it in the way I do offline... take it one step at a time, and slowly. I have to know exactly whom I'm meeting and what their intentions are. I'm fussy like that, my friend!
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution. I know you're busy, but hope to see you again soon. Love to you and David. Take care. xxxxx
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
4 Aug 08
Yes, either by phone or chatting casually through IM, I think you get to know a lot about a person. Of course, with you, Lakota, Gabs and Raydene, as well as a few others whom I have met personally, it was different. I seemed to know straight away... I guess that is when a person is "sent" to touch your life, spiritually or whatever. You just seem to know that they're genuine people.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
2 Aug 08
Hi again,
I soooooo know where you are coming from about both genders creating scenarios that are not as they are being presented.
Thankfully I have not run into the ones you mention here...and I hope I do not. I also agree with you about taking friendships that start on line to another level through phone conversations. Lakota and I chat about once a month...and usually have a long chat when we do and it is great.
I would love to chat with you in person too...and I believe that will occur when the timing is right.
When you say that you take things slow and with an eye of discernment...that is a good thing. It takes time develop openness and trust and it is only when people walk their talk that I feel truly comfortable with them.
Good discussion and always enjoyable sharing our ideas...being the kindred soul sisters that we are.
Big hugs and thanks for your warm and loving regards to David and me.
Raia
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11388)
• Pakistan
8 Jul 08
Hi dear
really nice and detailed post and i did not find a single word to disagree. U r right when u r going to be a friend weith anu one online whom u dont meet, dont know physical ansd sure about culture, environment and back ground, U need to be very careful
Well, i am online since last 7-8 yrs and i am lucky that i have few friends till then, but sure i am very carefull in selecting and adding them and after adding them i took time to develiop trust and confidence and then share info about pic, contact numbers etc, and i think only 203 know my adddress as well
Take care
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
I can tell you're a very sensible, and selective person my friend, but alas, not all are! However, here in Mylot, I think you can separate the genuine from the fakes, through the words they write.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution, my friend. xx
2 people like this
i think i start admiring/liking u
Take care friend @bansalsakshi (208)
• India
8 Jul 08
yes obviously its necessary to have precautions while making unknown net friends.the people on other side wid whom u r chatting,which are unknown to u may have wrong intentions.so please beware of them they can last u to any unwanted problem.so avoid to give them your personal details until u find them genuin.chatting on net and making new net friends wil definitely increase your confidence so must go for this!!
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 Jul 08
I'm quite selective and aware at all times about whom I befriend on the Internet, but there are those who should heed both yours and my warnings. I've heard of a lot of bad cases whilst I've been "live", and it irks me somewhat that these crazies can get away with what they do.
Brightest Blessings and thank you for your contribution.
2 people like this
@Scott_July (12)
• China
8 Jul 08
How do you define friend?
In my opinion, realistic friend should be the one who have had dinner with me for 5 times. What about the internet friend, i really don't know. In my contactsheet, 3 have been kept in touch for 8 years online, and I know many about their affair, marriage and children, and we may exchange ideas when choices or difficulties. But when i am offline, I have a strong feeling that I am just a tourist, marking something in archaic stone.
If you have no desires from internet, you will be immune to anyone in windy world. Precaution for what.
3 people like this
