Update On My Mom 7/7/08

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Mom is in a lot of pain with her side again. It did go away for a few days but it's back again full force. I'm about to have a nervous break down. I'm not kidding. I can't take anymore!! Gosh, how strong does God think I am?? I've tried to get her to go to the Emergency Room but she won't go because she said she can't sit in a wheel chair for 3 or 4 hours because of the pain. I told her that I'd bring a thick blanket for her to lay on and/or I'll raise HELL to get attention and they'll have to give her a bed to shut me up. She said that the blanket would be a nice idea but how would she get up to use the bathroom and if I rose hell then they'd kick me out. It's one excuse after another. No matter what suggestions hubby and I give her, it gets shot down. Mom and I have had our ups and downs. I don't know why but we have. I love her and would lasso the moon and give it to her if I could. Right now things are wonderful between us except when she has her snapping at me moments. I just suck it up and keep doing what ever that needs doing or when I'm trying like hell to hear her on the phone, I suck it up and keep going. I know she doesn't feel good and the stroke has made her dependant on others but why can't she understand that I can not hear well? Why doesn't she realize that it makes me feel like nothing? Other than that, she's been so kind and sweet to me. She tells me she knows she's working me into the ground and I tell her no you're not because you did it for Nannie and now I'm doing it for you. Now let me tell you about my dad. He's never had to do anything in the house. Nothing except for a rare occasion, he'll cook dinner and mop the floor. He's never had to clean the bathrooms, he's never had to change the bed sheets, he's never had to dust, he's never had to wash clothes, he's never had to wash dishes, he's never had to pay the bills, mom did it all for him. She tried to get him to learn but he wouldn't sit still for it. He just didn't understand or was it he didn't believe something could happen to mom. Then mom had her stroke. She can't remember the majority of what had happened in the 7 weeks she was in the hospital but dad, my husband and I remember EVERY BIT OF IT. She has no idea, no conception of the hell we went through because she almost died three times. Dad had to learn how to do all of the things mom did. With my help he learned and is still learning. He's far from perfect but gosh, got to give the man credit when credit is due. He's trying. He has a heart condition. He has 40% of his heart left. The doctor told him the next heart attack will take him. He survived lung cancer. He has severe diabetes. He is 76 years old. Mom is 71. What I'm getting at is this, mom is mean to dad. Dad is mean to mom. They love each other very much but are mean to one another. Why? I don't know. I feel this way, it's just as much her fault for not demanding he learn these things as it is his for not wanting to learn them but he's doing it now to the best of his ability. It's a rude rude awakening for him. I was going to stay with them for at least two weeks before coming home. I barely made it through the first week because I couldn't stand the feeling of walking on egg shells. I've had to come between them several times and scream "STOP! BOTH OF YOU!" I couldn't take it anymore and had to go home. I have lupus. I can't be under stress as well as in the sun or I'll break out with these ugly blotches. They know this but yet they carry on. I can't hear very well at all and can't hear her soft voice so it takes me forever to get anything done because she's constantly calling for me and I have to be right there beside her to hear what she has to say. I have a home too and need to be there with my husband where I'm more relaxed and I can turn the tv up as loud as I need it and even have the closed caption on too and not feel conscience about it. I say that because I know dad doesn't like it but doesn't say anything while I'm there. He's called me at home asking how to turn it off so I don't bother turning it on when at their house. Mom doesn't like loud noises so I don't turn the tv up loud. Back to her pain, she's going to call the doctor first thing in the morning and ask him to admit her into the hospital. I'm sure he's going to want to see her first and she says once he sees the pain she's in he'll admit her. So here we go again. All I do is stare into space or cry. I know it'll be the best place for her but I just wish she'd go tonight instead but she won't. She says she can't. Dear God in Heaven, please help me!!