My Daughter Screams "I HATE YOU!!" To a bunch of old people in a Restaurant
@doubleloveyou (2466)
United States
July 9, 2008 12:30pm CST
I have an autistic daughter. When she was just 3 years old she and my wife and 2 of my other children were sitting in a Burger King in the town we used to live. In the restaurant were sevral retired patrons who were eating lunch. (Don't get mad because I called retired people old):) Anyway she was turned around and laughing and waving and playing with the older people in the restaurant. They of coarse were playing back. If you are familiar with Autism, when an autisit child is done, then they are DONE. Well my daughter was done playing so she turned back toward the table. The older people didn't get the hint. They kept looking her way and waving. So my daughter turns around and screams at the top of her lungs "I HATE YOU!!" Needless to say my wife was ready to leave right then. She hurried the children to finish eating and started to gather them to leave. By this time however my daughter decided she was ready to play again. She turns aroung and tries to wave and laugh to get the older people to play. Obviously the other people in the restaurant thought she was possessed by now and just stared her down all the way out the door. lol
How would you have reacted it my daughter would have done that to you? How would you have handled it if you were in my wife's shoes?
3 people like this
10 responses
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I think that most people would have understood if you had gone to the older people and apologized and explained that she was autistic. Most of the time people just need to know what is going on to be understanding. I know that I would have thought "what a rude child, then ignored her" but an exclamation would have changed my thinking.
2 people like this
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
9 Jul 08
You didn't mention in your initial discussion that she was not yet diagnosed at the time. For sure that would be an embarrassment to your wife and probably frightening at that moment. In that case it would be really hard to offer an explanation, but like I said in my response, they may have just assumed she was being three. Now I also understand why your wife was taken aback by the situation. God bless you both for taking the time to learn about this and deal with it.
2 people like this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Yeah I realized I missed the detail about not being diagnosed. Sorry.
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@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Thanks Dee, yes is would be better if we were able to give an explaination. However at the time she was not diagnosed so my wife was just as surprised as the rest of them.
1 person likes this
@baileycows (3665)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Well no offense but not having known she had autism I would have probably laughed and said WOW! But we have a little girl in church that has autism and if you know how to interact with her she is great! She is stubborn though and when she wants it her way it has to be her way or she will scream.
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@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
9 Jul 08
No offence taken. I understand. It would shock you at first. Then can you imagine the tension in that place?
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@baileycows (3665)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Yeah if it was old people, but my little girl has Type 1 diabetes and you would be surprised how many people don't know why they take insulin. They think because they need sugar it is the other way around and people are always staring and then telling someone else to look. I have just learned to ignore and my my daughter feel like she is normal and everyone that doesnt have diabetes is not normal. LOL!
2 people like this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
9 Jul 08
that is what i do sometimes with my daughter.
Who knows, maybe she is. Maybe we should look at life and not get so burdened down with everything.
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@john3l6 (187)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I can't say because I do not know anyone who is Autistic. I don't know if you can, should or would treat them any different than any other 3 yr old.
I would try to get the point across that it isn't polite to tell people that you hate them in a calm loving manor. While you were doing that the wife could go over to the older women and tell them that she is sorry that their feelings were hurt but your child is now getting told that it isn't polite to say things like that and remind them that the child is only 3 years old.
Go back to the table and continue whatever LOL.
I can't believe that they forgot what it is to be 3 let alone have a special condition.
The child must look healthy and normal God Bless her. The women probably didn't realize she was a special little gift. Which might be another good reason to go over and talk to them. This way they will not be ignorant of some other child's feelings in some way.
2 people like this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
11 Jul 08
True. It was difficult then because my wife was alone. And we didn't know that She was Autistic. We just knew something was wrong. Things are alot different now. We know how to defuse her before she blows up. :)
1 person likes this
@RDugas (247)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Well, since 2 of my 3 children have called people fat in Walmart loud enough for them to here, I probably just would have laughed it off. Children seem to say what they're thinking at the moment without giving it any thought, ecspecially a 3 yr old. If I were your wife, I would have just apologized to the older people and explained that she was autistic. Of course that could have problems of its own if your dughter would start to think she could do things without getting in trouble and blame it on Autism. I dont think it was that big of a deal, I'm sure they got over it by the time they swallowed thier last french fry!
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Funny. You are probably right. They got over it and if not that's ok too. My daughter is 10 years old now. One thing that many may find interesting is that most Autistic children do not have the logic process to use their autism as an excuse. They are confinded to their own worlds and look to make sure that their needs for that moment are met. They don't look ahead and seldom look back.
Thanks so much for your response. i like your walmart story. It made me laugh. :)
1 person likes this
@jeninays (30)
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
I would be as embarassed as anyone else but I wouldn't mind keeping my cool , giving my child a hug and whisper something to calm her down, let the kids finish and smile to the other patrons, although that would be not very easy to do.if things get worse, then maybe it would really be time to quickly leave
2 people like this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Yes it would be difficult to know what to do. We lived in a small town too and I was a Pastor at one of the local churches. Once she was diagnosed most of the community knew who she was so it was not so embarrassing because people understood.
1 person likes this
@charmedmom3 (2)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Having three children of my own and my youngest being autistic I have pretty much have seen alot. I've seen stares, awkward looks, have heard rude comments. Sometimes people just have no common sense. That like someone else said she was only 3 years old, a toddler and they do not know what the circumstances are. Too be honest with you if I were the other person I probably would have laughed. Not at the fact of there possibly being something wrong but at the fact that children are just so unpredictable. And I would have looked at your wife and smiled and said don't worry about it. Kids will be kids. And if I were your wife, I would have just said quietly to the people I'm sorry and tried to calm her down. Then I would have left when I was ready. I'm here for my child. I already apologized. I'm not too worried about what anyone else thinks. It just matters what I know.
2 people like this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Thanks charmed. It was rather funny. I believe I laughed the first I heard about it. My Wife did too when she was telling me. What it does is it helps us to explain to others what happens so that they learn to deal with disabilites in children better. So often parents believe that they are all alone and that no one acts like their children do. The truth is, we have all gone through it to some extent.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
9 Jul 08
I would have apologized to the people and explained that she is autistic. It is nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. Chances are, they would understand. Also, they might just assume she was being typically three years old. You and your wife are being blessed with the privilege of raising this child, and God knows you can handle it. I hope that you don't think that is an empty platitude. From what I have read of your discussions here I think you are probably both wonderful people and God has entrusted you.
2 people like this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
9 Jul 08
thank you kbk. Yes we are blessed to have such wonderful children. I will have to write more about our other children too. That way people can see what a blessing God has given us.
I love telling this story because 1) It explains the mind of an autisit child. 2) It's funny. I probably would have laughed if I had been there. It embarrased my wife though. She calmly left. Of coarse about 4 years later she was diagnosed with the autism.
1 person likes this
@heavenschild (4777)
• Canada
12 Jul 08
I'd have probably done the same as your wife! LOL
My son just turned five at the end of June and has autism and so I understand more than you know what those moments are like and the stares etc.
~Heavens~
1 person likes this
@heavenschild (4777)
• Canada
15 Jul 08
Oh yes there are quite a few of us on here! Feel free to PM me any time!
I wouldn't mind knowing some of the sites your wife has found and online support groups....
~Heavens~
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
15 Jul 08
I'll see if I can find out where she goes. I believe they may be regional sites, but I will see. Like wise.
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
14 Jul 08
So glad to know that there are other parents at Mylot with Autistic Children. It is nice to have people who relate to what you go through. My wife gets on other sites and has groups there that talk.
@mohit1123 (564)
• India
10 Jul 08
Well i would have responded back the second time as well. Does it have any cure?? She would be doing the same kind of behavior, how do deal with her, you really would have to be careful,right?
2 people like this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
10 Jul 08
There is no cure at this point. And yes you have to be very careful. An Autistic child cannot handle anytype of surprise. It closes them down. They prefer to stayin their own little world.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Jul 08
doublelove you since I have read a bit about autisim I would have considered the source and just shrugged myself. if I were your wife I would have let it roll off my back as sooner or later people are going to learn about autistic children and then they will give them the benefit of the doubt too. There are a lot of autistic children out there so let us learn how to act around them and not cause anyone a meltdown.
1 person likes this
@doubleloveyou (2466)
• United States
22 Jul 08
I agree that unfortunately autism is becoming more prevelent and because of that people will tend to understand more as it affects them. We just continue to let people know so that they too can understand.
