My marriage is over :( OMG

United States
July 9, 2008 7:14pm CST
I had no idea that anything was even wrong! My husband and I have been actively trying to conceive a baby, in the process of buying a house, and just purchased a new vehicle together. We had a huge argument over finances on June 2nd, and I went for a walk to cool off, when I came home, everything was in the dumpster or on the front lawn!!! My heart is broken...and I went from having a wonderful life, to struggling AGAIN. I lost my job, went to a homeless shelter with my 3 year old daughter, and now, we are in a housing program for single homeless mothers. I just got a new job, although just at mcdonalds, and we have a cute little apartment. But, my heart is still breaking. I thought he would come around by now. I don't know what to do. Should I try to get him back or should I just continue moving forward and make a life for myself and my daughter?? Someone give me some advice please!
16 people like this
57 responses
@Shawchert (1040)
• United States
10 Jul 08
you shouldn't try to get a guy like that again just because you had an argument, you should move forward make your life with your daughter, hopefully you'll find a better and more understanding man, one who can apparently cool off sooner. I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling but I'm glad you wree able to get help for you and your daughter!!
3 people like this
@lilaclady (28236)
• Australia
10 Jul 08
Oh that is so sad, to be honest I think if he has just up and left you and your daughter in that way, to live in a homeless shelter then I think it would be best to try on your own, I think that is a cruel unthinking thing for a father to do...if he came back to you and begged and promised i think it might be worth a shot maybe...but I would go after him, he has to really want to make a go of it I think..i wish you well...
@checapricorn (16065)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I'm sorry about that BellasmamaTiff, I know how painful and depressing is that and I admire that you were able to handle it, you need to be strong also for your baby and I can feel you can do that...When I will be asked about what to do, the fact that he thrown you away, I have no reason to be trying to talk to him and work it out! Just move on even if it's painful and if ever he will ask for forgiveness and you can see he is sincere and he will really find a way to get you back, For me, I might give another chance!
2 people like this
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I would worry about myself right now and if he comes around good! But you have to keep going like he might not come back and that way you'll be ahead of the game. I am so sorry this happened to you but sounds like you are headed in the right direction!
2 people like this
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Although your life seemed perfect to you, clearly there were problems that weren't being addressed. It seems to me that you've moved ahead to pull your life together for you and your little girl. My only advice to you would be to try to get as much work experience as possible to find better jobs. Learn a trade or take some computer classes. By moving towards independence, you can become self sufficient. As for your husband, I think you need to just keep moving forward. If you are meant to be together, you will find your way back to each other. In the meantime, concentrate on your self and your daughter and your broken heart will mend.
• United States
10 Jul 08
Too bad I can't swear on here. I'm not a swearing person but I could think of a few nasty words for guys like him. What a shame, obviously he wasn't the person you thought he was. Don't bother trying to get him back, just hold your head high and be strong for your child. If you go back with him you will only live in fear that he might throw you out again, then you would be right back at square one. Try to be confident and lead him to believe that you are doing better without him, that's the best revenge if you ask me. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your child.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jul 08
Thank you Thank you Thank you....I need the support of people like you. Thanks so much.
@snowbitz (487)
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
He doesn't deserve a good woman like you.You are better off without him.move forward .Concentrate on your daughter give her a better life .What else do you need you already have a daughter you don't need him to hurt you again.Prove to him that you are better off without him make him feel that he was the one who is in the losing end of losing you.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jul 08
Thank you so much for your comment. I am happy for all the support from my mylot friends. Thanks again.
@srpkinja (375)
• Canada
12 Jul 08
First off, I am really sorry that this happened. I think that you should talk to your husband because in order to find out what is going to happen, you need to get a hold of him and ask him what he is thinking and what he would like to do next. Not even for your sake, but the sake of your child to grown up in the best way as possible. If he is not willing to get back together or even help you with some financial support, then I would ask him for money every month for your child. If he says no or doesnt even want to be in your life or your childs then move on, without him because you dont need someone like that in your life or your childs life. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that everything goes well for you and your daughter. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@naty1941 (2336)
• United States
12 Jul 08
This is awful. Don't even think about going back to him. He sounds like an $ss.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
12 Jul 08
Oh Sweetheart how awful! I don't know the situation like you do but I have to say if my other half treated me that way over an argument I don't think I would be looking to go back to him! It sounds as though you have done a great job of moving forwards with you and your daughter - you have a place to live and a job already - don't put yourself down that it is just at McDonalds - it is a job and you have done all this for yourself - you should be proud of yourself , I know I am very impressed. I know you must be devastated and I would never presume to tell you what you have to do but I would say of course you are in pain but you have moved along so well and hopefully each day will be brighter and less painful for you! Good Luck! xxx
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164229)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Jul 08
bellasmamaTiff I am so sorry. reading what you have said,you love your husband yet, but anyone who would throw your things inthe dumpster, well I would not go back to him in a zillion years. he needs to enrol in anger management.okay you have a job, and a cute little apartment.Go ahead and make a good life for you and your daughter, and let him come back on bended knee if he will, but he has to have changed otherwise kick him to the curb and move one. somewhere out there is a perfect man who will love you and your child for you,and not blow up over bills and go into towering rages.you are lucky your angry husband did not hit you as angry as he sounded..
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
10 Jul 08
It sounds as though he doesn't love you or he would not have just left you out in the cold like that over one argument. If you were in a great relationship before a single argument and then he kicked you out, I would say that it is best for you and your daughter to stay away from him. Build your own life and hopefully you can find a great guy who will accept your daughter and you as his family too.
1 person likes this
@bmorehouse1 (1028)
• United States
10 Jul 08
This is good that you are venting and getting your problems out in the open. You cannot keep things all bottled up. Your sanity is very important. He obviously had this in the back of his mind or he would not have gone off the deep end so to speak. If he has not even tried to contact you, then I would say let him go. If this is not his daughter then there is no reason for you to have to be in contact. Don't go crawling back to him. If he does contact you, take it slow. Don't dive right back into things. It sounds like you are starting to put your life back together - Good for you! Best wishes!
• China
10 Jul 08
He is not a very responsible man for walking out on you just like that. You should be a stronger woman for yourself, for your daughter as well.
1 person likes this
@alori61 (344)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I would not recommend you even consider taking the fool back but I would suggest ASAP you getting to a lawyer and making sure you're name is taken off all those huge purchases you mentioned buying with him. If he can toss you and your daughter out on the street like that he will not think twice about distroying your financial future. Whether you are in possession of the items purchased or not you are liable for payment if it is a joint purchase. If he stops making payments they have every legal right to take you to court for payment. CYA this guy is a loser.
1 person likes this
@msyang (18)
• United States
10 Jul 08
in that case, i don't think he wants you. if he does crawl back, yes, worth trying out again. good luck.
1 person likes this
• India
10 Jul 08
Hi BellasmamaTiff, Sorry to here about it.I think you should start your life with your daughter.That will help you to live happily. Good luck!!
1 person likes this
@adthacker (197)
• India
10 Jul 08
this is very sad and its really bad for ur child but u can call him back and even he have to back for child u both can not spoil her life u both dnt have any rights to play with her life why she suffer? u both have to take care for her
1 person likes this
@relundad (2311)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Sadly enough studies say that finances are the main reason for divorce. I think for your sanity and the well being of your daughter you need to continue moving forward. As well I would use this time to really evaluate who you married and who fathered your child. It sounds like as long as things are big and good then your spouse is willing to stick it out. But when things get rough and tough he tucks his tail and run. So he may very well have entered the marriage out of convience for a better lifestyle not expecting hard times. For me that would be an indicator that he is not in it for the long haul and I would not be interested in prolonging the process, since its almost a given that through the years there will be many ups and downs, highs and lows. You should not have to worry that everytime things are not good that he is gonna leave. I surely would not want to have anymore kids while your marriage is unstable.
• United States
10 Jul 08
I see you have received tons of advice already, the only thing I see left to offer is this. Work on the part of you that thought he would come around. The fact that you hoped a man who treated you like garbage would come back says little for your self esteem and outlook on your self worth. Each day will make you stronger but if you want a kick start really reflect on what part of you thought getting him back.. EVER ..was a good idea.. Good Luck Sweety P.S. your gonna make it dear I've been there 5 time's twice in way worse situations.