Do you think a person who is umemployed should be trying to get pregnant?

United States
July 11, 2008 5:41pm CST
If you had a friend who was constanly unemployed and without money and she was trying to get pregnant, would you advise her not to have a baby? How would you advise a friend who wanted to have a baby that she could not support? What would you say?
9 people like this
32 responses
@babykeka80 (2089)
• United States
11 Jul 08
I would definitely advise her to wait. It is not fair to the child or those who pay taxes to try to bring a child into this world that you cannot financially support. If it is an accident then that is one thing but to try to get pregnant when you cant even take care of yourself is just assanine. There is no reason to even consider having a child if you cannot hold a job. My first was unintentional but I was working and worked up until 2wks before I had her and went back 2wks after I had her. Children are expensive. Diapers, formula, clothes, and everything else that is neccessary is ridiculously priced. I would tell this friend that now may not be the best time especially if she is a US resident because of the slumping economy and if she waits until she is more financially stable she and the child would both benefit from the decision. Raising a child is stressful enough without trying to raise one without any money.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Jul 08
I wouldn't say anything unless she asked! I would, however, point out the difficulties this or that other friend was having taking care of kids, even though they have a job! That way, your friend won't just close her mind to you and be mad at you for meddling. Good luck! It's such a touchy subject, nobody ever really knows the right thing to do.
@Elixiress (3887)
12 Jul 08
I think there is a difference between being unemployed and not having money, I do not think that it is fair to bring a child into the world if you do not have the money to support it whether you are employed or unemployed. Whereas if someone has enough money to support a child and they are unemployed (inheritance / savings / partner's earnings) then they should be able to have a child if they wish. I think that if you are disagreeing with people having children and being unemployed then you are against people being stay at home parents (many do no have official jobs).
• United States
15 Jul 08
And I'm a stay at home mom! You know this. So of course, I support stay at home moms. I'm so surprised that you are the only person who has brought this up. Well it's true. Stay at home moms are unemployed by choice but not penniless! Many stay at home moms worked before the kids came along and still have money saved up. And no I would not be against a stay at home parent. How does anyone know another person's true wealth, right? I know one woman who retired from teaching at a grade school at age 54 and she was a millionaire! She had no children and rarely went on vacation and invested her money wisely. People were so surprised at her wealth! But she lived simply in a small apartment for years and was content with her life. And now for the next 20 years or so she can live in style. You made some really smart points.
@Elixiress (3887)
15 Jul 08
I agree with your points, so I think that the main issue you have with the woman getting pregnant is not that she is unemployed, but that she has no money.
@youless (98955)
• Guangzhou, China
12 Jul 08
It depends on. If she has a husband and perhaps that's not a problem. Sometimes in the modern age, women have to work and meanwhile take care of their families, that's not easy. Especially when they are pregnant, their position in the office may have a change and sometimes it's really unfair. So if she is unemployed and perhaps it's a good time for her to have her own baby. I love China
• United States
15 Jul 08
All really good points, as you say.
@steve9737 (918)
• Colombia
12 Jul 08
I would say her to wait, but I would need to know if she has enough money for support her baby, or maybe if she has a spouse that is able to make enough money for they both plus a baby I would be alright, I don't know if that person would shared information about their finances, anyway I would hard to say to her, maybe she wouldn't understand that it is not a good idea getting pregnant without be able to support herself economically, anyway I would say her to wait and point to her how expensive is to have a baby and advise her to save up money at lest for a year before getting pregnant.
• United States
15 Jul 08
Very good advice! And you are right, when a woman has a supportive spouse or partner, often the situation is not so bad for the baby. But if not, then she struggles alone many times! Thanks for your insight.
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
12 Jul 08
Here's what I will tell her. You know raising a child is not an easy task. If you really wanted to have a child better to find a good job first and then save more money cause when you start to concieve you will face a lot of expenses. These expenses will become higher while your tummy gets bigger. Spcially when you baby came out. Did you know that by just giving birth you will need to spend more or less $2,000? If you have that amount then you can gave birth but not be a mother/parent cause parenting also needs a lot of money. How can you feed your child if you don't have money? How can you send her to school? And most specially what kind of life will you be able to give him? Would you like to your child be a beggar? So you really need to think it over if you wanted to have a child and not work."
• United States
15 Jul 08
Those are all really good points. And all are true. If a woman does not have a reliable source of income then she is in a bad situation if she does get pregnant!
@metschica25 (5405)
• United States
12 Jul 08
It depends on if she was with someone like married and if they could affort , or support the child . If they can 't I would ask her to wait , because it will be hard , and life is just hard . She just may get in over her head , why not wait till you are able , ya know . If it just happened then she could just deal .
• United States
15 Jul 08
I think you are the only one who asked if she was married. Good point. A married woman or someone with supportive partner or boyfriend could afford to stay at home with the baby while he worked. Many women do this and it works out. If it is just the woman alone, I know she would struggle! Thanks for your insight into things.
@katsmeow1213 (28910)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Well I was unemployed when my youngest 2 were conceived.. but that's because I'd been a stay home mom since my twins were born. I don't think anyone should purposely get pregnant without a plan as to how to support a child. But I really don't know what I'd say. Besides... she probably won't listen anyways.
• United States
15 Jul 08
I have always wondered if other people consider stay at home moms to be unemployed. Cause in a way we are, but by choice. So it's not really the same. Hmmm! I will have to give that one some thought.
• Canada
11 Jul 08
While I am tecnically unemployed I am able to support myself, I know for a ac that I could not support a child. On the other hand, there are other ways to support one's self besides having a job. What if I had money saved up, and was living off of investments? Who knows? What I do agree on is that someone should not try to get pregnant unless they know how they will support the child.
• United States
12 Jul 08
That's true. A person could own a home based business or online shop and still support their child well if it were producing money. Or, have money stashed away somewhere for such an event. Finances are often a very private issue not shared with friends. Thanks for your post.
@chrislotz (8200)
• Canada
3 Sep 08
Maybe she wants a baby so she can go on welfare and not have to work. The reason I say this is because that is what some of my daughter's friends are doing. One of them didn't want to work so she purposely got pregnant and doesn't even know who the father is, she just slept around till she got pregnant. She is now on welfare and her baby is 4 years old. She just received a letter from welfare saying that now her child is old enough to go to school, nursery, she should be looking for work and be on social assistance only part time. They would help her till she got on her feet, partial welfare to supliment her income. So since she didn't want to work, she got pregnant again, on purpose again, not knowing who the father is again, and now welfare leaves her alone since she can't go back to work again. She told her friends about the way welfare works and that if they get pregnant they don't have to work and they could spend their days with her. So two of them went and got pregnant and aren't working either and are on welfare too. They tried to convince my daughter to do the same, but thank goodness my daughter disagrees with them and didn't do it. She is working, with me, cleaning houses and we make really good money doing it, plus she is now considered selfemployed so she has a lot of right offs and is doing well for herself. She is 25 years old and no babies, thank goodness, since she is single.
@elitess (5071)
• Ipswich, England
13 Aug 08
Well knowing my real friends really good and having a tight relationship with them, i would just point them the obvious and tell them as it is, but that's only because i know i can speak openely with them.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
13 Aug 08
i think its not my business at all. plus that friend may think i am getting involved too mush into all these. still if I think she is not doig right, i will try to make her understand.
@joyadalia (1408)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
She should definitely wait. Times are hard; how could she support her baby?
• India
15 Jul 08
It is nice to have a baby when there is time and enough money to support her child and if not her husband should have sufficient money to support both.
@makingpots (11920)
• United States
15 Jul 08
I would never even consider advising someone on this topic. It is a sensitive topic for me (but not for everyone, I realize) so I would only answer direct questions and be as tactful as possible. My rule would be to not say anything unless asked directly about it.
@nupats (3564)
• India
14 Jul 08
hi dear i dont think that is a very good idea..a child should be planned only when you are financially stable to meet the kids requirements..it is indeed a big responsibility..
• United States
13 Jul 08
i would recommend that it's not a good idea and why,but it's hard to convince someone to wait if they're determined.me personally,i would not bring a child into this world that i couldn't support.
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
12 Jul 08
That is a tough one. Is she married? Is her hubby working? If she is single and not-working- then I would say nicely why are you doing this? Having kids is easy-- but raising them is hard. It takes money. It's too bad really- there are a lot of under privileged kids in the world.
@Hatley (164239)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Jul 08
beauty queen if she is unemployed thed last thing she needsis another mouth to feed, what is she using to think with, her teeth? the woman needs a brain transplant as it takes money to feed,clothe and raise a child. Get a job,or find a mate or get a job and find a mate before you even think of getting pregnant.
12 Jul 08
Hello beautyqueen26, I would advise her that a baby is not a doll that you can play and forget about it and all those sleepless nights plus she can't go out with friends like she does now and bringing a child is very very hard. The welfare will gave something to live on it not enough. Tamarafireheart.