Her uterus will be removed - say goodbye to motherhood
By maple_kisses
@maple_kisses (2156)
Philippines
July 13, 2008 11:46pm CST
I went to my OB-GYN last Friday for my Prenatal check-up. The doctor made me wait for an hour or so because she has to deliver a baby in the Emergency Room. I never really minded the wait because I've learned another lesson in life.
So before I get bored and decide to get home I started to chat with the other moms-to-be in the clinic. I chatted with Marianne and Cherry. Marianne looks heavy with her 3rd baby and she said she's getting a ligation because 3 kids is her limit. Cherry strongly said "no", then she apologized and said she doesn't mean to take that tone on us. She was just upset with the thought that other women doesn't want to have kids anymore while she's aching to have one.
We asked her what she meant. She said she's already 44, unmarried (still a virgin, she said this with a smile and a wink) and childless. We told her she can still go for it since she doesn't look 40 at all, she looks about 30 as a matter of fact and she's pretty as well. She said she's been busy with work all her life. No time for love or marriage, saying she wasn't in a hurry.
A tear escaped her eye when she said "Now, it's too late". We told her "of course not!". There's plenty of time. But she said, it's too late to have a baby now. She can't have one. Her myoma is on a very dangerous stage. Marianne told her she can have an operation to take the tumor away. Cherry said the doctor said it's impossible, her uterus should be removed as well, not only the myoma. We were dumbfounded. I mean, I don't know what to say. Marianne recovered first and told her maybe the doctor had a wrong diagnosis. Well, Cherry tried to smile and told us she's got 2nd and 3rd opinions with the same results. I said I'm sorry about it. But she can still marry. Cherry said nobody would want to marry her when she can't have children anymore. We try to comfort her and Marianne tried to change the topic so Cherry would stop crying...
Well, it was really sad. When I got home I realized people were so busy with their jobs that they tend to forget a more important element in this life. Maybe Cherry was right on the onset because she was just trying to prepare for the future... but well, her preparation is nothing without a family to share it with.
But I think she can still find a guy, somebody would still want to marry her. They can adopt too... It's not the same but at least she's got a family. What would you do if you're Cherry? Would you give up marriage as well?
6 people like this
23 responses
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
14 Jul 08
if i wanted kids i wouldnt give up i would adopt or get a surrogate!! they arent taking her ovalries so they could do that.. she definitely shouldnt give up on marriage at all.. i think its good when people establish themselves and everything before kids but i dont think that age should say when to stop.. look at some of the celebrities!! some of them are in their 40s and having kids.. and some guys wont care about her not being able to have kids and plus whos to say he wont already have them? he could be a widow or something and she would have an instant family.. i just hate seeing people give up on things like that
1 person likes this
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Yes, that makes sense. She's giving up and it shows how weak she is this time. But I was hoping she'll overcome it naturally and ASAP, I guess she's still under shock. She'll realize these things soon (I hope).
1 person likes this
@fafinette79 (943)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Great response! 
I think your suggestions are very good and positive. I know that Cherry will miss out on carrying the baby and all the things that go with it, but the baby will still be hers and her significant other. I also agree that there are many fathers who take care of children without the help of a mother, and she would fit right in. It's all about a person's state of mind. This could be the beginning of a brand new life or she could just make the remainder of her life miserable. 
I think your suggestions are very good and positive. I know that Cherry will miss out on carrying the baby and all the things that go with it, but the baby will still be hers and her significant other. I also agree that there are many fathers who take care of children without the help of a mother, and she would fit right in. It's all about a person's state of mind. This could be the beginning of a brand new life or she could just make the remainder of her life miserable. 1 person likes this
@rampancy (67)
• United States
14 Jul 08
While this would be a sad story to some, I found it mildly annoying. First of all, it is sad that she is losing her uterus, because that is well a part of your body. Not everyone wants children. You do not have to have children to be complete. In fact, she will have more time to focus on her life and her partner without screaming brats. Instead of being mopey and negative about what life has dealt her, she could take charge of her situation and get out there and find her a partner. And like most other people here have mentioned, adoption is always an option if she HAS TO have children.
I don't agree with your assumption that "without family to share it with, her preparation is nothing". This is simply not true. You act like just because she isn't married and hasn't fit into the stereotypical "OH MAN I HAVE TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES!!" mold, that she cannot enjoy living comfortably from her hard work. She is a strong, independent woman who has been working and earning her money. You're going to be saddled with a baby. Do you think she's going to have to spend half her money on diapers and baby food and all that bs? No. She can spend it however she wants to.
It kills me how people only believe they can be complete beings with babies and husbands. Ridiculous.
1 person likes this
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
Hi rampancy, I'm sorry if the discussion annoyed you but well, some aspects of life do annoys us, right? Well, not everybody is as lucky as you to have the same thoughts and feelings about life, not everybody is as independent as you maybe, not to want a family to share her hard-earned money with. I say, you're lucky to have your own idea that spending money on diapers and baby food is bs. But I would definitely appreciate it if you respect my or Cherry's thoughts and feelings about life as well. A baby and spending for him/her is never bs and yes, for some, a baby can complete their lives. I'm sure your's is already complete without a baby or a husband... as I said, not everybody is as lucky as you. Have a good day and God bless you... :)
@fluffysue (1482)
• United States
15 Jul 08
I am very glad at least one person responded this way. I don't think someone's life is over just because they do not or cannot have children, and it does bug me that society seems to think that women are useless if they do not reproduce. I know that at 34 with no husband, I will probably not have children, should I just kill myself now? I don't think so....
@rsa101 (37968)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
It makes me feel sad hearing stories like that. I think she is just being realistic with herself seeing or finding a guy that would really love her would be hard to find as most guys who are serious in marrying a girl is really looking forward having his own baby from her. But then, I know you're right that she must not lose hop as there are indeed guys out there that may just be looking for a girl like her. It may be hard to imagine but you never know right.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
Yes, the future, we can never tell... It's but necessary to be hopeful and be positive about life to survive...
@ratyz5 (7808)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
If I was her and I end up meeting someone who would still be there for me even though that we can't make a family, I'd still go for a marriage.
Most women do have the privilege of giving birth while among those that do resent it when they get into an untimely pregnancy. Not being able to give birth isn't the only aspect that would lead any woman into motherhood. Indeed, it is still different to be able to give birth to a child of one's own yet, motherhood can also be exemplified on being caring to children who are not even theirs.
As you have mentioned, adopting can be an option. Motherhood can not only be implied from a woman's capability to give birth, being able to rear any child, even not of their own can still be recognized.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
You're right of course, she can still be a mother to kids who didn't come from her. I hope she'll realize that soon though...
1 person likes this
@eachen2002 (889)
• United States
15 Jul 08
she shouldn't give up on having a kid just because of her condition,adoption is always available and there are alot kids out there who just need someone to love.
1 person likes this
@Adelida2233 (1005)
• United States
15 Jul 08
No I wouldn't give up on it entirely. There are plenty of men who don't want kids. I would not give up being married, there is always adoption or having a surrogate parent. With so many other options, I would not give up my whole future just because I couldn't conceive.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Hi maple,
This is very sad...But, this is life..Others are trying to abort their babies while others are longing to have one but can't do it anymore!
If I am Cherry, your new friend! I will not give up in finding and waiting for the right guy for me..Love has no basis anyway..True love understand and there are several options in having one if they really wanted too..
In your story, I am sure, she can still find a guy in her life..I have even known several women in their late 40's getting married.I hope despite of the sad story there awaits a wonderful story in her life!
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
I'm sure she'll find a rainbow after the rain :) Thanks for wishing her that. She'll definitely find happiness... she deserves it. :)
@juliefaye (1214)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
I was saddened by the story. A friend of mine loses her motherhood with that myoma also and before she was diagnosed with myoma, they were trying all the possibility of having a baby. They lose all the hope when her myoma removed together with her uterus. Glad she has a loving husband but life is boring without a baby according to him.
If I were on Cherry's shoes, I wont give up marriage if there is still a chance. There were men who won't look for a baby if he already had on previous relationship. Some are after for a companionship.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
Your friend's lucky to have a loving husband. But I still fear that the husband would feel so "bored" without a kid that the "love" will soon fade. Maybe that's the reason why Cherry won't marry. I think she's a very nice person and that she'll prefer to make her guy happy. She'll be guilty to have a man who wants kid... Well, there are other options in life. I hope she'll be practical and take one though.
@Latrivia (2878)
• United States
14 Jul 08
No, I would still get married. There are plenty of fish in the sea who would like to marry a nice woman and who wouldn't find her inability to have children a deterrent. There's always adoption - which in some ways can be better than actually giving birth to your own. She could also have the doctor save her eggs and hunt around for someone willing to be her surrogate.
While I've only been married a few weeks,I've been with my husband for almost two years, and in that time I've gotten so used to having him around I couldn't imagine growing old without him. I think everyone should really try to experience that, even if they don't think it's possible.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
I envy you for finding a man you want to grow old with... Well, Cherry will definitely have to think things over. I'm sure she's still a little shock about the situation, she'll get through...
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
15 Jul 08
That is a very sad story.
And my heart goes out to her.
I'm sure she must have thought about
having children in the past but put it off.
That does happen.
I wanted a child for ten years and finally one
day she came along. I guess it was the time.
There are so many options these days when it comes
to having a family from adoption to surrogacy.
It's never ever too late to become a mom.
Perhaps she will meet a man who does not focus
on the reproductive aspect and instead loves her
for the many wonderful qualities that she can bring
apart from child bearing.
There is certainly more to a woman that how many
children she can give birth to.
As you say, there is adoption!
If she meets the right person, he won't care.
He will brush that aside as if it means nothing
and accept her for the wonderful person she is!
Many blessings.
Thanks for the discussion
Beauty Queen
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
Thanks for that thoughtful reply. I do hope she'll find a man who'll be there for her even after the reproduction incapacity...
@spiderlizard22 (3444)
• United States
14 Jul 08
They can always take her eggs and if she wanted a baby can use a surrogate mother or they can use her genetic material and remove the genetic material from the donor's egg and replace with hers and implant to a surrogate mother. Sure it won't be the same and is costly but if she wanted a child with her genes then she can do that. If I were Cherry I wouldn't give up marriage.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
Yes, there are ways to have a child... expensive yet it may be worth the price. But you're right, Cherry shouldn't give up on marriage...
@fafinette79 (943)
• United States
14 Jul 08
This is a very sad story and I'm sorry to hear this. It seems as though Cherry really wants to have children, even more so than she wants to get married. She is even letting this situation force her to be something and also to control what she does in her life. I'm currently married and I have a daughter from a previous relationship that is nine years old. My hubby has no biological children of his own. I have seen many doctors and they say that it may be impossible for me to have another child. I have no tumor or anything. Doctors just always tell me that I'm infertile and my body wasn't meant to have children. Having my first child was risky and I had many problems. I have also had several miscarries. 
Best wishes to Cherry and all those like her. I think she should take this as a sign for a higher being. Maybe it is her calling to adopt unwanted kids and give them the life they deserve. I think we look at the negative side of things all too often. I've done it myself and have to be told to change the way I think. She should do the same.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
I'm glad you came out a positive person after that those negativities in your life. Yes, it pays to be positive about the future and Cherry does deserves a shot in happiness with a man who'll love her with or without the capacity to give birth...
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
14 Jul 08
Hello _kisses,
I am sorry for Cherry it is so hard for a wommen like Cherry but she can still marry but adoption is very hard. I am married aand had three miscarriges and ater that I had my change so no childre for me, but I looked ater families and friend childre as they were growing up, I know its not the same and I do often feel sadness that I have no children of my own, but I cope and life is full and happy now so tell Cherry about my story and dry her tears for her.
Tamarafireheart.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
Shucks! It's sad to grow old without children to take care of you... I just hope your husband will be with you till the end, at least you deserve that companionship after the loses... I hope I'll see Cherry again though, your story will definitely make her realize that she's being so negative about all this...
@faln_angel1205 (1192)
• United States
14 Jul 08
She is actually in a much better place then she may realize. At her age, many men have had kids been married divorced adn kids are adults. She very well can find a man that doesnt want to start over with little ones, and woudl prefer that he finds a woman that doesnt have children. yes its sad for her if she did want a child at some point, but if marriage is what is more important to her, i dont feeel she should give up.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
Yes, she should take the other route and find happiness somewhere else. I'm sure she'll wake up to that idea soon...
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I'm not sure why she would think that no one would marry her. At that age, mid-40's, most men have either been married and already had children, and really don't want to start over with a baby, or they are career minded and don't want children. I know at 44, I was going through my 3rd divorce, had 2 great daughters, and didn't want anymore children, I had tubes tied after my 2nd daughter. I wasn't really looking when I met a wonderful guy, he has a 14 year old daughter, and didn't want anymore kids. Now if she was in her early 20's, I could maybe understand her point of view, but there are plenty of good men out there that either already have kids from a previous marriage or just aren't interested in having any children.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
There are indeed men who have been previously divorced and have kids of their own, I should have told Cherry that, the idea slipped my mind, maybe it was the sad atmosphere... Sigh, Cherry will figure it out though, I hope.
@TheManager24 (1302)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
My sister had the same operation early this year. Good thing she had a ten year old girl already. It took her years before she decided to take the operations. I guess it is primarily because of the thought of her having no children at all.
She is currently separated from her husband,which is a good thing since she's being beaten up by the guy.
She is living with my mom. The kid is with her.
I think there is more to marriage. It is just unfortunate that she had to be with the wrong guy. I think having or not having the capacity to bear a child is just one small factor in marriage. It is more of a companionship. My sister, yes, had a kid. But it did not mean that she also had a great marriage life. The otherwise is true.
A lot of kids are looking for homes. And that is one option childless parents can take. This will also help the society since that is one better future for us.
It is nice for you to share your experience. I am hoping that she will have someone who will be with her. @maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
That's a hard life your sister had but I'm sure she's coping up now, she has too, for her daughter. Well, you're right, there's more to marriage than having a baby, as there is more to life than being married... I do hope Cherry will be happy with a man who'll love her for what she can and cannot give though...
@CharRay7 (1549)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Hi my friend,
That is so sad. It is a shame that there are people that want a baby and for some reason or another can't have one and then there are people that don't want any at all or already had what was there limit and maybe get pregnant and don't really want the baby. Cherry is totally wrong in the fact that nobody would want her since she can't get pregnant anymore. There are a lot of men out there that have had children thru prior marriage and may not want anymore. Also, like you said, they could always adopt. And I know there are men out there that do not wany any children at all. When I met my current husband, he was 15 years younger than me and never been married and didn't have any children. At the time, I had a 16 year old son and couldn't have any more children which was something I came to live with. We still got married and live a good life with no children together. Anything is possible.
Have a good evening,
Char
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
Thanks for sharing your love story hun.. I'm happy you're still happily married until now. Now, if only I or Cherry can find the same happiness :) Yep, anything's possible alright and I'm crossing my fingers for a beautiful future... I hope Cherry does too.
@misty99 (736)
•
14 Jul 08
It is sad to hear Cherry's story.But life has to go on with her.She may have lost he uterus but not her life.She can still have a life.Although guys would love to have a child of their own,but i know somewhere someone will love her because of what she is and what she can't give.
If i were on her shoes......hmmm.I might give up marriage but not having a kid.lol
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
15 Jul 08
:) I'm giving up marriage too! But not having a kid, no way! Well, I'm pretty sure Cherry will wake up and realize someday that she deserves to be happy with the man that will make her happy...
@Marley76 (109)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I am young still only 31, and last year I had a hystorectomy. I am very lucky though because I had my children early in life. Had I waited though I would not be able to have children. I have often thought about that. Sometimes I feel different like I am not a woman because I am not able to have children anymore. In a way it was kind of sad.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Don't be sad hunney... Feel blessed and lucky to have children before the operation...
@shlooper (309)
• United States
14 Jul 08
There is more to marriage than just having children. Plus there is always the option to adopt. I feel very sorry for her, and only she can really decide in her situation, but I think I would want someone to spend my life with, and I would look for a husband. I might adopt if he wanted to, but I really would like a family.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Yep, that's the most practical and sensible thing to do. One mustn't get old alone. It's a pity she wallowed in self-pity and her confidence just went out of the window.
