How to remind yourself of the positives?

United States
July 15, 2008 5:08pm CST
Being a stay at home mom, who's husband works too many hours, I often feel as if I'm constantly aggravated at my children. Sometimes I hardly notice how aggravated I am, until I start feeling guilty for feeling this way. I often lose sight of their positive aspects, and focus only on the bad behavior they exhibit. I'm realizing I'm not alone in this, and there are many moms who feel the same way... so I ask, how do you stop and remind yourself of the positive aspects of your child? How do you remind yourself to count your blessings? Perhaps you can tell me some of your child's positives.
3 people like this
8 responses
@GreenMoo (11837)
16 Jul 08
Oh how I know what you mean just now. My youngest has a tummy bug and this is day 4. I am completely shattered, he's grumpy and has learned what tentrums are all about, and my eldest is bored and noisy. I could quite happily put them both the the chicken shed and leave them to fight it out! However, looking at their positives is probably a far better idea! My eldest boy is doing really well. His language skills are streaks ahead of mine which means he's doing well at school, and he's confident and able to make friends easily. My youngest is getting there on the language side too, with new words every day. We're throwing three languages at him, so he's doing well. He loves to sing, and it's so cute So there's some positives about my kids. They're even playing together at the moment, so perhaps the chickens will get to keep their shed to themselves this mornign after all
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jul 08
I'm sorry to hear the baby is sick. I hate when little ones get sick because they don't really understand why they're sick. They're just miserable and have no idea why. It's so sad.
1 person likes this
@pillusch (1148)
• Mexico
15 Jul 08
To widen the challenge, how do you remind yourself of the positive? Not only of those qualities your children have, but those you have yourself? How do you remind yourself of counting your blessings per se? Because that seems to me to be the point, how to remember that we are alive and (at least should be) happy? It depends a lot on what kind of questions we ask ourselves. "Why does this always happen to me" gets answers of the kind "Well, you deserve it, dummy!" "How can I make my children behave" is less effective than asking yourself "How can I make my children behave and enjoy the process?" "Why am I always aggravated?" could be substituted with the question "How could I reschedule my activities around the house so that I have some time for myself?" Our mind is a funny thing. It doesn't really matter which question you ask it, or how absurd and out of reality the question is, if you ask that question with enough persistency, your mind will come up with an answer. "Which are, in order of importance, the five most obvious reasons why I shoudn't feel guilty today?" Ask that question for as long as it takes your mind to come up with an answer.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jul 08
good answer pillusch! You said that well. I agree with you completely.
@clowdine (1402)
• Philippines
16 Jul 08
We have to remember that those little ones when they grow up are the same people who will take care of things alongside with you, if not, they would take care of everything including you. I'm just unsure about the degree of extent because here in our country, we take care of our old parents. We don't send them to home for the aged institutions. With the exception of those who hate their parents for some reason. I too used to scold my nephews and nieces all the time because being little kids, they were mostly restless, sometimes failing to show respect (that I felt to be needing immediate correction) and other times, they did selfish actions like not sharing food with their siblings or cousins, and I've always reminded them that it's bad to be selfish. I'm happy to see them growing up as teenagers now and becoming responsible, also ready to help and share. Yeah, we sometimes hate kids because we hate the things they typically do. But when they grow up and became conscious, and smart, they become far from what they've been. We just have to bear with them for the mean time. Who knows? One of them could be your doctor or your engineer. And we have to realize, it's better off your kids to be that way, because at least, they're healthy and normal, thank God. But their giving you headaches and "extra labour" in this particular stage of their growth is just temporary. They will also grow up to be responsible and caring people. We just make them remember when they grow up that they were happy as kids because you had loved them and you let them play the games they liked.
@lilaclady (28236)
• Australia
15 Jul 08
unfortunately this is one of things most people don't really learn until later on in life as this is when you start losing people in your life and it shows you how petty the things were that upset you in the first place and you wish so much you had a second chance...maybe if you just be happy for having your family while you have them and try and make the positive things so much bigger than the negatives...
@gemini_rose (16192)
16 Jul 08
How is it I feel that we are so alike in many ways. Yet another discussion that I identify with you on totally. I always feel constantly aggravated with the kids too, all they seem to do is be naughty and I get so mad with it, and it is hard sometimes to see the positives in it all. I do not often see the positives until they are in bed and I get the time to think things through to myself.
• United States
16 Jul 08
Yep, after bedtime, or when watching "Nanny 911" do I realize my kids really aren't that bad. What I realized though is it's really just a lot of little things that aggravate me. Things that in and of themselves wouldn't bother me, but when all 5 are doing minor things all day long without giving me a chance to get over the last minor thing, by the end of the day I'm acting as if one of them blew up the house!
@gemini_rose (16192)
16 Jul 08
Yep that is exactly how I am!
@34momma (13891)
• United States
16 Jul 08
the best thing to do is alway alway talk to them from a place of love. when you they are acting out, instead of lashing out, take some deep breathes, and with love, as well as being stern, tell them to relax and give you a minute. another then that i have been learning to do, more so with my three year old. is not to make her acting out, a personal attack on who i am. like feeling like she is getting "on my nerves". it is something you have to practice every day. and when you are aware in present in the moment, it works and makes you feel good
• United States
16 Jul 08
I agree their acting out is not a personal attack on us. But sometimes that doesn't make it any less frustrating.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
17 Jul 08
that is true, but it is not about them, it's about your reaction to what they do. you have to relax, breath, and know that no matter what is going on around you, you are in control of how you react
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
16 Jul 08
I think in order for any mom to enjoy her children, she has to have a few interests of her own, whether they're making crafts or volunteering somewhere. You need to be able to take a quiet bubble bath once in a while too. I think when my son was little, and I watched how quickly he went from one phase to the next, I realized how important each one was and didn't want to miss it. I made sure we had pictures he'd drawn from every age - and posted them on the hall wall. And loads of still pictures and videos of each stage. But I think that I learned from other mothers who were not actively involved in their kids' lives. I learned to sit on the floor and build forts, read books, draw, race cars, whatever. There was nothing more important than my son (except for hubby - equally important). My son took 2-3 hour naps every afternoon because he played hard. I always took a 30 minute to an hour nap during his, then cleaned during the rest of this nap time. When he went to bed at night, I did a bit more cleaning, then always took time for me - reading, taking that important bubble bath, etc. And at least twice a month, my parents watched my son overnight so that his dad and I could have some bonding time too. With that, he never felt the need to compete for my time with our son and did so much more with him when he came home each day (than most dads in our friend circle).
• United States
16 Jul 08
Those are all good ideas on how to appreciate ones child.
@Alex42692 (167)
• United States
16 Jul 08
Instead of focusing and putting all my energy into the annoying features of a person, I try to focus on what they do have. Some methods I use to get into a positive mood are to think of a good memory and imagine myself actually being there. I think of something I'm grateful for having in my life. If I have a negative thought I immediately think of a counter thought or positive thought. I watched the movie and read the book "The Secret" and it is all about positive thinking, if you want to feel better you should really check it out. Another thing I do is just find a quit place and close my eyes then concentrate on my breathing, it's like meditation.