Want to Change

i also want to change my brain ! because i really a stupid guy that do everythings fail and even cant do a things independent.I always envy people that they are genius !! I also dream before that iam genius !! But in reality iam not ! I just only can follow people behind!!

I find it so interesting how people act and why they act that way. I recently went through some counceling and found out the way I think and the way I act is because that is what my father did to me. There is one thing that I don't want to be is my father so I recognized my behavior and decided to change it. Looks like you are doing the same thing! Decide what type of behavior you would like to have and watch yourself do it. Recognize the change and practice it even more. I am a new person now and I am so happy about someone else helping me recognize what I was doing wrong!

I think it's great that you can recognize that your own behavior needs to change. That's the first step in solving the problem! As a young mother, I was often harsh with my children, but have much more patience with my grandchildren, who are probably even worse in their behavior! Sometimes we mellow out with age. And scolding and spanking aren't always inappropriate, sometimes they are necessary but in a controlled manner so you don't get carried away and become abusive. If you feel yourself losing control, the best thing to do is to just go into another room away from your kids until you can calm down. I am a firm believer in apologizing to kids; if you do get too harsh, apologize to them! It won't diminish you in their eyes but teach them that we all do things we are sorry for and the right thing to do is to apologize to the person we've wronged. It will be a good lesson for them. I raised four kids and now have three grandchildren much of the time so I know how frustrating it can be! Also, try praising your children when they are being good, sharing with one another or playing nice together, and try to disregard bad behavior, unless they are doing something really destructive or potentially harmful to themselves or others. Your post shows you really care about your kids and how your behavior might affect them. Yes, it's possible that if you exhibit rudeness to them they will learn to respond in kind. Don't worry so much, as parents we all do the best we know how at the time. As mean as I sometimes was, my kids still love and respect me, and they know I cared enough to set limits for them.

Yes it is true…our children are scared of us only till a certain age. And kids these days are exposed to so many influences that they know that parents are helpless beyond a certain point. So one day they will shout back at you in the same way you shout at them. When my son was around 4 or 5, he was pampered very much by my mother-in-law. I could not confront her on every issue as she was looking after my boy while I was at office, so whenever I could not take his demands any more, I would spank him and spank him real hard. He cried and howled and flung his arms about but could not answer back because he was small. Then when he was around 6 or 7, he was starting to answer back and copy the way I spoke to him when I was angry. Then one day when I was feeling very insulted, I decided to control myself. Now most of the times when I want him to do something and he doesn’t want it, I repeat it a few times and then say OK and walk off with a calm face. In most cases, after say 15 minutes, he comes back and does the thing, even if without much interest. And yes, he also tells me that when I used to beat him, it made him very angry inside, he hated me for the moment and he wanted to hit back but could not do so because I am his mother. If you cant control you anger, then shout at them but afterwards be sure to tell them that you did not mean to shout but their behaviour also contributed to your anger. So it is as much their responsibility too, to see to it that mom does not get angry and shout at them. Make it sound like a 50-50 thing, both mother and children are to be blamed and both should try to change themselves.

We are all humans and we all have temper... As for your case, I believe you love your kids and that is why you feels that you should change your temper for your kids... It may be true that what you reap is what you sow but since you really hope to change your temper for your child, I believe that your kids will appreciate it one day... I also have a friend who always spank his child over the slightest things but now, the child has grown up and he is grateful to my friend for always spanking him because the child had learned a lot of things and even though it is through the hard way...