abusive relationships

United States
July 16, 2008 4:21pm CST
when a man like to control their wife or girlfriend, do you guys think that it's because of what they may have witness growing up, or some other reason? why is it so hard for the women to leave him? one final question, what about relationships where the female is controlling/abusive? do you think that it's because of what she grew up seeing?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@gem4678 (220)
• United States
16 Jul 08
I think there are a lot of things that contribut to these issues and even though many times it is what they grew up with the fact is that many times it doesn't happen till much later on. When that happens I think something in there life changed them. I believe a lot of the problem is that men are rased and expected to hold there feeling inside, they can't cry they can't blow off steam without looking weak and pethedic, so they end up taking out there aggressions on there family because it is behind closed doors when they have too much stress. As to why the women don't leave, generally men like this don't stay with women that have a lot of self confidence, they find the shy lonely ones who don't have a huge support system and are so desperate to be loved, that makes them easier to control. This also makes them less likely to leave or tell anyone because they are afraid if they do they won't be loved anymore and they will be on there own, which is really scarry for some. Also sometimes the kids make a big impact, even though it isn't good for children to grow up in these homes they worry if they can support them on there own and also that just because he beats the wife does not effect his custody rights on the kids, and they worry that if they leave what will happen to the kids every other weekend when he has them alone and she isn't there to look after them and protect them if need be. I think what makes a woman abusive is the same thing as a man the only reasons that it happens (less often) is one most men are too ashamed to report it, most men can overpower a women if need be, and women are "allowed" to express there feelings so I don't think they get blocked up quite as much. I know that many women still hold thre feelings inside, I do but eventually most of us break down and cry and release some of it where as most men don't.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
very well said. i understand exactly where you are coming from and i agree with all of the points that you made. thank you for responding.
• United States
22 Jul 08
now that's a million dollar question.
@intimate36 (1416)
• Pakistan
17 Jul 08
I agree with you,usually it the reason behind his or her behaviour.Not only in wife , girlfriend, or husband's case,I think it is human nature that generally people do the same they have witnessed.About ,why it is hard for women to leave.... no idea
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
i have no idea either, that's something that i never could understand. thank you for your reply.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jul 08
I have been in a relationship like that the reason why it was so hard for me was becuase it was my first serous relationship that i was in and i was scare to be alone..
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 08
sorry to hear that, and i'm glad you got out of it. if you don't mind when did you make up your mind to leave him or what push you to the point where you decided that enough was enough? maybe your answer can help someone whose going through the same thing, that may see this post. thanks for your reply.
1 person likes this