Please help me if you have ever had this problem with your children.
By kbkbooks
@kbkbooks (7022)
Canada
July 16, 2008 9:09pm CST
My sixteen year old son has recently become very sarcastic and downright mean and insulting. He even does it to his girlfriend. He is very hurtful. He is basically a good young man. He just has a very sharp tongue and when his girl and I tell him (his stepmom, older brother and dad tell him also) that he is hurting us he just doesn't seem to care. He said at one point that the reason he is mean to me because I am handicapped and he feels deprived of stuff that other moms can do with their kids. He is always making mean comments about my back disease and my manic depression. At times he has been very supportive and loving. It's like too different kids. His girlfriend and his stepmother really lay into him at times for being mean to me, but I know he does it to them too.
He is just recently accepted into the Canadian Armed Forces. I am wondering if he suddenly feels a bit scared but doesn't know how to express it. He is very proud of becoming a soldier. He wants to serve as a reserve soldier which means he will remain at home to do the stuff the military needs to do here in Canada for our own well being. Anyway, he picked up his uniform yesterday so it's suddenly become very real to him. I wonder if this rebellion isn't part of a sort of fear he might have over this.
2 people like this
3 responses
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
No, it's not. My youngest son was BORN being meaner than a striped snake. He's learned to control it now that he's 17, but he can't get along with his mother (NOT his fault -- she provokes him and always has). The Military will help calm him down, as long as he doesn't have to go into battle (you guys don't like us this week, so he's not going to Iraq like everyone under 21 here).
I don't think it's his impending service. Some kids are born this way. You just have to work with it.
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@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
I was thinking the military would give him a good dose of how to be disciplined so maybe I will just be patient until he finishes his basic next fall. A friend of his went away for his training and when he came back he practically kissed him mom and his stepdad, thanking them for teaching him lessons in life as gently as they did. The strictness of his drill sargeant made his parents seem quite tame apparently. He said it made him appreciate them.
1 person likes this
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
You got it! That's exactly what will happen, or he'll end up in Leavenworth. It's a rough lesson, but it's worth living.
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@redkathy (3374)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Your son will learn much from the military! I have two grown sons. One just finished serving 8 years. He got the discipline down quick.
I can tell you they all go through phases which makes them react a certain way. I spent about 15 years as a youth leader. Mostly with teens. I have a very good reputation with a lot of them even now. Over the years I have heard things that I really didn't need to hear yet they needed to say! It seems that they have a certain disposition due to what is happening in their life. They don't realize and don't want to realized, just "how bad" they are being. They aren't the receiver. They like to argue even if they are totally wrong!!! They go through this "it's all about me so screw you" phase. It will pass.
My youngest son has very sarcastic tone all the time. He is a great guy, but that tone kills me. I tell him he has an attitude, which he denies. I have since figured out, by his comments and stories, that he is feeling the pressures of real life. I think to myself, it is easier for him to just say when he is stressed. But for him, obviously it's not.
I think you should try just telling him how nasty he is, how hurt/mad you really are, and to stop blaming you because he has chosen to be mean. He will probably blow you off or get mad but when he's ready you will find out the deal. In the meantime do less favors and be a bit short with him. Maybe he'll get it faster.
Best of luck
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7022)
• Canada
19 Jul 08
Actually his father and stepmother had a chat with him and shortly after that he phoned me and apologized. He sounded very humble and sincere not just like he was doing it for the sake of saying he did it. I think he meant it. I know what you mean he needs to be a little less pampered to "get it".
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