Dialogue while the character is doing something, new paragraph or not
By suspenseful
@suspenseful (40193)
Canada
July 16, 2008 9:18pm CST
I am writing a novel and I have always had a problem when the character is doing something and talking at the same time. Do I have him do the actual thing like maybe fixing up his boat and then talk in the same paragraph such as this: A
Jake held the wrench in his hand, and finally loosened the bolt. He could hear Marilyn behind him, her hair wet with the sea, the strap of her swim suit falling over her shoulders. "Can't you see I'm busy?" he asked as he removed the damaged part and looked for the replacement. "I cannot see why you had to come. After all, it is not as if we are going on our honeymoon." He put in the new part and then wiped his brow.
or should it be like this? B
Jake held the wrench in his hand, and finally loosened the bolt. He could hear Marilyn behind him, her hair wet with the sea, the strap of her swim suit falling over her shoulders.
"Can't you see I'm busy?" he asked as he removed the damaged part and looked for the replacement. "I cannot see why you had to come. After all, it is not as if we are going on our honeymoon."
He put in the new part and then wiped his brow.
So what would be correct? A or B?
4 people like this
7 responses
@patgalca (18174)
• Orangeville, Ontario
17 Jul 08
I agree that the first one is the correct way. You are still referring to the same person in the description. If You said, for example, Marilyn rubbed him on the back (instead of he wiped his brow), then that would be a new paragraph because the action is being done by a different character. Or as another poster said, Jake is the subject. As long as the whole paragraph is about the same person then it remains in the paragraph.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
20 Jul 08
You're welcome. You had the best explanation and gave me details and examples and that is what I wanted.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
Okay then I did it right. But if the subject changes to another person, then I have to start a new paragraph. That does make it easier. I am almost finished my draft, and I am going on a new one, but I have to change the beginning and also the ending. The hero is going to land in a new place and not go back to his city as he thought.
1 person likes this
@bluerubymoon53 (3286)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Hey Suspenseful.
Glad that you are writing a novel. A very ambitious feat to say the least.
I like A better because, to me, it flows better.
B seems to be a bit chopped up.
Good luck on your novel. When you are finished and have to book published, you will have to let us know so that we can buy and read it. What type of book is it? Suspense? Murder mystery?
B seems to be a bit chopped up.
Good luck on your novel. When you are finished and have to book published, you will have to let us know so that we can buy and read it. What type of book is it? Suspense? Murder mystery? 3 people like this
@bluerubymoon53 (3286)
• United States
17 Jul 08
oops.......I meant "have the book published".
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
Jake and Marilyn are not in this novel, but they will be in the next one, or I could put them in the end of the one so that the hero will have some excitement to take care of. Unfortunately he is not a police officer or a detective so he cannot be much help when Marilyn gets murdered, but maybe as a witness.
1 person likes this
@theproperator (2429)
• United States
17 Jul 08
"A" would be the correct way to write the paragraph. Jake is the subject of all the sentances (his words, his perceptions) so they all go together. When you switch to what Marilyn says/thinks/percieves, that would be a new paragraph, and all her stuff would go together.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
Am I relieved. I thought I had to put each conversation Jake wrote separate. Say maybe I should introduce Jake and Marilyn into my next novel. They seem like such a "nice" couple, always bickering and fighting and she just along to get some spark into their relationship. Or maybe I should write a murder mystery, have Marilyn killed and Jake the prime suspect, but he did not do it, etc. etc. 
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Unfortunately I can't see the difference in how you wrote that from the e-mail or in response. I won't be able to see how you did it until after I post this. But, if you are looking to be grammatically correct, that dialog can all fall within the same paragraph. The only time you need to start a new paragraph is if Marilyn began to talk or do something, or if Jake started a new thought altogether.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
Okay I can see if that works. Jake would not start something new, unless he really did murder Marilyn and played the grieving husband who took her along to revitalize our marriage, but we know that was not his plan was it? Now when I start my next novel, and my hero - not Jake - goes out again, maybe he will also be accused of Marilyn's murder. Now who killed Marilyn?
1 person likes this
@Johnnypenn (237)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I could not follow any of your examples however.
When a character is talking, you always make a new paragraph. Newer books will show this. Secondly, instead of using said, use the actions of the characters to let the readers know what is going on.
"Honestly," waving her hands around she glared at the boy in front of her.
"I am not kidding," Brian rolled his eyes.
"So," sighing, she looked around the dark wooded area they stood in, "You are saying that bigfoot threw you off the tip of the waterfall and you swam in?" she clarified just for her own understanding.
"Yup," he grinned at her and held up the camera, "I got the evidense right here!"Taking the camera, she tried to get the thing to start up, but after a few moments of failing, she gave it back.
"You'd have evidense if you had gotten a water proof camera like I TOLD you to get," and with that she stomped off.
Okay, do you see what I mean? the conversation is easier to follow if you make a new paragraph for each character who is talking.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
5 Aug 08
That is obvious. What I want to is, if the character is doing something at the same time he is talking like this:
Bert sat down at the table, his fingers moving over the calculator. "I see you have come about your bill." He glanced up at the nervous woman, his eyes echoing the sneer of his lips and noting the slight nod of her broad face. "Mrs. Nighr," he said, "I do believe that you and I can come to an agreement."
So since he is doing all the talking, would that be one paragraph or would you put the one after "your bill" in a separate paragraph since Mrs, Night never said a word.
@meggan79 (436)
• United States
17 Jul 08
I think it is a personal decision. I tend to put the conversation into the paragraph like "A" unless what the person is saying is very profound and needs to be brought to attention. If what your writing doesn't have very much speaking in it then "B" would probably work. Hope this helps you.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
17 Jul 08
The people in my novels tend to run out at the mouth. The most important people are always giving up speeches and the less important ones are too busy working that they cannot stop and talk with others or they would lose their place or their job. Anyway thanks for telling me. I guess in non fiction writing a conversation would be a shocker.
1 person likes this
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
29 Jul 08
I recommend that you grab some books and have a look through them. Many writers have different styles, so ultimately, it is upto you how you do it.
Personally, I do mine like this:
[b]Carlie jumped for joy at seeing her husband after 2 years of him being in the gold mines. Her heart raced in anticipation at seeing his face again and she began to run towards him as he came down the narrow stairway.
'I've missed you so much' she said leaping into his arms, trying to be careful not to knock him to the floor, 'I wish I could freeze this moment forever.'
'Me too babe,' Gyle said, holding his wife, 'me too'.[/b]
To me, it just seems to bring the conversation out of the story so that it is easier to follow. By the way, I just made that segment up on the spot. Not too many brain cells hurting either! lol.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Jul 08
That might work. I will have to look it up and see what the older writers did.
