The Truth I've Learned About Friendships
By Alex42692
@Alex42692 (167)
United States
July 18, 2008 10:49pm CST
I had to make a tough choice a few weeks ago. I had lots of friends, but you know what, they were fake. Most of them wouldn't acknowledge me ever, I was the one that had to keep the relationship going with no help from the other person. I thought that even though this is happening, it would make me feel less lonely knowing so many people. However, it had the opposite effect, I was as lonely as ever. Then I made a total attitude change. I did want to be needy like I was, I didn't want to hurt anymore, I wanted to be independent and confident about myself. So I stopped talking to everyone, and a few people came up to me to say hi. Those people turned out to be my true friends, and I treasure them. I now actually feel less lonely then I did before, even though I only have a couple of people I consider friends.
I've also realized in a short time, that sense I'm not acting needy and being totally confident with myself, people are more receptive and now say hi to me and acknowledge me. This is the new me, and I feel great!
8 people like this
18 responses
@acevivx (1566)
• Philippines
19 Jul 08
I guess it's human nature for people to avoid others who have a gloomy attitude or who always seems to be in need maybe out of a desire not to feel depressed by the other person or because they just don't want to be requested for help. But it is during such times that you will know whether the friends you have are friends in need or friends in deed. The first kind are what arew called fair weather friends who are around you only when you are ewnjoying good health, good finances and have a successful life. Don't feel bad that you have discovered who are your fair weather friends and who are your true blue friends. you are lucky to have done so. And the attitude you have now is better because as I said, gloom and desperation pushes away people. They feel threatened by such.
1 person likes this
@Alex42692 (167)
• United States
19 Jul 08
Yeah, I'm glad I figure it out while I'm still young. When I was younger, where I grew up, I made about 5 good friends and always hung out with them. Sense we were so young it was easier to make friends then I think. When I moved to where I am now it was so long sense I had to make new friends that I guess I really forgot how. I didn't really act gloomy or depressed around any of my friends, but I did act needy.
1 person likes this
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
19 Jul 08
You have to know and to able to recognise you true friends. One can learn a lot by observing them, their responses, the ease with which they share information with you and a few other behavourial traits. There are those so called friends who will come to you at the time when they need something from you. The rest of the time would not exist to you. I'm glad that you have been able to realise this in a short period and have found yourself some true friends.
Cheers
1 person likes this
@Alex42692 (167)
• United States
19 Jul 08
The trait I look most for in a friend is acknowledgment. Trust comes right after that and is very important too, but I think if someone acknowledges you every once in a while then that means they do care about you.
1 person likes this
@AshleyHasan (1024)
• India
19 Jul 08
Great you really learned it very soon even I have to do the same way sometimes even I feel the same way with my friends. Thank you!
1 person likes this
@berryliciousme (1003)
• Philippines
19 Jul 08
We must understand that other people too like our friends have their share of worries and other stuff to think about. It's okay to open up once in a while about our problems but if we turn into an emotional vampire (sucking the energy of other people because we feel sad all the time), then this may put a strain to some of our friendships. I choose to have a small number of friends. I am the type of person who choose my friends carefully. I have few reliable friends that I have known for years now and some even from childhood days. We do not hang out everyday but when it is time for us to see each other, it feels like the bond is very much intact and nothing has changed at all. Hope you find true friends in your life!
@Alex42692 (167)
• United States
19 Jul 08
That's sweet. I used to think the "good life" was all about having lots of friends no matter what, but it's not about that, not even close. From now on I choose my friends carefully, like you said, and I won't go chasing after those people who are receptive.
1 person likes this
@excellence7 (3647)
• Mauritius
19 Jul 08
It is said that a friend in need is a friend indeed. Many friends exist only for name-sake but when they are really needed, they are never here. But the real friend, will be here for us forever. A true friendship relationship is based on trust, honesty, integrity, understanding and sincerity
1 person likes this
@sugarplum9084 (1771)
• United States
19 Jul 08
That's great! I have had this problem before too, when you do all the work and they kind of don't really care about you. But when you show that the feeling is finally mutual they turn around and suck up to you, but you don't have to do anything for them to earn their affection. It's really cool to finally know who your true friends are, and dump the ones who are not.
1 person likes this
@Alex42692 (167)
• United States
19 Jul 08
Exactly, when you neglect them it triggers a thought in their mind that says "doesn't he want to be friends?" Weird how in order to get peoples attention, you have to kind of ignore them.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
20 Jul 08
Isn't this the Truth? A lot of times you think you have friends just because everyone you talk too seems friendly, but then sometimes you can end up feeling quite lonely as well. For me, letting them come to you, and want to talk with you, etc. is the best way in the long run to go. I feel that sometimes if you wait to see who will come talk with you, that eliminates some of the Fakes out there that are friendly, but not really wanting to be as well.
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
19 Jul 08
I faced the same thing in my life..!! And I still facing it..
I got ditched by my friends many times in my life.. I mean they just leave you when you really need them!! and many of them just take advantage of you!!
I really feel a lot depressed in my my life..!!
But now it isn't that I have stopped making friends.. I still make new friends it is just that I don't expect anything from them and just don't depend at them .. I just have my time with them and that's it.. I am okay alone ..
I still make new friends.. you never know when you meet some one really good and honest!!
Don't lose hope is the moral of the story..!!:P:P
I just stay all very myself through out the day and don't care about what others think of me.. its like Take it or Leave it.. kind of attitude.
I am not a needy .. but if some one comes by my way them self.. then I won't mind spending some time with you ... :)
I am easy open.. and wide minded
:)
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
19 Jul 08
i do know how you feel. i was always the one trying to keep in touch by sending emails and cards for birthdays and such and i found that when i was not in touch for some reason, like i had a crisis going on in my life, i never heard from anyone. i always tried to lend a helping hand too and i found that when the chips were down there was no one there for me to lean on. so, like you, i backed off and i found who my true friends are. sad to say there are only really 4. the rest, well, i still like them and i am kind to them when i see them but i do not go out of my way for them nor do i do the tedious upkeep of trying to maintain the "relationship". i treasure the few friends that i do have and although i am a very soiciable person and outgoing i find i just do not have the energy anymore to be that way.
1 person likes this
@Drakate (47)
•
19 Jul 08
We're all happy for you ^^ friends are people you rely on so once you have true friends, you get a warm gooey feeling. I've had a same kind of experience and I know that having fake friends is worse then having no friends at all! So if you feel that you're working really hard and trying to build a relationship with someone who can't be bothered, then drop it. It will make you much more at ease and this way you can make true friends as Alex said.
1 person likes this
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
19 Jul 08
Sometimes your best friend is your worst enemy.
Its really hard to find true friends.
true friends never leave you during bad times.
true friends is always there for you no matter what happened.
They are always in your side as you need them.
1 person likes this
@usherrusher20 (28)
• Philippines
20 Jul 08
wow... its just the beginning.. you will still learn new things
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
19 Jul 08
That is great that you have changed. They are not true friends if you are doing all the extending and they do none. You will find in the road of life if you are lucky to have one true blue friend that sticks by you no matter what you are blessed. You can have many acquaintances but few true friends. As you have found out you can have all kinds of people that call themselves your friend and the feeling of loneliness still is in your heart. Congragulations to the new you. May sun shine down on you and may blessings shower you abundantly.
@risris24 (712)
• United States
20 Jul 08
I'm very happy to hear about your succesful change. Good for you! 
I have come to learn that throughtout your course of life you will meet may different people, some of who remaain acquaintance and others who you think will last a lifetime, but very few of these people will be your "true friends". It is a treasure to have few fiends who I really consider my friends, like family that make me realize the value of his relationship we share. Although it feels terrible to feel lonley, you will be much better off in the long run without these "fake" people in you life.
I have come to learn that throughtout your course of life you will meet may different people, some of who remaain acquaintance and others who you think will last a lifetime, but very few of these people will be your "true friends". It is a treasure to have few fiends who I really consider my friends, like family that make me realize the value of his relationship we share. Although it feels terrible to feel lonley, you will be much better off in the long run without these "fake" people in you life.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
20 Jul 08
Hi Alex42692,
In this world you have plenty of aquiantance but uou have only a few friends and that is so true, you know who your frieds are and they will be with you when you need them and be with you always.
Tamarafireheart.
@madhan2u (488)
• India
19 Jul 08
"INFORMATION IS WEALTH" you have given a greatest information to every one , for that i must thank you first.
According to me "SELF HELP IS THE BEST HELP"..
My friend with this you can read some motivational books for atleast 10 minutes a day which will maintain your attitude and self-confidence level.
Don't believe anyone in this world except yourself....
Best of luck my friend you will reach heights in your life.....
