Children born out of wedlock

@zandi458 (27948)
Malaysia
July 19, 2008 1:06pm CST
Today more and more people have concluded that there is no longer any point in 'holy wedlock'. It is often viewed that without any formal marriage bond, any children of the union would be illegitimate, in law, and could face many complications or embarrasments in later life. But some couples had deliberately chosen to have babies out of wedlock and to care for them in a loving family, without the ties of marriage. Personally, how do you view these group of children compared to children who are born and raised by two parents?
5 people like this
28 responses
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
20 Jul 08
I see no problem in it if raised by the parents in a loving family the only thing I can see is no hospital insurance for them the baby and the mom!
3 people like this
@Galena (9120)
20 Jul 08
so unmarried mothers can't get free medical care through pregnancy and birth? that's awful. makes me more and more glad to have a national health service.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
21 Jul 08
only if they go on welfare!
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
19 Jul 08
There are no problems what so ever regarding legitimazy and the laws protecting kids born out of wedlock here. papers are signed at the hospital and everything is good. The differense between living together and being married are minute anymore. A child is a child nomatter how he or she is conceived. No kids are illegitimate. To me that is a cruel and old fashioned notion that I am glad we have put behind us around here.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
Even here in my country they do issue birth certificate for babies from unmarried mothers. The law do recognize this special children.
1 person likes this
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
20 Jul 08
Thats good! In addition they should get full inheritance rights and have all the other rights other children have under the law. Illegitimate children - the term should be abolished. It's cruel.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28910)
• United States
19 Jul 08
Children are unbelievably resistant, and can overcome any obstacles set before them. I myself was born to a single mother. I never knew my father. I had male figures in my life such as uncles and a Godfather. My mother had few relationships during my lifetime, and the few she had were quite abusive and dysfunctional. But I still managed to grow up into a well adjusted adult. I had a few rough years during my teens, but that is bound to happen regardless of your upbringing. I had a child at a young age. I am now married, and have been for 5 years, and I've brought 5 children into this world.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
I am happy that you are happily married and having your own kids. surely it makes a great difference not knowing your biological father. Whatever it is we have to be good parents to our offspring. We are here for them.
@Galena (9120)
20 Jul 08
well, often children born outside marriage are raised by two parents, so your last question doesn't really hold. often, the couple involved just don't beleive in marriage. this doesn't make them any less stable, any less in love, or any less able to raise children. being born out of wedlock isn't a source of embarassment, I should know, and I've never had any legal problems because of it, and nor can I see any legal problems that might arise. I was also, for most of my life, raised by just my mum, after we left my dad. this had no negative impact on me either. I always felt loved and secure, and always received all the care and respect and help I needed, didn't suffer at school for it, never got into any dodgy activities in my teens. a single parent is as good as two parents. born out of wedlock is just the same as born to married parents. there is no reason for embarassment at it. it's just a part of life.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
There are three categories of single parent - 1. illegitimate births (unknown donor -father) 2. children from divorced parents. 3. intentional pregnancy with live in partner .Single parenting for no. 1 case is more complicated as she would have to bear the shame of illicit affairs and not knowing who fathered the child. No 2 and 3 are normal cases happening in society. Children raised from single parent is equally intelligent with those from parents intact.
@Galena (9120)
20 Jul 08
if anything, having, shock horror, a working single mother, showed me that you have to work hard in life to get anywhere. that sometimes you can't have what you want, because you can't always afford it, and to accept graciously that material things aren't the be all and end all of your life, as long as someone loves you.
• United States
20 Jul 08
IMO--Children are children no matter what way they are brought into this world. I think being "illegitimate" is really something that isn't look upon nowadays. It is just away of life. Even Sesame Street teaches children at a young age--that a family is considered anybody who is there to take care of you. It isn't just a mom and dad anymore. I know many unhappy 2-parent families. They stay together just for the children. It is wrong because the children can sense when something is wrong--even if it is hidden from them. As long as the children loved and their needs are taken care of--it shouldn't matter who is taken care of them.
2 people like this
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
30 Jul 08
I agree 100% with you Sweet.
1 person likes this
@srpkinja (375)
• Canada
19 Jul 08
I took a Sociology class this year. What they taught us there was that, children to where born to single parents had worse lives than those children both to married parents. Some single parents, not all, but majority of dont have a good income. While a married couple can manage money much better and both have the opportunity to work, which means more income. Also, children who have both a male and female role model in their life grow up to be more educated and less likely to become a single parents, have bad grades, etc. Personally, I think that children are raised better with two parents. I know that I could not raise a child by myself, but I applaud those who can.
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
Thank you. I learn something from you today.
@kezabelle (2984)
19 Jul 08
I had my children out of wedlock they are still being raised by two parents!!! We have a steady relationship and are very happy our children are happy and thats all that matters. I dont like how people percieve me and my partner that somehow we are doing something wrong, however its their ideas that make it a problem therefore its their problem not mine and obviously they are entitled to their opinion however there are ways and means of putting that across and i do find it distasteful when they act like me and my partner have done something wrong
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
We are now in a modern world. what happened during those donkey years is no longer applicable now. We are fast moving into modernization. If you are happy with your present arrangement then no body has the right to question or frown at you.
@ShealM (388)
• Canada
19 Jul 08
There is no difference. Here, in Canada, a child is a child whether the parents are married or not and all children are treated equal. There is no concept of "holy wedlock" here in a legal sense. The state requires a marriage license and certificate from both church marriages and civil marriages. There is no discerning difference either for common law marriages other than a piece of paper. Church and State are seperate here except for two pieces of paper (marriage license and certificate). Common law marriage is widely accepted and protected by the government and viewed as a legal marital status. There is no such thing as out of wedlock here anymore. I think that's the way it should be too.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
the same law applies in Malaysia.
• Canada
19 Jul 08
I was raised by two parents and all they ever did was fight. No one in our amily was really happy until they divorced and moved on with their own separae lies. I think that "holy wedlock" is just something that religious authorities created to scare people. I don't understand the point of embarassing the children by calling them illigitimae or_bastards, because they can't help their situation.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
Children will not grow normally in a 'war zone' household. It is best to stay with a single parent if they can't see things eye to eye.
@jerzgirl (8168)
• Gloucester City, New Jersey
20 Jul 08
These children are no different than any other child - either the parenting they receive is good or it isn't, regardless of parental marital status. When this country was founded, there was many an illegitimate child born to prominent men who grew up to be fine and decent people. There were "illegitimate" children born in Europe to nobility who also ended up in positions of prominence. My own great-grandmother was born out of wedlock in 1876 (during the Victorian era, no less). Her mother was an upstanding citizen who was respected by all and a prominent member of the Methodist Episcopal church. When she did marry, she didn't marry the father of her child. Who's to say how a child will end up simply because of their parents' marital status. I would probably have been better off if my parents had divorced given the negative influence and abuse my father bestowed upon me and my mother. He even once told my mother to put me up for adoption because he didn't want his as his child (I wasn't the boy he had wanted). So, marital status alone does NOT determine the quality of life that child will have. Not even remotely.
19 Jul 08
i think that for this, it is how strong the parent is, and if someone is brave enough to bring up a child on their own, if they have the option or not, they are brave and strong. there are many times that children being born out of wedlock is a good thing, abusive relationships being one. In my opinion, a child is best with two parents, as long as there is nothing there which may harm the child mentally or physically, as they after all, are the most important in a relationship.
@Galena (9120)
20 Jul 08
why assume that an illegitimate child is only being raised by one parent?
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
Circumstances forced a child to be raised by one parent if she considers to remain single.
@Galena (9120)
20 Jul 08
the mother isn't necessarily single though. she's just as likely to be in a long term secure relationship, just with no real leanings towards marriage. lots of people don't feel a need for it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Jul 08
I don't judge these children who are born out of wedlock because it wasn't their fault to be born in this world. There's really a difference between children with mom and dad present and children with a single parent.For a child with two parents is lucky because of the love and guidance both parents can provide. A single parent need to tell truth to the child so the child may understand that not all relationships are successful.Maybe the child will have developed emotional problems but If properly and constantly guided, being an illegitimate child will not hinder them to a bright future.
1 person likes this
@Galena (9120)
20 Jul 08
not always the case at all. my life was happier and more stable after my mum left my dad, as their relationship was very destructive to be around. I was much happier with a single parent than with both parents.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
Exactly, a child did not ask to be born but given proper guidance and love, he will grow up as normal as any other children.
• Philippines
21 Jul 08
i believe this will always be with the matter of choice...what children who are raised with both parents inside marriage and children raised outside marriage life are in between choices..there are children who are raised with both parents who lived their lives miserable and there are children who did not..there are those who are raised outside marriage who are very well raised even if raised with single parent..who are successful and knows what their wants are, they simply knew how to play their fair game in life..every one live because of choices..if they chose to live miserable like trash then they will..embarrassments and complications happens because they chose it to happen, while those children who chose to live their life smooth and easy happy are happy because they never let anything bad to come against their life..they are willed to chose the right way of living..it never depends on what family ties they have..
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
21 Jul 08
Most children from single families do well. These children from single parenthood are more independent,mature and responsible as compared to their peers. All children regardless of whether there are from single parents or from two parents can be molded to be obedient children.
• United States
20 Jul 08
I do not have a problem with people treating me differently as I refer to my boyfriend as just that and we act as just any couple, taking our kids to the park, or taking them to main street and reading the paper together--not all unwedded couples are hoodlums as people would assume and have been raised with tradition that is existent regardless of weather or not we are married.
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
People are more open minded now. A lot of people are into it.
@wangst (6)
• Singapore
20 Jul 08
I think that as long as the child is showered with love, care and guidance as he/she is growing up, the child would not be deprived of anything and will not be at a disadvantage. Furthermore, there will be no embarassment of any sort if the child is never told that he/she is born out of wedlock. The most important thing is that he/she is treated the same as any other children, thus he/she is not at a disadvantage.
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
I agree with you. The child need not be made different from other children with parents intact.
• United States
20 Jul 08
You make it sound like it is the parents choice. I was not married when I became pregnant with my son. And as of now I am still not married. My son is now 7 years old. The "donor" as I refer to his father as has never been around. He bailed when I got pregnant with him and made it clear that he thought I should of had an abortion.So what if my son comes from a one parent home. Yes things may be a little more difficult as he grown from not having a father's perspective but the way I look at it is at least my son has one caring parent and not 2 uncaring parents. I have many friends who love him dearly and my family has and will always be there for him.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
I think your son is having a conducive environment. He don't miss the father figure in his life but someday when he grows up he might question the where about of his father. For some reason, some mother wish to be a single mother especially when her biological age is ticking away. She just want a child of her own without getting married. It is weird arrangement but it happen here in my country.
@Pose123 (21662)
• Canada
19 Jul 08
Hi zandi458, I believe that children should have two parents living with them when ever this is possible. I say this because I think it is best for the child's development, and not because I would view the children any differently, after all it's not the child's fault. I don't think it matters at all if the parents are married or living common law, as long as it is a well ajusted loving family living under one roof. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
I agree with you. A child did not asked to be born fatherless. Though it is best that he get to live with a father and mother. Having a father figure will not deprived him of of a father's love.
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
30 Jul 08
Wow I guess you meet all kinds in life. I have no problem with kids born out of wedlock. We are living in the year 2008! Not 1908. Kids are great! I have seen many kids who live with 2 unhappy parents- that fight all the time. These kids are worse off than kids that I know that come from a 1 parent home. My daughter is a great girl! She is well behaved and respects people. She also always sticks up for the underdog- and doesn't let her friends be picked on- she is caring and loving. Oh by the way- I'm not married. I am a well-educated, loving, professional woman. We are a great family.
@Asz1505 (16)
• United States
22 Jul 08
I think if you live in a small town it would not be possible for your child to have many friends over as most people frown upon this. It is hard on children of divorce. I see my grandchildren being raised in a home with a mother and father who are bonded with love and marriage and know first hand this is best. I have never seen one of these unmarried loving families raising children. It sounds like a slip out the back Jack to me.
1 person likes this
@gne925 (80)
• Philippines
22 Jul 08
Everything is always depend on how the parents raised their children. Wether you raised your child as single or by two parents, it has no difference for as long as you will give your whole love and support to your child. Sometimes, it is better to raise the child alone than with two quarelling parents...
1 person likes this