Do you an your partner fight about money?

United States
July 21, 2008 12:04pm CST
We needed a second vehicle and bought a mini van this weekend. The hubby took it back this morning without talking to me! It really makes me mad he did that without talking to me. When he comes back I'm not going to argue with him about it. He said we can't afford it but I made a budget out and we can. He just changed his mind because he wants a jeep and the van would be better with all the kids. Do you think I should keep my mouth shut or fight it out!
9 people like this
42 responses
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
22 Jul 08
I like to own a Mustang, but with two kids and with gas prices being high, that's just a dream. You should write up a list of pros and cons of the jeep and the same with the van. Then when he comes home, sit him down and show him. Plus explain to him that him taking the van back, only showed the kids, that he didn't value you as a partner in your marriage. If you have boys, he just showed them that as a man, he can do whatever he likes when he's married and his wife will just sit back and let it happen. Same if you have girls, they will expect their husbands to do everything. It probably won't happen, but that makes a good argument with him. I don't think you should keep your mouth shut, but no need to get all upset. The pros for a van would out rank the jeep by miles. I have been looking at a 2nd veh icle for our family as well, the mini vans today aren't really good on gas than the older ones. We had one, when we just had our first. I liked being able to put her in, groceries and other things I needed to haul around. Plus it was really good on gas. With a jeep, it's only good when it's hot and you want to take the top off. Want to go mudding, it stinks on gas mileage. You really don't look all that cool in one during the cold months, when the flap comes lose while going down the free way, and it's obvious that your freezing, .
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jul 08
We had a mustang and that went bye, bye after the baby was born! I will find some compromise!
1 person likes this
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
23 Jul 08
My neighbors across the street is trying to sell their mustang. If I didn't have kids, I think we would buy it off of them. Honestly though, we will end up getting a small car that's good on gas. Since I figure gas prices will never go down again.
• Canada
22 Jul 08
I think that you should sit him down and tell him that it isn't the fact that you don't have the van anymore, as the fact that he didn't feel that he could come to you to talk to you about it before he simply took it back. Tell him that you are worried, and a little hurt and really confused, and you are wondering what this means for your relationship? (mini van's aren't that wonderful, trust me) Now I am sure I wouldn't fight about it (unless he came home with a Jeep, then I would fight pretty hard) However, I don't think keeping your mouth shut is a good idea, in a relationship silence is not golden....communication is the key! Best of luck to you, I know mini vans are a hard sell to most guys ;)
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Jul 08
Can you qualify for a loan for the van on your own? If you can....buy it, it your name....then he can't take it back!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jul 08
That was a good one! But I can't buy a van with out him there! It would start another fight! It would be war then! I am going to talk to him nicely! I think it is a hard sell for him! It makes him feel like grandpa instead of dad!
• Philippines
21 Jul 08
The key to a good marriage is communication. If something bothers you, you have to tell him. Otherwise, when you just keep it to yourself and soon more disappointments arise, you might just get fed up and cause a major fight. So when you do talk to him, don't just rattle on and on. Really talk to your husband. Tell him that you are not angry about his decision but was really hurt by what he did and that it would matter a lot to you if he will consult you with major decisions like that. Ask him nicely for his reason for taking it back. Don't accuse him of wanting a jeep. That would flare up and not really get to discussing your family's needs. Maybe you could discuss again all the options available to you guys (seeing as you really need it), what type of vehicle you like (a van, jeep, suv, etc), and of course its pros and cons.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
This is good advice! Are you a shrink? You are good at problem solving! I will do this.
• Philippines
22 Jul 08
Thanks! Nope! Not a shrink. Just plain old husband. My wife and I have experienced a lot of fights and adjustments during our first few months, and so I am learning a lot on how to handle relationships. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8707)
• United States
21 Jul 08
I have never heard of even being able to bring a vehicle back once you purchase it. That is strange to me. I would talk it over with hubby and give him a list of reasons why you really need the van. We use to argue about money all the time....to the point we almost divorced. Once it got to that, we both learned that we had to compromise and discuss purchases before jumping into them.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 08
We bought it from his bother not a dealership. That is why he can return it. I thought we made a compromise before we bought it! We discussed it and it was fine. Now all of sudden he took it back.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8707)
• United States
21 Jul 08
Maybe your husband is worried about having to finance it. If you can get along with out the van, than you can save the money budgeted for it and then later get something else with a good downpayment. If he just wants a jeep instead, then you should both sit down and make a list of pros and cons for both vechiles. good luck.
1 person likes this
@Kat4676 (474)
• United States
21 Jul 08
I wouldn't necessarily say to fight it. I would sit him down and make him listen to your ideas and concerns. It is very hard for some men to understand that a family needs a good sized occupancy vehicle. My fiance and I are talking about getting a van but, at the moment we have a good sized 4 door car which works for us since we only have 3 kids. The only problem with our car is that if we go shopping for groceries or to wal mart we need more carrying room or to get a sitter! I do think you should talk to him about this and point out the reasons why a mini van would be better than a jeep. +
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 08
My thoughts exactly! We have a two door Grand Am. Once the kids get in, where do you put the groceries? The trunk is not very big!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
I think I would just be thankful I had a car to drive!!! I was mad when I did not get a new pair of shoes, until I met a fellow with no feet!!
• United States
22 Jul 08
I wouldn't say fight it out, but I would definitely talk to him about it, stating the reasons you think it is prudent to keep it. It may turn into a fight, but at least you have said your piece rather than bottling it up and it turning into resentment.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jul 08
You are right if I say nothing I will feel like crap and every time I ride in his jeep I will be angry! He has been on the rode since he took it back! I don't like discussing things like that on the phone. I have to wait until he comes back! Then I will talk not fight with him about it!
• United States
22 Jul 08
We sure do. It is all we fight about all the time. Puts a strain on the relationship and we have broken up over it a lot in the past. I hate to say we seem to currently be going down the same path and I hate it. You would think we would learn better. I do know I am not as quick to bite my tongue this time around. I wait for my TOM and then let him have it.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
That is what I was thinking to but everyone here tells me to calm down and talk nicely. You have to stick up for yourself sometime. I think it was an equal decision when it was bought, It should be an equal decision when its brought back. it should not make a difference if I am at home with the kids or not! Does being at home make me less of a person? It should be a join decision. My be I am losing my mind!lol
• Philippines
21 Jul 08
I would not argue with him but I will try to explain the advantage of having the van than the jeep. what he did is not also right changing the plan without letting you know it? In the first place both of you decide that and then he will just change the plan by himself? Not a good picture. He knows he does something wrong in here. Not good either for you to shut your mouth but you have to explain to him. Not quarreling or whatever but you should come up to one point and that is, what advantageous and good for the family not only for the benefit of one person. good luck.
• United States
22 Jul 08
I think you are right about changing the plan. That was not nice. I have calmmed ndown now and will talk to him about it! Thanks for the advice.
@Jezebella (1446)
• United States
21 Jul 08
My boyfriend and I don't fight about money really. We both understand there is a limit to what we make. I think you should talk it out with him and find out why he took it back without telling you.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
The thing is it was his idea, he had to talk me into it!
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
21 Jul 08
Yeah, my ex and I used to fight about money. It's straining on relationships if you have to fight about something. I think you have to discuss the jeep/van situation til you can work out a compromise for both of you, because if you're both helping to pay for something I think you should get equal weight in deciding what to buy.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
Now you might have hit on some thing! He is the bread winner! I stay at home and take care of the kids and house and or money! He just might think I do not have a say in it. Then he should not have called me and told me to make out a payment plan for the van. He is a truck driver so we have to talk on the phone a lot. It was his idea, I just liked it very much!
@metschica25 (5405)
• United States
21 Jul 08
I would say when you cool down a bit you and him should maybe have a little talk about it . My fiance and me do fight about money . We have had small and big fights . Money can really stress people out Just be sure to show him all the reasons you feel you can afford it and go from there . best of luck
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
Tryed that it did not work! thanks for trying
@bunnybon7 (41877)
• Holiday, Florida
21 Jul 08
with gas prices he may think he can get something that will be easier on gas. i dont know how many kids you have but my daughter has 3 kids and they manage with a camry sedan. which is so easy on gas and has plenty of room. i know, cause its my car and their van sets over here in my drive. lol! to much gas. but, if you wanna battle it out thats your choice. good luck
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
we have a 2 door Grand Am. 3 kids! One kids lives three hours away so the van would be nice for travel! I think I might just leave it alone.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Jul 08
Fighting for money that has never happened in our life. We always discuss and solve our problems well.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
That is great! Glad you never fight!
• Italy
21 Jul 08
Yes We Fight ever! 'cause I Want to reserve and she wants to spent! :D No i'm kidding we didnt' figt for money! :D OT : you are at 995! Congrats for your soon 1000. I'm waiting to celebrate my 100! :D
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
Most often I am the saver and he is the spender!
@dsharat (456)
• India
21 Jul 08
No!!!Fighting for simple reasons will cause problems in ur future..A fathers way of thinking will be completely different from others.....ur husband might be thinking of ur kids future....or me may invest in some other place...And also u should never get convinced for every thing for wot ever he does...u should have ur own respect i ur house...You should act like a family....wen ever u want to argue wid ur hubby u should mix ur feeling n love..so that it will end peacefully n ull get ur work done...so all happy...!!! Enjoy ur family life with out ne fights...
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 08
Thanks! No fighting!
1 person likes this
@stcajo1 (99)
• Canada
21 Jul 08
Well coming from a man I know my wife would kick my butt if I ever pulled a stunt like that. However we have great communication and if there would have been even the slightest bit of doubt we would never have made the purchase. We dont have to figure out a budget before hand. We know what we can afford before we go shopping for a major purchase. I really think communication broke down some where here. As for arguing, well arguments dont solve a darn thing. I guarantee you will get a lot further by just talking Dale
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 08
Thanks! We did discuss it before hand. He must have changed it mind. You are right lack of communication. We talk about all major purchase before hand. Just not taking it back! I will talk to him when he comes home. No fighting!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 08
I don't think that you should "Fight" it out, however, I DO think that you should show your husband what you planned out in the budget, and talk and discuss your points as to why you need the van over the jeep, and how it will make life easier for the both of you in the long run and everything like that. But, there is no need to be angry and get into a fight over something like a car. A car and money are both very important things for living a busy lifestyle especially with children, but having eachother and your family is the top priority! Good luck to you!
• United States
21 Jul 08
I think you are right! I should just let it go. A car is not that important but would be nice. Not worth fighting about!
2 people like this
@relundad (2311)
• United States
21 Jul 08
You should communicate with him, however I think the fights should have been worked out prior to any purchase. You should have worked out a compromise before even going to a car lot.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 08
We did! We talked about made a decision and now today it is different. That is why I am upset!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28926)
• United States
21 Jul 08
Wow! I would most definitly fight about that! He is not taking you or the children into consideration here. At the very least he should have spoken to you before returning the van, and he should also trust you when you say you can afford it. I find it to be quite disrespectful, and my husband sure would get an earful, and probably a few nights on the sofa.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jul 08
Disrespectful indeed! I think he is going though midlife crisis. He been acting strange lately. I do not think a couple nights on the couch would do it! He drives truck and sleeps by himself most nights.
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@moondancer (7433)
• United States
23 Jul 08
I would talk to him. I think you have figured out that you can afford the van notes. He is thinking of himself and not the family. You are being realistic and practical, while he is not. If he wants a jeep then perhaps he can sell his other vehicle and get one with the procedes from that. Family comes first and sometimes guys need to be reminded of this. If you sit down with him and show him that you can afford it then that may help also let him know that you have to be practical. What is needed is a van a jeep can come after.
1 person likes this