To Stay or Not?
By relundad
@relundad (2310)
United States
July 22, 2008 10:34pm CST
I am the proud parent of a 9 yr old son. I own a very successful business. I love my work and I love my son. From a financial standpoint I could have easily chosen to stay at home with my son on a fulltime basis.
I chose to work and to hire a full time live-in nanny for the first 5 years of his life. I am the type of person that enjoys adult interaction. I enjoy being productive. I enjoy being abreast of what is going on in the workplace. I enjoyed learning new stuff. I enjoyed having a social life. And though I loved being a mother, I just was not interested in staying home on a full time basis. By the time my son was 2 months old I was pulling my hair out and going crazy! I just felt like my brain was turning to mush. When he was napping I was pacing the floor for something to do. I was wondering who had a problem that I could solve. I was wishing for something to make me feel productive on a intellectual level. The cleaning crew had nothing to do when they got there! I hated wearing lounging clothes and sweat pants all day everyday! I missed my make-up. It was awful for me! Mommy's morning out wasn't gonna cut it for me....I had to get to work!
Let me tell you that I have received my share of ridicule for making this decision as most mothers that I talk to say that if given the choice they would be a fulltime SAH. Most say that they only reason they went back to work was because they had to for financial reasons, mostly because the household needed the income.
Then you have the mothers/dads that stayed home because they could not afford to go to work. Those are the families that have one or more kids in daycare and have a job that pays little more than enough to pay the daycare bill.
My question is if you had the choice of staying home or not, without finances being a factor, which would you choose? For those of you that have chosen to stay at home, do you miss the things that I talked about earlier?
6 people like this
9 responses
@blogging2 (201)
• United States
23 Jul 08
As a woman who chose to stay at home with our daughter I can 110% agree with you that staying home is very hard. Espically when your mind is trying to remain active. Hence why I have started blogging and doing this. I have found a way here to get the intelectual information contact I need, maybe not as much as I would like, but what I need, and still do what I feel I must for our daughter.
We have a little different situation in the fact that we did not vaccinate our child so putting her in day care is not even an option for us. We can put her in school due to the religious exemption, but day care is privately operated and they will not accept her.
I don't think I could handle a live in nanny though either. I like my personal space too much. That would be overwhelming to me from so many angles!
But remember it is your choice and your life. If you were unhappy at home, you are better off going back to work, your child would have realized that you resented not having the "adult time" you needed. Does that make you a bad parent? Absoluetly not, it means that you are smart enough to know what you need and what is bestfor your family in particular. IF more people could be honest with themselves like you were, there would be less children being born to satisfy their parent's desires!
@blogging2 (201)
• United States
23 Jul 08
My mother was a stay at home mom during the time you were "supposed" to send your kids to day care :) The world changes and we do the best we can to keep our sanity in the situation!
1 person likes this
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
23 Jul 08
I know where you are coming from.I recently returned to work when my daughter was 10 months old.Money was a issue for me so I didnt have much of a choice.When I was a stay at home mom I loved it most days.Then there were the days when I was going crazy and needed to be around other adults if only for conversation.Given the choice to choose I would work part time so that I could still have some days off to spend with my kids just not everyday.I miss them now that Im back to work full time.My only day off is Sunday and then I am exhausted so I really dont do anything fun with them then because I have housework that needs catching up on.I am off this Saturday so I am going to take them to the movies or the beach.
1 person likes this
@relundad (2310)
• United States
23 Jul 08
Balance is key. Fortunate for me since I make my own hours, I still get to spend the time or make the time whenever I want. Hopefully you will get to a point that it's more balanced or maybe you will get to the point where you only need to work part-time. Good Luck.
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
23 Jul 08
When having children I wouldn't want to miss a thing, I would feel bad if my child would walk for the first time and I missed it. Or it would say it's first words and I'd missed it, so that's the reason I've decided (for now) that I won't have any kids. HUH?! I'll explain.
I'm studying to work with children that have disorders and/or have experienced hard times in life and get them back on track. So far I love working with children and I have ever since my previous studies. I know I would have to give in on helping these kids to have one of my own. Basicly I want a carreer and help the children that are allready out there instead of bringing another one into this earth. I might rethink it when I'm a bit older but so far I don't see myself as a fulltime mom as I have set myself the task to get an education to help children and I want to fully commit myself to that.
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
23 Jul 08
Thank you, a appreciate your response.
It's nice to see that there are descriptive and meaningfull topics out there to reply too that really put one to think. Have a great evening.
@rsa101 (40976)
• Philippines
23 Jul 08
That is really up to you. I think either way I could not judge you being a good mom or not. Sometimes its up to your kids to how they will perceive you as their mom. Sometimes showing that you are that industrious would also prove to be an inspiration to your kids to do better in life. For as long as you do not neglect the emotional needs of you kids there's no problem if you would opt to work.
But, as you've said it you finances is not a concern to you right now and you could pretty well survived without any additional income flowing in your family. It is also a good option that you can SAH mom. That you can see your kids grow with you and you attention is with them. But of course there is you that needs some fulfillment in life that you need to feed. if you can afford to focus that attention to your family and kids then its better option. So whatever the choice you choose I do not think there is something wrong with it. Feel free to choose which will make you a better person
1 person likes this
@alpha7 (1910)
• France
23 Jul 08
Ofcourse stay at home for that short time. To fully recover and see your child grow until when you are convience that he could be alone or with a nanny.
Although you might have to miss all those things that you have talked about,but it's just for a short period.1 person likes this
@honeydew82174 (1720)
• United States
23 Jul 08
I think you made the right decision for you! No one should judge you for this. I am a stay at home mom. At least until school starts for here in 3 yrs. I do crave my mind being challenged but I do not want to miss this time with my daughter . I will scarifies my needs for hers. I think if you are happiest this way then it is great. If the child has a happy mom he will be happy to. I still put on my face everyday and dress nice so I feel like a woman.
1 person likes this
@littleowl (7157)
•
3 Aug 08
Hi relundad I have strong opinions on this..but if money was no issue would of done the same as I did in the beginning and that is to stay at home and be a mother for my child especially during the early days.
From the year 0-10 a child needs you to first as a baby get the bond of you being the mother that you are the one who holds and feeds her/him and puts them to bed as they grow up to be you they also want to play with them as well as integrating with other young children..that it is you who takes them to playschooland meets them etc etc etc the bond between a mother and child is of greater importance than to work..I did homework not for much but enough for pocket money and to save as we didn't have much income coming in as my husband was the wage earner...the one thing I have never missed when I became a mother was all the socialising going out etc the happiest times were to be there for my children and meet them from school..hearing them tell me they loved me reading to them at night before bed as well as having to discipline them...but if financially secure the last thing that would be on my mind would be a full time nanny..bright blessings littleowl
@deemazing (395)
• United States
24 Jul 08
I am up in the air about this. I would rather have the choice of being able to work from home sometimes, but not all the time. If I worked at home all the time, I would go crazy. I used to work from home a lot at one of my previous jobs and we have a 2 year old my mom babysits and I couldn't stand being followed around and asked so many questions all the time. I couldn't get any work done! I found myself being very hostile towards her...but I had never been mean to children before because I was always understanding. I found myself coming up with multiple projects to do while at home and that led to me doing more work that I couldn't take on while I went back to the office. I need to be busy constantly or I get bored very easily, and staying at home was usually when business was slow. I think it is healthy to have away time from your children and for them to have away time from you as well.
@relundad (2310)
• United States
24 Jul 08
Thank you so much for your participation. I fully understand how you feel. Its all about balance and finding what makes you happy. Sometimes I think that people assume that in order to be a good parent that you have to completely give up everything that you want out of life and doing some of the things that you want to do...just because!
@iyah10 (4115)
• Kuwait
23 Jul 08
In my part working for me as an achievement in life in which I am good at it but I always make it sure to do the best of everything in this Life when I delivered my daughter I stopped the work that I have although I have a good opportunity in that company but I always believed that fortune will come after when you are taking good care of the children's wealth and i still enjoyed being an at home Mother when she became 2 I go back to worked to gained the same person that I was before and I alwys make it sure that I do the best of me and it is not for me but for my owned accomplishment in Life.....
