Who knows a guy better - his friend, his mom or his wife?

By gems
Philippines
July 23, 2008 11:51pm CST
If you're a guy, to whom do you reveal your true self? Your mom, your friend, or your partner? Sometimes, even if we have been with a guy for quite some time, there are still some of the things which we do not know about them - sensitivities, hidden desires, passion, or any other menial or gigantic issue. Your male friend might seem to be an angel in your eyes but he could just be a stealthy thief during night time; just maybe. Or, he could be the man in your dreams ultimately with all the ideal characteristics in him but you don't even know that he's a chauvinist? So what do you think fellow mylotters, do you know your guy well enough or does he bare his true self only to his mom or more to his friends?
5 people like this
28 responses
@Hatley (164214)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Jul 08
mykmari-08 well usually a mom knows her own son better than most people but because my hubby and I were best friends first I got to know sides of him his mom did not know, he confided in me and I in him and he knew his secrets were safe with me and vice versa.His own mom thought he was gay and he was anything butgay and it was sad that he had to persuade her that he was heterosexual.but once we had two children she was convinced lol lol.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
That was quite interesting. But aside from your reply, I was surprised to see that you already have responded to more than twelve thousand discussions here in mylot. This had me curious. How long have you been with mylot community? I bet you were one of the pioneers here, am I right?!
1 person likes this
• India
25 Jul 08
i would say it is the wife. the mother remains close to a guy for say 30-40 years but the wife is much more. and with the changing worlds, it is very difficult to get a good friend. and all the more difficult to rely on them.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
A concise answer - short but straight to the point. I'd say that any person may be compared with a car in a car wash which undergoes different stages until he reaches the last stage. A person is also like that since he is born through his mom, interacts with a lot of people eventually, and then marries and spends his lifetime with his wife.
1 person likes this
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
25 Jul 08
LOL Well first of all Mom's know a lot more about their kids and sons that most of them think they do and there are a few things they may not know or may not let you know they know ever or for a very long time. So Mom's do know their sons usually pretty well. Friends would have to be long time to really know someone and people often do have close best friend they confide their deepest secrets and desires to. As to wives, the longer your married and the longer you grow away from the parental home and are with your wife the more she will get to know you. Even things your mom and best friend did not know and may never know. However this takes time and commitment. So the longer a marriage lasts the more a wife gets to know her husband. A Mother will always know certain facial expressions, body signs and tones but there are even subtler things a wife picks up on because a wife becomes more intimate with her man than the mother was over time.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
So the verdict on this one is really about how long you spend time with a person, am I right? Anyway, I personally believe and agree that to fully know a person, one should spend a lot of time, or even years, with him or her.
• United States
25 Jul 08
I reveal and show my true self to anyone who does the same to me. You must always try to be who you are, because being someone else only shows that you aren't comfortable being who you are. Even if you just act like a different person sometimes, it still shows that you aren't comfortable with being who you are at the moment, and that can be understandable, but the important thing is to alway be real. Cool discussion. :)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Your advice is a good one and I think this should always be put in mind. In doing so, others should respect a person as he or she is. More in particular, he or she should not change himself because of one person.
@movicont (495)
• United States
24 Jul 08
I seriously doubt there is one single person who necessarily knows the guy best. Everyone probably sees a piece of him--perhaps the piece that he wants them to see. It's only when you put all the pieces together that you get the real image of the guy.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Despite the fact that we have different views on this issue, I do appreciate your views on this matter. While reading your reply, I personally felt that a person's nature is somewhat spread in other people whom he interacts with; as if a puzzle shared by his closest friends and people he loves.
1 person likes this
@cmathias12 (1025)
• Armed Forces Canada, Europe, Middle East
24 Jul 08
I think with my husband, I know more of who he is. We are best friends so this helps us both know what the other wants or needs. Even though we are close, I know he has his secrets, as do I. Everyone needs some me space. As for his mother and friends, I think they may know him in a different way than I do but this isn't because he is lying to one of us. I think people give different pieces of themselves to different people because they may be able to connect better with that person on that different level.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Well I'm glad to hear that you regard your spouse as your best friend. I think you're both fortunate to have each other and have this special friendship at the same time, unlike other couples who always quarrel on some issues. Thanks for your reply.
1 person likes this
@gabbana (1815)
• China
24 Jul 08
I guess his friend knows him more for the following reasons: His mom doesn't know him well cause since his teenage, he communicate less and less with his mom. His girl, though would be the one he loves most to stay with, but a guy, won't tell his secret or complaints to her cause he is a man ! What's more, girls see things always in different ways from boys. While, his friends, since similar age, i mean boy friends, they are all boys, sharing common problems. sometimes they don't need to mention a word and they can understand each other.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
No offense meant but I think this usually causes some misunderstandings or miscommunication between the guy and his partner, specially if they are already married. Well anyway, I guess this is how the world goes. Like the famous cliche, "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus." Regards.
@salonga (27825)
• Philippines
24 Jul 08
I know my husband well enough! We've been married for 23 long years and those years are enough for me to know him fully well. I believe I even know him more than her mother does because he can confide to me what he can't tell to his mother and I'm with him all through the years so I already have mastered every details of his personality.
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
Being married with a guy that long, I definitely agree that you know your spouse that well. I myself am already married for more than five years now and I could say that I know my husband well enough to know if he's up to something fishy, I'm sure you know what I mean. And I feel I must congratulate you by standing by your man this long; I have to admit that I'm not sure if I could accept all his crazy doings and misbehaviors which I found out only when we're already married.
@lilaclady (28227)
• Australia
24 Jul 08
I think different people see different sides, I know my mother knew a different side of me to what my friends saw, I think we all projuect different things to different people, we what to please people and only project to them what one thinks plwases them, I am a female but i would imagine men are the same....
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
Yeah, I absolutely agree with you! But somehow, I feel that other people tend to judge a person by how they see him and don't even take the time to really know him. This also applies to those who are ex-convicts, suspects, or those jobless people who often are found just hanging out with neighbors or friends. Anyway, thanks for responding.
@balasri (26547)
• India
28 Oct 08
One can know another person to a certain extent only.A person always has some secrets to himself.
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
You absolutely got a point in there. Nobody ever gives away a hundred percent of himself to anyone or everyone.
@magna86 (1787)
• India
24 Sep 08
be it a boy or a girl.. i think that friends know them better. or otherwise i would say that , a mom would know a guy better.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
I have to admit that I got confused there for one moment. But anyway, I guess a guy gives away a bit of himself to everyone he interacts with. Thanks.
• United States
26 Jul 08
I would have to say is friends.. The guys alway tells his friends more that than what they tell his wife and friends..
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Friends do share a lot of things and sometimes, they do this even with extreme issues; which I think is a bit weird and dangerous at the same time.
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
25 Jul 08
It shold be his wife. If you talk to someone in a great marriage they will tell you that their significant other is their best friend and that they can tell them everything about themselves. I know that us moms would like to think that we are really close to our kids. But lets face it their are certain things that sons just don't talk to their moms about. and when it comes to friends they are trying to be the tough guy or maybe show off a bit. where with their wife they feel comfortable enough to just be themselves.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Just like you said, I'm also a mom who would like to fully know my daughter and future child/ren in and out. Our daughter is only three years old now. I'm aware that she will grow up and times will change; but for now, I will treasure these precious moments with her and I guess I just have to keep myself contented when the time comes that she decides to spend and share her life with a special someone, apart from us; but I do hope that whoever he is, he will love my daughter the way she wants to be loved.
@dhevasena (144)
24 Jul 08
Well, I think friends know a guy better than anyone else! The guy will not open up to his mum much and definately hide stuff from his wife!
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
I could sense very well that you're a guy because I think your reply is more of a characteristic that of a guy's. Everybody is entitled to his own opinion, anyway.
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
24 Jul 08
The one who knows me really well is my sister. She's very intelligent and she grew up with me. Not many people know me well and those who do don't know much more than the others. What I find amazing is that I never concealed myself from anyone. I think most people are just not interested.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
I guess you're quite different from the others and I can also sense that you and your female sibling share a special wonderful bond. I do hope that eventually, you will have the chance and enough courage to show yourself to the world and gain more true friends in the process. Regards.
1 person likes this
@chenmeiyi (973)
• China
24 Jul 08
I think my friends know me better if i were a guy. Guys are always not easy to bare their true feelings to their parents or wifves because guys do not want them to worry about him.Guys always think they can handle the complicated things even if they don't tell their families.But friends are whom guys are willing to tell and they are all willing to listen to.Between the true friends,i think there are no secrets between guys.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
I already have observed this. But in this particular and real situation, I think this is where the problem begins. I believe that once a guy gets married, he should be true and transparent of his feelings and share his problems with his wife. After all, they are considered as one by this time. I guess this is even illustrated in the famous line, "wives are the last to know." And by the time his wife discovers this, the problem has blown up; and eventually, he and his wife are the only ones patching up or trying to solve the issue at hand.
• Philippines
24 Jul 08
different people see different sides of the person. for me, only the guy himself knows himself well. there are things revealed to friends, attitudes known to their moms but not known to other people. it is hard to know other people, it takes a lot of time spent together and different situations to arise before one will truly know what kind of person one is.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
I do agree with you that to fully know a guy, one has to spend more time with him and I would say that this is a good basis of a potential relationship before plunging into one. Thanks for the reply.
• Malaysia
24 Jul 08
Erm... No one can say he/she very understand and know someone else very well. The person who can very understand and know well is our own. I feel that guys do not like to tell their problem to girls.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
I personally feel that guys won't tell their own problems or thoughts to women only until they still aren't married or a couple. But when they already are, women seem to always be a part of the problems a guy face; specially in solving the issues he is encountering.
@SangsTurks (1446)
• India
24 Jul 08
I think everybody know a bit of us, our friend would know certain things that mom and wife wouldn't know, mom would know our true nature, wife would know something that mom and friends would'nt know. We can be best of friends but we would not like to spend the rest of our lives together. The basic thing is that each of them know only what they require to know, ofcourse mom's at times can know a bit more about you without you telling them!!
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Based on my own experience, moms are really great because they know when their children are having some trouble or problems. The only thing sometimes is, they get overprotective of their young.
@yenwie84 (1345)
• Malaysia
24 Jul 08
I always think a mother will always know well about her son. For instance,my boyfriend,there are many things I don't know about him. Sometimes he says his mother always nag at him for having certain bad habits and so forth. At first, I believed his words, I thought his mother is a strict woman. But after I had met up with his mother, I could understand even better about my boyfriend and his true self. I think mother is the only person that always know best about her son.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Mothers should know their children, ideally. But sometimes, rifts or gaps between them occur and maybe, these are caused by interaction of a boy or a guy with different types of people. At this point in time, a guy's personality is slowly being shaped by not only the things he has learned from his parents and his teachers in school, but also by his daily experiences with friends, and eventually with his spouse. I guess this might contribute to what you learned about your man and his mom.