Help me please :(

July 24, 2008 5:54am CST
My bf wants to. I dont. Ive been sexually abused in the past so i have troubles saying no to people, as when i said no during the abuse, it was ignored. What can i do? How do i tell him i dont want to? He knows about my past. And weve been together for 5 months. He doesnt force me, he just mentioned it, but i went a bit cold on him, so he hasnt mentioned it since. Please help me :(:(
6 people like this
15 responses
@karjyo (830)
• India
27 Jul 08
Talk to your boy friend about your feelings. Say no if you are not interested. If he loves you he will surely understand, if he does not, he never loved you. Then you better leave him.
• Italy
26 Jul 08
If you dont want all this you should tell your bf very clearly and if still he insists on that then i advise you to leave him because friendship and relations based on trust, respect and care for others if he dont care for your thoughts he can never be a good friend of yours he is just fulfilling his own desires. i am afraid you got cheated nd abused again by such peplz please my friend make it loud and clear to your friends and then you will only have true friends around you the cheaters will leave you coz they dont find their intrests.
@kidjuwee (612)
• Philippines
25 Jul 08
Good communication will always result in a good outcome. If your boyfriends really loves you then he will respect and understand your decisions.I hope you will feel better , it's not an easy situation being abused and he should know it.
@adthacker (197)
• India
25 Jul 08
i think you need to talk with him if he really loves you he will understand you
@alpha7 (1910)
• France
25 Jul 08
There is no help,if you don't want and he's not forcing you,you're ok! What is your relationship like with him ? Why not consider visiting a specialist (psychologist)
• Nigeria
25 Jul 08
5months,and he's already complaining?I had 2 wait 2yrs before i did it with my girl! the truth is,if he really luvs u,he'll understand and wait till u r ready...
• Philippines
25 Jul 08
If you're not ready then you're not, he should understand that and shouldn't force the issue. I do believe that you need to talk to him about how you feel, remind him that you still love him and just needed time to get over what you've been through. If he loves you he'll understand.
@m0mmy0f03 (364)
• United States
25 Jul 08
Hello KellyMate, I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. It's very hard to go throuth something your life like that. When I was younger my step father try to sexually abuse me. So I knida understand what you are going throuth.I would just talk to him about how you feel or even write him a letter about how you feel. I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend dont push the subject and that he knows what happened. If he loves you he will understand your feels. You should do it if you don't feel 100 % comfortable with it. All that will do is hurt your relaship with your boyfriend. I hope everything works out for you hun. . Good luck to you and your boyfriend. P.S. when you are ready you will know!!
@4ofmyown (1119)
• United States
25 Jul 08
I think you need to be completely honest with him. I am sure by letting him know he will feel better knowing that it isn't him and you will feel better knowing that you can be open with each other. I am sorry about your past experiences maybe by talking to him might be somewhat theraputic for you.
• Nigeria
25 Jul 08
5months,and he's already complaining?I had 2 wait 2yrs before i did it with my girl! the truth is,if he really luvs u,he'll understand and wait till u r ready...
• Nigeria
25 Jul 08
5months,and he's already complaining?I had 2 wait 2yrs before i did it with my girl! the truth is,if he really luvs u,he'll understand and wait till u r ready...
@yenwie84 (1345)
• Malaysia
24 Jul 08
You just try to communicate with your boyfriend and tell him that you still cannot let go of your past. Ask him to think in your shoes. If he really loves you,I think he will understand and be considerate. At the same time,maybe you should go for counseling to ask for some professional opinions on how to solve your problem instead of delay the problem without solution.
@heart4u (409)
• Philippines
24 Jul 08
try to talk to your boyfriend tell him your not yet ready then day by day time by time try to disclose every part of what happen to you in the past im sure he will understand it or we might not know if he leArn bout it he would help you overcome it or do something to somehow lessen the fear you have its alright dear i know your boyfriend can understand what where you going through
@gloreymay (882)
• Philippines
24 Jul 08
If he really loves you then he will respect your decision as no! He will wait! talk to him in a nice way that you don't want to do it and if you say no, then it will be no ok? you all have the right to refuse, he is not your husband anyway, if he will not agree with you then find someone else, you don't deserve him. You will find a man who will respect you and what you deserve!
• Indonesia
24 Jul 08
i think you just need to talk about it with your BF, i think if he love you he will be understand. anyway did you believe that relationship is not base only about it?