OMG my mom thinks she is dying because she is anemic.
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
United States
July 25, 2008 9:53pm CST
My mom is anemic and now she thinks she is dying. She is a drama queen and has wanted cancer for years. Mom lived with me for 13 years until I could not longer handle the abuse and take care of her so she is in a nursing home. She had breast cancer with double mastectomy four years ago. She since then has told me she has had cancer in her right shoulder and then last week she told me she had cancer in her brain. She is a nursing home and does not have cancer in her shoulder or brain, I have seen the x-ray reports and it is osteoarthritis. My mom wants to die, she has been angry at her sister since she was born, and it has been even worse since her sister died before her. Her sister is five years younger than mom. Since mom moved into the nursing home she has been on a self imposed hunger strike, she has lost over 150 pounds.
Mom was a terrible mother who stopped living at the age of 59; she quit working and lost her home so one of her three daughters would have to take care of her. In mom's opinion we owed her because she had us. Mom has bragged this to one of my housekeepers who is now a friend.
We do not owe her anything. All of my life she has told my twin and I that we where not wanted. She would beat us when she got the whim. Mom would tell my twin and I we where the cause of all of her problems. She has never taken responsibility for any of her mistakes in life.
Now mom has a blood count of 8 that is low but not low enough to die. She called me yesterday all happy and said that she was waiting for her last blood work to come in. She also said that the kitchen has been buying special foods for her to help build up her blood counts. Now today she called social services in her room to go over her “last wishes”. She told the social worker that she knows she is dying soon and wanted to make sure everything was in order. She was fine yesterday now today when she got her blood count and it was a little lower than last week she knows she is dying! She also swore to the nurses not to call me. The nurses did not but the social worker did.
Mom wants her daughters to rush to her bedside and weep and wale and tell her how much we love her and ask her to take blood, which she refuses. Well guess what folks it ain’t happening. She told us girls on a daily basis that she hated us NOW she wants us to pretend we love her.
I have been her care taker for 17.5 years and frankly when her time is up I will be relived. Mom has been miserable all of her life I think it will be a blessing for her to get out of her misery.
Mom said she was molested by her father, she married my dad to get out of the house, she had us three girls she did not want, my dad kicked her out, she had to take care of herself. On top of all of that she had to move in with my husband and get free room and board for 13 years. She never once cooked cleaned or did anything to help me. What a miserable time that must have been. Lying in bed watching TV all day. Then when she got so weak from that she had to go into a nursing home. I say she made more of her misery herself.
Now she needs blood and refuses it. I say OK she still has all of her facilities. If mom did not then I could get a court order and take over but she is in her right mind.
Do you think I should run down there and pretend I will care if she dies? Do you think I need to go down there and beg her to have blood?
4 people like this
7 responses
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
26 Jul 08
She is not dying, she just has to eat properly. She needs more iron in her diet.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
28 Jul 08
Tell her that if she does not eat right that she will die, and tell her to stop being a damn drama queen. Tell her to grow up.
1 person likes this
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
27 Jul 08
You are absolutely right. I even told her that her anemia was from her self imposed hunger strike. She said "I'm eating everything I can." She is only eating things that she wants and nothing more. She is a spoiled brat that needs a spanken.
1 person likes this
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
29 Jul 08
rouge she now has the staff at the nursing home going out and buying food for her. They are paying for food out of their own pockets. I do now know how she can be so manipulative. How can someone live with themselves?
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
27 Jul 08
I think whatever you decide to do in this situation is the right thing. After all... you're the one who bears the pain of years passed. I don't know what I would do because my situation is so different to yours, but I do know that your Mother is a very selfish woman who will not be satisfied until she gets what she wants. Why give her the satisfaction of being there at her demise, when she was never there for you, or any of your family? Why give her the satisfaction of feeling she has a hold over you, which she has in no way earned? No... come to think of it, I don't think I would succumb to her wishes. Let her prove a point to herself alone, because there's no earthly reason why you should care, my friend.
When she's passed from this World, as you say, it will be a relief... a big one, so make it known that she's to have her own way as usual and that you don't really give a hoot! That's how I would be I'm afraid, and I wouldn't care what anybody else thought... there would be no guilt feeling. Perhaps you should have washed your hands of her years ago, and moved on with the family you now have, and love. Let go of the negatives and take on the positives in life, for you are the one who still has a life to live!
Brightest Blessings, my friend. xxx
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Jul 08
She sounds like a very single-minded and selfish woman to me, my friend. Always plotting and weaving for her own good... never anybody else's. I think you've done the best thing by being there for her until the end, but not close enough for her to do you any more mental or physical damage. Concentrate on your family and home, and let her be or do what she wants to be or do. She can't hurt you with the protection of your family around you.
Huggggggggs. xxx
1 person likes this
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Darkwing you are so right. thats for your kind words.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Jul 08
Knowing what I do, no you should not, why? If it was the other way round she would not do it for you
I am sorry it sounds harsh but at the end of the Day if she did not want you both then why all this, why expect you both to pretend
Why expect you both to love her after what she has put you both through, no way
As you say she is still there so if she refuses the Blood that is her problem at the end of the Day
You are happy now and you stay that way, leave her to lead her Life how she wants and if this is what she wants, fine, her look out
I do not like People who treat her Children that bad, yes I had Problems with my Mum and telling me several times I should not have been born but 21 Years ago we put that behind us and also my Mum did not do half the things to me your Mum did to you both
In my Mum's own way she loved me, now we get on great and have done since we had the talk 21 years ago
Your Mum just does not want to know unless it is for her advantage so why should you and your Twin want to know
Love you and big Hugs
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
26 Jul 08
You are right. Sadly she has missed out on getting to know her grandchildren. She will miss out on getting to know her great grand child. What a lose. She never asks about my sisters or even her mother. Why should she does not care about us or even her own mother. She asks about my older sister whom she wanted and loves. My older sister was and still is the golden child even thou mom lived with me and I have taken care of her all this time.
I think it would be a waste of good blood if mom has the transfusion because mom is doing nothing to help herself. She just lays in bed and orders everyone around. Her bing thing is to tell lies about the staff to get them fired. She seems to love to do that.
She is a sad, sad woman and it will be a blessing when she does pass away because she will be out of her self imposed misery.
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
27 Jul 08
My heart goes out to you. But you have to decide what you can live with. Sorry that is the bottom line. What you do now, is up to you. Do you feel you have done all you can (FOR YOU) with/for her? Will there be any guilt when she is gone? Any questions as to what you should have done/said? If not, don't sweat it, do what you need to do. But if you are worried or feel a need to do something if even go to see her and say hi, how ya doing once in awhile, then you know you need to do that. Because it is now about how you feel inside, in my opinion.
I have a soft spot for people in nursing homes, but know the torture some parents put their kids through as well. Guilt is a powerful thing. But don't let it be used against you.
1 person likes this
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
27 Jul 08
There will be no guilt. I have done all that I can do. Frankly I am so used up with all of her drama and crap. We go through this kind of drama about three times a year. If it is not one thing then it is another. When the social worker told me mom was dying I had to laugh. You do not die from an 8.0 blood count. Yes it is low yes a blood transfusion will make her feel better but it is not life threatening. She is just playing one of her games.
The game she really loves is to see what staff she could get fired. She has gotten a few staff fired with her stories and she really loves that one. I sure do hate her when she does that.
Mom is a habitual lier and I never know what to believe what comes out of her mouth. I have told the staff several times we need to stay in contact with each other because of her lies.
Yes it will be a blessing when she goes.
@SangsTurks (1444)
• India
26 Jul 08
Reading all this i do undrestand that you think that she is a bad mother. But when you'll were children you wouldnt even know wht she must be going through, what sacrifices she ahd to make. And perhaps if she brought you up all alone she was bound to show her anger to you and your twin sister. All this anger of showing you that she never wanted you was just her frustration that she must be taking out on you.
With age, people try to get more and more attention. I guess that is what you mother is trying to do. As they age they go back to the second phase of a child that would be the age of say a 6months old child where they seek attention from you. try to give her more attention, call her atleast 2-3 time a day everyday, ask her how she is (just listen to her whims and cries) dont judge her. Do this for sometime, she would change but give her you time. Go to see her on weekends, get her things she likes to do. All you need to do is have patience and bear what she does for the time you are with her. Suffering with cancer and the treatment makes things worse, it makes you very iritatable. So if she is angry with herself she will be angey with you too.
Mother is somebody, that if you lose her once you would never get another one. Dosnt matter how harsh she has been with you, you give her the love that she didnt get in her whole life. YOU can make the diffrence, make her forget what she has gone through in her entire life. Only you love can do the wonders. I just hope that she too understannds the efforts and your love. take care.
1 person likes this
@scorpiobites (298)
•
26 Jul 08
Your mom's misery comes from the pain she suffered when she was molested
by his own father. Then having your father who didn't love her that much
and kick her.That's the reason she's anrgry with all of you and I don't
blame her from being so miserable.Besides being sick, she's desperate for
which she's not getting. If I were you I'll just pretend to love alltoug
it's hurting.After all mothers are mother we came from them give her the
love and respect while it's not too late.you'll regret if you didn't forgive
her when she's gone.
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
26 Jul 08
I do not believe her father molested her. Mom is a habitual lier and she just told me that story because I would not let her move out of the nursing home and into a private home of one of the CNA's. She cannot be alone because he keeps falling and the CNA works two jobs.
Dad did not kick her out mom just says that. My mom left on her own accord and when she filed for the divorce dad was shocked as hell. Mom and dad had moved to another state and mom took their only car and came back to CA to "See her daughters" well she stayed with a friend and told everyone that dad kicked her out. He thought she was just coming for a visit. Yes my dad is dense but he would not forget kicking out mom.
Mom was suppose to finish her education when dad and her got divorced, dad would pay for the college plus alimony but mom refused. Mom only had 1.5 years left to get her bachelors degree in accounting. She has never finished anything she started. Mom use to make really pretty jewelry. a friend asked her to make jewelery so she could sell it on Ebay, mom refused because she did not want to be tied down. Mom was only getting 500 dollars a month social security. I would think that any little extra money would be worth it.
I tried to get mom into counseling several times and she refused. When she went into the nursing home I tried again. She kicked the physiologist out of her room. Mom denies that there is anything wrong with her.
Well if there is nothing wrong with her then she can be over there all by her self and die alone. She was the one who told the nurses not to call me that she was "dying" it was the social worker who called me.
The sad part of the whole thing is when mom wants to she is a very nice person. Mom is so talented and creative. She just refuses to use her talents. She does love to do crafts but only when she wants to.
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
26 Jul 08
Gosh, what can I say. Your mother really lives in a fantasy world doesn't she? Too many romance novels I think.
Having been through everything you have with her, of course it would be a relief to see her pass on, but it would still be sad too. It would be a relief to her as well.
Don't do anything you don't feel you can do, though remember you don't want to regret anything either.
She will actually cause herself to die by thinking and acting this way, might take a little while, but it will happen. It is called a self full filling prophecy.
I think I am lucky now to have a mother who doesn't bother to contact me on a regular basis, though she does complain that she doesn't hear from me. Answer the phone once in a while mum!!!!
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