He's not coming back..

me and my boyfriend - this is me and my boyfriend. this was the last time we were together. the day before he went to Dubai.
@chechuva (1276)
Philippines
July 25, 2008 10:15pm CST
last month i posted a discussion about my boyfriend who is in Dubai. he said he's coming back. but he didn't and now he told me he doesn't want to back anymore. or if ever, he'll come back after 3 years! i was so shocked and sad. i asked him how about our relationship. he just said that we'll just communicate through messenger! i don't know if it's worth waiting. he is planning to migrate to europe next month. is it selfish of me if i asked him not to go that far away from me? he knows that i can't follow him that easy in europe. this long distance relationship is really killing me. i love him but i don't think i can wait for 3 years or so! he didn't promise anything about our relationship. that's why im not expecting too much too.. he's not really doing this for our future. he is doing this for himself. will i give up now? or will i wait and trust him still that he'll come back for me...
2 people like this
24 responses
• Philippines
26 Jul 08
me, myself can't sustain in a long distance relationship. my hubby is in the US and in a year he went home twice because i always beg him to come home because im missing him so much and i guess he feels the same because even if there's nothing left in our savings and he has to beg his boss for a vacation, without hesitancy he would come home. i think your relationship is not anymore important to your bf. don't waste your time waiting if you think that there is nothing to wait for.
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
good for you, you found a great man who really loves you!
@Jade13 (262)
• Malaysia
26 Jul 08
Since you say he is doing this for himself, I am not sure he will wait for you even if you faithfully wait for him for 3 years. I am not sure that you can trust and be faithful to a man that doesn't think about your future. You two just don't have the common goal. well, that's just my 2 cents of opinion (no pun intended). You better think hard on it. There's still a lot of good fishes in the sea.
2 people like this
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
26 Jul 08
yes i know there are lot of guys that i can meet but im not that ready to look for another... thanks for the time and have a nice day!
@thestar (304)
• Egypt
26 Jul 08
which trust you talking about sweet heart believe me he only think in him self and his own future he doesn't care about you at lest he should tell you that he love and doing this for your future and your relationship but he doesn't care it is very easy to be sure just ask him to say that he love you and he will propose you just when he back to you he won't say it believe me he is play boy so i think that you have to forget him completely and forever and start to find another bf it doesn't matter where your relationship will start on the internet or in ordinary life but it must end i one house and in the same bed and 2 or 3 kids around you hope you get the right one next time my friend and good luck
2 people like this
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
26 Jul 08
i know im still young but i want to have a serious relationship that will be my last forever. it's hard to talk to him right now. especially he is so busy with his plans to europe. thanks for the time! have a nice day!
@inia_54 (176)
• Malaysia
26 Jul 08
Hi Chechuva, he is giving excuses to stay away from you. Right now he is only thinking about himself and his future. He in not making any plans for both of you. So it is obvious, isn't. So give in a break. Let him find his own life, and you can start looking forward for your life. I know, it heartbreaking for you but as time goes by it will heal. You can still continue as friends and continue communicating through messenger. But just don't put high hope on him anymore.
2 people like this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
26 Jul 08
I know it hurts, but it sounds like your boyfriend cares more about himself than he does about your relationship. I'm not saying he doesn't care about you, only that he cares more about himself. It most certainly would NOT be selfish of you to ask him not to go that far away! A relationship has two people in it, not one. You have every right to let him know how you feel about it. He's the one being selfish right now. It's a lopsided relationship, obviously. It's sad, but all too common. I would suggest taking one day at a time and try not to think about a future with this guy. Don't count him out, but don't hope for anything more than what you have with him. Try to regard him more as a friend than a boyfriend. (Friendship is more important in a relationship than love. If you can't be friends, love alone just won't hold it together.) You might just meet the man of your dreams in the meantime! If you get asked out on a date, by all means go! You might enjoy yourself more than you ever thought you could. It's time for you to get selfish, also! Go out, enjoy yourself, meet other people (guys) and don't worry about your "boyfriend" finding out. I'd tell him myself! I'd let him know how much fun I'm having while he's away. It may just make him think about how you're feeling about his travels and his attitude! But don't do it to make him jealous! Do it because you deserve it! He's obviously doing what he enjoys, so you should do the same thing, even if you don't feel like it right now. Take care and be sure to come here to your "family" whenever you need emotional support. We're here for you!
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
I agree with you, mentalward. He's not serious about you. Hello?! Just Messenger? He's gotta be kidding. He would have at least mentioned that he would call thrice a week. Whatever it takes just to feel closer. Sigh. Think of yourself first, sweetheart.
1 person likes this
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
thanks again! im planning to talk to him and end things between us. i know he needs me, but not as a partner. but just a person who'll support him and help him about his plans for his life! i really want somebody to love me and really care about me. but for now, my priority is my career. someday, somewhere i know that man will come and just love me. thanks for the time!
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
to jolliefile: actually he never tried calling me even ones since he went to Dubai. i know its pathetic to still expect anything from him... but im starting to pick up the pieces and moving on....
@clowdine (1402)
• Philippines
26 Jul 08
Girl, I think you look nice just to be taken for granted. If he's making you feel you're way less important than his plan. I guess you have to make him realize it. I have read some of your responses and I like your attitude about this. You're really not clinging to him like crazy. Guys are even appreciative of girls who dignify themselves by being run after than girls who always love their boyfriends more than their boyfriends love them. Keep wearing that girlie dignity on!
@misty99 (736)
26 Jul 08
If i were you.....i have to make myself ready for any worst thing that could happen-that's breaking up with him.Hard it is but life has to go on and the kind of man he is is not worth your attention,time and love.Before talking to him just make sure you are ready and strong enough,don't let him feel you are weak,nervous or on the verge of crying.Show him the tough side of you. Maybe you can ask him for the last time what his plans are and are you and your relationship included in those plans.If he has no plan for you and your relationship.If you are not included in his plans to migrate that's it.I guess you have to say goodbye-smiling!
• Indonesia
21 Feb 09
Hai..it's about 8 months ago since you posted this discussion, what's your feeling now, have you make a decicion about your relationship ? take one for your best, be strong, dont be weak coz your live must be done with r without him..
@reulin (101)
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
actually you really don;t need to wait for him what he said is a sign that he's really doing it for himself. coz in the first place, if you're in his vocabulary that he's doing it for you then maybe it is better to hear from him saying that he'll get you once hes' established himself and ready enough to feed both of you once you're together. you know, in your picture together, you're beautiful and im sure that you'll find or rather, let them find you and just wait for them to appear in your life. who knows, you might find somebody better than him. okey...everthing has a reason....
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
How are you coping now about your relationship with your bf? I think it has been 7 months. I guess you have move on or maybe not. But if you have read this book, title is "He Is Not Into You!", most words are harsh but there are some that makes you realize what's your worth (every woman is worthy!). Like you said he thinks of himself, not the two of you, right there, you have just said it there, he cares more about himself that your relationship. And this is the selfish type of guys, and this is the type of guys that you don't want to stick with. But even though things didn't end well with both of you, you can stay as good friends.
@eneria (118)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
i know it really hurts but i guess., its not worth the waiting... why not ask him to stay? if he really loves you, he will... its so hard to wait if you yourself don't know if you are waiting for something.. Then if you'll wait for him 3 yrs after, then you'll be together, you'll then realized that the one you love seem to be a stranger at all.. Hope you'll be happy..:) Cheers!
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
I know what you are been going through since my girlfriend is also out of the country. It is normal to be insecure about your relationship but you have to weigh down both sides of the possible actions. If you are going to wait for him, are you sure he will come back for you? On the other hand, if you decided not to wait that long and break the relationship, will he agree and let go of you? Since he did not mention your relationship as part of his future plan, then you are just waiting in vain. Wake up, chechuva! It is as clear as the blue sky. You know what I mean. Don;t worry, someones better will come along your way. Cheers!
• United States
27 Jul 08
This a very difficult situation you are in for your b/f is far away and wanting you to wait 3 years for him. I would ask him one last time when you talk him through or a text or how ever you do it ask him if he wishes to have both you guys's relationship last or not. I honestly feel bad for you for you desrve to be with him not to have him think of himself and go away for as long as he is. I do wish you the best of luck chechuva and may it all work out for you in time take care and god bless.
@dhevasena (144)
26 Jul 08
To be honest, 3 years is a very long time and there is the possibility that he will meet alot of other people and may even start a new relationship.. and meanwhile you would have missed your chances of finding a true love and decent future whilst the wait! and since he hasnt promised anything about your future or relationship it normally means he is not ready for a commitment.. please dont waste your time!
26 Jul 08
Hello chechuva, Honestly I think long distance don't work, three years is a long time and he is young and so are you, and he may meet someone else, to say that he won't be coming back and he hasn't ask you to join him so don't your life on hold, just be friends for a while and see what happens next, but my advice is move on. Tamarafireheart.
• Brazil
26 Jul 08
i believe he is not thinking about your relationship, he is thinking just about himself! my friend marriage last month and his wife has lost the chance of go to the nasa just to be beside him. i believe she could take him with her but he is military and can't go right now so she "ipsis literis" lose the chance to go high up to stay with him. so sorry if i was rude expressing my view but it is what i think about it. thanks, Scorpionok
@shontia08 (846)
• United States
26 Jul 08
hi, i'm sorry to hear that. you should just move on don't wait for him. why wait for 3 years on someone who only thinks about himself. as time past i think you will see that he's not worth it. if he really cared he would at least considered your feelings. you said he is just thinking of himself, so think of your self and what's best for you, if he's really like that then move on. my best advice is to go out and find someone that will make you happy. i don't think that you are being selfish. good luck in what ever you decide!
@klamor20 (242)
• Canada
26 Jul 08
When you love someone you need to let them go if he is yours dont be surprised he will surely walk back to you. take care of yourself
@gemini_rose (16192)
26 Jul 08
If he is not planning on coming back for three years did you not say to him that it would be a bit hard to maintain a relationship for that long through messenger? Do you think that this might be his way of getting out of your relationship? If I were you, I would be trying to find out whether he wanted to stay in a relationship because three years without seeing someone is way too long to keep it going. I would try and find out for definate what it is he wants from your relationship, if indeed there is a relationship and then that way you can move on with a clear conscience.
@rlydick (57)
• United States
26 Jul 08
I say he's cheating or hiding something else from you. I think that's crap. You should get rid of him and move on. You're a pretty girl. Go find the man you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life. I've been there and done that and it totally went down the drain. She was cheating on me. Oh, well. Good luck. Let me know if you need someone to talk to!