Constant Bickering!
By liltunergirl
@liltunergirl (467)
Canada
July 28, 2008 1:03pm CST
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now. Our first year was great! But ever since our second year started, all we seem to do is bicker. Our arguements never seem to go anywhere as he never seems to know what he did, even though I tell him in plain english what he did and how i'm feeling. He ends up saying he's sorry (but doesn't know what for) and expects me to be ok with everything. I try to be but he turns around and does the same thing over and over again. I've been getting really fed up and fustrated lately and seem to nitpick him about everything. I love him still (i think) and I'm affraid to break things off as I have a little daughter who has gotten attached to him and he treats her well. However, here's the twist-There is this guy at work that I have a little crush on, and I dream about him all the time (not sexually - emotionally). I always dream we were supposed to be together and not my boyfriend I have now. With all the bickering and the dreams I've been having, I'm wondering what to do? My boyfriend and I also have a trip planned for November. I am really confused.
3 people like this
4 responses
@Linda4ualways (2282)
• United States
28 Jul 08
Who starts the arguments and do you think your crush on this other guy could be causing confusion? I personally believe that it is best to end a bad relationship or a relationship that you are not happy in for whatever reason then to stay in it and then start another one. That isn't good because you will only be causing more problems. It is difficult when you love someone because you may need to break up with him but not want to.
For this guy to accept and treat your daughter nicely is a blessing because there are too many guys out there who wouldn't dare deal with a woman with a child. Take him out for dinner and discuss the arguments you two have been having lately and try to find out what the cause is. I believe you still love him it's just all of the agruing and that other guy that's on your brain that is causing the uncertainty. God Bless!
1 person likes this
@liltunergirl (467)
• Canada
28 Jul 08
Well the majority of the time I guess I start the arguments because he's always misurable with me or accuses me of doing something I didn't do. I'm tired of him treating me how he feels and me not saying anything but when I'm in a bad mood, he sure lets me know. So I've started letting him know that I don't appreciate him being rude and cranky with me for no reason and that usually starts a fight! The part that really isn't good is that half the time my daughter sees us fighting and I don't like that. I try asking him what his problem is and discussing why he is misurable but he always says no reason or there's nothing wrong. I try the communication thing but he just doesn't want to try back. It pushes me farther away and yes I do love him very much and cant' see my life without him but on the other hand, I cant see living with him and marrying him. If I bring up any of our arguement to get to the root cause, he gets angry for bringing up past arguements. It's a no win situation!
2 people like this
@mobilecubie (820)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
Are you happy with your boyfriend? Maybe the reason why things have been rough is because your not as in love with him as you used to. Maybe the new guy has something to do with it. The ultimate flaw on a person's life is when they find something new they think is better than what they have. At times like that you should weight things over a bit. And the most important key to making things alright is always communication. In a relationship you'll always get your answers by talking with those involved.
@liltunergirl (467)
• Canada
28 Jul 08
Yes I do feel that I don't love him as much as I used to but I think thats because we are always arguing. As for the communication thing, well I try. He doesn't. He always told me when we first started to not bottle up everything inside and to let it out (which I do now-I guess a little too much) and he just sits there and doesn't say a word! That gets me even more mad as he's not communicating back and I try to tell him but our arguments just end up going in a circle. He seems to think that if he's silent then the rainbow will come out and everything will be fine. I don't know how to get him to communicate with me. I've tried talking and when that didn't work I've tried yelling but still he shuts down and won't say anything. I tell him all the time that if we don't communicate and we don't resolve our issues at the current state then our relationship can't grow and carry on. I just still cant get him to open up and it pushes me further away.
1 person likes this
@mobilecubie (820)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
Most men do have that inablity to communicate what they are feeling deep down. You can ask him time and time again to open up to you but I fear that it may not have an effect. You now have to choose whether you will talk to him, give him a chance and tell him that if he does not start talking back your relationship will just end in so much bitterness or give up on what you have and leave him now and leave things be. I can surely say that the only reason why men won't talk even if you are yelling at them is because the believe that when they talk the words will really hurt you, and chances are they will. So if he happens to do talk back try not to get really hurt.
@Elixiress (3878)
•
28 Jul 08
I would break up with him. My last relationship was simular and when I ended it I didn't feel as bad about it as I expected. I felt relieved. Even though your daughter is attached to him, the constant bickering will only make her unhappy in the long term.
@liltunergirl (467)
• Canada
29 Jul 08
I think that's enevitably what it is going to come down to. I think I'm going to wait though until after our big trip as it is already paid for. I'll see how things go then and If there is no change then that will be it. Thanks for your response.
@relundad (2310)
• United States
28 Jul 08
Sounds like your relationship expired a year ago and you are still hanging on. Hoping that things will turn around and you wont have to admit the truth.
Even though relationships are not all peachy all the time. Relationships will and do show us the signs that trouble lies ahead and we ignore them. To make matters worse we often escalate it to the next level when the current isn't working. Meaning for some reason we think that the boyfriend/girlfriend thing was working, so lets get married. Soon after that you wonder why the marriage is not working. Well silly it wasn't working before!
You will indeed be able to find excuses to stay in the relationship if you look hard enough, for justification. But is it really worth it in the long run? Normally not. Why is it so hard to recognize when we are fighting a loosing battle? Why is it so hard to realize that because you want the relationship doesn't mean that it will and can last?
There are many relationships that we encounter in a lifetime, but only a few that will last a lifetime! Maybe this is one that is only for a short time. Problem is that you have to let the one thats not working go, in order to find the one that will last a lifetime.
@liltunergirl (467)
• Canada
28 Jul 08
That's the funny thing, and I should be listening to this voice in my head, but if he were to ask me to marry him, I'd have to say NO. I don't feel as though we are ready for that stage yet when we have so many issues and even though he loves my daughter, he does say a lot of things that make me wonder if he's ready for a family yet as well. I was thinking of giving it another few months, go on this trip, see how things are after then and if still the same then to let him go.
Thanks for you comment.
1 person likes this
