Being alone
By bdugas
@bdugas (3577)
United States
July 29, 2008 5:52am CST
At 8:10 this evening my husband leaves for Louisiana once again, he goes home around July and stays till he HAS to come back, we are from Hurricane Katrina and have been relocated a 1000 miles from home, he hates it here and only thinks about going home, but there is no place to go even after 3 years, so he goes and visits family, fishes, hunts, and then comes back around Thankgiving or a little later. That leaves me here alone, we have pets and other things going on in our lives that makes it impossible for me to just get up and go and stay for several months. I also have some health issues that i am taking care of and can't leave to go. Sometimes I feel he doesn't care what happens to me as long as he gets to go home. I know it is his home and he has never been away from there and this is all new to him, his family and friends are there.
But what would happen if I got sick in the night and couldn't get to the phone to call for help, I have had a major heart attack,and I have always depended on him to be there if I had to call for help. Now it will just be me and the dog and cat. It is scarey to be by yourself when you have major heath issues. I carry the cell everywhere I go in the house in case i need to call 911, I don't sleep most of the time he is gone, always some sound that I have to go investigate. I live in a fairly safe place and my kids are not far off, and the firehouse with it's ambulances is just across the street, but it is not the same as having someone in the house with you.
I enjoy the freedom his being gone gives me, I can stay up as long as I like, eat when I want and what I want, go where I want and come back when I want, so there are good sides to it also. But I hate it when he leaves, I guess I have grown to depend on him too much, to know that he's right in the other room should I need him, I know I will get along fine while he is gone, but don't you think we grow to depend on others too much?
2 people like this
12 responses
@tonniek02 (457)
• United States
29 Jul 08
I truly understand the feeling of being alone...I have been married for 15 years and even with my husband just in the other room. I am alone. He gose to bed before the birds. And I usully sit by my self and the TV till 10 at night. Even when he is in the same room as me. Sometime I just wish I had someone to talk to. Someone I could just bounce idea's back and forth with. Talk about the day and what the children or grandchildren have done. And just laugh. I have forgotten what it's like to just laugh. So I have been spending alot of time trying to create an extra income from home. It has been easy, but it has kept me busy and able to not think about being lonely. And, I am not into those chat room. From what I hear about those, is... it is just a group of people, trying to make others more missruble then they already are. My daughter use to spend alot of time on them and was alway upset, by what others where saying. So I have never even check them out. And don't plan to. Sometime you find your best friend is yourself.
1 person likes this
Hi Tonniek02, it sounds like your husband and mine are twins..Haha..My husband is like yours too...Just wanted to drop in a say that you are not alone,there is many out here just like you...
@smacksman (6053)
•
11 Aug 08
That's very difficult for you.
Of course we grow dependent on each other - that is what we marry for, to support each other.
You have been through a terrible experience. I do hope it all works out for you in the end.
@sunkissed (4330)
• United States
30 Jul 08
Well I am very orry that you all were in hurricane katrina, and that you all had to relocate so far away.It is sad that your husband wants to go back home for so long without you. When you are married it is really best when you can be together.I know he misses his home. I moved 1000 miles away from my home town 34 years ago, I will always miss it too, but seldom get up there, just can't afford to.I know too how it feels to have health problems and have nobody around with you. I have been disabled for 22 years and live alone, it does get scary at times, but life goes on.I am sure that you will be just fine, ounds like you are close to things and do have family around. Just think, you will not have to clean up after anyone but yourself, and will not have to cook if you do not want too. Good luck to you.
@chrislotz (8136)
• Canada
11 Aug 08
Wow, after three years still don't have your home to go back to. That is just awful. I really feel for you and for your husband. It is too bad you can't go home for a visit too, but at least your husband gets to. I just can't imagine what you have been going through for the last three years. I mean, we hear about it on the news, but to actually know someone that it happened to, is different. Is there any hope that you will be able to move back home? Do you still want to move back home? It must be so hard on you and your husband.
@ellie333 (21016)
•
30 Jul 08
Hi I can understand that he misses his family and friends but to go and leave you alone for so long I personally think that he is being selfish, go for a month but not for several. I don't think that you have become dependent on him but have obviously got used to having someone in the house with you. It is awful that you have had to relocate so far from your home but it should be you and him that are the main family unit. I feel for him to stay away for months is wrong. At least you have the children nearby eh! Hopefully he won't be away too long this time but you should still be able to stay up for as long as you want and go where you want even when he is there. Ellie :D
@blackmantra_x (2732)
• Philippines
30 Jul 08
good day.. that is a serious issue that you and your husband needed working on. You need to tell him your situation and possible fear of the consequences.
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
A married couple should be together no matter what. Why don't you talk to your husband and relate to him what you feel. If he feels he wants to live in Louisiana then find a place there so he won't be gone always leaving you all alone. Maybe you can bring your pets along if you're worried about them. You should be together in one place. Be open to him and you both find a solution in your situation. Listen to each other and see what each other have to say and maybe you'll both end up with an idea together that will both be beneficial to you. Try it..it won't hurt. Take care..
@slickcut (8140)
• United States
29 Jul 08
bdugas, first let me say that i am so sorry that this disaster has happened to you all..I was born in Louisana and was raised mostly in texas,but it did affect some of my family members that still live in Louisana..It has been very hard for all of you and it has seemed to mess up a lot of lives...I have family members here that has went down and worked in Louisana to try and repair some of the damage there...Your husband has been taken from his homeland and i know that is very hard on both of you...This was such a disaster to families ,and i would probably think that your husband is really not thinking clear at this point..I am sure your husband loves you and he cares,but he may be a little selfish at this time,but he also knows that you have help close if you need it..It is hard to be alone and your husband in Louisana for so long...We do tend to start depending on others,especially our mates after a while,thats just normal,but we have to remember that in the end of things we all have to learn to stand alone...My husband is a very sick man ,and in my heart i know that i may be alone one day,its hard to think about but sometimes life deals some hard things...Some people are real territorial,and cannot stand change,and i am that way ,and i think thats whats wrong with your husband.It is a built in trait,don't get me wrong i am not taking up for your husband,i just think its something he cannot help and nothing about his love for you...I have spent time alone myself when my husband was away ,and the hardest time was at night..Just try to relax and enjoy your freedom because thats what i did..If you feel sick ,just keep your phone close,and dial 911..Also when you dial 911 they can get there quick..I pray God will give you peace and keep his hand on you..Good luck ..
@kingcrapper (1536)
• United States
29 Jul 08
I am so sorry to hear about you situation. I think about all the things your family is going through and the amount of burdens you personally have to take on. Your question about do I think we grow to depend on other too much is the issue I would like to take on.
Reading that made me think of the society in general. At one time, adults used to watch their neighbors children making sure they got home and called other parents if they saw something going down. Now, neighbors don't know each other. At one time, marriage was a sacred institution. Now, most people follow their favorite stars and their 'married and divorce' revolving door. At one time we used to respect police and law and now the ten commandments and the bill are rights are reduced to memories and notes passed out by 'radical' Christians on street corners.
Do we grow to depend too much on each other? As a society, if we did we would be safer, more productive, and happier.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
29 Jul 08
If you have the cell phone by your bed, then that should be of a help. If the cell phone may not be of use because it could fall on the floor, then get a lifeline. They are a button that you wear around your neck and push in an emergency.
Could someone related to you stay with you at night? If you have enough relatives, they could alternate. My Aunt had one of her grandkids stay with her when she went camping.
July, August, Sept., Oct., and part or most of Nov., that's a long time. Could he shorten that up a few weeks somewhere and spend more time with you? If you love someone, of course you hate it when they leave. Esp. for months at a time. Does he call you or write or something during that time period?
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
29 Jul 08
Hello bdugas,
It must be very lonely for you because you have no one to talk to just the animals but it not the same a human, i do understand you with your medical issues you do someone there with you, could you talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and you are affraid to be on your own for too long and I do think it is wrong for him to keep going back. My husband works at the airport for four days a week and he does shifts but no nights, he seems to be home more often and gets under my feet and sometimes I wish I could scream and constanstly eating, he won't put on weight because he is a biker and ofeten go away for couple of days with his friends which gives me a break from him. The reason we depend on our husbands and wives is becauae thats is what marriage does to you, I do depend on my husband and can't sleep at night without him in the house, I don't mind him out all day but as long as he comes home to sleep aI don't mind. I hope he don't go away too often for you, talk to him.
Tamarafireheart.
@ashleecook (199)
• Canada
30 Jul 08
wow that must be difficult for you. i hope you make out alright! i know i would be pretty frightened if it were me.
