I am hopeless!
By sameroad
@sameroad (3179)
United States
August 2, 2008 10:04pm CST
I am seriously hopeless when it comes to meeting new friends.
I am not sure how to help myself or fix it either! I try and try to change or do better at communication but I seem to be hopeless! Maybe I do need pills? but i don't wanna try this junk my doctor wants to put me on...
but I just NEVER know what to say. I mean, someone could be telling me about them selfs, like where they are from, if they have brothers and sisters, what they do for living.. ya know all that stuff you talk about when you are first getting to know someone... and I just stand there like "oh..." cool? I mean, i don't know what to say back! and it drives me crazy. Am I really this bad at knowing how to have a life!? or communicate with people? (i guess you could say)
It is like my brain is EMPTY...Sometimes I will say something but i always feel like its dumb! and then when people ask me about myself... I get even dumber or i give really short answers and its like it takes me a moment. First i will stand there looking as if someone had just asked me "the worlds most hardest math problem" or something. lol
It's so annoying. I don't know why I am this way or how I became this way.
I really want to fix it but it seems like no matter how hard i try I never seem to get it and even when I think, Hey, I am getting better!
but It never seems to last and if even thing, I will usually get a little worse for a moment, like yesterday when I was walking my dog. I saw someone up ahead on the sidewalk and what did i do? cut off into the grass and walked BEHIND the houses.
Why? So I didn't have to pass them and so they couldn't see me.
I had stopped doing that but I did it again and I am getting those feelings that make do it again when I see people I don't know again.
I don't know if I will ever be able to fix myself from doing this because...
How can I make it so I am not fearful? I guess or whatever it is that causes me to be this way.. but how can i fix it if I do NOT have a life? if i am never around people? and i have no way to be around people. I'm not gonna go and hang out at target and be like "YOU WANNA BE MY FRIEND?!" to people walking bye lol I think that would just scare them 
Am i just hopeless or what? Why can't i just be NORMAL!
God, I see everyone else being able to do and just be there selfs and talk and even talk to STRANGERS with NO problem and I can barely to a NEIGHBOR who has been talking to me for a little over ONE YEAR now. How freaking pathetic is that?
Am i just hopeless or what? Why can't i just be NORMAL!
God, I see everyone else being able to do and just be there selfs and talk and even talk to STRANGERS with NO problem and I can barely to a NEIGHBOR who has been talking to me for a little over ONE YEAR now. How freaking pathetic is that?5 people like this
13 responses
@elisa812 (3026)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Don't worry, you are not alone! You pretty much just described exactly how I feel! I have always had a really difficult time getting to know new people and making new friends. I just recently had to move to a new town where we don't know anyone, and my husband keeps telling me to just make some friends, like it's really easy, but it just doesn't happen that way for me. I feel like it takes me years to finally feel totally comfortable with people. I have always been really shy, and just like what you described, I feel like my mind goes completely blank and I have no clue what to say to people! Then after I do come up with something to say, I always feel like it sounded dumb or didn't come out right. I always feel frustrated because my husband is really friendly and outgoing, and he seems to feel comfortable talking to anyone off the street. I am always wishing I could be more like that, but I just don't feel like it's me. I guess it's just how I'm made or something. Anyway, sorry I can't really give you advice I guess, but just wanted to let you know you're not the only one who feels tha way!
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
5 Aug 08
i guess your painfully shy. i used to be that way. perhaps someone has put you down in life. my mom used to yell at m,e for it and talk about how dumb i was. but, then my hubby started telling me how interesting i was and how im naturally likable and just a good listener. now, i go out of my way to talk and if someone is worried about meeting new people they take me. lol
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
25 Mar 09
I am also not very good at making friends with the people I have never met. I have seen someone people able to speak to strangers as if they know them for many many years. I think it takes a lot of time for me to make friends with people who are strangers. I had the problem of getting tongue tied when I was younger in front of people whom I don't know especially with the girls.
@dclary (141)
• United States
3 Aug 08
Hi sameroad! Bless your heart, you are really hard on yourself. You remind me of my mother because she is the same way. She will never talk to anyone first and if they talk to her she gives very short answers, though she is not like that when she is just around family. Are you alright around your family? I have had people say to me, "boy, your Mom looks really mean all the time"...lol. It is just the vibe she gives off I guess, almost like others can sense that she is uncomfortable.
As the old saying goes, "there is nothing to fear but fear itself" I would recommend that you slowly try new things each day. For example as you are walking your dog, allow yourself to walk past that person you see. Continue to do that until you are comfortable with it and then move it up a step and maybe nod your head or smile at that person. I'm sure you didn't get this way over night and you are not going to change over night so just take it one day at time. I hope this helps a little and I wish you much luck. If you need to talk about it or just need to vent, please feel free to message me on here.
@sameroad (3179)
• United States
3 Aug 08
I'm like this even around family. There is only a small few that I am not and that is My mom, dad, my two brothers and my cousin Joey. Everyone else in the family I will feel that way around them. It might not be as bad and it'll come and go, like there will be a moment here and there when I feel "Okay" around other family memebers but then i feel uncomfortable again.
I will try and do that.. I know i can! I've done it before. I just need to bring myself back to that step.
And thank you
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
3 Aug 08
Hello, sameroad.
We were on the "sameroad". lol I used to be almost like that, but not in such a situation. I never knew what to tell others when I saw them, and I was afraid of talking to somebody and they not answer me. Imagine me talking to a girl: I really didn't know what to say, my mind was empty. I thought that everything I would say would be dumb. I only talked to my friends, with them the chat would flow normally. Now, this problem is very simple to heal. Yes, it is. All that you have to do is to keep on trying. I mean, you are there, meeting someone new. Right? Then your mind gets blank, like if you don't know what to say... Well, after you said hi, just try to remember anything. Look around you. You'll see what? A street, perhaps. Then just say: "Hey, this street is so littered...". You must always look at something and talk to how does it looks. Look at the person and compliment him/her: "You look beautiful! Nice clothing! You have a wonderful smile. Your eyes are really expressive." Things that would make people glad. In the beggining, you will not be able to face them in the eyes. It is always like that.
Think about anything. Everything, and I mean everything is a subject. Just remember about myLot. You are there, you met someone new. You don't need to wait for the person to come talk to you, just go there and say: "Hi!". The person will reply, saying: "Hi!". Then just start talking about this. "Hey, I don't know you, but I am here because I have a kind of problem... I mean, I cannot talk to everybody. I know it sounds so strange, but I needed to tell somebody about this. Have you ever felt like that?". Then you have just started a conversation. Practice leads to perfection... or to something close to that. I can talk to anybody for hours, and you will see different kinds of people. I say that I can talk to anybody for hours, but usually I am not the one speaking. I mean, I can get to the person and start the conversation, but everybody has stories to tell. You just have to make the right questions and start listening. Practice, you can do it. Tell your neighbour that you have this problem and start a conversation. If you feel like you have nothing to say, then start talking about what is going on inside you. Tell them you feel like you have nothing to say. Hide nothing and you will soon be a good chatter.
Respectfully,
Munhozmib.
@sameroad (3179)
• United States
3 Aug 08
I have never thought about it like that...Coming here and talking is like having a conversation but on here I can think for as long as i need lol and I am not in front of anyone and no one knows me or sees me.. so it all comes easier.
I have tried telling my neighbor onces that I have problems talking to people and thats why i never seems to talk, its not that i don't like you, its just i can't think of any thing to say. But I wasn't able to get the words out of my mouth!
but i will keep on trying, as i do. It's sucks when you keep failing.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
3 Aug 08
It's fairly simple, as I found out after 50 years of life. People love to talk about themselves and what's important to them. If they say, how are you today? You reply, I'm just great, how are you? They'll begin to tell you about their commute or what they had for breakfast then you ask them for details as "so the traffic was really bad, huh?" and they'll expound. Or say "I really love omelets, too, have you tried asparagus, ham and cheese omelets?" Or "That must be stressful dropping your child off in such heavy traffic, you're such a good mom-I don't think I could handle that!". Do NOT avoid people. Merely smile and say good morning, evening or afternoon and walk on. They will initiate a conversation next time if they're interested in knowing you.
I used to be the same way. Working for an answering service helped me a lot and made me more outgoing, it's so much easier talking to people over the phone than in person. It's kind of like a rehearsal for real relations!
You may be depressed or have a phobia about speaking to people. If you can, consult a professional or your family doctor. Sometimes people need medicine because such conditions are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. There's nothing wrong with your mind, just your chemistry! Have it checked it if my other suggestion doesn't work, you'll feel much better and be able to start having a wonderful time!
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
4 Aug 08
Some docs are like that. You are a wonderfully articulate person in writing, I can't help but think that with a little practice you would be a good speaker. Join a book group or something else you're interested in. You'll eventually make friends, probably quicker than you expect!
@consultrainer (4992)
• India
3 Aug 08
FRIEND, .. it is really surprising. You have made good friends here in this virtual world, .. about 82! is it not an indication of your ACTIVE BRAIN? How could you call yourself hopeless. On the contrary, I find you one of my BEST associates here in mylot.
I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. is that ok with you?
Real world has many surprises. Please bear with it, and grow tall. (not in the true sense of the word.)
Goodluck, and Happy health.
@CottonBazzi (30)
• China
3 Aug 08
In my opinion,you will need time to adjust to your new environment,and understanding this is the first step in getting off to a positive start.People always have some common interests,classes or jobs,so you can make your new friends.We live in a world with all kinds of social relationship.We exchange information,opinions or else,and we share laugh and sorrow.
@izathewzia (5134)
• Philippines
3 Aug 08
Hopeless? Personally, I believe that as long as we live, we should be full of hope. Because there is hope even after our earthly life. All we need is to believe. And acts on our beliefs.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Aug 08
sameroad you need some self confidence is all, are
'you so sure your life is all that dull. look use
this mantra my husband taught me , I am somebody, I
am unique, I am sameroad, I love myself, I like myself
, and mean it, shout it to the skies. even Christ told
us we must love ourselves as we love others, so that we
know how to love others.Also if you need to be around people
do this volunteer to help in your local hospital or even in
an old folks home, or at a library shelving books.you will
be interacting with others and helping at the same time.
You will lose yourself in doing for someone else and become
less shy.Workin a library for awhile and you will find the
kindest most agreeable people you have ever met and you will
overcome any shyness too.
@WATARIKENJI (1534)
• Philippines
3 Aug 08
One technique I could suggest is try to relax. You can think better if you relax. It will minimize the tension you are feeling at the moment.
@lyy284891086 (623)
• China
3 Aug 08
OH I can understand you very much ,because i also get the same problem
with you .When before the age of 18 i feel nevers when someone new talk to
me ,and to my great dissapointing is i will stammer then talk to them ,
from that i seldo contacl to the others ,and if they talk to me ,i will give
few words ,but as the time goes by i become more and more open.I think maybe you can deal with these problem later ,so don't too worried to that
@sagittar (107)
• Malta
3 Aug 08
Dear friend, i had just read about 21 lines that you have written. For me you have good communication skills, you know how to communicate. The problem is, In my opinion, that you have a very low self esteem. yeah sometimes it is very difficult to talk to strangers for me too but even with only a hello you can begin a friendship or a hi.
You said that sometimes you gave short answers, that is because you feel unsecure about how the person infront of you will judge you, but remeber that friendship is based that as a friend, the friend will accept you as you are, even a stranger can accept you as you are and than become your friend. You do not have to impress noone, friendship is simple, it is more difficult a love relationship.
Try something when you take your dog for a walk, and when you see poeple just see who you like at first sight and just by pass them with your dog and say good morning or good evening according to time of the day or just say high, they surley will respond to you. And keep it doing every day if you see always the same person is better, because a hi or good morning today and another one tomorrow, than some of them will begun to tell you hi, whats the name of your dog? to try to comunicate with you. do not worry if you answer in short it will not be a problem.
Your problem is surley a low self esteem. You do not need any pills, you just need to have trust in your self and do not take care of what people can think of you, it is their problems not yours.
