I have been seeing a guy but recently found out he already had a girlfriend...
By Munchkin547
@Munchkin547 (2778)
August 5, 2008 2:48pm CST
I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months now but found out on friday that he has had a girlfriend all along, obviously I was unaware of this from the start. He is still texting and calling me, and I am not responding, but don't know how to react to this and let him know that I know! Should I just never speak to him again? Should I somehow tell his girlfriend? Should I get "revenge"? What do you guys think?
5 people like this
25 responses
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
6 Aug 08
I think that the most important thing for you now is who are you to him and as long as there is no real commitment between the other girl and him, I do not think he is cheating and/or two timing you.
I suppose we need to get our facts right before we can start insisting on our perception and assumption, which can be wrong at times. I think you may want to make this clear before deciding on the next course of action and jumping into false conclusions.
As for vengeance, I would advocate against it. Just let go, after all it's all fair and square if the both of you are not attached.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
31 Aug 08
I think you need to understand that the world today is very much different nowadays. With the emergence of the womens' involvement in the society it is quite natural that men today would have an extensive circle of women friends. I do not know how much you know about their relationship and I felt that you are not cheating if they had not committed in the first place.
On the practical side, he may not be the last case. Let me ask this: What happens when you meet another guy, a guy of your dream and he has girlfriend(s)? Are you going to walk out? I am sure whoever you find attractive will be equally be attractive to another girl, get my drift here? I think in love, everything is fair and square. Unless, you want to have your marriage arranged, I think you should try and work out for the one you love and would want to have a relationship with.
What do you think? Happy posting and take care.
1 person likes this
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
He has been seeing his girlfriend for a lot longer than me and as far as i know it is wuite serious! I have walked away from the situation, he may not be cheating on me, as we weren't seeing eachother that long and it wasn't overly serious but he was cheating on her! It's just the type of situation i don't want to be involved in, as for vengeance, i think you are right, it's not in my nature to seek revenge and it wouldn't really solve anything anyway! Thanks for responding, happy mylotting x
1 person likes this
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
31 Aug 08
i can see where you're coming from but whatever may have change in society etc, there is still no excuse for telling lies, and that is what i really don't like about the situation, if he had told me from the beginning that he was seeing someone else then it would have been my choice as to whether i wanted to get myself into the situation but as it happened i was left in the dark! I don't want to share a man with anyone, i don't believe i should have to settle for second best! The problem really is not that people will always find the person you're with attractive, it's that people don't seem to have any morals and think it is ok to lie and cheat, if that's the case, what's the point in relationships at all!? People perhaps just need a little more self control, the world would come to a stand still if we all jumped into bed with every person we found attractive!! xxx
@austere (2812)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
Well, I think the right thing to do is confront him and let him know that you know that he has a girl. You should get his reaction and ask him why he keeps on seeing you even if he has a boyfriend. Well, am thinking maybe he really likes you but then again, what he is doing is not right, and what he is doing, secretly seeing you, is very unfair on his girlfriends part. If he doesn’t like her anymore, then he should end the relationship with her or something. It’s best to get his side of the story. We cannot judge him not until we know why he did that and his real intentions with you.
@austere (2812)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
i understand.. trust should always be one of the foundation of a relationship inorder for it to work. if you can feel that he is lying to you and that he's just playing all along, forget about him. women should be treated with love and respect. and what he did to the girl was really wrong and unfair. don't worry, i know there are still a lot of truthful guys around..may you luckily find one of them!
cheeers!
cheeers!1 person likes this
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Hi, thanks for your response! I confronted him last night and he tried to lie to me again! he said he cared about me, and all the other things he thought i wanted to hear but even if he did leave his girlfriend i would never be able to trust him and would hate knowing that i had hurt another woman! hopefully he will not treat her badly again! Happy mylotting x
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
5 Aug 08
Simply tell him that you know. Let him know that you are not into sharing your men and that if he wants to be with you drop her. But then could you trust that he wouldn't start seeing someone if he's with you?
@soulist (2985)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I agree with what Rmuxa said. Tell him that you know. That guy should know he can't have you and her at the same time. But really do you want to be with a guy who has another girlfriend while he's dating you? Or dating you while with another girl?
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
I have told him that i know and he tried to lie his way out of it! I could never be with him after this, i'd never be able to trust him and as much as i am sick of being alone or in bad relationships, am still not desperate enough to settle for second best! Thanks for the responses! Happy mylotting x
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
5 Aug 08
If I were you I'd tell him to You have one girl friend and I don't share then I'd tell him to HIT THE ROAD JACK and DON"T COME BACK. If He is doing this to her he will be doing it to you. The thing about "revenge" is that it can backfire. The girl friend just might not believe you if you did tell her. She just might decide that your trying to break them up so you can have him. If she has been with him very long than she already knows. When this happens to us deep down we know believe me we know.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
I completely agree with you, have told him i know and have ended things with him, could never trust someone who lied so much! It's not really in my nature to seek revenge, it would make me just as bad as him. I've walked away from the situation and i have nothing to be ashamed of, doing anything back at him would change that! I agree we do know when the ones we care about are hiding things from us, it just depends on whether we are ready to admit to ourselves that there is a problem!
1 person likes this
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Thank you for your support! Onwards and upwards and all that! i'm sure mr right will come along eventually but until then i have a wonderful gou of friends a well as all you guys here at mylot - i'm a lucky girl!!! take care x
@myrandge (43)
• China
6 Aug 08
tell him that you have already knew him has a girlfriend.
i don't think such a man worth you to love him.he can hanker you now but also can hanker another girl after you become his girlfriend.
in my view ,trust and honesty are the basic of the couple.
i think you at least lost trust of him,so,it's no exciting and interesting between you and him again.
1 person likes this
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Thanks for the response! i think you are right, i couldn't trust anyone who has done this! Happy mylotting x
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I would tell him that you know about the other girl and that you don't want to have anything else to do with him. He can't be trusted and so he is not the person that you want to be involved with. It is awful to think that guys do these kinds of things but they do.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
I know! i've told him that it's over and that i know about the other girl, he denied it but it's too late now, i know the truth! am sick of men doing this osrt of thing but i guess every one that turns out to be horrid is one closer to mister right! thanks for the resposnse, happy mylotting x
@nengs10 (3180)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
In my opinion, it's still better to see each other. You should talk to the guy seriously and tell him about the things you knew. And ask him what his intentions are and why is he seeing you given that he already has a girlfriend. Confront him.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Hi and thank you for your response! I saw him last night and confronted him about it, he tried to lie to me but i didn't believe him as i know the truth so i have ended things with him! I could never trust someone who has spent so long telling me lies, no matter what his reasons might have been! Happy mylotting x
@youless (112113)
• Guangzhou, China
6 Aug 08
That's too bad. I hate being cheated. I think it's too wrong for him to cheat you in this aspect. It is up to you to tell this to his girlfriend or not. Perhaps it's better to tell her as it's so risky for a woman to date with such kind of a man. It will ruin her happiness. If I were you, I will break up with him right away. I can't stand one more person and I don't want to be the backup.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
thanks for the response! I am too young and nowhere near desperate enough to settle for second best! I have ended things and hopefully won't hear from him again! happy mylotting x
@shorty08322 (1270)
• United States
6 Aug 08
will you can tell him to go back to his gurl friend and if he tell you that no we are not together will you dnt have nothing to do but go to her and ask her and if she think you will your job is done and dnt get in to another one like that ok but youknow im not in to something like that but im trying to get this guy to open up to me and he dnt want to so what do you think i should do let him go
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Thanks for response! I think when people have told lies like this it is best to let them go from our lives as they obviously don't respect other people's feelings! happy mylotting x
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
6 Aug 08
That would make me so mad if it had been me, and I know for a fact that the first thing I would have done would be to tell his girlfriend. But, if you tell her she may not believe you anyway, and he might tell her that you were jealous or something.
Perhaps you can just send him a text to tell him that you know he has a girlfriend and that you are not interested anymore.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Thanks for the response! I saw him yesterday am confronted him about it, he denied it and tried to lie his was out of it! i told him i didn't want to see him anymore and have ignored his calls today. i don't know his girlfriend but i hope she finds out what he is like soon so he doesn't hurt her too much! Happy mylotting x
@May2008 (179)
• China
6 Aug 08
To me, you should tell him that you know he has a girlfriend. and then ask him what he wants to expect from you. He will give you the resolution to the trouble. You had better not pretend to know nothing. It is unwise.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Thankd for responding!I have told him that i know and he tried to lie to me again so i have told him i don't want to see him anymore! hopefully the next time i get involved with a man it will have a happier ending!!! happy mylotting x
@samijo719 (1052)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I would not go for revenge because I"m sure you are above that. But I would tell you know and that you are no longer intersted in dating him because you think what he is doing is wrong. You coul ignore him but he will probably still keep texting and calling seeing as he doesnt know what's going on in your head.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Hi and thanks for the response! It's not in my nature to get revenge, i am very angry though, partly with myself for being fooled by him! I told him yesterday that it was over and why but he has been calling and texting today, i've ignored him and hopefully he will get the message soon! men!! hehe happy mylotting! x
@swennerholm (664)
• Sweden
6 Aug 08
I think you should talk to him and tell about what you know,and ask him is it really his girlfriends.Theres other people that they go out only for friendship but i know this is really rare.You dont need to revenge because that coz nothing except hurting somebody or you.Just ask his explaination for that and i think theres is no problem that will not be solve if you just talk to each other.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Hi, thanks for your response! I have spoken to him now and told him that i don't want to see him anymore! I am not the sort of person who would want to get revenge as this would not change anything that has already happened, you are right it will only hurt people! Happy mylotting x
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Thanks for the response! unfortunately they seem to think that they can do what they want as long as they are ok! i'm sure there are men out there who wouldn't dream of doing this sort of thing though, just need to meet one! hehe take care, happy mylotting x
@n30wing (4767)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
That was quite upsetting after knowing him and being with him he can't even tell you that he has a gf already. Maybe at that time they were having problems and you were there. He never thought maybe that you will find it out and he never thought also that his starting to like you or more that is why he stills bother you. If I were you why don't you talk to him sensible and letting him know that you know he has someone else a girlfriend and let him know his faults. Or your just hurting and can't talk or really face him and tall him straight to his face. Problems should be face and settled everything. Lay down his cards him his really matured enough to understand you have feelings also., and what he did to you is foul. You have a lot of options but revenging it's what for? People come and go! Nothing is permanent but only your self. God bless!
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Hi, thanks for the response! He might have thought it wouldn't last very long when it first started but it would have been nice to have had the option knowing the truth in the first place! If i had known he had a girlfriend i would never have got involved, i would not want to hurt anyone like that whether i know them or not! I know what you are saying but there isn't really an excuse for his behaviour! You're right, i learnt a long time ago that the only person you can really rely on in this life is yourself! Take care, happy mylotting
x
@izathewzia (5134)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
Better be friends. Don't asks for more from him. He is already committed. And as a way if respect to his girlfriend, although you don't know each other personally, better be friend only to her boyfriend. Put yourself to her shoes. Don't do to her things which you don't want other girls to do with you.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Thanks for the response! After what he has done i don't even want to be his friend! I hope he starts treating his girlfriend a bit better! happy mylotting x
@shilpa_p (198)
• India
5 Aug 08
Hi.I think you need to do all of the above.Tell his other girlfriend,tell him you know and never speak to him again.Because you never know-if theres two there quite possibly maybe three or another one.You need to let the other girl know too.Don't worry i'm sure there are millions of nice guys who don't two time and three time.So take care.Have a good one.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Hi, thanks for responding! I don't know his girlfriend so it would be difficult for me to tell her and i doubt she would believe me even if i managed to! Hopefully he won't do this again but i doubt he has learned his lesson! I hope there are nice guys out there somewhere, i haven't managed to meet one yet though! Happy mylotting x
@Jenaisle (14078)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
You can speak to him one last time just to tell him you're through. Then ignore all other call afterwards. I'm sure you deserve someone better. If he could do that to his girlfriend, then eventually he will do it to you too. Unless, he was just seeing you as a friend.
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
Thanks for the response! I have done exactly what you said! happy mylotting x
@ystel13 (18)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
i don't think that you have to get even, but better tell him that you know he has a girlfriend and to stop bothering you. maybe you can try to talk to his gf telling her that her bf is seeing you, besides she is a woman like you, it isn't right that the guy is playing games between the two of you..
go get another guy, you deserve more than that guy who tried to make fun of you..
Godbless
@Munchkin547 (2778)
•
6 Aug 08
I have told him that i know but i don't know his girlfriend or even how i would contact her so i can't really tell her the truth. think i'll have a break from men for a little while, have had them being mean too much recently to be bothered with them! Thanks for the response, take care x
