Kids and Divorce

United States
August 5, 2008 3:24pm CST
When you find that special someone, the last thing you ever expect is that it might end up in Divorce. And when there are kids, It turns your life upside down. After all, at that point, you may be thinking of how hurt you are. But your mined always goes back to "What do I tell the Kids?" Well, I am a kid of Divorce. And also a mother of Divorce. I was only 6 years old when My parent got a Divorce, and even now, at the age of 46 I still remember the hurt I felt as a child. I was very close to my Dad and when he left, it took a part of me. I remeber crying at school all the time. I was in the first grade and I could do the work! but, the teachers felt that mentially I should be kept back a year. Do to, me being so upset all the time. My mother agreed and kept me back a year in school. And as I got older, I felt as if I had been punished for there Divorce. During that time, My Dad packed up and moved from California, to North Carolina. I didn't see him for years. My mother remarried and we moved to Florida when I was about 9 During that Marriage my life had become HELL . Now I had a step father that tryed to take advantage of me. I told my Mother, what he was doing to me, She asked him about it. He swore on a stack of bibles he had never toucht me. And sence she was raise by a preacher she felt if someone would sware on a stack of bibles then they were tell the truth. And she beleived him. So here it is again, I was being punshed! Now my mother thought I was lying. I was only 8 years old when I told her this. The hurt just kept getting deeper. Even though I had not seen or heard from my Dad in all those years. When I was 11 years old, he remarried And My Dad and his new wife came to pick me and my brother up for the summer. After we got to North Carolina, I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to ever be around my step father again, so I told my mother I wanted to stay with my Dad. She was upset and hurt at me. But until she finally realized the truth, that I didn't lye to her. Was when she seen this Devil for what he was. Then she understood, why I would not come back. It took her, finding out that he was having an affair for her to realize that she had put her children into arms way. After she left him and Move back to California, she found out that he had takin advantage of my younger brother as well. I move back at the age of 14. We sat down and talk about the whole thing. She told me, she was sorry for not beleiving me all those years ago. But that didn't take away the hurt and the disappointment I felt. What I am trying to get at here. Is that When getting a divorce, remember! Your children are your blood. If something is wrong you need to get to the bottom of it. Yes, sometime your child will make something up just because they don't like the one your with. But, sometime a child can see into the soul of a person and know there bad. Watch your child, If they seem to be scared of someone, don't blow it off! There may be a reason. You have to look at he whole picture. And learn to read between the lines. After all what you do in your life, affect the child you have.
2 responses
@zeny_zion (1284)
• Philippines
5 Aug 08
im a single mom. we dont have divorce only annulment. it will take years before the marriage annuled. it still depends on the grounds before the judge will decide. some will be disappointed if the their annulment wont be approved. see, you will wait for years spend a lot of money while waiting forthe result. getting most of your time attending court. its really hard. unlike divorce, i think its more easier. anyways, our country is a catholic country. so, we dont have divorce. anyways, going back to our discussion. yes, tru the kids are the one who suffers. thats why i havent been having another relationship since the separation. i always fear of my daughters sake. my ex got 2 relationship already. after the first he got another one got kid and living together. its hard for my daughter thats why im showing her that ill be here for her and will never live her for another man. maybe, if she has her own life and love life or until she got married then ill look for my own life. but for now, no. i will be here for her. always. thats what mom's for i think. to be with your kids unitl they need you.
• United States
6 Aug 08
Yes, I understand that completly, My ex moved out of our home and right into his girlfriends home with her and her kid. At first he would come get the kid every other weekend, and then he started giving the kids excusses why he could come get them. And was camping and shopping and vacationing with her and her kids. My daughters were very hurt. Because he made them feel, that he didn't want any of us. And then when they would go over, he would spend the whole time putting me down. My oldest daughter, finally told him, she didn't want him to talk about me anymore. She told him that Mom wasn't the one unfaithful. You were. And with that he slapped her across the face. She refused to go to his house after that and I told him it was up to him to make the kids want to see him, I refused to make them go, if they didn't want to...But, I also never stopped them from going when they wanted to. Putting your life on hold is not the answer. Just don't leave your daughter out of it. If you meet someone. Then start off slow. Get to know them and let your daughter get to know them to. But, If your daughter, begs you not to see that person again. Then be careful. I have found you child will pick up on things about people that you may not... I have remarried. And My husband now is better to my kids then there own father ever seen the day to be. When my daughter got married, she ask my husband to give her away. She calls him Dad, and everyone at her school. Thought he was her real Dad. You just have to check out the person you are getting involved with. And watch (closely) how he treats your kids. We have always been honest with them, and they have been honest with us. And my Mother remarried again, This time she picked good. They have now been married for over 25 years. And my Step Dad now, has alway been good to me and my brothers. So in short... Just be careful, there are ones out there that are good, but there are the dangeruse one to. If your unsure, follow the feelings of a child. They truly can see, what you can't or don't. Good luck with your life and tressure your children. They truly are your tressure
@kcbabez14 (967)
• United States
5 Aug 08
first thing that i would say would be that if a parent loves their child engough they would take the effort to see them no matter the situation. Second of all i would beleive my child over anyone. If they say that someone is hurting them i will handle it. My children are my life and i will not let anything harm them. I just wish other people would see it this way too.
• United States
5 Aug 08
Yes, Your right, your child should be your life. Because after all you are there life. I know it seems sometimes when they are moving on with friends and dating and school games and leaving you behind. You feel they don't need you anymore. But in the real world, they do. And there will be times as long as you are a friend and a parent, that there arms will reach for you. And you need to be able to put away your problem and focus on them.