a serious question
By michelled
@michelled (326)
United States
August 5, 2008 7:18pm CST
i HAVE a 14 teen year old daughter and my question is do you think there is
a diffrence between are generation , and there's relating to respect.
I mean i always respected my parrents, and i see that today kids tend to
push a lot harder with things , then i ever did , and i feel respect people
a lot less. I was woundering how any of you felt about that , and if you
have seen the same thing's i have . Or is it just those teen years.
I dont know i really don't remmeber being this bad as a teen.
7 people like this
15 responses
@im_tiggs (141)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I am not a parent unfortunately, but I am not pleased as to how disprespectful Pre-Teens and Teens are today. I was in charge of a group of girls, and I quit! I am not proud of doing that, but, I was so disgusted with their attitudes and the lack of respect that was shown to me and I did nothing but try hard. I was extremely hurt, and humiliated. If i would have ever thought of trying to treat an adult the way they treated me.. consequences for sure. I know i did my best, but I have a heart too and I am upset with myself, that I let a group of teens get to me. Shame!
Sorry, I am not trying to be rude. I am just upset that after treating them the best way I knew how... I failed. They need a lesson in respect. They never once thanked me. What do you think about that?
If this isnt what you were asking can you elaborate?
6 people like this
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
no that is what i am talking about. No i don't think you are being
rude at all , and i try to teach her respect all the time , but i noticed
today these kids today just don't git it. It's like they feel they don't have to listen to us. I know ho you feel or feelt , i let my daughter dis respect git
to me sometimes to.
5 people like this
@redkathy (3374)
• United States
6 Aug 08
Well I think the world is very different from when we were growing up so maybe we can't compare. I believe that 13-15 are the very worst years. Today, what 13-15 year old kids see and have to contend with is much more difficult than when I was that age for sure. I have a pretty good relationship with my boys. And I helped raise a few of my family's kids too. All of them made me want to be an abusive person at that age! Now that they are grown they say they learned a lot from me, which is a huge compliment. I can honestly say that they do all have respect.
I used to say that to friends about my kids Oh they are teens, they went to mars, they'll be back soon .
So hang in there, pick your battles, and keep teaching/giving/expecting respect. She'll have when she comes back from mars...
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
LOL I like how you put that , all them made me want to be an abusive
person at that age. I also like the part about they went to mars
they'll be back soon. I believ in the end she will respect me
when she back from mars , But man these can be some trying times.
There are days where she really git's under my skin.
4 people like this
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
6 Aug 08
The teen years are always difficult so there could be 2 parts to this. I do think that there is less respect now than there used to be, but I think that you can have the respect you want depending on how you handle it within your own house. My children's friends seemed to be less respectful, most of the time, than mine did, but I feel that mine aren't as respectful as they can be even now, as adults. I think things change as time goes on and each generation does change but the teen years are still difficult in each generation, no matter which generation. As children change into adults they test the waters, so to speak, in what they are and aren't allowed to do, and many times it is how the adults handle it, whether it is repeated or not. We want them to take on responsibilities and yet we don't want them to grow up too fast. They want to do things that they might be too young to do at certain ages. It is a difficult time to make the correct choices that are the best for the teen. I raised 3 girls and know I had to be strict and yet wasn't strict enough.
4 people like this
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
yes i agree i think my daughter is more respectfull
then some her friends. I know som of it is testing
the waters ao i try not to take some of it to personal
but sometimes they really do git under your skin.
I am just glad i had this time to vent , and i got
some great responses , and it makes me feel alot better
about the situation. thanks so much for your response.
3 people like this
@izathewzia (5134)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
Generation really differs. But respect should be the same. If you are respectful to your parents, your child or children should be respectful to you. You should teach respect to your children the way your parents taught it to you.
4 people like this
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I have taught it to her , and i continue to teach it her.
It's just a hard headed generation.
2 people like this
@Jenaisle (14079)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
Kids nowadays are "headstrong" and express their thoughts freely as the environment nowadays encourages them to express themselves. Sometimes though, they lose the balance between being candid and being rude. This is an occurrence that parents should come in to point out whatever the excesses they commit. Just remember that tender, loving care would always be the best method to approach any issue regarding parenting. When A child feels he/she is loved, he/she will respond in kind.
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
they are very headstrong. And yes i agree sometimes
they lose the balance between being candid and being rude.
That is one thing that bugs me sometimes, i think she should
express herself, but nat the same time some things that come
out of there mouth dosen't need to be heard.
4 people like this
@mrpsychotic (253)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I think that the teens of this generation have respect for their elders, it is just less cool to show it nowadays. Would you have went to the movies on Friday night with your parents? Probably. Many teens now think that is seriously uncool.
4 people like this
@djoyce71 (2511)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
Kids nowadays are different than we were before. I noticed that because I handle teenagers everyday. A lot of them today are less obedient and respectful specially to their parents. A lot of them shout at their parents and are not interested in their studies. But some of them are good kids who still have in them the respect, and good qualities.
Befriend your kid...
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
Yeah i have noticed this and i am trying really hard to
raise her the best way, i want her to respect people , and to respect
us like i was taught .
2 people like this
@Elixiress (3878)
•
6 Aug 08
I was talking to my Mam a few days ago and she was saying how it took her about 5 years to tell her Mam that she did not like carrots, where if I do not like something that my Mam has cooked I tell her instantly. I think that people are now seeing themselves as equals with the older generation rather than inferior.
3 people like this
@Elixiress (3878)
•
6 Aug 08
But sometimes they do not earn the respect, with age does not come with respect, with age we live more years and many of us make more mistakes, some of reach take away the respect they deserve. Also times change, so although old people may know more about the world, they may not know much about the modern world.
3 people like this
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
i don't expect them to know more about the modern world.
but i am sorry i disagree with you , with age does come
respect. Those mistakes don't make you lose respect
it makes you gain respect. Because with those mistakes
you learn , and when you learn , you have knowledge
to pass on to younger generation . I was taught growing up to always
respect your elders. I was never eguals with my elders.
and my daughter is not equal with me . I was raised this way,
and i feel it is the right way and i will teach my children
this way . My grandfather who i respected so much , had so
much knowledge to share it was a amazing some of the things he could tell
you. sometimes if you stop and sit down and listen to the older
generation ,and listen to there stories ,and there knowledge.
you will see why we respect them so much
1 person likes this
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
Yes i will agree with that they do see themselves as equals
rather than inferior with older generations.
I think we should alawys respect are elders. They have been
around longer , and have more info about the world and can
give great information and help to us . they deserve that respect.
I think kids today need to learn to respect all , and then it
is given back in return.
2 people like this
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
I agree with you that the youth nowadays really do lack respect for adults. I'm gald that here in the Philippines adults are really respected and they are still called sir or ma'am (or ate or kuya or manong/manang is used as an honorific in our language) Sad to say though a lot of kids right now don't use anymore po or opo which are words that show respect to adults. I think that it's time to be strict again when it comes to respect. Children should be taught again how to respect their elders so that they would know what respect really means. Respect is never asked for it is earned and it could only be earned if you know hoe to respect others too. 
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I agree 100% with you respect is earned i tell my daughter that
all the time, when you give it you earn it back.and i also agree
it is time to be more strict again when it comes to respect.
2 people like this
@Squeaker (22)
•
6 Aug 08
I think there is a huge difference with respect in this generation and a lot of things that contribute to it. Kids these days have a lot of things easier, they seem to get more than we ever did :
- cellphones, computers, I-Pods, video games all of these things seem to be expected.
- the cost of eveything rising making both parents have to work also makes a difference, kids don't have the constant role model around all the time leaving them for the most part to do more of what they want. When the parents are at home most feel guilty for not being around more often and try to make up with it by being more lenient and 'buying their love'
- the rate of divorces being higher, leaving children the ability to play on both parents into getting what they want.
3 people like this
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
Yeah i also agree with that , that is the one thing that crossed my
mind when i wrote this post. But i am not divorced , but a lot of my daughters
friends are . She always tells me how spoiled they are , and how they
git everything they want. I was not given everything i wanted , i share
the same views as my parrent ,and i inforce those views with my kids.
even thow the think it is so unfair. I tell her all the time , i am not
going to buy your love. Welcome to my lot.
2 people like this
@redchase (347)
•
7 Aug 08
i know what you mean. i know im young (only 20) but i see this also and a few years from me. my brother is 14 and he has no respect for anyone or anything. my sister is 7 and she is one spoiled brat. i stop to think as to why something like this happens especially when we have the same parents and i get to the answer that parenting approaches change. when my parents had me, we had very little, lived in a little apartment and i had to understand that i couldnt get every thing i wanted, no matter how well i behaved or how many good grades i got. my siblings dont understand that, and neither do alot of kids their ages. kids are given everything without earning it most of the time. parents have become more lenient and often just ignore their kids for bad behavior giving them a simple time out. i mean what does that do, really?
as for all this abuse crap, i think kids need a good slap on the butt every once in a while to keep them in line, they need consequences for their actions not just lectures and speeches telling them to "not let it happen again", and just leave it at that. where did the parents go? the ones who cared about values and morals, respect and everything. i was working as a tutor at an elementary school once with some 5th graders and the things they were saying to me i never would have even imagined saying to anyone older at that age. the worst thing was that the teacher didnt say anything about it. worst of all i had 2 little boys try to feel me up and no one said anything about it. wheres the respect there?
i think alot of kids my age are feeling the way that you guys are because the more i discuss it with my circle of friends, the more our answers seem the same as yours. i think maybe my generation will be the one that starts kicking kids butts and starts kinda setting things back to a way that it should be. heres hoping.
2 people like this
@michelled (326)
• United States
7 Aug 08
I agree with you 100% for real , I think some of the parrents
have seriously gone to mars or something, that is true they get
everthing there heart desires, i see it all the time in my daughters
friends, and she gets angry at the fact that i am not like her friends
parents,no way i tell her , i have not lost my head i stand behind
my beliefs , and nothing will change that . She hates that i am not like them.
I agree there is nothing wrong with a good spanking , I will share a little story
with you , My daughter was really being a brat one night , and talking back
and saying how much she hated us , and that i was a b**** , well she got
a spanking on that butt of her's , and she scremmed abuse, the school say's
thats you are abusing me. I think schools , and society have taken away
parents rights to displine are children. I would never consider myself
abused by my parents , and spankings in my house when you where bad where
allway's given. That is sad that two little boy's tryed feeling you
up and no one said anything. trully sad , Not my boy If he did that
he would git himself in some seriouse trouble. I also had this other
thing happen , where a kid stold something from our house , and the parents
blew it off like it was nothing. I considerd gitting the police involved
but i thought oh no i will just talk to the parent's , big mistake because
these parents where in mars. They said my daughter took it , and that he would never steal , and he was in the background lyeing up a storm, It was funny
listening to them , I asked why would my daughter steal from her own house,
and yes he was in my house do i look blind or something, It ws like they could care less. I really don't know where some of the parents of these kid's have
gone, But i will not lose my morals or values because everyone else is.
It was really nice talking to you about this and i am glad to see another
person who shares my point of view. Now go out there and kick some butt's
LOL.
1 person likes this
@tennesseejed (16)
• United States
6 Aug 08
14 years old is a trying time not just for you but for the 14 year old as well. You had respect for your parents because they demanded it of you. You need to demand the same from your child. I realize of course that society doesn't allow for you to actually control your child anymore. If you so much as raise a hand at your child you are some kind of monster today. I always believed a smack across the mouth is a lot less painful than some of the things that slap might stop in the future.
I respected my parents because I knew that if I didn't I would have hell to pay. My parents didn't beat me on a regular basis but if I got out of line it would sure lead to something a little more stern than a good talking to and a time out. I knew this and therefore I did everything in my power to avoid it. Really all I had to do was behave.
You have to remember that even though your 14 year old daughter looks like and in many instances acts like an adult she is still a child. A child that needs guidance and discipline. Just like you did at 14. Times have not changed that much.
Just bear in mind that to get respect you must also be willing to give it. Children learn best by example. I'm sure if you treat those around you with respect including your daughter you will find that respect is returned.
Also keep in mind this a 14 year old you are dealing with. If I remember correctly at 14 I knew everything, was never wrong, and to top that off I was invincible. I think you will find in a few years that your daughter will fall back on the way you raised her and you have to allow her to grow up just like you had to.
We learn a lot of hard lessons in life and none seem to be so hard has those we learn as teenagers.
3 people like this
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
wow thank you i really enjoyed reading your response, and you know what
you are right on the money. That is how i was raised, when we got out
of line we had hell to pay when dad got home. I find nothing wrong
with disipline ,but today schools tell you it's abuse. and the kids no
this and use it against parrents today. I know 14 teen is a rough
age , and i am glad i started this discusion ,it has helped
me open my eyes to things that i just did't see before , and showed me
area's that i could improve on. Thanks ,I know sometimes in life
we learn stuff the hard way , but as a parrent we always want to
save them from that.
1 person likes this
@iasonriki (33)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
it really depends on cultures and influence from friends and families. In my country, kids or teens from affluent families are mostly spoiled brats!
3 people like this
@calcynic (433)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I'm a parent to 7 kids, ranging from 25 down to 4 years old. I haven't had any serious problems regarding abusive or antisocial behavior...yet. Around me, they are respectful, though not always agreeable. The oldest four are on the right track...my 25 year old teaches high school and the next 3 are in college...on their dime...I can't afford to send them.
I take public transit frequently and I'm out and about enough to be very concerned about the attitudes and behavior of adolescents, tweens, teens and young adults. I hear them throw around the word "respect" in conjunction with beatdowns and shootings. "He/she deserved it; he/she disrespected me/them". It seems there is a huge disconnect between my concept of respect and the contemporary one being practiced by the up and coming generations. My take is that respect is earned by being consistent and respectful, tough when required and compassionate at all times.
Today's definition is scary...respect is something to fight for, die for, to kill for...it's insanity. Ask some of these younger people to define respect; their answers will horrify you.
For the 1st 18 years, I'm in my kids lives 24/7...not always as the boss...but I'm there and aware. After that, If I've done okay, they'll remain in my life, not out of duty, but out of love and respect.
I've made a gazillion mistakes, as have my kids...so far we have enough respect for each other to apologize to one another.
This dad stuff is hard as hell...come to think of it; so was being a kid.
1 person likes this
@michelled (326)
• United States
6 Aug 08
Yeah being a parrent is hard , and so is being a kid
I just really am conserned about kids and there thoughts
of respect. I love her and will alawy's be here for her
no matter how much she try's pushing me away threw these
teen years. I will keep teaching her about respect ,
and fighting for respect in return.
1 person likes this
