Am I Inlove With The Wrong Man?

Philippines
August 7, 2008 4:23am CST
I started to have an affair about 6 months ago, Now I've accidentally fallen in love with this person and he the same with me. But the problem is the person I'm having the affair with is my brother in law, My husband is a great person and I don't want to hurt him but I don't love him anymore and he knows it. So how do I tell him how much of a terrible person I am. I can't stay with him anymore. I think I need to follow my heart. But I just don't know how to do it... If you were in my situation, What will you do?
4 people like this
31 responses
@a3sachin (531)
• India
7 Aug 08
I don't mean to be rude by explaining this to you but love aint no game. you cant just `quit` it whenever u feel like it. Seems you were not sure if you loved him. Then y did you get married to him? sometimes you just cant follow your heart. you have to use your head. its important to be logical sometimes. put your self in his shoes. there seems to be a lack of mis understanding between you and your husband. If i were you i would give the marriage one last kick start. sit down with your hubby n talk to him. it things dont work out then ask your self `What was i thinking when i married him?` I strongly suggest you take things carefully. dont make `another mistake` understand the gravity of the situation. 1 wrong move can ruin everything. I wish you all the best. god bless.
2 people like this
@a3sachin (531)
• India
7 Aug 08
***(correction) ...there seems to be a lack of understanding...
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
7 Aug 08
Have you ever heard he saying the other mans grass is always greener? This is what has happened to you. I am guessing that you feel special when with your brother in law...like you did when you first met and married your husband. Life is going to step in, so my suggestion is to stop the affair immediately! Talk to your husband and get some counseling to make sure that your marriage is really over. I wouldn't ruin your husbands and brother in laws relationship. If you persue this you will be tearing apart an entire extended family.
1 person likes this
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
7 Aug 08
You are not in a good situation on so many levels. 1) You are cheating on your husband. The fact that you don't love him anymore is no excuse to cheat so don't try to justify it. 2) You are having an affair with your brother-in-law. Not only are you cheating on your husband, you are doing it with his brother. This will probably ruin your husband's relationship with his brother, not to mention everyone else in his family. So what would I do if I were you? I wouldn't have had an affair. I've been unhappy in my marriage at times, but not enough to cheat. I think you need to get some counseling right away. Do it for your marriage, your husband, but most of all do it for yourself. At the same time, stop the affair with your brother-in-law. You need to take some time to take a breath and make some better decisions. Get a divorce if you have to, but stop that affair before pain is caused to others that may never be undone.
@sirnose (2436)
• United States
7 Aug 08
Well if he your husband is such a great guy why would you want to hurt him by having affair with his brother if I'm reading you right...There's no easy way to brake up all I can say without having any personal knowledge of your situation is that I hope that your so-called brother-in-law is well worth it that would be my determining factor is it worth ending my marriage for this other person.You must be a terrible homemaker you have made yourself a doozy of a bed...goodluck in whatever you decide,after all your happiness is really whats at stake here.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Aug 08
hi yohanna you have to be honest with yourself and your husband too. tell him you have fallen out of love and want a divorce. but be sure'you really know what you want. do you want to spend the rest of your life with your brother in law or do you still love your husband? I detect some hesitantcy in your words.
@msedge (4011)
• United States
7 Aug 08
Are you sure of your feelings?And are you sure your brother in law have the same feelings for you?6 months is too early to tell unless you were already have mutual feelings before you got married or an affair that was broke and then you kissed and make up rescently but you are not free anymore.Were you having a relationship before you got married?Maybe theres something in your brother in law that you like that your husband don't have that made you love him more than your husband.Think it many many times.This thing is not easy.If your husband is not doing anything wrong to you then something is wrong with you.But we never really know whats going on inside your house.You might be right in leaving him for some reason that only you and your husband knows.Consider this thing, would you be happy if you will leave him?Being happy with our life is the most important.I left my husband because he was very irresponsible and he also beat me.I feel free and happy leaving him.I never have any regrets.So, do the things that make you happy.We only live once so we must make ourselves happy and satisfied.Goodluck and keep us updated whatever happens.
@vanities (11397)
• Davao, Philippines
7 Aug 08
oh my gosh thats a disaster!!!i guess you had to think so many times before leaving him..and try to list down the things that you dont like and like him as a person..do you have children? if it is then you have to consider them...and if still think that you want out of this marriage then apply for a divorce or annulment for that matter before anything else..
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
8 Aug 08
You know it very well that what your are doing is 'not fair'. You just cannot break away with your hubby so easily, it will probably require legal proceedings to separate from your husband. Are you willing to leave your husband for ever, you need to introspect. Is he too bad to live with or get along? Did you try to reason out with him, so that he could mend his ways, if at all he is not behaving properly. Have you exhausted all the channels to reform him? By Brother-in-Law, I gather, he is your husband's brother. He too is appear to be playing with fire and in the process he will burn his fingers and will ruin his brother's (your hubby's) life. Please think of the consequence in the long run, before taking a major decision.
@lyzabelle (1668)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
If i am in your place I will tell my husband the truth. The truth will set you free. I know it will hurt him bad but there's no other way for it to work it out. Set your husband free and set yourself free.
@walkthetalk (1307)
• United States
7 Aug 08
I would first break it off with my brother-in-law. You need to get your own life straight, I think, before you should bring someone else into it. I know it will be hard, but you said you two didn't mean to fall in love. Think off how that will kill your husband. Tell him the truth, but now its over. But you still have to go, then if its still meant to be later you two can hook back up. I wouldn't go to my husband with that news. It would devastate him, as it would any man. Think long and hard about your decisions. ;-)
1 person likes this
@slepart (207)
• Philippines
23 Aug 08
You should control your feelings as early as this time.. If you don't, I'm sure this will lead you to your own sufferings..
@wendhieRN (754)
• United States
7 Aug 08
if i were you, make an appointment to talk to him in private and tell everything as honest as you possibly can. you know, there is no one who will suffer except yourself because you are like in between two mountains that are yet to collapse. as the saying goes, "the truth shall set you free". and it really does if you only will. i am hoping that you will be able to get some pointers from what i am saying you. the only way to have peace of mind is to be honest and true. try to think of it girl! it is better to have hurt someone for being true than living in lies and pretensions because you are too afraid to know his reactions if your husband finds out. good luck! hope you'll be able to get off from this crisis.
1 person likes this
• Denmark
7 Aug 08
Why was the brother attractive? Was it because he had the freedom you used to have? Was it because this affair is dangerous and tabu? Is it the excitement of getting caught? I don't understand things like this. We are tempted everyday with many different things but that does not mean we act on those temptations! Grow up Girl! I think you should talk to yourself first and find out what you want from your life. Then talk to the brother and tell him to cool his jets so you can get yourself together. Then talk to your husband about whats going on and your decision. When you KNOW who you are and what you want, you will be able to make a good choice. Don't add more wood to your fire by leaving your husband and running to the brother. Think about what it will do to their relationship and family. In fact, if you tell your husband you are having an affair you don't have to say who with. Because the slap in the face was already delived with a good swinging force behind it. Good luck!
@Azedbutt (23)
7 Aug 08
If you wanna follow your heart then tell your husband that you don't love him and the time you spent with him was great and say you need divorce and you guys can be friends. If you wanna be nice to him, then forget about your love and spend your whole life with that guy. Bear in mind life is something you never gonna get back, make sure you do what you want to and make the right choice so you don't feel bad in the future. If i was in your situation i would divorce that guy and marry the other.
1 person likes this
@shooie (4984)
• United States
8 Aug 08
first off if you aren't in love with your husband then you should of left him before you did what you did. This is the way I look at it if the guy or girl that is cheating on their husband and wife with another will turn around and do it again. Good luck and ummmm if your brother in-law cheated on his wife to be with you he'll cheat on you to be with another and ummmm you cheated on your husband so how can the guy you cheated with be a 100% sure you won't cheat on him? Good luck and I hope you find happiness somewhere. But just remember before you get married next time if you do. Marriage is not all rosey but true love can make it through anything if one of the two doesn't give up and walk away from it.
@djoyce71 (2511)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
You're married and you have taken a vow, will you break it? Work it out with your husband if you still can and you must stay away with the brother-in-law. Well, that's just my idea because for us marriage is a holy thing. We made a solemn promise in front of God and that's forever. Whatever trials come we make it a point to work it out and stay. Divorce is not allowed in our group, I don't agree with divorce either. It's really up to you if you follow your heart.
@kate635 (126)
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
Just be sure about your feeling because once you have made a decision you'll not be able to have it back. Love is a commitment, one must learn how to nurture to maintain it. Maybe you're just being bored with your husband right now because you're attracted to somebody. What if your feelings with the other man subsides like what you are feeling with you husband right now, will you also leave him? Try to save your relationship with your husband first, if for a time it's not really working out, then talk to him and make your decision. Go where you think you will be happy.
@Verity (851)
8 Aug 08
What the hell you are doing? This is a very fraudulent act done by a married woman. Having carnal knowledge with another man despite the existence of her marriage. You are deemed to be penalized by your acts. The best thing you can do is to file a divorce against your husband to set him free from your infidelity and to go on with your activity. This is a great insult to an injury to an innocent husband. Better, tell him the truth and live with your desires.
• India
8 Aug 08
You are wrong. You can fall in love once in your life. If u dont love ur husband, then who was she who loves her wen she got marry with him. If same thing your husband do with you, then???? If after again six monts u will fall in love other person!! may be ur brother in law's frnd, then what will say that u cant love ur brother in law anymore. Relationships are like glass, a scratch one side reflects on other. Yes i agree follow heart, but in right way, its just attraction wid your brother in law dear... ask ur brother in law he wants to get marry wid u..... tht's it nothing more .
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
I'm sorry that this must be very difficult for you. But I think if I'll follow my heart and feelings, I don't know if I can face again the family of my husband.