As if I needed more drama...
By foxyfire33
@foxyfire33 (10005)
United States
August 8, 2008 2:22pm CST
Stepson's girlfriend thinks she's pregnant...so do I at this point because she's nauseated all the time, extrememly tired, and overly emotional along with other more personal signs I'm sure you don't all need to hear. I have a good HPT waiting for her to come home so hopefully we'll know for sure in a few hours or tomorrow morning depending on when she decides to take it.
Here's where the drama comes in...yesterday stepson told her that if she is pregnant he wanted her to abort and if she didn't he didn't want to be with her anymore because he's too young to have that kind of responsibility.
Uh, a little late to be thinking about that! She was ready to walk home last night because she was so upset and told me she'd rather be without him than "kill the baby" (her words not mine so prochoicers please don't jump on me)
Well she and I talked and she decided to stay and talk to stepson more about it....this morning I was awoken by her telling me it was all ok, she wasn't breaking up with him, if she is pregnant she'll have the abortion because "he promised to keep the baby the next time there's a pregnancy"
I asked her if that's what she wanted...she hesitated and said yes because he is too young. Nothing about her feelings or what she wants for herself. It's all about him and he's messed with her head so much! She will do anything to keep him happy because he's convinced her that is what love is and guilt trips her about wanting to break up with him.
All of us parents know what's going on and have made it clear that we will help her and the baby (if she really is pregnant) regardless of what stepson wants to do.
Anyway...now that I've put everything out there...if she is pregnant, how much should we butt in? If this was your daughter or your son's girlfriend, what would you do or say about it? He's 18 and she will be in a few weeks. I have a lot of thoughts and questions but nothing I an put into words yet.
Uh, a little late to be thinking about that! She was ready to walk home last night because she was so upset and told me she'd rather be without him than "kill the baby" (her words not mine so prochoicers please don't jump on me)
Well she and I talked and she decided to stay and talk to stepson more about it....this morning I was awoken by her telling me it was all ok, she wasn't breaking up with him, if she is pregnant she'll have the abortion because "he promised to keep the baby the next time there's a pregnancy"
I asked her if that's what she wanted...she hesitated and said yes because he is too young. Nothing about her feelings or what she wants for herself. It's all about him and he's messed with her head so much! She will do anything to keep him happy because he's convinced her that is what love is and guilt trips her about wanting to break up with him.
All of us parents know what's going on and have made it clear that we will help her and the baby (if she really is pregnant) regardless of what stepson wants to do.
Anyway...now that I've put everything out there...if she is pregnant, how much should we butt in? If this was your daughter or your son's girlfriend, what would you do or say about it? He's 18 and she will be in a few weeks. I have a lot of thoughts and questions but nothing I an put into words yet.5 people like this
17 responses
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
8 Aug 08
i would make sure she doesnt just do what he wants her to do.. i would keep talking to her and see if you can get her to realize what ever she wants and then what she wants support it.. dont have much choice but you can at least feel that you tried to help without your stepson being in control
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
8 Aug 08
I'm hoping her mom will also take control of things a little more too. Her mom wants her to keep it (if she is) and she turns 18 right before school starts again so she'll be back at her own home with her mom by the time she'll be able to have the abortion without parental consent...getting her out from under stepson's control might be all she needs to decide for herself.
And if she chooses abortion for herself, I will be sad but I will understand her choice.
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
8 Aug 08
yeah hopefully that all will help.. not to mention her taking the freaking test soon!! i would be going crazy wondering if she was or not
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
8 Aug 08
I keep watching the window more than the computer because they should be home from work any minute. It is driving me nuts...I want to be well prepared for the possibilities but I can't even be sure of what those possibilities are!
1 person likes this
@samijo719 (1052)
• United States
8 Aug 08
I would agree and sit her down and talk to her again. Tell her that at 17 and 18 years old who knows how long they will stay together. And not to do something for him when there is that possibilty. They could break up next week and she will have to live with the regret of doing it for him and not for her. If she wants to keep the baby then your stepson would support her. If he really loves her he would not be forcing her to do what he wants with HER body. That's just my opinion. I think it should be abotu what she wants. Because he will just move on and forget it happend, she will have to live with the experience forever.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Exactly! Thank you for pointing that out. Their relationship is less than stable and I personally think the only reason he would want her to have an abortion is so he doesn't have life long ties to her. Again, he plays head games and she falls right into them. It's not love, just immaturity.
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
8 Aug 08
boy Foxy you sure don't need this drama do you?!
Well Stepson should be ashaimed for manipulating this poor young girl to do his biddings. It is her body and there might not be another chance for her to have another baby. Abortions go wrong all the time infections happen. This is not a decission she needs to take lightly. She needs to make an informed decission. Getting her away from the stepson will probably help bt someone needs to set her down and have a long talk with her. There are other options to abortion. She can give the baby up for adoption.
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Oh forgot to mention that if stepson thinks he is too young for a baby then he needs to keep his pants on. There is only one full proof way of preventing an unwanted pregnancy and that is abstinance.
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
8 Aug 08
That is truly disgusting and so freakin immature! I just want to throw up now. She needs away from him and fast.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Oh...I forgot all about that part! He doesn't want her to even go through the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption because he "doesn't want to deal with the pregnancy hormones" from her and how he'll have to be nicer and more helpful to her while she's pregnant! How completely stupid and immature is that!
I want to be there for her if she is pregnant but I really think the best place for her will be at her own home with her mother ASAP so stepson can't try to control her anymore. I think it's disgusting and hope her mom can just keep her away from him whether she's pregnant or not.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
9 Aug 08
i think that she needs to be reminded about how she originally felt about not wanting to kill her baby for a frigen guy who obviously doesnt care a crap about her in the first place. fingers crossed that she isnt pregnant and gets some smarts and dumps this punk before she wastes anymore time on him.
1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
9 Aug 08
Hello foxyfire,
I wish I could come down and box your stepson, he had his pleasure and now he is doing this to his girlfriend and yes I think all the parents should step in because that girl if she is pregnant and do go ahead with the termination she will regret it for the res of her life and will end up hateing him and she is very young and have not got her own mind and he just doesn't want to be responsible for it. Please tell hime to put something on the end of before he has his pleasure, people like him makes me so angry.
Tamarafireheart.
1 person likes this
@Elkeliini (264)
• Finland
9 Aug 08
well, first things first.
this whole discussion might not be needed if she is not pregnant at all! which, even though signs are strong, is still very possible.
And then I think it is important to make clear to the girl that she sould take the decision based on her feelings. She must be just as scared as he is about getting a baby and a life-long commitment to somebody, in some way or the other. even if they break up and he has entirely nothing to do with her anymore afterwards, she will look at the child and remember him.
In your shoes, I am not sure what i would do. I would butt in mainly to the stepson and leave the butting for the girl with her parents. unless of course youa re some kind of parent for her too. see what you can do with talking, but dont try to convince either of them that one or the other way is better.
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
8 Aug 08
I wouldn't get too involved until you know for sure. Is this th e"new" girlfriend you worte about right? Here is what I woudl worry about: What if she isn't pregnant and he decides to go back to the old girlfriend?
I am prochoices, but if it was my son I would rather have to take care of my grandchild and raise it on my own then have a teenage girld make a decision she will regret forever.
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
8 Aug 08
That boy needs to keep it in his pants! If he wants to be with this girl, then he needs to commit to her hands down. If she isn't pregnant, I would advise her to stay away from him forever!
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Ug stepson is worse than I thought. He won't have to live with this decision and have it haunt him. He will just walk away without a care. and then get someone else pregnant too.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
8 Aug 08
UGh...no I guess i never updated after that bit of drama either...This is the old girlfriend. He had his "weekend of fun" and came back to her when he was done...but all along they haven't been "officially together", just sleeping together obviously.
There is no official new girlfriend, just a couple of girls he still flirts around with online that live down by his mom's house.
So...I agree with you about raising it rather than her having an abortion. I know I would be willing and I'm sure his mom and her mom would also be willing. This baby (if there is one) has 3 sets of grandparents willing to step in to keep it if we need to. Other than what her body will go through, an abortion just seems unecessary.
There is no official new girlfriend, just a couple of girls he still flirts around with online that live down by his mom's house.
So...I agree with you about raising it rather than her having an abortion. I know I would be willing and I'm sure his mom and her mom would also be willing. This baby (if there is one) has 3 sets of grandparents willing to step in to keep it if we need to. Other than what her body will go through, an abortion just seems unecessary.
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
3 Feb 09
Fist of all, if it were my stepson I would have words with him about treating girls like that. My mother told my stepbrother very clearly when he was 16 that if he ever got into that sort of situation he shouldn't try to pressure the girl into having an abortion just to make him happy or (and these are my mother's words, not mine as best I can remember them), "I'll take you behind the woodshed and beat your behind".
Now, I don't think that violence is the appropriate response here. However, the fact that your stepson obviously has some sort of problem with the way he relates to women (to say the least) is an issue that needs to be dealt with by you, your husband, his mother, and whoever else has authority in his life. Has he always had this attitude towards women or is it a new thing?
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Hi foxyfire,
[i]I will not criticize whatever their decisions are but if I am with them..I will be asking them to save the baby anyway you are there to assist them and I know being young is not an excuse for the upcoming responsibility that they are facing, if the guy is thinking about that, why not doing some precautions ahead of time!
ANyway, I will try to talk to the guy if he is my stepson then if he will still reject my advises, it will be fine as long as I have tried and do what I want to do![/i]
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Being too young isn't a good excuse at all to me. I've been there and know it's hard but it can be done and they will have a lot more support than I ever had. I will keep talking to them and hopefully things will work out.
1 person likes this
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
8 Aug 08
He is not too young to be a parent as he was not too young to engage in the act that caused her pregnancy. Talk to this girl and explain to her that there might not be another pregnancy and that if she wants this baby then she needs to keep it whether he sticks around or not. If he doesn't, he is a jerk! Also, let her know that being a single parent is hard but it can be done and it sounds as though she has some great support from you and others around her.
I was an unmarried pregnant woman with a boyfriend who left me. He did accept the baby into his life but then he allowed the man that I married to adopt her and turned his back on her. Now that she is almost 18, he has started to see that he made some bad choices and that he should have stuck it out with us. Of course, it is too late now,but it is nice to know that he sees his mistakes.
Be sure that she doesn't abort this baby just to please someone else as she may never be able to have another baby!
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
8 Aug 08
"If he doesn't, he is a jerk" I used a different word when I talked to her...and I rarely swear but that's how mad I was at his attitude.
I have been in the young, single mom position too....very similar to yours in fact although my idiot..errr, ex...has not yet realized his mistakes. He's happily out of her life and doesn't seem to care.
But anyway, I don't think either of them really understand what an abortion really is. At this point it's a word that gets thrown around with all the other real life things that teenagers don't really understand even though they pretend they do. My hope is that we can get them to understand the big picture and what effect a decision like this could have on their futures...maybe then they can at least make an informed decision, even if it's one the rest of us disagree with.
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
9 Aug 08
If she is pregnant then thats your grandchild we are talking about.I would butt in as much as I wanted too.Let her know that you will be there for her no matter what her decision is.I would advise her to do what she feels is the right decision not what your stepson wants her to do because in the long run he may not be in the picture anyway.She should really think hard about having an abortion just to satisfy him.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
8 Aug 08
My concern is more for the girl than for your stepson because, as you suspect, she may feel differently than she's letting on. If she lets this young man bully her into doing something as emotional as having an unwanted abortion she could end up hating, not only him, but herself for the rest of her life. Someone needs to sit down and have a quiet talk with her...to get her to open up about how SHE feels because the wrong decision will stay with her for the rest of her life. I wish all of you the best.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Thank you so much for understanding...At this point I care about her more than stepson. I'm really quite angry with him. He's being so selfish. She talks to her mom and I quite a bit so if the test comes back positive I'm sure we'll both be making sure she does what she wants.
@trisha_nava82 (1379)
• United States
8 Aug 08
I would definitely check in and make sure that is something she wants to do. From the looks of it when you asked her was she sure that was something she wanted to do and she hesitated for a while about it, then it sounds like its not something she wants to do and is just doing it because of what your stepson told her.
I would give her her other options, still keep informing her that no matter what you guys will be there. I think she needs that assurance and just inform her if she doesn't think she's ready for a baby and she doesn't want to abort, then hey there's adoption, and she can give her baby to a family that can't have children and want kids.
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Now, after the fact, I'm really sure she wanted to have the baby if she had been pregnant. I started a new discussion to update with the results. Adoption would have been a good choice too...it would have been sad to know there was a baby out there but better than the alternative.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
9 Aug 08
I would make sure that whatever decision she makes is her decision not just because he wants her to. If it is truly her choice to abort the baby that would be fine. Because it is her choice to make after all. I think however it is your stepson and not truly what she wants to do. I would sit her down and talk to her just to see what her true feelings are. If she really doesn't believe in abortions she is making a very big mistake. Just try to help her make sure that whatever decision she makes truly is hers and not his.
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
9 Aug 08
Can you please advice her not to do abortion?
The baby is innocent, is there no ounce of guilt
left in her heart? He is cruel, he is the father
why couldn't he accept the responsibility. He is
selfish. How I wish i could say it to his face.
I am a man too. If it happens to me I will let the
baby live, he is my child for God's sake. I wish
he will realized what a big mistake he is going to make.
Sorry, i got carried away.
@Jessica_liao (64)
• China
9 Aug 08
I think they are face to this,First 18 age haven't capacity take care of heself,if they have baby they life will so hard.The second if get a girl with child.then must marry her.Once pregnant,women face an uncomfortable reality.the stigma of unwed motherhood is greater than that of having an abortion.
