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YOU HAVE TO READ....Really anyone with kids!!! As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong honey?" "Mommy, where's my booger?"NEW SECRTARYMr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open." He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?" APPEARANCES CAN BE DECEIVING The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags." One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her. When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you."She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything."The cab driver then said, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a bl..o.w job."She said, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic."Immediately the cab driver said, "Oh, yes! I'm single and I'm Catholic!"The nun said, "Okay, pull into that alley." The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work. Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying. The nun said, "My child, what's the matter?"He said tearfully, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married and I'm Jewish!"The nun replied, "That's okay. My name's Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party!" Enemies Toward the end of the church service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" the Minister asked. "I don't have any" she replied, smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "ninety-eight" she replied. "Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live 98 years and not have an enemy in the world?"The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, smiled sweetly and said, "I out lived the bi ..tch..es.