How long can a girl wait for a guy?

I'm waiting honey - I'm waiting...waiting..waiting...
Malaysia
August 11, 2008 5:17am CST
Hey there mylotters. it's been quite a while. I have this friend of mine who is seemingly playing this tug-of-war of love with this guy and it's been going on for about 3 years now. She is now working while the guy is still studying in uni and they contact each other 'accidently' now and then. She have dropped several BIG hints to try to lure this guy and this guy is such a slowpoke to make a move that I, as her friend sometimes feel like knocking his head with a hammer. The guy is very nervous and just do not have the courage to declare his love for the girl. So how long do you think she can wait for this guy with lesser courage than a rat? (even a rat shows up for food even if there's the risk of being chased by Mr.Cat)
8 people like this
27 responses
@Tianna2 (1273)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I think instead of dropping all of these hint, she should just tell him how she feels and put him in the position of having to answer one way or the other. Its nothing new for a guy to be nervous or shy when talking to a girl he likes and sometimes guys arent so good at taking hints. I dont think I would wait 3 months let alone 3 years. If she thinks he's worth it, she hould tell him its now or never. Hugs, Tianna
2 people like this
• Malaysia
11 Aug 08
Hey there tianna2, The thing is, she is very busy with her work and she does not have the time to find love elsewhere and she is very reluctant to try and start to know a new guy.
2 people like this
• China
11 Aug 08
Acturely speaking , i think if is me i camn't wait him for a long time ,if i think he is good ,maybe i will wait longer .but just before the age i can wait and it won't have a bad effect to my fruture!
2 people like this
• Malaysia
11 Aug 08
Is 24 an age you can wait?
2 people like this
@valeria1 (2723)
• United States
11 Aug 08
People love games I think in the case of your friend she is just involved in this situation to have a game, maybe the guy is just not interested or something like that. I would never wait that long for nothing, waste of time!
2 people like this
• Malaysia
11 Aug 08
Hey there, thanks for your opinion. Have you played games like this in the past?
2 people like this
@krkchn (160)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Yea, three years is kind of long. Are they dating? If not, i think she should open up to other opportunities. Because if she doesn't, who knows, maybe their game might last up to ten years and she'd still be single at 34. Who knows, maybe the guy might speed it up a bit if there are other competitors.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
13 Aug 08
That's a good theory. Maybe she should pretend liking someone else. I remember one time she said she was interested in some other guy and the guy freaked out.
1 person likes this
@krkchn (160)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
Not just pretend. Maybe the new guy would be back up plan if the guy still wouldn't do anything. She should be a little heart breaker at times. Just warn the new guy so he wouldn't be hurt too much
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
13 Aug 08
LOL..wouldn't it be hard to tell a guy that you have another guy that you are waiting for and that he is just a back up?
1 person likes this
• India
11 Aug 08
Koharu nowadays many girls actually ask the guys and the guys admit to their liking .Since your friend is the more extroverted character in that relationship she could aks the boy rather then wasting time . I think that is one good option which she needs to consider , since from what you said the boy is very shy.Dont you think it will work that way? .. Does she really love him so much or is she looking for other guys too?
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
Hey there floyd, i dunno if she is looking for other boys but she seems content on her games with this boy as she is very busy with her work.
1 person likes this
• India
12 Aug 08
But how long will she play games ?.. it maybe so that the boy never likes her and may just be playing friend.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
I dunno about that. The guy has a very super inferiority complex.
1 person likes this
@lily3753 (390)
• China
12 Aug 08
It depends ,depends how much the girl love the boy .and also depends the situation among the girl. if there are so many guys love the girl and the girl don't love the boy so deeply, the time must be not very long . ok,tell myself. I have fallen in love with my boyfriend since I was a high school student , but we are seperated in differene cities in university for 5 years , but we were loyal to each other , and we even love each other more and more. and now we are going to get married.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
Their is situation is the same with ya. They are seperated by different universities. They were high school friends. She was his first love.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18449)
• India
12 Aug 08
I think in this case its better for your friend not to wait for this guy. may be this guy is not at all interested for her.I have seen that love should never be one sided. it can't mature that way. it should be from both side.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
13 Aug 08
Hey there, subha. The guy obviously love her but he is just too shy to admit it.
1 person likes this
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Waiting for love is actually not a good idea. Love is like opportunity, once it's gone it's gone forever. I think that waiting for love for a very long time like that is actually wasting your time because if they both feel the same for each other then they should have been a couple a long time ago right? Tell them to have courage to tell each other how they feel.
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
11 Aug 08
I waited for a guy for probably a year and a half. He was friends with my friends and we talked on msn, but never came across eachothers paths in person. We started to fall for eachothers personalities and really liked eachother. We talked for maybe 4 hours a day. But we never got around to meeting eachother. There were always stuff in our way. One day he kissed another girl and lied about it adn I was crushed. For the next few months it was rough for us, I couldnt forgive him so wed fight on and off. Finally one day, we said, whatever lets just meet. We had to know what would happen if we did. So we did and started dating officially and were together for 14 months. So Id say, all in all I waited around for 1 year and a half. It really sucks, doesnt feel good, and throughout the whole experience feels like a HUGE waste of time. But in the end I got what I wanted. But if I knew for sure, that theres no way in the end that I could have them, I wouldnt hang on and keep trying.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
11 Aug 08
Hey there, that's really is a good story. I wish luck in your relationship at may it last forever. There's always ups and downs in a relationship and sometimes it requires really patient and understanding lovers to make a relationship last long.
1 person likes this
@poona_m (336)
• India
11 Aug 08
I would start off by saying that every mouse is not Jerry and so every guy may not have the courage to express his feelings because what males fear most in the matter of love is rejection. So maybe even after getting so many hints from your friend the guy might still not be absolutely confident about getting a positive response if he proposes to her. Or maybe the guy has seen some of his friends having faced rejection from the girls of their interest even when the guys were confident about having similar feelings from the girls side. This can really de-motivate a guy from proposing. I think its foolish of your friend to be waiting anymore for the guy to make the first move. I believe if she really loves the guy she should go and propose to him herself. This will not only open the guys emotional barriers but will also give her an upper hand in the relationship. How many girls can really boast about being the one to have the courage to propose and chance rejection. If even she is hesitating to propose then I guess both are equally nervous about the relationship and this will prove to be a big hurdle in their relationship further in their life.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
11 Aug 08
Hey there poona_m, really good insights there. I would say that in the world I live in, there's somwhat of an unwritten rule where the guy should be gentleman enough to make the first move. But I agree that the rule is not practical in this situation. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5193)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I would say that this girl must really like this guy. Three years is a long time to be pursuing someone. I would think that by now this person would get the hint that he is found attractive to this girl. Sometimes in my experience where I have pursued or dated a guy who was very shy or quiet, I would just make the first move and just not look back. Maybe your friend just needs to make the move and go from there. Things just need a little push sometimes.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
11 Aug 08
Hey there bamakelly, i think she made a move that could have been considered the first move as she gave really big hints like she said, 'i'm waiting for ya to visit me on weekends'. But she just wants the guy to be the first to say, 'i love you' and he's too shy to say it.
1 person likes this
@maryann82 (133)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
maybe the guy got the hints and got intimidated or felt like his ego's being challenged by your friend....or his like my brother who had this friend who gives him hints about her feelings for him and i asked him why not return the feelings and he just said i don't like girls who spoonfeeds her feelings to me like she's so desperates.... personally i won't wait that long cause i'd rather ask him what's my stand on him and if he can't tell me straight then i'll just have to move on and wait for the right one for me....
1 person likes this
@hijay07 (66)
• India
12 Aug 08
i tink can be lifetime becoz boys are waiting there dreamgal for lifetime
@izathewzia (5139)
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Why should a girl wait for long if the guy doesn't really want her? Better give up and look or wait for another one to come. No more waiting. But simply hoping.
1 person likes this
• China
11 Aug 08
Hi,It is just like marathon,one year,two year or many years.The time isn't problem if they can love each other .God bless them!Best wishs to you!
1 person likes this
@zer0charly (5616)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
let me ask, did your friend ask the guy if he likes her?.. and if it is, what's the reason on why they can't be in a relationship?.. that already happened to me, waiting for a guy to be ready to commit into a relationship. although it shouldn't be.LOL. I like him, and no one can stop me from waiting.. but of course, before waiting, I asked him first if he likes me and if there's a chance for us. (of course, I don't want to wait in vain for nothing!).. and he assured me that he likes me and that I should wait for him to be ready.. (because he suffers from a heartbreak that time, and still in trauma in his past relationship. and so he doesn't want to be with me, if he still feel pain from the past.), so reason's accepted.. well, I just don't want to be a rebound so, I will just have to wait for him to be ready.I just waited 4 months, and there, when I am about to give up, he told me how much he loves me and thanking for waiting.. the man I am talking about was the man I am with now.. he's worth the wait and so happy with what is happening with our relationship... with regards to your friend, 3 years of waiting was too long.. she really loves the guy.. so, I think she really should ask the guy.. If the guy doesn't have the courage to declare his love for the girl, well, i believe that he doesn't love your friend that much.. just my opinion.
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
Hey there zerocharly, thanx for the response. I personally thisnk the reasons behind why this went on for so long is because they are busy with their own life and they never feel pressured to have a relationship. It almost an on and off relationship except that it is not a real couple relationship. They are really good friends and every now and then they meet and fall in love with each other again but when they are separated they juz drop hints here and there. It's complicated I guess. Thanks for sharing your lovely love life. :D
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
they should have settled that.. I think that they are just wasting both of their time waiting for each other..
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
YEah it's a waste of time and i guess in the end it might end up with nothing but it's really not a big deal to them since they never started anything anyway.
• United States
11 Aug 08
Well, sometimes the shy quiet types are the best ones, so I would encourage her to make the first move. If she won't then why don't you? If you feel this guy likes your friend and you know your friend likes him, then set something up yourself without making it obvious.. Send her flowers with a note to meet up and send him something with a note to meet up.. something like that... I think if it was me, I'd do something like that for my friend if I knew it could work out. Good luck!!
@maryannemax (12168)
• Sweden
11 Aug 08
that is actually a cute way of doing it. who knows? it might just work. true. there are guys who can't just make the first move. so, better for the girl to do the first move of forever hold her silence. i know that girls are supposed to just wait. but there are times when we just need to be the ones opening the topic up.
• United States
12 Aug 08
Well it's the 21st century and EVERYTHING has changed. NO more girls waiting on guys, GIRLS can make the move too. lol..
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
Hahaha.. very unique idea... maybe i'll do it come to think of it.
@mlhuff12 (798)
• United States
11 Aug 08
Well I guess it is really up to her. How long she will wait. Maybe what needs to happen is that she makes the first move since the guy doesn't seem like he's budging. I think it would be better this way cause then your friend won't be waiting around for a few years finding out that it's not meant to be when she could have found that out right now. And not wasting all that time on someone who may or may not be interested.
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
Yes I agree. Maybe she is the one that should make the move even if it sucks if the girl is the one that start the relationship.
@mlhuff12 (798)
• United States
12 Aug 08
Yeah. But nowadays I think that it is more common that the girl makes the first move. So it isn't all that unheard of. It is definately better than waiting around and not knowing.
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
Yup. I agree. Maybe her ego is hindering her to do just that.
• United States
4 Jan 09
Well he is Is oviously shy, but wAit maybe not! He likes her. anda she likes him. Am I right? Well he doesn't know she likes him. Or has a little hint. He doesn't wanna get rejected because he's a man ( and men don't like to get rejected). So he hates playing this game as much as her he just wants her to make a move. WANTS HER TO. Besides this could be a valuable lesson for her!
• Malaysia
4 Jan 09
nice insights... yeah maybe she should make a move although traditionally guys should make a move
@jammyt (2822)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
I think 3 years is already too long. And if she has been making hints and the guy is still not making any move, I guess it's time to move on. Besides, if they are really meant for each other, they will find a way to be together. The girl cant go on waiting for him forever. She has a life too. May I also suggest that if the guy likes this girl, then somebody should hep them get together. Hope it works out.
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
I guess someone must do something and I guess it should be me.