Can Exes' be friends?

August 15, 2008 9:35am CST
Breaking up is hard to do....to let go and move on! It's the biggest irony of all time. Some say ending a relationship is among the traumatic things a person can undergo because break-ups are usually very painful. Some say it's easy and you can because it's the beginning of the new alteration in your life but some say it is really hard and it's really impossible to stay friends after it's over but it can be even harder to let go of the one you love. It's trouble-free to look at an experience in a negative side, but can we really be friends with an "ex"? What you think???....
7 people like this
21 responses
@palonghorn (5483)
• United States
15 Aug 08
In most cases I would say no, it's not really possible, there is too much history there. And depending on how long the relationship lasted before the break up that can make it even harder to try to be 'just' friends. I have been divorced three times, and I didn't want to stay friends with my first husband, and lost contact with him shortly after our divorce, never heard or saw him again. My second husband, I had to stay in touch with since we had a daughter together, but once she turned 18, all communication between us stopped. My 3rd divorce was only 4 years ago, and a year after that I moved to another state. We did stay in touch because my (our) youngest daughter still lives in the same town has he does. However, in the past year, he and I talk on the phone a couple of times a month, like friends. We have both moved on in our lives, and we can still talk like friends even though we divorced after 16 years of marriage. I have to admit, I think the physical distance actually helped in that, I'm not sure we would have come to a point of being friends if we still lived in close proximity.
2 people like this
@kianli (546)
• China
16 Aug 08
I can't agree with you more!
@almae01 (112)
• Spain
16 Aug 08
I have to agree, i dont think it is possible, specially if it was a long term relationship.
• Abernathy, Texas
16 Aug 08
I think it is easier with physical distance. In general though, I think it depends on the situation and what went on. If your ex was aabusive in any way - no. I e-mail exes every so often and keep on on myspace. I don't have that many. If my husband ever became my ex, I feel like he's family and we have a child so of course we'd stay family. I see us even living together. At least on the same property.
@skenthal (1022)
• Turkey
16 Aug 08
sure X's can be friends. i'm friends with many of my exes. we go to the same school and I see them around with their new boyfriends. and they see me with girls. im cool with it. i know some people aren't at all though. one of my buddy's refuses to talk to any of her exes until some time passes. but how do you know - maybe she is a great friend but a bad girlfriend????
@shen25 (141)
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
well for me.. i don't like to be friends with my exes'.. i we broke up we are like invisible when we see each other.. i just dont feel to smile to them trying to think nothing bad happened between our relationship.. it's better to ignore them than to be friends with them..
@relundad (2311)
• United States
16 Aug 08
Not all break-ups are bitter and painful. I am still friends with everyone that I was in a previous relationship with. Most of my relationship ended as a result of just not being suitable for a romantic relationship. But we were still friends. Some people think that its all or nothing. But I don't see why if wasn't a bitter breakup why you still can't be friends.
@vidhyavini (6112)
• India
16 Aug 08
I don't think that it will be possible. And in my case its not at all possible. In my case, we didn't break up willingly. In such cases its not at all possible to be friends. There are cases where both of them have felt that their relationship won't work at all and must have broke up. In such cases its possible. But in my opinion i feel its not good to have contact after break up.
@venuschd (50)
• India
16 Aug 08
i ahd rather different view than many of our fellow friends here...see i think its possible to be in friendship relation even after a long term relation..i mean why cant...we all start our relation from friendship..or not??..and what all u think relation is??..is it just a thing which if breaks off cant be repaired..no its love..its destined to be there forever if its true...man what if its not there anymore... what you always wanted is that person with you always..that can happen even when she or he is ur friend...ya i know its really easy to say and hard to day..but trust me..i am saying it on personnel experiences..give it a real good try...u both can be best of friends..that world had never seen..
• China
16 Aug 08
I would say nope to this question. I even want to move to another place if we happen to be in the same city. I can't bear that we still have some connections. in anyway it's bitter and there is something so sour there. Once i tried to keep in touch with my ex, before i have a new bf, because i think we know each other so well and he is good at offering comforts when thingd getting touch for me. It ended up that we mentioned our old days together and at last he mocked at me. I never blame him for this situation, but just figure out that we can't be good friends, like buddy friends because we have been so close in the past...
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
My answer would be yes, but only if it was when you parted ways it was mutual. Break-ups are indeed painful, but none the less if both parties involved had a smooth and mutual understanding and agreement then there is no reason why they can't be friends. They can even be friends with "privileges" and who knows perhaps they can even get back together after being friends. It may be awkward at first specially if you have the same circle of friends, but nonetheless life goes on whether you move on after a relationship or not so why not make peace with your ex?
@fearie (153)
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
no.. i personally believe that friends can be lover but ex lovers cannot be friends.. i still to be friends with my exs but it's gonna be hard for me cuz it would really take a long before all the wounds be healed
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
it depends on the situation but mostly,it's a big no...i guess it's just hard esp. when you have a partner already...
@joyadalia (1408)
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
All my ex-es and I are friends. It's a matter of principle that you have shared something for so long and you can't deny that. Being friends with them doesn't mean you are still in love with them ;O)
16 Aug 08
u r right there r two parts of ur discusion one is +ive another is -ive but i support to that never try to break my friendship i always try to search new friends if u want to be my friends then u can be
@michfroi (413)
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
for me, yes exes' can be friends... like in my case, 2 of my exes', we are gud friends. honestly at first, its hard most especially with the girl bec as we all know girls are too emotional but when you learned to accept things it is really possible for you to make friends with your exes'... if i were u try it because this will help you ease the pain that your ex brought you... guess what, when im in trouble or i mean when i have problem, my ex who is my best friend right now is always there for me...
@yona06 (585)
• Indonesia
16 Aug 08
I would say it would depend on how deep the relation was and how bad the break up went. I'm still friends with most of my exes, but there is this one I'd just never ever want to see or hear about again because it'll just bring back too much pain. Maybe it's because I haven't gotten over him (although I'm sure I have), but in any case... I just don't want to think, see or hear about him.
@laglen (19778)
• United States
16 Aug 08
I get along pretty well with my ex-husband. When either of us go through a break up, we are here for each other. We have not been together since we got divorce. He is a great guy, I just couldn't live with him. I would and have recommended him to other women. I still want him to be happy.
• United States
15 Aug 08
I think exes can be friends as long as both people are on the same page and have gotten past those lovey dovey feelings. If one of them is holding on to old feelings or still longing to be with their ex, then being friends with them is just going to cause more grief. Sometimes other factors can cause problems, like a new relationship. Maybe the new partner isn't too keen on the idea of the exes staying friends and drama could ensue.
• Philippines
15 Aug 08
For me, it is possible but it's really hard to stay friends because you cannot undo what have happened between the two of you. After a relationship has ended, it will never be the same again. Especially if the guy has cheated on you, it's so hard to forgive and forget about what pain he have caused you. But maybe if you have separated not in a hurtful way, you are both ok after the separation and there is a possibility that you can remain as friends.
• Philippines
15 Aug 08
WELCOME ALENNA! I hope you enjoy mylot as much as i do. I think Exes can be friends if all the bitterness is gone. After all, you created good memories together and you had fun when you were together, it just so happen things didnt work out, so why not get thru with the healing process & when your paths meet again, why not be friends...
@the_ruler (1446)
• Turkey
15 Aug 08
I also believe they wouldn't be able to do that mostly but still, the situation is highly depended on their relationship. If they shared so much between themselves and if both of them can confirm they shared "love" with each other and feel the pain in their hearts after all,then they won't be able to stay as friends after they break up. but this won't be the same for two people who didn't share that much but still tried to be lovers for each other. That kind of an unsuccessful relationship could lead a healthy friendship in my opinion because they will already understand that they are not for each other as partners and if they are just achieving to be together as friends after that unsuccessful try, then I think they will be able to take it easy and stay as friends. When it comes to more serious relationships, it is always better NOT to stay as friends with your ex. This would always cause a pain to stay alive in your heart and would certainly being dishonest to your next partner (if you have one)
@shamzy18 (2319)
15 Aug 08
from my point of view you shared a relationship with that person and afterward when you dont have any feelings for them any way i dont see the problem of just being friends. sometimes if it is a little betrayal or things didnt work out but now you dont have any feelings then i dont see the problem of being friends because you dont care what that person does anymore.