We have given up on our son

i know what your going through because my mom went throught it with me she sent me to a boarding school in iowa its called midwest academy it is a very high security school we never go outside there are no girls its like boot camp/jail/school all in one i mean it sounds bad but it really straitend me out i mean you have no contact with any body from your family you have to work for it because when you first get there they want you to focus on your self i don't know if this is what your lookig for but it helped me maybe you to good luck :)

Oh, im really sorry for that. it's so sad. I suggest that you take him to a psychiatrist. Because it seems that he has a negative psychological attitude that a psychiatrist can understand, then work on it. Please dont take that advice as offensive, as some parents do. I think that the reactions you have taken before such as calling the police, enhanced his negative attitude. Maybe a psychiatrist can fix that .. But dont call the police again please

I am very sorry to hear about your son's attitude and your family's situation. Based on what you have written, you have done your part as parents already to help your son. But what your son is going through is not your fault. He has his own mind and he has shown that he has made his own decisions, though these are not at all right. Prayers and hope are needed. Be strong and pray that one day, your son will come around. God bless you and your family.

as i was reading through your post, i can feel for you and sympathize with you so much. however, please do remember that just like you, your son also needs utmost understanding, guidance and love. i believe that there are really deep reasons why your son is behaving that way. i also believe that no mother should ever give up on her own child, no matter how frustrating or how serious the matter is. try to show him your continuous love and support, even during his outbursts and violence. try to talk to him and his friends and know what really is his problem that causes him to act that way. always ask for God's guidance. God bless you and your family.

Hi friend,I can very well understand the pain you undergo.very sorry to hear this.what can we do if we get such kind of children tell?you would be in a perplexed state and you wont even know how to handle the situation.thers no way other than to give up,get rid of the situation and protect yourself ,your children and lead a peaceful life.I shall certainly pray for you.I can understand your situation as am also a mother of a child.Dont worry,everything will become alright.worries will last only for sometime.all the best.have a nice day.

you should try talking to your son hopefully it will work he probably feels bad about his life too so he takes it out on other people around him its not easy but its possible you should also try talking him to rehab that is he wants to go make him see sense in going to rehab because if he feels he being taken forcefully then it wont help or work,but also be stern with him, you and your husband put your foot down dont encourage name calling or violent behavior, make it clear its not him you have a problem with but his habit and behaviour

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. Sometimes you just need to let go of people even for awhile so they can learn to appreciate you. Have you sought therapy for your son? Or some sort of residential program? I don't know if you're allowed to just turn them out on the street, which I assume you wouldn't want to do anyway. Once again, I am sorry this is happening. If I can ask, was there a reason of any sort, not that it is excusable, for his latest outburst?

thayes,i think your son needs a friend who would understand him so much,and it is you who's going to be his bestfriend.there must be something he would let you know but can't do it because of some reasons,and that's for you to find out.try to talk to him as a friend and forget for awhile that you're his mom.being a mom is a very tough job,i know.i am a mom too of 2 boys and 2 girls.and im treating them as my friends so they can open up to me though reservations cant be avoided.at least they confide,it's the best thing.he's too young yet and not too late to win his heart back.just give a try thayes.who knows,his heart will be softened.we must also remember that we are not just a mom to our kids but a friend as well to cling to.be more understanding,be more patient,be more compassionate.Good luck thayes.

I totally feel for you and I know what you are going thru I to have not 1 child but 2 that have decided to be like that. My oldest son has been in and out of boys homes (lock-up) since he was about 12. He got out by us too signing him out as there was no more they could do. The difference was he was 18 at the time and so when he right away didnt want to follow family rules he was out. I also have a daughter that is now 17 that has put us thru the wringer and she is now in lock-up and we have her 19 month old. It is a long story but we have opted not to take her back in the home as we have 5 kids here and she is so unstable and truthfully we just dont want to go back to that kind of life that we had with her here. It was not a home then it was a war really. It can be hard cause you are torn but sometimes there doesnt seem to be a choice but to say no more. Take care

I had some problems with my son from about 15-17 and was told by counselors that the best thing I could do was to turn custody of him over to the court. To give him up. He wasn't as bad as what you've shared, but for a single mom it was pretty bad. Today, he's a fine young man of 24. I hope and pray something will wake up your son before it's too late. I don't really have any suggestions, but you do have to protect yourselves.

yes,many young man like this,you can let him live alone far from the home,and he will take care of himself,may be you can try to do that.

I am very sorry for you and your husband. I am hoping that one day your son would change not only for the sake of the family and yours but his own. I am hoping there is a group or goverment office that can help you :)

Ah, I'm so sorry to hear that... My deep symphaty for you... I think your son is sick and need help from a pro, I guess somehow, he grow a hatred inside him... And that's not a good sign... cheers,

wow I give you much sympathy. I hope I dont have to go through that when my lil man gets older. I dont know what I would do in that situation. You are in my thoughts and prayers!!

I have been sitting here trying to find the words to respond to what you are going through. It must be so hard bringing a child into the world like that and then having everything go wrong. I really feel for you and your family and I hope that things start to improve for you all really soon. It sounds to me like something happened when your son was 7 that has started all this. A traumatic event at such a young age can have a devastating impact on the mental and emotional state of a child. Any form of abuse, whether it was inside the home or not (not saying he was abused by you or your family)will cause these reactions in a child and will last a lifetime unless dealt with quickly and effectively. The anger your son displays is screaming to me that he is hiding a very hurtful secret. He's probably hiding it to protect you, or thinks that he is protecting you. This is very typical of a child who has been through a traumatic experience. In trying to protect you, he is denying that anything happened and so has not dealt with the problem, causing him to act out and hurt you even more. Please don't give up on your son. You need to think back to when he was 7 and try to work out what could have happened. It could have been something as simple as you having a new baby (if that were the case) and him feeling as though he didn't belong any more because you were so busy with the baby (just an example of what could have happened, not saying it did.) For sure, he needs to start talking about what is causing him to be this way and he needs to have his family's support and help to get him through it all. I wish I could help you more, but I'm no expert. You do need to look after the younger kids and yourself, but don't ever push him away. Never think that you are a bad parent for letting it happen, because it could happen to anyone. I wish you all the best and I'm hoping to hear that things are improving really soon.

As you know I have had problems with my son also. He's not disturbed to that degree but he is no picnic. I just wish I could get my ex to understand enabling him is not going to help. I pray for the day he is straightended out and I hope your son will be also. It sounds like he needs a strong SA/MH facility. He can not live with you when he is so disrespectful in your own home.

Thankfully as a mother I haven't experienced this with my girls but a close friend of mine has with one of her three sons and having had two raised without problems when the police first knocked on the door with a search warrant because of her 14 year old son she was in total shock and I needed to know how to help her. I got some excellent support and advice for her from people here. I real feel for what you are going through right now though because as a mother you love them unconditionally but that doesn't mean we have to like the things they do and when one is like this it can be very stressful and disrupting for the whole family. Thoughts are with you. Tea and sympathy as requested, do you take sugar? I really hope it all resolves and he comes out the other side realising how bad his behaviour has been. Ellie :D

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I have a young daughter that gets into trouble quite frequently at the age of 7. She's a bully, and has been since she was 5, beating kids up on the playground, trying to strangle her younger brother, etc. I honestly feared for when she was older. Finally I took her to a therapist and a psychiatrist, and it turns out that they suspect she's bipolar, but will not diagnose her because she's so young. However, they *ARE* treating her as if she was. Perhaps a trip to an MD is in order? Good luck!

hi thayes...that is so sad and tragic. since he is abusive and has threatened to kill you, you truly need to protect yourselves from your son. he is a criminal towards you and you must not let him hurt your younger children. you are responsible for them too. i feel for you. i can only imagine the heart wrenching pain you are enduring. try to not blame yourself because of this. there is no easy solution, but you must do what you can to comfort yourself. i will pray for you.

Hi Thayes! I wish I can hug you coz that's one way I can show some relief for you apart from saying a prayer. I also have a kid, my only child, a son. And right now I am uttering a prayer that I could raise him more with the usual love that he's receiving from us his family. I wouldn't like to be in your position right now, but how I wish authorities could still somehow help your boy by going through rehabs and juvenile institutions. Our environment are really cruel and we parents are getting more and more with tough jobs at home with our kids. If its a consolation, there are also hundreds or thousands of mothers and parents like you all over the world and you are not alone with the same problems. I really would pray that you go through this rough times for the sake of your other children. Hold on okay? My prayers for you Thayes!