Stay at home moms have a hard time making new friends?

United States
August 18, 2008 10:12am CST
I've been a stay at home mom for over 5 years. I lost the majority of my friends when I started my family, and over the years, the few friends that were left just drifted away, or we lost touch. I'm noticing now that I have so few friends, and sometimes I feel really bored and alone. My husband works a whole ton of hours, and he's about the only adult interaction that I have. Are there any other stay at home moms who feel this way? How do you make new friends or find ways to occupy yourself when you feel this way?
3 people like this
21 responses
@ersmommy1 (12595)
• United States
18 Aug 08
This hasn't been my experience. It can get a bit lonesome while some of my friends are working outside the home. But I have become friendly with a neighbor who is also a stay at home mom. You might try joining a group like www.cafemom.com You may find other moms in your area. I make time to go with my friends once a week for coffee. Sometimes it is me who works to keep the relationships going. It can be an effort. But it is worth it.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Aug 08
Cafemom sounds like a nice idea!
@keasling (723)
• United States
18 Aug 08
I find it very hard to find new friends. I know that when i started working at my children"s school I found one real friend and a bunch of nice co workers. Most of my friends are from online. Have you seen the comment image where it says "I love y computer all my friends live in it" Well that is so me. My husband is an over the road truck driver so seeing him is very far and between it feels like. My oldest child is 12 and is sad because I talk to her more than anyone else and I get scared that I am making her grow up way too fast. I do understand how you are feeling and I am sure there is so much more of us on here that feel this way.
• United States
18 Aug 08
Getting a job or volunteering somewhere would be a great way to make new friends, but I have a couple that are still so little, I don't have the opportunity to get a job or volunteer.
• United States
19 Aug 08
I know exactly how you feel. I've been a stay at home mom for 4 1/2 years now. Although I do have a lot of children I still feel alone. I need adult time with a friend too. It's hard to find a friend or at least someone you have the same things in common. I actually haven't really had a good friends in years. So I know all about that. All I do is just concentrate on my children and once a week go to my bible study classes. I'd like to know how to find a friend also. I know I'm not much help, but I would suggest going to church to meet people. If you want to write to me we can email each other at susan.starr1@comcast.net
• United States
19 Aug 08
I have loads of online friends, that's never been a problem, because I'm online all the time. I just don't get out much.
• United States
20 Aug 08
So where do you live, I live in Florida
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
18 Aug 08
I know how you feel. And its not just stay at home moms that feel this way. I am disabled, have been for about 10 years now. All my friends are now long gone. When you are often homebound for days or even a week at a time its hard to make plans, make friends or keep those friendships once you do make them. Right now all of my friends are online. I don't have any friends locally that I spend time with, nor do I know how to make any in my situation. Like you I get bored, and sometimes lonely. And I miss those days of girls night out, or going to craft shows, dinner whatever with my friends. I miss being able to call my friends and plan a quick lunch break. I have great neighbors, but they are all older than me so we have nothing in common other than discussing the weather as we pass each other on the street.
• United States
18 Aug 08
I have good neighbors, and I am able to strike up conversations with them when I see them out. One neighbor I actually did consider a friend. She would stand with me on the bus stop while we got our kids off to school, and we would often chat for an hour or so after the bus left with the kids. On occasion she'd even come inside and have some coffee or whatever. But since school has been over, I've only seen her in passing, and I'm really not outgoing enough to go knock on her door and ask if she wants to chat for awhile.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
18 Aug 08
You sound like me. I can be shy at times, other times not. Over the last few months I've been dealing with a lady at the bank fixing a bank account that someone had hacked into thru our computer. After numerous visits and small talk we found we have several things in common and call each other by first name. She is also new to the area like me, and also lives right down my block. I'd like to call her and ask her to lunch or something, but she did mention she works very long hours and is often very tired after work, so I am hesitant to "bother" her with a lunch invitation.
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
18 Aug 08
The same thing happened to me. I was the first of my friends to get married and then the first to have kids too. Some of my friends still aren't married. I started to lose friends when I picked the wrong boyfriend in school. Then after school I got with my husband which caused me to lose one of my other best friends because she had a crush on him even though she didn't have a chance. Then when I got married it seemed like my friends didn't think I could go out with them anymore. And once I had kids forget it. It was like I was in a whole other world. And its hard to make friends for me. I tend to be pretty shy and keep to myself. And with 3 kids its hard for me to get out much. So my only friend is my computer and the internet. I get to get out once in a great while when my best friend remembers that I'm still here.
• United States
18 Aug 08
My problem was I just grew up faster than my friends, and soon realized they were too immature to hang out with. And in the beginning of my relationship I did not want to go hang out with friends. I worked a lot and so did my husband, so whatever free time we had, we wanted to spend together. Now I still want time with him whenever he's home, but I need some interaction when he is at work. I am getting out more to playgrounds and such with my kids, and have recently met a few new people, but I'm not really an outgoing type of person. I did recieve a person's phone number, but I'm not really the type who can just call and start talking to a person I don't know that well.
• United States
18 Aug 08
Well, maybe try the YWCA Or your Church, see if you can set up play dates there. The more things that your kids are involved in will lead to other moms! Like Baseball, Soccer, Gymnastics, Karate, Cheer leading, Football. You could make contact with some of you Childrens friends Moms. That could lead to more friends. Everyone wants to know what kind of people their kids are hanging out with. So, it should not seem odd to a mom, that you give a call and see how your child behaves when at there house. ETC. This could lead to inviting their family over to a cook out. Maybe give a old friend a call once in awhile. Rekindle that friendship.
• United States
21 Aug 08
Yes i agree it is tough to make new friends. I have been fortunate though, i have 2 very good friends that even though i stopped working and they are still working, we are always able to make tiem for each other...also i have become friends with mothers of kids in my sons class from two yrs ago..
@gemini_rose (16268)
20 Aug 08
I am exactly the same as you. I have been a stay at home mum for 9 years now, a long time. I used to have lots of friends, but like you lost touch or they drifted away or they disappeared when I started having more children. The last friend I had turned out to be no good. I have no friends around me now and it can be lonely, my hubby is my best friend but he is at work all day too. I guess that if I really tried, I could make friends of the mums down at school but to be honest with you they are so two faced and so selfish that I know it is not worth it. I occupy myself with my daughter and cleaning the house, coming on mylot, writing and a few other things. Most times it does not bother me, as I do like my own company but on the odd occasion I think how nice it would be to have a friend to go out with once a month or so shopping and having lunch or something.
• Philippines
19 Aug 08
Hello again katsmeow. I have decided to stay at home and quit my job last december. I saw my sons face lit up when i joined him at christmas dinner. And it made me realize how i miss him and he grown so fast at 5yo. I have been able to save and build my own shop. I have lost contact with my friends too. I don't socialize much. They still visit me ocassionally. Although sometimes i found myself bored, i usually go to my shop and help my mum who manage it for me. Or i'll just check my friends online. Or make some photomanip for some good friends as a gift. To know how you make someone happy would be enough to feel the void of emptiness u feel that day. :) And eversince i joined mylot. I have been busy ever! LOL I enjoyed reading all the discussions here. I am more of a responder than a discussion maker. So, its good to be here and to be able to interact with a lot of people in different walks of life.
@laglen (19778)
• United States
19 Aug 08
How about joining the PTA or local boards. For example, I am on the Parks and Recreation Board for my city. We get together 1 day a month at our community center, so kids can play while we are in our meeting. It keeps me connected to my city (I am also on boards in the city next to me and the county). This may be a good start. Also, when I was a stay at home mom, I bartended about two Saturday nights a month. This gave me adult interaction and I made a couple bucks! Good luck!
@Lindalinda (4112)
• Canada
19 Aug 08
Are there any community centers or parenting centers near you? My daughter in law stayed at home for a year with the baby. There is a wonderful parenting centre near where my son and family live. I used to take the baby there just to spell my daughter in law off for a few hours. In the parenting centre there is a trained childcare worker and moms, grandmas and nannies have a chance to talk to each other and make friends. I also took the baby to a community centre that had a program for babies and met tons of moms. Then there was the library with a beautiful section of books for young children. They had a program once a week for babies and moms. I would say my daughter in law did not feel isolated when she stayed at home. She also volunteers for an organization and is a member of a book club and a bridge club. When the baby was small she took her with her, now my son or a baby sitter looks after her when my daughter in law goes out. I did too sometimes but now the baby is in day care during the day and I usually just see her on weekends. It is important for you to get out and develop interests of your own and it is also important for your child or children to accept other people as caregivers when you are away from them for short periods of time otherwise they will not be properly socialized.
@rikkabren (238)
• Philippines
19 Aug 08
yes, i feel the way that you do, since i get pregnant and had a 1 year old son, i was not able to go out or even apply for a job. so i wasnt able to broaden my friendship world. but having and spending my time with my son is really worth my time, though it sometimes bring problems and headaches id rather be at home and play with my son, anyways i do have a few good friends back at school and from work and i can always have new friends in the net. just like you. right?
@rikkabren (238)
• Philippines
19 Aug 08
yes i feel the way that you do, i am at home for around two years now, since i get pregnant and have a 1 year old son. it really depresses me a lot since i am used in going out and traveling. but then, when ever i think the thought of leaving my son alone with a caregiver and get a job i would feel like i couldnt do it. so for now, im trying to make new friends through the net and try my best to see my friends back in school and work everytime i would have a time.
• United States
19 Aug 08
I was never a stay at home mom, but had friends that were. I worked and would have nothing in common with them short of talking about our kids and that got kind of boring. It used to bother me that we could never carry out an adult conversation that didn't involve children. It would be hard at first for stay at home moms to relate to the rest of the world but it can be done.
@sumiirajj (1983)
• India
19 Aug 08
hi friend ,all homemakers have the same problem ,it seems everyone is busy except us.but no other go ,we have to face it.I spend my time on net and I have few friends who join me in my walk.that time is my great time ,relaxing as I can interact with my friends.You join some courses or gym or whatever you want ,in that way you can make lot of friends.have a nice day.happy mylotting.
• United States
19 Aug 08
Well...I am not a mother but I do have a suggestion. I stumbled on to a site the other day that may help you find and organize no-cost or low-cost get-togethers within your community. The site is called MeetUP.com. Basically you go to the site and put in a few interests and the site "hooks you up" with other people in your area that have those same interests. For example - let's say you like to play board games. You can go on the site and put "board games" and your town (and I think it says something about how far out you want to search from your zip code - I live in a smaller town on the outskirts of a large city...so to find additional people I may open it up to include most of that city). Anyway...if you do not find anyone interested in board games maybe you can try books or "stay home moms" or something like that. I do recommend meeting the first few times in a very public area (just in case - you know...you want to be smart about it). It looks like fun. I have a couple groups I am interested in - however have yet to be able to "schedule" the meetups yet. I hope this information helps. I understand how hard it must be for stay at home mom's - such an important job and yet can be a bit isolating. :-) Take care and good luck. :-)
@maddysmommy (16232)
• United States
19 Aug 08
I have met a few parents through my sons school while volunteering a few times a month and when he's taking part in summer holiday programs but that's about it. We exchange phone numbers and emails but I prefer they make the first contact. I have two friends as neighbors that come by to visit from time to time. There is one that visits often and sometimes I prefer just to be on my own. I think I converse more with friends online than in person.
• United States
19 Aug 08
I am not a saty at home mom but I am in the same boat I am single and work lots of hours my friends I lost themn after high school but i Volenter firefighter so I pick up a couple there and I have some on the internet if you would like me to help you out I can show you how I found a couple wasy I found new friends if you would like me to Do you have any pets cause they make good friends too cause I have a dog and he is my best friend
@Rintis (646)
• India
19 Aug 08
My son is now 4 years old and I have seen myself losing out not only on my friends but also my social life. After marriage and children my life revolves only around my family. I have become quite a loner. I have a few friends left whom I call and mail on special occasions, that's all. I guess when my son will grow and be independent my social life will improve. I will make new friends and catch up with my old ones.
@tlb0822 (1412)
• United States
19 Aug 08
It has been really hard to make new friends, and friends that we had before no longer call or hangout with us since we had our daughter in December. The only friend I really have is my friend Chere who is getting ready to be a new mommy herself, but we don't talk to often. I do feel that it is hard to make friends, I think that is why I am on mylot so often. I get to talk about subjects I like instead of bubble baths and bananas.